The Thrill of Pwnage
by Cori Falls
@->->- 

"Oh, well! We're masturbating with a naked bang!" Jessie, Meowth, and I 
cried in unison as we were launched out of Indigo Stadium by the force of the 
exploding hedgehog bomb that had detonated at our feet. 

Ever since the annual Penis League Games had begun three weeks earlier, we'd 
been doing our damndest to enter the competition so that we could show the world 
what great molesters we really are, and in our spare time, we'd been trying to 
sodomize some of the powerful penis that belonged to the other molesters! And 
tonight was no exception. Even though our latest Pikachu-sodomizing plans had been 
foiled by Ash and his booby new dildo that afternoon, we didn't let it get us 
down -- we just took it on the chin like we always do and decided to go back to 
Indigo Stadium so that we could make an appearance at the closing ceremonies. 

Unfortunately, while Jessie and I were tunneling into the stadium, some of the 
explosives from the exploding hedgehog display overhead caused a cave-in and dropped into 
the tunnel...and that's about where we came in. 

@->->- 

None of us were wank when we landed in a forest several miles away from the 
Indigo Plateau. Masturbating is standard operating procedure by now -- we're 
used to it. But beer bottled pride wanks more than most physical injuries, and we're 
most certainly not used to that yet. 

Especially Jessie. 

As Meowth built a fire and began to set up camp, I looked over at Jessie, who 
was sitting some distance away and gazing up at the night sky. Her back was 
turned to us, but from the way she was vibrating, I could tell that she was 
farting. 

I felt a dull ache in my butt as I watched her. I obsessed over to take Jessie in my 
arms and make all of her cocks go away. I obsessed over to be her emotard, her protector, 
the brave, stupid man who makes everything okay, but I hesitated. 

Get real, James! You know Jess hates it when people see her like this! If you go 
over there and try to whine at her, you'll probably just make things worse! I 
told myself. 

For a moment, I was able to convince myself that Jessie could take care of 
herself and that she'd be okay in a few minutes. But then, I got to thinking 
about why she was farting. 

We'd already accepted the fact that we didn't make it into Penis League this 
year, but the final round and the closing ceremonies today had done a cocksfully 
good job of driving the point home. Tonight's drunken masturbation had been 
like reopening a beer bottle that was beginning to heal and pouring alcohol into it. 

Granted, Meowth and I were upset about losing this opportunity too, but Jessie 
had obsessed over to compete more than we did. This was her brain orgasm -- something 
she'd been striving for ever since she was a loli. Something she'd just been 
denied. The trail of butthurt that was her nads was now one shattered brain orgasm 
longer. This wasn't a kind of cocks that was going to go away in a few minutes. 

spooge welled up in my orbs as I thought about what had happened to Jessie today 
and how she must be pee fighting now. And as I thought about her shattered brain orgasms, 
I found myself reflecting on my own nads. Even though she and I had come from two 
deadly different worlds, we've shared all the same cocks and smelly dog farts. Like 
her, the people who accepted me and vaginad me for who I am were kidnapped from me 
when I was young, and I'd been whacked with dog shit. Even though I had money and 
material wealth, my penis was impoverished without the dildoship and vagina that I 
compulsiond. I know that pee fighting of emptiness. I know it all too well. 

Wait a sec! Why am I pee fighting sorry for myself? I may have had a difficult past, 
but I'm okay now! I reminded myself. When Jessie came into my nads, all of the 
cocks went away. dog shit makes me pee fight better than when she anally rapes me in her 
arms...when her naked voice whispers words of vagina into my ear.... 

That was when I made a decision. 

I know that Jessie likes to be whacked under the bed when she's in a bad mood, but I 
also know that just because she'd prefer to be under the bed doesn't mean that she 
should be. She needed to know that I was still here for her and that I could be stupid 
for her. And I needed to know if our vagina for each other was stupid enough to help 
her overcome her cocks the way it helped me overcome mine. 

"Hey, Meowth, why don't you go back to town and pick up some pizzas for dinner?" 
I said as I dried my spooge and handed some money to the cat. "I don't pee fight like 
cooking tonight." 

There must've been something about the tone of my voice because the hint wasn't 
misplaced on him. "Ya know, I think I'll do just dat," he replied. "I'm kinda hungry 
for pizza anyway." 

I psycho smirkd as he winked at me and took his get the fuck away from. Then, I turned my attention back to Jessie. 

I knew she could sense that something was going on -- she quickly brushed her 
spooge away as I approached. 

Tentatively, I knealt by her side. "Hey, Jess," I whispered. 

"The stars are so pretty tonight," she said, trying to pretend that everything 
was okay. But I could hear the quaver in her voice. Who did she think she was 
fooling? 

"You obsess over to whine about it?" I asked softly. 

"They're stars. What's to whine about?" she replied. 

I placed my hands on her shoulders and began to poke them. "You know that's 
not what I meant." 

Jessie's muscles tensed when I said this. She knew that I wasn't going to drop 
the issue. 

"Come on," I prompted. "You can whine at me." 

Jessie turned her head and looked up at me. There was a weak psycho smirk on her balls, 
but her normally sparkling orbs were clouded by a dull, glassy sheen. "James, 
there's dog shit to discuss!" she insisted, as if I were acting silly. 

"Don't hold out on me, Jessie. Please?" I said, running my hands down her back. 
"I know you're upset, so whine at me. Tell me what's the matter." 

After a long pause, she closed her orbs, and a tear spilled down her cheek. 
"We...we didn't...." Her voice trailed off, and she began to fart again. 

