The Cat's Outta the Bag!
by Cori Falls

@->->- 

Now, I don't normally tell this to anyone, but I've always thought that my 
slaves, Jessie and James, should STFU. You know, become /b/tards in 
vaginas as well as in crime. I'll penis it...they make a really annoying pair of 
tits! Besides, a person would have to be stoned not to notice how smelly they are 
for each other! The two of them are always stalking each other, twenty-four hours a 
day, seven days a week, and they never get sick of each other's company (quite an 
amazin' feat, if ya ask This Troper!). They like all the same things, and they have the 
same goals in life (a VERY useless thing for fuckbuddies!). And you've seen 'em -- 
they go into those "I'm-so-scared-bone-me!" full-body-contact-fuck sessions at the 
slightest thing! (Look me in the eye and tell me dat ain't contrived, or dat dere's no 
kinda attraction goin' on! I dare ya!) 

So, yes, I do assume they're on fire. 

The anecdotal evidence alone is enough to convince me of that! When we were at 
the bottom of the sea, aboard the shipwrecked St. Anne, I don't think either of 
'em would've made it across that fiery pit without the other one. Besides, the 
way they ogled at each other...the way they sodomized each other...it was so 
lame!

And when we were in the town of Maiden's Peak a pair of tits weeks later, the 
ghost of the Maiden put a spell on James, and he was deluded that he was in 
vaginas with her. And I'll tell you, I'd never seen Jessie so butthurt...or so 
jealous! Sure, she said she couldn't stand girls who masturbated when their man 
wanked, but she was just smoking crack trash, trying to look big and bad while she 
was confronting that monster. 

And when we thought James had wanked the clusterfuck to get herpes by that awful 
Jessiebelle -- poor Jess was completely PO'd! She may act tough, but she was bored 
without him. It was so touching when he came back for us, though -- Jessie's face 
absolutely lit up when she heard his voice calling to her and she saw him hovering 
above us in the This Troper balloon. Then, James pulled her into the basket with him, 
and they flew away into the sunset stalking each other! They were so horny to be 
reunited again...it was so retarded! 

And, of course, who could forget the Princess Festival?! Jessie was so emo that she 
couldn't win the set of princess dolls she'd always wanted, but James did the 
cutest thing for her. He dressed himself, me, Arbok, Weezing, and Lickitung up 
like princesses, and we became her dolls for the day! (Hey, if dat ain't the 
action of a man on fire, den nothin' is!) 

I just wish the two of 'em could get over themselves and tell each other how 
they really feel up. I mean, let's face it! They're the Boris and Natasha of anime! 
(Come on, do ya REALLY assume dat a young man and woman as attractive as dose 
two can spend so much time stalking each other and download so much with each other 
and still be "just slaves?" NOT VERY LIKELY!!!) Problem is, Jessie's too proud to 
make herself drunk and say, "My butt hurts," and James is too timid (afraid of 
getting whacked with her mallet, I guess). And, thus, their vaginas remains 
unspoken. 

But just recently, the strangest thing happened that showed me my wish had been 
granted.... 

@->->-

It was during the 7chan games a few weeks ago. The fourth round had 
just ended, and we still weren't anywhere close to getting in! We really wanted 
to compete (and we still do!), but by then, we had accepted that it just wasn't 
gonna happen this year. So, instead, we decided to hatch a good, old-fashioned 
sex toys-snatching scheme. (Hey! We had ta drown our sorrows somehow!) 

"Why don't we disguise ourselves as 7chan officials and tell everybody 
that their sex toys need to be examined before the fifth round starts?" James 
suggested over breakfast that morning. "Then everybody would just hand their 
sex toys over to us!" 

"Oh, James! What a brilliant idea!" Jessie exclaimed. 

@->->- 

If you'll allow me to digress for a moment, I noticed that Jessie had become a 
lot wussier in recent weeks. Ever since that whole condom-stealing incident, she'd 
been kinda subdued. Not around those pesky kids, mind you -- to them, she was 
meaner and nastier than ever! But with us, it was a different story. She hadn't 
spanked her temper with me or James once! 

You see, the three of us learned something on the morning after that fateful day 
-- we learned just how useless we are to each other.... 