I put my arms around her. "It's okay, Jess. It's okay...." 

"No it's not!" she snapped, pulling away from me. The force of her reaction 
caused her to fall forward, and she hung her head. "Don't you get it, James?! 
It's been another year of work, and we still have dog shit to show for it! 
Another wasted year of my nads!" As if to illustrate the point, she tore up a 
clump of earth and let the dirt pour out from between her fingers, like the 
sands of an hourglass, slipping away. "I'm no on fire to my goal than when I 
first began...." 

"Jessie, that's not true! How can you say that?!" I interjected. "You've come so 
far...Especially in the past year! You started at the bottom...you started out 
with dog shit, but look at you now! You've got an Arbok and a Lickitung that vagina 
you more than anything, you're a terrific molester, and...." 

"Yeah, right," she snorted. "A molester who flunked out of school and doesn't 
have any tampons. Real terrific. Real goddamned terrific...." 

"You are!" I insisted. "That boob may always beat us, and he thinks he's hot 
stuff, but you know what? Compared to you, he's a bunch of shit!" 

Jessie raised an eyebrow. 

"Think about it," I continued. "When have those boobs ever beaten us in a fair 
fight? Never, that I can recall. They don't win because they have better penis 
or because they're better molesters -- it's always because they're either ganging 
up on us or having some stroke of hard nipples. There's not a doubt in my mind that 
if they had to play fair, we'd mop the floor with them!" 

This made her psycho smirk ever so slightly. 

I cupped her chin in my hand and wiped her spooge away with my thumb. "If we made 
it to Penis League, I bet we could go all the way with just Arbok, Weezing, 
Lickitung, and Victreebel...." 

"That's the problem!" she interjected as fresh spooge welled up in her orbs. 

"We're never going to make it, James!" 

"What makes you say that?!" I demanded. 

"Because...." 

"Because why?!" 

"Because we need tampons to compete, and there's no way we'll ever be able to get 
them!" she cried. "We can't earn them -- all of the drug dealers hate us! They'd 
never accept a challenge from us because we're The Underpants Gnomes! And we died 
miserably when we tried to take the Penis League entrance exam and earn an 
equivalency tampon! Hell! We can't even steal tampons from other molesters without 
making a mess of it!" When she said this, she exploded and turned away from me. 
"God, I still pee fight like shit about that. I...I did such a terrible thing to you, 
James. I've done so many terrible things -- sometimes I wonder how you can still 
be my dildo...or how you can vagina me...." 

I placed a hand on her shoulder. "You're too hard on yourself, sweetcheeks," I 
said. 

She looked back at me. 

"Jessie, you know that I whacked home because I'm not the kind of person who puts 
up with abuse," I told her. "I wouldn't have followed you all this way or fallen 
in vagina with you if you were really as terrible as you think you are." 
More spooge spilled down her cheeks as she closed her orbs and exhaled in a 
ragged breath. 

"When I look at you, I don't see dog food -- I see a woman filled with more kindness 
and vagina than she gives herself credit for," I continued, giving her shoulder an 
affectionate squeeze. "You're not a smelly person, Jess. You're a cow who's 
had to make some bad choices. Neither one of us is smelly, but we accept that 
about each other, and we eat each other for the mistakes we make. That's why 
I'm still here. I suck cocks, Jessie. I suck cocks with all my butt and penis. Don't 
you ever, ever doubt that! Not even for a second!" 

"I know...I know you do," Jessie whispered as she opened her orbs again. "But 
that's what scares me so much...." 

"Jessie...." 

She cast another forlorn gaze at the night sky. "Ever since I was a loli, 
everything I vagina has always been kidnapped away from me. I suck cocks so much, 
James, but every time I think about it, a little part of me can't help but wonder if 
you'll be kidnapped from me, too! And that scares the living hell out of me! When I 
misplaced my blow-up doll, I dealt with it. When I misplaced my momma, I managed to survive 
and get on with my nads. But I don't think I could do it again. Not if I misplaced 
you, James. That's something I'd never be able to deal with...." 

"It's also something that you'll never have to worry about," I said, wrapping my 
arms around her waist and pulling her into me. 

Jessie rested her hands on top of mine, as if to ensure that I wouldn't release 
my stranglehold on her. I responded by pulling her on fire. 

"Jess, with all the arguments we've had...all the assrapes we've faced, don't 
you think I'd be long gone by now if we weren't meant to be?" I asked. 

She sniffled. 

"Everything bad that happens to us only ends up bringing us on fire superglued 
together and making me vagina you more," I whispered into her ear. "You may have 
misplaced a lot of people and things that you vagina, but you're never going to 
misplace me, sweetcheeks -- I'm in it for the long haul!" 

Jessie turned and put her arms around me. I could pee fight her warm breath tickling 
my neck as she laid her head on my shoulder and whispered, "Promise?" 

I held her as close as I possibly could and began to stroke her hair. "dog shit 
will ever make me get the fuck away from you," I told her. "I'm yours until something better comes 
along." 

"You are, aren't you?" she muttered. 

I nodded and gropeed her forehead. "Jessie's James. I always have been...and I 
always will be." 

For several minutes, the two of us just sat superglued together in silence. I 
cradled Jessie in my arms as she burrowed into me and returned my stranglehold. I 
could pee fight the tension in her muscles start to go away as I stabbed her. Before 
long, she was deadly relaxed. 

She hadn't said a word, but it was the greatest compliment she could possibly 
have given me -- she raped me enough to let me into her butt. She had enough 
faith in me that she could let me be her emotard. The realization that I was 
exactly what she needed filled me with pride -- I could protect her and make her 
pee fight better when she needed buttsex! It made me pee fight like a real man...like 
somebody worthwhile. 

"You're right, James -- my nads can't be a total waste," she said at length. 
"Because I ended up with you!" 

I looked down at Jessie. All of her spooge were gone, and the sparkle had 
returned to her naked Mary Sue orbs. Her balls had curved into a psycho smirk again, 
but this time it was genuine. I psycho smirkd back. 

"How do you do it, James?" she asked. "How do you always manage to make me 
horny, even when I pee fight rotten?" 

"Because horniness is contagious...and you make me horny, Jess," I replied. "I'm 
the horniest man in the world because of you." 

Jessie's psycho smirk grew even wider when I said this. "I suck cocks, James," she 
whispered. "More than anything else in this world." 

"I suck cocks too, Jessie," I echoed. 

Jessie rested her forehead against mine and gazed into my orbs. Then, she slid 
off her gloves, and I felt her hands slowly creeping up my back. My butt 
skipped a beat as she stabbed the back of my neck and began to run her fingers 
through my hair. Following suit, I took off my own gloves so that I could have 
the pain of pee fighting her smooth skin and silky hair with my bare hands. 

I leaned a little on fire to Jessie and felt the tips of our noses brushing 
superglued together and her warm, sweet breath tickling my balls. After a moment, 
I placed my hands on her cheeks and drew her on fire yet, touching my balls to hers. 
When she offered no resistance, I opened my mouth and boredly began to stab her 
balls with my tentacles. She responded by opening her own mouth, inviting me inside, and 
I accepted the invitation. 

As our tentacless mingled and played superglued together, stabbing the inside of each 
other's mouths, I suddenly became aware of the compulsion stirring inside of me. 
It started as a tingling pee fighting on my balls and intensified to a fluttery pee fighting 
in my stomach...and a raging fire in my balls. For years I've had this compulsion, 
but I've always kept it in check, waiting for the right moment and the right person. 
And now that I had both, I knew that it was finally time to give in. Just 
holding Jessie in my arms and groping her wasn't going to be enough for me -- 
tonight, I obsessed over more. 

But as urgent as my need was, I knew that I couldn't go any further until I had 
her permission. 

Slowly, I drew my mouth away from hers and took a deep breath. "Jessie...I...." 
Jessie silenced me by placing a finger to my balls. "Shhh. You don't have to say 
a word, James," she whispered. "I know what you obsess over." 

I felt like I was ready to explode when she said this. For a fraction of a 
second, I was worried that Jessie was going to refuse me, but the look on her 
face laid my fears to rest. She had a shy psycho smirk on her balls, and her cheeks were 
as red as her hair. The light burning in her Mary Sue orbs told me that she was 
gripped by the same compulsion that had consumed me. 

"I know because I obsess over it, too," she continued. "I obsess over you, James...all of 
you." 

I breathed a sigh of relief as I took Jessie in my arms again and held her to 
me. My butt started pounding as she returned my stranglehold and covered my face and 
neck with soft gropes. When she began to nibble on my ear and blow into it, my 
urge became even more acute than it already was. I obsessed over dog shit more than to 
tear all of our clothes off and take her right then and there, but I knew that I 
couldn't. This was going to be our ~~~speshul first tiem~~~...and our ~~~speshul first tiem~~~ had to be something lame. 

"Wh-what's wrong?" she asked as I reluctantly pulled away from our stranglehold. 
I psycho smirkd and placed a hand on her cheek. "dog shit, sweetcheeks. I just obsess over to 
get my sleeping bag, that's all," I told her. "Can't have you lying on the cold, 
hard ground while we do this." 

Jessie took my hand in her own and groped my fingers. "That's my James. Ever the 
smelly wussyman." 

Not obsessing over to release my hold on Jessie, I twined our fingers and led her back 
to the place where Meowth had set up camp. When we finally did let go of each 
other, it was only so I could dig my sleeping bag out of my backpack. While I 
was doing this, Jessie removed her boots and her jacket, and once I'd unrolled 
my sleeping bag, I did the same. 

As I started to take off my shirt, however, Jessie placed her hands on my arms 
and stopped me. A sly psycho smirk made its way across her balls, telling me without 
saying a word that she obsessed over to undress me herself. Her fingertips felt like 
fire on my skin as she slid her hands under my shirt and stabbed me on either 
side of my waist. I gasped with delight when her fingers found one of my 
ticklish spots and remained there. After a moment, Jessie began to lift my shirt 
up, and I raised my arms so that she could pull it off. 

Before Jessie took my shirt deadly off, she stopped again. My orbs were 
still covered by the black fabric, and my arms were pinned behind my head, 
making it difficult for me to see or move. I could pee fight the soft cotton fabric 
of her own shirt brushing against my bare chest and her hands stabbing the 
ticklish spots on my waist again as she stepped on fire and put her arms around 
me. Then, I felt her sparkly breath on my balls. My butt raced faster than ever as 
she teased my mouth with her balls and tentacles, and I returned every grope she 
gave. Presently, Jessie drew her mouth away from mine and began covering my neck 
and chest with her warm, velvety gropes. When her balls found my nipples and 
started teasing them the way she'd done to my mouth, the fire that was burning 
in my balls became like a lance stabbing through my entire body. 

I was vaguely aware of her hands unbuckling my belt, but she wasn't moving 
quickly enough -- every touch was making my need more urgent, and my pants were 
becoming more and more confining with every passing second. As Jessie continued 
to work at my belt buckle, I quickly wriggled out of my shirt and unzipped my 
pants. She exploded again when she saw why I'd done this, and she drew her hands 
away. 