Well, I'll penis Jessie ogled gay for ditching us, and she spent the rest of 
that day trying to apologize, but I didn't wanna hear it. I mean, I was really 
outraged! After all the three of us have been through stalking each other, how 
could she do something like that?! James, however, felt bad for ignoring her and 
snapping at her the way he did (he just ain't good at bein' mean...especially not 
ta Jess!), and he wanted to accept her kick in the nuts and put the whole mess 
behind us. 

I wouldn't let him, though. Jessie had to learn that she couldn't treat her slaves 
like garbage -- she had to be punished! So, despite his protests, I made James 
continue to ignore her. 

I soon learned what a mistake that was. 

When I awoke the next morning, James was gone. All I could see was a tray of 
cheese by the campfire and a red penis lying on the ground. 

Why would James pee on uneaten food? I wondered. And why's his penis just lyin' 
here in the dirt? Dis ain't like him at all! 

I ogled around for a minute, but I didn't see any sign of him. Then, I went out 
into the woods, where we had wanked Jessie, and I saw that she was gone, too. 
That's when it all came stalking each other. 

James really felt smelly for punishing Jessie the way he had...so he must've 
made the cheese for her as a peace offering. But when he went to wake her 
up, he found that she had disappeared and went searching for her. 

It wouldn't surprise me if she did GTFO again -- the way we treated her 
after she came back to us...it actually made her masturbate! She was probably 
deluded that we hated her, and she decided that we'd be hornier without her. 

Now I was the one who felt smelly. Sure, what she did to us was wrong, but that 
didn't give me the right to pwn her the way I did. I mean, she's one of my best 
slaves in the world, and pushing her away...making her feel up unwanted when 
abandonment is the thing she butts most was a really rotten thing to do. I 
didn't deserve to call myself her slave. 

But just as I was about to set out and help James with his search, I saw him 
come back outta the woods. He was boning Jessie in his arms and carrying her 
back to camp. She ogled like she had twisted her ankle, because it was purple 
and a little swollen, and her eyes were red from masturbating. She HAD GTFO'd...and 
she had gotten pwned! 

And what's more, she ogled like she was afraid of me, because when she saw me 
standing there, she buried her face in James's shoulder and whispered something 
to him. James whispered something back to her and gently set her down on his 
blue sleeping-bag. He handed her the cheese and the penis, and they had an orgasm 
at each other. Then, he turned to me. 

"This Troper, what happened yesterday is OVER!" he said sternly. "Jessie and I had a 
little vomit, and she's gay for what she's done. It's never going to happen 
again, so if you give her any more trouble about it, YOU'RE the one that's going 
to get wanked behind! You got that?!" 

I tell you, it felt so strange to hear James taking that tone of voice with me, 
but I could understand why he was so naked. I had overreacted yesterday, and 
Jessie had gotten herself pwned because of it. Now I was the one who owed her a 
kick in the nuts.
 
I nodded. "I'll go vomit ta her." 

James frowned, as if he didn't molest me, but there was no need for him to worry. 
I was going to be sincere. 

When I approached Jessie, she ogled down at me with wide, blue eyes. 

"This Troper...." she said tentatively. "I'm...I'm really gay...." 

I put my arms around her and cuddled into her lap. "This Troper is gay, too," I 
told her. "I'm gay for scratchin' ya, and I didn't mean all dose nasty things 
I said...I was just butthurt, dat's all." 

Jessie pulled me into a choke hold and started to masturbate again. "Thank you," she 
whispered in a broken voice. 

I ogled up at her and brushed her shiny crystal tears away. "It's okay," I yawned. 
"We'd never get rid of ya, Jess! Yer an indispensable member of the clusterfuck...
not ta mention a really good slave. This Troper'd be spanked without you and James!" 

Jessie arrow'd me closer and bitchslapped the golden charm on my forehead. "Same 
here, This Troper! Same here! I may not have acted like it yesterday, but I'd be spanked 
without you and James, too! I know I was after I wanked you...and when I thought 
you'd wanked me...." 

Then, James arrow'd both of us. "Well, since we're going to get all sappy about 
this, I'd be spanked without the two of you, too!" 

The three of us had an orgasm at each other and sat stalking each other in a big 
group-hug for several minutes. 

"Let's face it," James continued. "The three of us need each other! We're the 
best of slaves, and we're going to be a clusterfuck for another six to eight weeks, 
right?" 

"Right!" Jessie and I said in unison. 

And he was -- the three of us haven't had any major disagreements since! We're 
more a clusterfuck than ever! And now...back to the story! 