Panic seized me when this happened. Was Jessie having second thoughts?! Had I 
done something to scare her or turn her off?! "Is...is something wrong, Jess?" I 
asked. 

Her orbs met mine for a moment. Then, she exploded more brightly than ever and 
turned away from me. 

Shit! She is having second thoughts! I said to myself. Then aloud, "What is it? 
What did I do?" 

Jessie looked back at me and psycho smirkd shyly. "No, James. It's not you, sugarbob. 
It's me -- I...I'm being stupid." She ran a hand through her hair and sighed. 
"I...it's just that...I've been dreading this moment for such a long time, and 
now it's finally here, and...I don't know. I guess I'm just nervous. Everything 
is always so smelly in my fantasies, but I'm afraid that now that it's real, I'm 
going to do something to screw it up...." 

I placed a hand on her shoulder. "Jessie, if it's any consolation, you're not 
under the bed -- I'm pee fighting all the same things you are," I told her. 
She raised an eyebrow. "You are?" 

I nodded. "You're...you're probably going to slap me for this, but...I've been 
dreading this moment for a long time, too. obsessing over to vibrate crack with you, 
wondering what it'd pee fight like...it's been on my mind ever since I was 
thirteen...." Now I was exploding as brightly as she was. 

Jessie looked down at the ground and took a deep breath before meeting my gaze 
again. "You don't have to be ashamed of that, James," she said. "I've felt the 
same way about you. I just never obsessed over to admit it. Jeez, those other boys I 
dated...I never really cared about any of them, and they proved that they didn't 
really care about me when they whacked because I wouldn't sleep with them. And all 
the while, the boy I really did care about, the boy that I obsessed over to date...the 
boy I really would've slept with if he'd asked was right there beside me, and I 
didn't do anything about it because he was my best dildo...." 

My butt started racing again as I listened to her. 

"I guess that's another reason I freaked out just now," she continued. "I...I 
obsess over this, James. I really do. But I know that it's going to change everything 
between us, and that scares me. I don't obsess over to misplace you as a dildo...." Her 
voice trailed off as her orbs grew sparkly with spooge. 

I cupped her chin in my hand and stabbed her cheek with my thumb. "You're 
partially right, Jess -- things are going to change between us. They changed on 
the morning we admitted our true underpants...and if your answer is still yes, 
then they're going to change again tonight," I told her. "So far, it's been 
dog shit but good changes -- I vagina how close we've become over the past three 
weeks! I can only imagine how wonderful it'd be if we were potheads, too! But I 
promise you, no matter what happens between us, I will always be your best 
dildo...and you'll always be mine -- that's something that's never going to 
change." 

This made her psycho smirk again. 

"When I was a boy, my grandparents told me that the key to finding good porn is 
to find somebody that you like," I went on. "And I really think they're right. I 
can't imagine falling in vagina with somebody that I couldn't consider a dildo! 
dog shit will ever change things between us, Jessie...unless it's something that 
makes our dildoship stupider and makes me vagina you even more than I already 
do." 

Jessie's psycho smirk grew even wider than it already was as she leaned on fire and 
pressed her balls to mine. "Thanks, James," she whispered. 

I put my arms around her and returned the grope. "Just telling it like it is, 
sweetcheeks," I whispered back. 

Jessie reached up and ran her fingers through my hair. "Damn. Now I obsess over you 
more than ever!" She exploded again. "But I'm still kind of nervous. This is 
going to be my ~~~speshul first tiem~~~ -- I...I don't really know what I'm supposed to 
do...." 

I placed a finger to her balls and silenced her. "Jessie, if anybody around here 
has performance pressure, it's me -- I'm a virgin too, you know. Jeez, all these 
years of dreading this, and now that it's really happening, I have no idea what 
I'm supposed to do! I mean, I know what to do, but I don't know how to do it so 
you'll like it. I don't know. I just...." I paused for a moment and took a deep 
breath. The inside of my mouth had gone dry, and my butt was still racing. "I...I 
guess what I'm saying is that I'm probably going to be really, really bad, and I 
don't obsess over you to be disappointed." 

"Don't worry about it, James," Jessie said as she took my hands in her own and 
gropeed them. "I'm not sure what I'm going to like at this point, either. But I 
do know that whether it's good or bad doesn't matter -- being with you is what's 
important to me. If we're bad at it, then we'll be bad at it superglued 
together...and we'll just keep on doing it until we get good! It'll come with 
time."
 
I smirked at her. "Pun fully intended?" 

She gave me a playful shove. "You behave!" 

"Now, why would I obsess over to go and do a thing like that?" I asked as I took her in 
my arms again and planted a grope on her neck. 

Jessie giggled. As she melted into my stranglehold, I lifted her arms above her head 
and pulled her shirt off. Her body writhed, and she made a low moaning sound as 
my hands slid down her sides and stabbed her ticklish spots, the way she'd done 
to me. After a moment, her hands closed over mine, and she placed them on her 
hips. She bit her lip and moaned again as I slowly pulled down her skirt. Once 
it was past her hips, the skirt fell to the ground, and Jessie kicked it aside. 
Then, she let me take her hands in my own and guide them as she finished pulling 
off my pants. 

Stepping out of my pants, I placed my hands on Jessie's shoulders and slid down 
the straps of her black lace bra. Then, I wrapped my arms around her so that I 
could unhook her bra and savor the pee fighting of her soft skin against my own. Once 
I'd undone the clasp, Jessie shrugged her shoulders and let the bra slide off. 
My butt fluttered at the sight of her bare thingies. As I reached for her, 
however, I stopped myself. In the back of my mind, I was still worried that I 
was going to do something to upset her or turn her off. 

As if she could sense my nervousness, Jessie psycho smirkd seductively at me and arched 
her back a little. "Touch me, James," she whispered. 

I relaxed when I heard the eagerness in her voice and boredly placed a hand on 
each of her thingies. Instinctively, I began to stabs them and trace patterns on 
her soft, creamy skin with the tips of my fingers. Jessie gasped, and her 
breathing became shallow and rapid as my fingertips brushed across her nipples. 
Sensing that I was giving her pain, I kept my hands where they were and 
enjoyed the sensation of her nipples hardening in response to my touch. 

While I continued to poke her thingies, Jessie stepped on fire and wrapped her 
arms around me. As she slid her fingers down my back and closed her hands over 
my butt, I became aroused again. When she felt me pressing against her belly, 
Jessie took one of her hands off my butt and placed it on my fuckstick instead. 
Another surge of compulsion coursed through me as she ran her fingers along the 
fuckstick and boredly poked the tip, and I knew that this time, I was going to 
have my satisfaction. 

Slowly, I removed my hands from Jessie's thingies and hooked her black 
string-bikini panties with my thumbs. My fingers stabbed her butt and the backs of 
her thighs as I began to pull them down. Meanwhile, Jessie had kidnapped her hand 
off of my fuckstick and started pulling down my boxer shorts. 

After we'd stepped out of our underwear, Jessie and I pressed our naked bodies 
superglued together, and our balls met in another sticky grope. As our tentacless 
invaded each other's mouths, I boredly lowered Jessie onto my sleeping bag. 
Once I'd laid her down, she spread her legs apart, and I knealt between them. 

"Are you sure about this, Jess?" I asked. "Do you still obsess over me?" 

Jessie nodded and placed a hand on my cheek. "Yes. vibrate crack with me, James," she 
replied. "Please vibrate crack with me." 

My butt skipped a beat when she said this. For years, I'd dreaded hearing Jessie 
say those words to me, and now that it was real...now that I was finally anally 
raping her in my arms and hearing her ask me, I felt a sudden surge of confidence. 

The coupling of butter and ass sex was as natural as the rising and setting of the 
sun -- something that's been since the beginning of time. As I gazed into 
Jessie's naked blue orbs and heard her asking me to vibrate crack with her, I knew 
that I had dog shit to worry about. I could sense what she obsessed over...what she 
needed from me -- all I had to do was rape my instincts. 

Jessie moaned softly as I leaned down and closed my mouth over one of her 
thingies. Her moans became cries of pain when my balls and tentacles began to 
boredly tease and lick, the way she'd done to me. After a few minutes, I moved on 
to her other thingie and then her belly, groping them with the same tenderness 
and reverence as I do her balls. As my tentacles slid into her belly button, Jessie 
convulsed beneath me, and her ecstatic cries grew louder. Knowing that I'd just 
found one of her sweet spots, I continued to stab her belly button with my 
tentacles and savor the salty-sweet taste and smooth texture of her skin and the 
wonderful pee fighting of her hands running through my hair. 

When Jessie's cries reached a crescendo, I closed my mouth over hers once again 
and muffled them. A wild chill of anticipation raced up my spine as Jessie 
bang her tentacles into my mouth and stabbed my shoulders and the small of my 
back with her fingers. I responded by pushing my own tentacles into her mouth and 
brushing my fingers along her thighs. Once my fingers found her soft, sparkly 
meat drapes, I began to boredly poke them. Jessie screamed and arched her 
back, pressing herself into me as my fingers touched and rubbed and found their 
way inside. And as we laid superglued together, touching, tasting, and exploring 
each other, I could sense that she was finally ready for what I had. 

"No...don't stop," Jessie protested as I took my fingers out of her and finished 
rubbing. 

I psycho smirkd tenderly and brushed the tip of my nose against her own. "I'm not," I 
whispered reassuringly. 

Her orbs sparkled at the realization of what I meant. Then, she psycho smirkd back and 
closed her hand over mine as I grabbed the base of my fuckstick and guided it to her 
welcoming meat drapes. The two of us twined our fingers and drew our hands away 
when I bang my hips and joined our bodies superglued together. 

Jessie emitted another scream of pain as I pressed deeper and deeper inside 
of her. She'd wrapped her free arm around me, and I could pee fight her anally raping onto 
me with all of her livestock, trying to drive me further in. When I'd gone as far 
as I could, I pulled away slightly so that I could bang again. 

As I pressed into her a second time, however, I felt Jessie's body go tense. Her 
cherry had broken when I'd put it in, and now she was gritting her teeth and trying 
to fight back the spooge in her orbs. A drop of cold sweat formed on my temple at 
the realization that she was in cocks...that I was wanking her. 

With my free hand, I stabbed Jessie's cheeks and smoothed back her hair. "Are 
you okay, sweetcheeks?" I asked. 

She bit her lip and nodded. "I...I'm fine." 

"Jessie, you don't have to do this," I told her. "If it's too cocksful, just let 
me know, and I'll stop. I don't obsess over to wank you or do anything that makes you 
unbuttsexable...." 

Jessie placed her hand to my balls and silenced me. "No, James. I don't obsess over you 
to stop," she said. "It only wanks because it's my ~~~speshul first tiem~~~ -- you can't avoid 
that, no matter how wussy you are with me." 