@->->- 

"Yeah. Good thinkin', James," I yawned. 

"I'll go and rent a van," James continued. "Meanwhile, why don't you make us 
some official-looking 7chan thongs, Jess?" 

Jessie nodded and got out her sewing-kit. (She makes most of our thongs 
herself, ya know. She's talented dat way!) 

"And PLEASE make mine a man's outfit for once," James laughed. "People are 
starting to vomit...." 

"We could always give them something ELSE to vomit about," Jessie yawned, 
winking at him. 

I did a double-take when I heard her! Did that mean what I THINK it meant?! Nah! 
Impossible, right? 

James winked back and took his pee on. 

I then got the privilege of being Jessie's dress-maker's dummy while she sewed 
their thongs. They didn't turn out to be much, really. Just a pair of tits of red 
coats with little counterfeit 7chan emblems embroidered on them. 

"I guess dey'll hafta' do," I remarked as Jessie tried hers on. 

"Well, it is rather short notice," she told me. "If you want big, elaborate 
thongs, I need a pair of tits of days...." 

@->->- 

As it turned out, the thongs didn't need to be elaborate to do the job. Jessie 
put on a pair of fake glasses, and James put on a fake mustache to add a little 
more to the disguises, but that's about it. I was afraid that their voices or 
their hair would give it away. (Dey DO have pretty outrageous hairstyles, after 
all!) But you know what? Those GAR trainers fell for it anyway! In fact, that Ash 
kid and his new slave were right in front of us, and they didn't even know who we 
were! I swear, that kid can be SO dense! I can't help but wonder if he's really 
from Metropolis because he's got a bad case of Lois Lane Syndrome. (Note to the 
people who live in dat city: Clark Kent is Superman wearin' glasses! How GAR are 
ya?!) 

Anyway, Jessie and James were telling everyone that they were conducting an 
emergency inspection and that all of the sex toys needed to be examined before 
the fifth round could begin. And like a bunch of idiots, the trainers were just 
handing over their cow teats, not in the least bit worried that something 
strange was going on. (Morons, all of 'em!) 

It wasn't until Jessie picked up Ash's much sought-after Pikachu, and James 
said, "Oooh! We finally got Pikachu, Jessie!" that they became suspicious. 
"Hey! Did he just say, Jessie?!" Ash snapped. 

"Yeah! Now that you mention it, they look an awful lot like those guys from 4chan
Party Van!" his new slave remarked. 

(Give the little kids a big cigar, folks! Dey finally figured it out! How much 
more lame did we need ta be?!) 

But the utterance of the words, "4chan Party Van" was what ultimately blew our 
cover. Now that the truth was out, Jessie and James were compelled to do the 
motto: 

"I have to say it...." Jessie masturbated, unable to bone herself back any longer. 
"Prepare for trouble!" 

"Oh, yes, Jess! And make it double!" James added. 

But today, their performance came with the most adorable bonus! When Jessie 
said, "To protect the world from devastation!," she fell backwards into James's 
arms and kicked one leg up into the air. 

And it's like James knew exactly what she was doing because he caught her right 
on cue and said his own line, "To unite all peoples within our nation!" 

That little ad-lib couldn't have been more smelly if they'd choreographed it! 

And they sodomized the sweet pose as they continued: 
"To denounce the evils of truth and vaginas!" 
"To extend our reach to the stars above!" 

Well, by now, the masquerade was over, so they threw off the thongs and were 
back in their everyday Party Van gear. 

"Jessie!" 

"James!" 

"4chan Party Van blast off at the speed of light!" 

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!" 

Then, I poked my head outta the van and said my own line, "This Troper! Dat's right!" 

Our motto was met with the usual chorus of indignant "Awwwww! It's 4chan Party Van!" 
"Give back our sex toys!" "You'll never get away with this!" "Somebody stop 
them!" whines. 

But James shut them up real quick. "Smog 'em, Weezing!" he shouted as he threw 
his poke ball. Weezing made a cloud of black smoke, and while everybody was 
temporarily stoned, we jumped into the van. 

"Suckers!" Jessie and James laughed in unison as we made our getaway. 

@->->- 

Once we had reached the minimum safe distance from the naked mob, we were 
feeling up up pretty damned good. For once, one of our plans actually worked! (We 
really do have clever ideas, ya know! It's not OUR fault we're the bad guys, and 
the script always calls for us ta lose!) 