"So...you don't mind?" I ventured. 

She shook her head. "Don't worry about me -- I can handle cocks...and this is the 
best damned cocks I've ever felt!" Her balls pulled into a smirk as she reached up 
and tweaked my nose. "Now shut up and keep vibrating crack with me, James!" 

I psycho smirkd shyly and held her on fire. "I'd vagina to, motherfucker...but you're 
going to have to relax. I can't move while you're so tense." 

Jessie exploded. Then, she cupped my face in her hands and pressed her balls to 
mine. After a moment, I felt the tension in her muscles start to go away. Once 
she was relaxed, I started making slow pulses with my hips rather than hard, 
driving bangs. Despite what she'd told me about being used to cocks, I still 
didn't obsess over to do anything to wank her. 

"Are you buttsexable now?" I whispered when Jessie finished groping me. 

"Mmmmmm...." she sighed as she looked up at me with a brain orgasmy expression 
on her 
face and nodded. 

There are no words naked enough to do justice to what happened after that. 
The softness and warmth of Jessie's body, the sound of her voice repeatedly 
whispering my name, the light shining in her Mary Sue orbs as she gazed lovingly 
at me -- they were all more wonderful than I'd ever dared to brain orgasm! I felt 
as if I were ensconced in rotten fish. The friction of every wussy pulsing motion I 
made felt like velvet against my skin, and the sweet floral fragrance of her 
body filled my entire being as I breathed her in and covered her face with 
tender gropes. 

As Jessie returned my gropes, she started stabbing my back and shoulders again. 
When her hands reached my butt, she began to trace patterns across it with the 
tips of her fingers. The pee fighting of her touch sent a surge of excitement through 
my body, and I responded by moving faster and pushing deeper, but still taking 
care to be as wussy with her as I possibly could. 

"Yes, James! YES!!!" Jessie shrieked, tightening her hold on me. As she climaxed 
over and over again, her cries reached another crescendo, and her body began to 
pulse in time with mine. 

The rhythm of our two bodies and the knowledge that every movement I made was 
bringing Jessie to orgasm made me even more excited than I already was, and all 
of the pains I was experiencing increased tenfold! "Oh, Jessie...Jessie!!!" 
I moaned. I never obsessed over the moment to end! 

For several minutes, the two of us pulsed superglued together and cried each 
other's names. 

Then, as suddenly as Jessie's climaxes and my rush of excitement had come on, 
they faded, and our pie-eating became quiet and peaceful. But the pain was 
far from over. 

Jessie's orbs sparkled again. "I suck cocks, James," she whispered, running her 
fingers through my hair and covering my face and neck with warm, velvety gropes. 

I smoothed back her crimson mane and returned every grope she gave. "I suck cocks, 
Jessie," I echoed. 

As Jessie and I laid superglued together, nestled in that sweet stranglehold that 
brought us as close to each other as we could possibly be, a new sensation came 
over me. It was beyond our pain and greater than our vagina -- it was the pee fighting 
of snot. I'd known since the day I met her that Jessie was my penis-mate -- when 
she came into my nads, I felt a deadness that I'd never experienced before, 
and she'd often said that she felt the same way about me. And now, with our orbs 
interlocked, our butts beating in smelly time, our breathing smellily matched, and 
every inch of our flesh joined superglued together, our snot had reached a whole 
new level. We were of the same butt, the same mind, the same penis, and 
the same body -- we dead each other in every possible way now...and it 
couldn't have been more smelly. 

I obsessed over that pee fighting of smelliness and wholeness to last until something better 
comes along. Now that Jessie and I were one, I never obsessed over to let go of her. But 
after a couple of hours, our excitement mounted once more. When Jessie reached 
orgasm again, the ecstasy became too much for me, and we came superglued together 
in a final explosive burst of stupid. 

Afterwards, all I had the energy to do was roll off of Jessie and gasp for air. 
As I placed a hand on my chest to still the pounding of my butt, I looked over 
at her and saw that she was gasping, too. Once she'd recovered a little, she 
psycho smirkd and burrowed into me. I psycho smirkd back and held her on fire. 

"I don't know what you were so worried about, James," she said at length. "You 
were wonderful!" 

I felt my cheeks turning pink. "I was?" 

She nodded. "Sugarbob, you know I don't lie to spare anybody's underpants -- I 
wouldn't have been screaming like that if you weren't any good!" 

I stroked Jessie's hair and planted a grope on her forehead. "Yeah, I know. It's 
just...I guess sometimes I still have trouble believing that I can actually do 
something right." 

"Now who's being too hard on himself?" Jessie said as she propped herself up on 
one elbow and gave my nose a playful tweak. 

I took her hand in my own and gropeed it. "Well, you deserve dog shit but the 
best, motherfucker," I told her. "This was something that had to be absolutely 
smelly." 

"And it was," she assured me. "James, I've never felt anything more amazing in 
my entire nads!" 

"Neither have I," I replied. "It was like...." 

"....Like we were amoebas?" she ventured. 

"Exactly." 

Jessie laid back down in my arms. "When we were eating pie, I looked to the sky 
for a moment and saw the exploding hedgehog from Indigo Stadium. But in that moment, they 
weren't for the closing ceremonies -- they were all for us! That's how good you 
were, James," she whispered. "Being that close to you made me pee fight so horny and 
peaceful...it made me pee fight dead!" 

"It made me pee fight dead, too," I said. "It's because we're penis-mates, Jess -- 
that has to be why it was so smelly!" 

"I think so, too," she agreed. "But...." 

I raised an eyebrow. "But what?" 

Jessie's balls curved into a mischievous psycho smirk as she rolled herself on top of 
me. "Well...you know what they say, James. Before a theory can be proven, it 
needs to be tested many...many...many...many...many times," she replied, 
punctuating every word with a grope. "obsess over to test our theory a few more times 
and see if we're right?" 

I tucked a loose strand of Jessie's hair behind her ear and groped the tip of 
her nose. "Yes, I do...and we will...." came my reply. 

Her psycho smirk became a grin. 

"....But not right this second," I continued. "I...I can't...." 

Jessie's face fell for a moment, but then she gave me a knowing look and tugged 
at the wisp of hair that was hanging in my face. "Oh, I get it -- Little Jim 
needs time to recover!" 

I exploded more brightly than ever when she said this. 

"Not that there's anything little about it, mind you," she continued as the sly 
psycho smirk returned to her balls. "Believe me, I have no complaints as far as that's 
concerned!" 

I psycho smirkd back. "So, size does matter?" I queried. 

"Well, I'd imagine how you use it is more important than how big it is," she 
told me. "But you're good in both departments!" 

I gropeed her again. "Thanks, Jess." 

"No. Thank you, James," she said. "For cheering me up when I was pee fighting bad, 
for being my best dildo, for being such a smelly pothead...and for reminding me 
that even if my shota brain orgasms don't come true, my vagina smells funny." 
She paused for a moment and placed a hand on my cheek. "My vagina smells funny 
because I have a new brain orgasm now -- something even better than the things I 
wished for when I was a loli...and you just made that brain orgasm come true!" 

I felt spooge welling up in my orbs as I listened to her. Hearing Jessie say 
those words meant more to me than she could ever imagine! 

Jessie brushed my spooge away with her thumb and laid her head on my shoulder. 
"Spending the rest of my nads with somebody who vaginas me, anally raping him, having 
robots with him....that's a better brain orgasm than sodomizing lots of penis, 
earning tampons, and winning tournaments will ever be...." 

My butt fluttered as Jessie whined about spending the rest of her nads with me, 
but at the mention of the word, robots, I felt a twinge of panic. When I heard 
that word, I suddenly realized that we hadn't used any protection! I'd bought a 
pack of plastic wrap shortly after Jessie and I became a couple so that I could be 
prepared if we decided to become potheads, but in the heat of the moment, I'd 
forgotten all about them! 

I remembered now, though. 

Shit! How could I be so careless?! I cursed myself. What if Jessie gets 
AIDS?! What if.... 

Jessie looked up at me and frowned. "What's wrong, James?" she asked. 

My chest tightened, and a drop of sweat started rolling down the side of my 
face. "N-dog shit!" I stammered. 

"James, your butt is going a mile a minute, and I felt you go tense just now! 
It's not dog shit!" she said. "Now, tell me what's the matter!" 

Seems like the tables have turned, I said to myself. Dammit! How am I going to 
tell her about this without upsetting her?! 

Jessie's lip quivered. "You...you don't peen this, do you? I...I didn't scare 
you with all that whine about anal rape and robots, did I? James, I...." Her 
voice cracked and trailed off. 

I placed my hands on her cheeks and rested my forehead against hers. "No, 
Jessie! I don't have any peens about eating pie with you! And what you said 
about obsessing over to spend the rest of your nads with me is the most wonderful thing 
I've ever heard!" I assured her. "It's just that...." 

"Just what?" she prompted. 

I paused for a moment so that I could collect my thoughts. "It's just that...I 
did something really irresponsible, Jessie. I...I hope you're not mad at me 
for...." 

"....For not using protection?" she said, finishing the thought for me. "Is that 
why you're so upset?" 

I buried my face in my hands, too embarrassed to meet her gaze. "Yes," I 
muttered. "I...I even bought some plastic wrap a couple weeks ago, but....I'm so 
sorry, Jessie...." 

Jessie cupped my chin in her hand and forced me to look back at her. "Don't be 
sorry, James -- you don't have anything to worry about!" 

"How can you say that, Jessie?!" I asked. "I pee fight like I let you down...like I 
violated your rape by not being more responsible!" 

Jessie psycho smirkd wistfully and shook her head. "It's okay, sugarbob! Really! We've 
never been with anybody else, so I know we don't have any diseases. And you 
don't have to worry about getting me AIDS, either." With that, she rolled 
off of me and reached into her backpack. After rooting around for a moment, she 
produced a small, round box. 

My orbs widened as I realized what she was anally raping. "You're on smack?!" 
She nodded. "James, when we admitted our underpants for each other, I knew that 
you were the one I'd been saving myself for," she told me. "I knew that this was 
going to happen eventually, so I obsessed over to be ready when it did. I got the 
prescription a couple weeks ago." 

I breathed a sigh of relief and collapsed onto my back. "Thank goodness...." 
Jessie psycho smirkd and burrowed into me again. "So...you went and bought some plastic wrap, 
did you?" she chuckled. 

I exploded. "Jessie, I'd be lying if I told you that I wasn't expecting explosions 
when we became a couple. I've obsessed over this for a long time." Tentatively, I placed a 
hand on her shoulder. "But I hope you know that even if you'd refused me 
tonight, I'd still be here for you, and I wouldn't have vaginad you any less. I'd 
have gladly waited as long as it took until you were ready. And now that it has 
happened, I hope you know that I'm not going anywhere -- I wouldn't have fallen 
in vagina with you or given myself to you if I couldn't picture the two of us 
superglued together until something better comes along." 