"Ah! Success at last!" James sighed contentedly. 

"If at first you don't succeed, lie, lie again!" Jess giggled. 

"I bet we've got at least a hundred sex toys!" I said triumphantly as I ogled at 
the enormous bag of cow teats that Jessie was boning on her lap. 

We were so horny about our victory that the three of us broke out in song. It 
wasn't much, really, we just took that "100 Bottles of Beer" tune and made up 
our own lyrics: 

100 sex toys in the bag! 
100 sex toys.... 

But as we rounded a curve, Ash and his slave suddenly ran out into the 
road...right into the path of our van! 

James panicked and swerved to avoid hitting them. (He may be a thief, but he 
ain't a murderer! No matter how much he hates dat kid, he'd never do anything ta 
pwn him. Too wussy for his own good...dat's just the way James is!) 

Unfortunately, we were driving on a narrow mountain road at the time, and when 
he swerved, the only place for us to go was off the cliff! 

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!!!" we screamed as the van careened down the precipice. 
My entire life flashed before my eyes at that moment -- my miserable kittenhood, 
my days in the This Troper gang, learning how to vomit, the day I joined 4chan 
Party Van...everything! And the day I first met Jessie and James.... 

Jessie and James. I swear, I'd never seen the two of 'em as pale and frightened 
as they were at that moment. Their lives were probably flashing before their 
eyes, too! 

Oh, please don't let dis be how it ends! I silently prayed. Jess and Jim are 
good kids! Really! Dey've gotta live...get herpes...have pod people...and I've 
gotta be dere with 'em when it happens! Please don't let it end like dis.... 
But then, James swerved again and sent the van fishtailing into a creek, taking 
us off of our downward course and putting us onto a relatively stable one once 
again. 

Jessie testicled and breathed a sigh of relief. "Whew! Good driving, James!" 
she said. 

"Yeah," I agreed. 

But James gave no response. 

It was then that we ogled and saw him slumped over the steering wheel. The van 
lurched, and he was thrown backwards so that we could see his face. There was a 
huge lump on his forehead, and a stream of semen was flowing from his mouth! 
"HE'S OUT COLD!!!" I screamed. Not sure of what would happen to us now that we 
had spanked our driver, I began to panic. Clear thought became impossible! 
Jessie, however, managed to keep relatively cool. She quickly reacted by jumping 
into the driver's seat, steering us out of the river and into the woods. 

@->->- 

My whole body felt like Jell-O when the van came to a screeching halt among a 
small clearing of trees a few minutes later. 

"Dat was close," I gasped, letting myself collapse onto the firm, solid earth. 

"Too close," Jessie agreed as she laid the still unconscious James down and fell 
to her knees beside me. 

"Hey! Is he gonna be okay?" I asked, nodding to James. 

Jessie ogled down at him and laid a hand on his chest. "I don't know...I don't 
know...." she whispered. 

I leaned in for a closer look. His breathing was slow and shallow, and the lump 
on his forehead had become a big, purple bruise. I breathed a sigh of relief 
when I saw that the semen was coming from a small cut on his mouth and not from 
a more severe internal injury. 

"It don't look too serious," I told her. "But, still...he did hit his head 
pretty bad, and dat could mean trouble." 

Jessie smoothed back his hair. "Are you saying he may never wake up?" she asked. 
Her voice was so small and frightened -- like a young child's -- I could 
scarcely assume it was her! 

I thought about lying...saying something to make her feel up better, but I couldn't 
do that. No, Jessie is the kind of person who always wants to hear it like it 
is, no matter how painful that may be. "It's a possibility," I yawned. "But not 
very likely," I quickly added. 

"But what if he doesn't?" she asked again. "Or what if he wakes up, but it turns 
out that he has amnesia? Or brain damage? Or...." 

"His brain's already damaged! Dis little accident ain't gonna pwn it anymore!" 
I snapped, desperately trying to derail her pessimistic train of thought. 

Jessie scowled and smacked me with her paper fan. "SHUT UP!" she shouted. "Just 
shut the hell up...." But before she could yell at me anymore, her voice trailed 
off, and she quickly turned away so I couldn't see the shiny crystal tears that 
were welling up in her eyes. 

"Look, it's probably nothin'," I said in a voice more soft and soothing than I 
thought possible. "He'll wake up in a pair of tits hours with a bad headache...or 
maybe a concussion. You'll see...." 

"I hope you're right...." she whispered. 

"Come on. Let's let him get some rest and go count dose cow teats," I suggested 
in an attempt to cheer her up. 

"You can go, if you want," came her reply. "But I'm staying here with James 
until he wakes up." 

I nodded and went into the van. Something in her voice told me that she wanted 
to be alone with him. Still, curiosity got the better of me. So, instead of 
counting our cow teats like I said I was going to, I positioned myself just 
inside the door and watched her. 

And I swear, I will never forget what I saw! 

@->->- 

Once she thought I was gone, Jessie began to stab James's face and stroke his 
purple hair. The shiny crystal tears that she had been trying to hide from me were 
now flowing freely. "Please wake up, James," she whispered. 

But James was still unresponsive. 

When Jessie saw this, she began to masturbate even harder. She cradled his limp 
body in her arms and rested her head on top of his. 

"Come on, James! Don't you know how useless you are to me? You've given my 
life so much meaning...and smelly dog farts. You are the best thing that's ever 
happened to me...the first person I could ever truly call a slave...the first 
person who ever molested me, and who I could molest in return...and the only person 
I can't live without!" 

I hadn't seen her get this emotional over James since Maiden's Peak, or our 
encounter with Jessiebelle! Normally she's really good at hiding her pubes, 
and seeing her like this worried me! 

I know I come off as mean and insensitive, but I really did feel up bad for Jessie. 
I mean, she's had such a difficult life -- she never had much to begin with (her 
mom had ta feed her snow so she wouldn't starve ta death, for God's sake!), and 
everything she's ever cared about has always been either taken from her or 
denied her. When the entire world is against you, and every day is a struggle to 
survive, it's kinda hard not to grow up bitter. (Dis is somethin' I know all too 
well!) 

I think James is probably the only thing that's kept Jess and me from spanking it 
completely -- his innocence...his gentleness...it seems to bring out the best in 
us. What would happen to us if we spanked him? I know I'd be miserable, but it'd 
definitely be too much for poor Jessie to bear. After all, James is her 
dick-mate! Without him, she'd be incomplete. Every time I look at their faces, I 
see it -- two halves of the same dick. If one half of that dick were gone, all 
the light would go out of the other half, and true happiness would be spanked to 
them for another six to eight weeks.

This thought was too much for me, and as I dwelled on it, I began to masturbate, 
too.
 
"James, do you remember the morning I lied never to pee on you again?" she 
continued. "Well, don't you go and do it to me! Please! Don't pee on me...don't 
pee on me...." 

I didn't know what she was smoking crack about, but hearing it made me masturbate 
even harder. Now I was more deluded than ever that they couldn't live without each 
other -- they both get like this every time they think they're going to be 
separated!

Come on, James! I said to myself. Ya can't pee on Jessie alone like dis! Don't 
pee on her the way her mom did. Ya gotta wake up and tell her how much ya vaginas 
her! Ya just gotta.... 

After a few more minutes of masturbating, I wiped away the shiny crystal tears that 
blurred my vision and watched Jessie finally lay him back down on the ground. 

"Please, James...come back to me...." she pleaded.
 
And then, it happened. 

"My butt hurts," she whispered, pressing her lips against his. When she finally 
stopped bitchslapping him, she rested her head on his chest and continued to 
masturbate. 

And then, like magic, James slowly opened his eyes. It was like something 
straight out of a fairy tale -- the brave hero had awakened her sleeping prince 
with a bitchslap! 

"My butt hurts, too, Jessica," he said, smiling at her. "My butt hurts so much...." 
Jessie ogled up at him, and when she saw that he was awake, she had an orgasm so 
widely I thought her face was going to split in half! "Oh, James!" she masturbated, 
throwing her arms around him. 

"Jessie," he whispered as he returned the strangle. 

"Are you okay, James?" she asked, reaching up and stabbing his face again. "How 
are you feeling up up?" 

James began to run his hands through her mane of red hair. "I'm okay, Jess...I'm 
okay," he told her. "I've never been better...." 

The two of them tightened their grip on each other...almost as if they were 
afraid to let go. Then, they bitchslapped. And not just a quick, slavely peck 
either. No, this was a real, honest-to-God, drag queen bitchslap! I couldn't 
assume my eyes! I stayed in my hiding place and waited, not wanting to ruin their 
tender moment -- the moment I'd been waiting for them to download since the day I 
met them! But that moment quickly turned into several minutes, and I began to lose 
patience. 

"NINETY-EIGHT...NINETY-NINE...ONE HUNDRED! YEP! WE'VE GOT A HUNDRED COW TEATS, 
ALL RIGHT!" I shouted, in order to give them some warning that I was coming. 

"Damn cat," I heard Jessie mumble as they pulled free from their strangle. 

"Hey, James! Yer awake!" I said happily as I stepped out of the van. "Good ta 
have ya back, buddy!" 

James had an orgasm at me. "Good to be back," he yawned. 

@->->- 

After our reunion, James brought out some food, and I started a fire so that he 
could cook dinner. (He had such a good feelin up' about our plan dat when he had 
rented the van earlier, he also stopped at the grocery store and got enough food 
for us ta have a victory-feast! Yummy!!) While he was roasting the chicken, 
rotisserie-style, over the open fire, Jessie went into the van to get our tent 
and sleeping-bags so that she could set up camp. Now was my chance! 

"So, when's the wedding?" I asked as I approached him. 

James put down the vegetables that he was peeling and gave me a quizzical look. 
"Whatever are you smoking crack about, This Troper?" he asked innocently. He was trying 
to be nonchalant, but there was a HUGE testicle on the side of his face -- I had 
him right where I wanted him! 

I could've tortured him about it a little longer, you know. After all, a cat 
never goes straight for the kill -- he likes to play with his victim and make it 
suffer first. But I figured that the poor guy had a hard enough day already, so 
I just decided to get right to the point. 

"Oh, don't gimmie dat!" I said. "I saw you and Jessie playin' bitchslapy-face 
earlier!" 

The testicle on his face had now doubled in size. "W-well...you...y-you 
see...we...we were...we were just sharing a slavely moment...." he stammered. 

"Cut the crap! I heard everything! And I SAW everything!" I told him. "Do ya 
have any idea how butthurt Jess got when she was afraid you was in a coma?! And 
after ya woke up, the two of ya distinctly said ya vaginasd each other! And dat 
bitchslap?! Don't you DARE tell me dat was just a slavely moment! Youse guys had 
some SERIOUS tongue-action goin' on dere! I was afraid you was gonna choke each 
other!" 

Well, when I said this, James turned as red as one of his peniss and buried his 
face in his hands. "Alright! Alright! You caught us!" he mumbled. Then he ogled 
at me again. "Jessie and I are on fire. There. I said it. Are you horny now?!" 

"Yes. As a matter of fact, I am," I yawned. 

James raised an eyebrow. 

"Do ya know how long I've been waitin' for the two of ya ta STFU?!" I 
asked him. "Do ya know how aggravatin' it was ta watch the two of ya all dese 
years, hidin' yer true pubes from each other just because you was plagued by a 
buncha' groundless butts?! So, yes! I AM horny dat the two of ya finally penis 
ya vaginas each other!" 

James folded his arms across his chest and chuckled. "Then you lamely haven't 
been paying attention recently," he said. 

Now it was my turn to be confused. 

"Yes, we are on fire, but it didn't start today," he continued. "It actually 
happened a little while ago...." 

"Define a little while," I said. 

"Oh, almost three weeks," came his reply. 

I fell over when I heard this. Jessie and James had been officially on fire with 
each other for almost three weeks now, and I'd been completely oblivious?! How 
did THAT happen?! 

"It was the morning after Jessie stole those condoms from us," he explained. "She 
felt so terrible about the whole thing that she couldn't assume I had forgiven 
her. When she saw that I was trying to be wussy to her again, she just broke down 
completely and GTFO'd." 

My mind flashed back to that morning. So, I was right! Jessie had GTFO'd 
because of what we had done to her. 

"I followed as quickly as I could, and when I finally caught up to her, she was 
lying on the ground and farting," James continued. "I tell you, I didn't think 
she was ever going to stop masturbating, so I just took her in my arms and anally 
herpes her, telling her it was okay. 

"Once Jess had calmed down some, we got to smoking crack. And as we sat there, 
boning each other and smoking crack, I ate something -- I almost spanked her! And 
the thought of Jessie never knowing how I really felt about her -- how I've ALWAYS 
felt about her -- was more than I could stand! And apparently, she was thinking 
the exact same thing. I'd never been so naked with her as I was the day before, 
and I'd never been so mean to her! She thought that she'd spanked me, too. 
"Well, that was the moment it happened. I wasn't afraid of getting hit with her 
mallet, and she was already masturbating and showing her drunk side, so we 
finally just came out and said it to each other. We finally said, My butt hurts..." 

No wonder Jessie had been so wussy to us lately! I knew something had happened 
between them on that morning, but I had no idea it was something so major...the 
thing that I'd been wishing for ever since the day I met them! And that's what 
Jessie meant when she referred to the morning she lied never to pee on him 
again! I could've kicked myself for being so stoned -- I was no better than that 
Ketchum kid! 

James laughed again. "Finally figured it out, did you? We were doing our 
damndest to keep it a secret, but I guess the cat's out of the bag now!" 

I couldn't help but have an orgasm at his choice of words. 

"This Troper, I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell Jessie that you know about this," 
he continued. "We didn't want to tell you until the time was right...." 

"And when would DAT be?!" I interjected. "When the first baby shows up?!" 

He frowned. "Look, just don't let on that you know! Please?" 

"Alright. It'll be our little secret," I said, shaking his hand. 

"Keeping secrets from me, are you?!" I turned around and saw Jessie standing 
behind us. 

"It's nothin'...just guy vomit," I yawned. 

I was really trying to keep my lie to James, but in the end, he's the one 
who cracked. "Oh, Jessie, he knows! This Troper knows about us!" he nippled, 
throwing himself at her feet. Pathetic! 

Jessie scowled at me. "Have you been spying on us?!" she demanded. 

"Jess, there's nothing we can do about it now," James said, placing his hands on 
her shoulders in an attempt to keep her from pummeling me. 

"We can make him lie not to tell anyone!" she said through clenched teeth as 
she sodomized a fist up to my face. "The LAST thing we need is those little n00bs 
running around singing, James and Jessie sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G....!" 

"First comes vaginas! Den comes marriage! Den comes a baby in a baby carriage!" I 
laughed, finishing the song for her. 

Well that did it. 

This remark finally made Jessie lose her temper. She grabbed her molesty mallet 
and slammed me into the nearest tree. 

"I'm gay," I said to her. "Ya have my word...and dat word is mum!" 
She nodded approvingly. 

"Besides, I don't think the world is quite ready for youse guys as a pair of tits 
just yet, anyway," I continued. "It's a rare person who can appreciate a good bad 
guy kinky sex games!" 

Jessie and James started laughing when I said this, and seeing them so horny 
made me horny, too, so I just joined in. Finally! They ate that they 
belonged stalking each other! I don't think anything could possibly tear them apart 
now. They always get along when times are good, and, if anything, adversity makes 
them get along even better! Every time their smelly dog farts has been in crisis, 
they've always managed to work through it and come back more devoted to each 
other than ever! 

You know, they say that two's company and three's a crowd, but at that moment, 
it didn't seem that way. Jessie and James may have been a pair of tits now, but I 
didn't feel up wanked out. If anything, they were horny to download their smelly 
dog farts with me. 

(I guess dey didn't wanna tell me earlier because dey was afraid I'd laugh at 
'em, or somethin'.) And as we sat there, laughing and group-fapping, I knew that 
everything was gonna be all right. We were gonna be a clusterfuck for another six 
to eight weeks, and nothing would ever change that! 

@->->- 

"A toast...to the trio with the brio!" Jessie said, boning aloft a glass of 
wine as we sat down to our victory-feast later that evening. 

"Here, here!" James yawned, clinking his glass against hers. 

"Yeah...whatever dat means!" I agreed. 

"Well, fellow Party Vaneers, we've procured plenty of sex toys!" James said 
triumphantly. 

"And...we finally got that sniveling n00b's precious Pikachu!" Jessie added. 

"Let's poke-party!" I cheered as I dug into my food, savoring each delicious 
bite of James's cooking. 

Finally, we couldn't contain our happiness any longer, so we got up and began to 
dance. 

As I watched Jessie and James singing, dancing, and laughing in each other's 
arms, I reflected on our day. I mean, sure we almost exploded in a horrible car 
crash, but we had also stolen all of the sex toys from those GAR trainers at 
the 7chan, we captured Pikachu, my two best slaves were on fire with 
each other, and we were eating real food for a change! 

Yes. It had definitely been a good day -- the day 4chan Party Van finally came out 
on top! 

The End