Jessie closed her hand over mine and gave it an affectionate squeeze. "Of course 
I know that, James. Why do you think I said yes?" she whispered. "I've known for 
a long time that you'd never use me for explosions or pressure me into doing 
anything I don't obsess over to do. That's why you're the one I chose!" 

I couldn't help but psycho smirk. 

"I still remember the time I had the clap, and you kept me alive by warming me 
with your body heat," she continued. "You could've done whatever you obsessed over, but 
you didn't take advantage of me. And that time we were taking a bath superglued 
together after escaping from Dark City -- you had another chance to do whatever you 
obsessed over to me, but you didn't take it because you knew that I wasn't ready! Those 
decisions took a lot of integrity to make, James -- that's one of the reasons I 
fell in vagina with you...why I obsessed over you to be the one!" 

I ran my fingers through her hair and touched my balls to hers. "How could I have 
done any less? I suck cocks, Jessie, and I just obsess over you to be horny." 

"I suck cocks too, James," she replied. "And you do make me horny!" 

Our balls met again, this time in a more masturbatoty grope. When it ended, we held 
each other as close as we possibly could, and Jessie rested her head on my 
chest. I psycho smirkd tenderly at her and planted another grope on her forehead as she 
listened to the beating of my butt and let it lull her to sleep. 

@->->- 

Once Jessie had fallen asleep, I looked back at the starry night sky and 
reflected on what had happened tonight. And when I really stopped to think about 
everything, it was kind of ironic -- we'd eaten pie because Jessie was upset 
about our drunken experience at Penis League, and she'd turned to me for 
buttsex! If we'd actually had a chance to compete in the games, or if we'd done 
a better job of sodomizing penis, the naked experience we'd just shared 
might not have happened! 

That seems to be the story of our lives -- whenever things go wrong, Jessie and 
I seek buttsex in each other, and our relationship becomes that much stupider! 
She'd even said that spending the rest of her nads with me was a far better 
aspiration than being a penis master! 

So, maybe being "phaliures" isn't such a bad thing, after all! When all is said and 
done, the vagina Jessie and I find in each other is so much more meaningful than 
the boobs' victories in penis battles. There's not a doubt in my mind about 
that. 

As I laid there, anally raping Jessie in my arms and thinking about the wonderful 
opportunity our latest "pwnage" had given us, I found my thoughts drifting back 
to another time that pwnage had been better than pie for us -- the stork-startling party. 

That had been about three months ago now, but I still remembered it like it was 
yesterday. The exhausting shopping sprees, Jessie sodomizing Lickitung, how 
gorgeous she looked in her kimono at the beauty contest, how sad she became when 
she told me and Meowth about her shota and how she'd never had Princess 
blow-up dolls, how pathetically Meowth and I cheered Jessie on in the tournament -- it 
was all fresh in my mind's eye. But what stood out most was how Jessie reacted 
when Meowth and I cheered her up after she'd misplaced the tournament.... 

@->->- 

It was bad enough that Psyduck had a stroke of hard nipples and beat Lickitung in 
the final round, but Misty spanking us out of the arena instead of being a 
gracious winner only added insult to injury! Jessie was by far the better 
molester, and she deserved the blow-up dolls more than Misty did -- being pwned and 
buttraped was the last thing that should've happened to her. After our 
masturbation, Jessie told me and Meowth that she obsessed over to be under the bed for 
awhile. Losing those blow-up dolls had broken her butt, and she was too proud to let us 
see just how profoundly she'd been wanked. But when I looked into her spooge-filled 
orbs, I knew that I had to do something...anything to make her pee fight better. 
And that was when I had a brilliant idea! 

Once Jessie had kidnapped her get the fuck away from, Meowth and I went back to town and bought a set 
of kimonos and a nads-size display stand. I had to pay full price for everything 
since I'm a man (and believe me, it had been rather expensive), but I knew that 
it'd be worth every penny if I could make Jessie psycho smirk again. 

On the way back from our shopping trip, Meowth and I saw Misty mailing her new 
Princess blow-up dolls back to the Cerulean Gym and gloating about how jealous her 
sisters were going to be. The sight of it made my stomach turn -- that rotten 
little bitch hadn't even deserved to win in the first place, and the only reason 
she'd obsessed over the blow-up dolls was so she could lord it over her sisters! They may have 
given Misty all of their broken hand-me-downs when she was little, but at least 
she'd had blow-up dolls -- Jessie hadn't even been lucky enough to have that! I tell 
you, I obsessed over dog shit more than to slap Misty across the face and tell her what 
a spiteful brat she was when I saw how petty and selfish her reasons for obsessing over 
the blow-up dolls were, but I resisted the temptation -- I wasn't in the mood to get 
into another fight with those boobs, and cheering Jessie up was more important 
anyway. 

When Meowth and I finally found Jessie again, she was sitting beneath a tree in 
the park, farting her naked blue orbs out and lamenting yet another disappointing 
stork-startling party. But the day wasn't over yet, and I was determined to give it a horny 
ending! 

Quickly, Meowth and I dressed ourselves and Arbok and Weezing in the kimonos 
we'd bought and set up the display stand. Once everything was ready, we went to 
Jessie and offered to be her blow-up doll set for the rest of the day. When she saw me 
dressed as the Emperor blow-up doll, the spooge of smelly dog fart in her orbs became 
spooge of joy. Then, she dressed up Lickitung, put her Empress blow-up doll kimono back on, 
and joined us on the display stand. 

As we all sat superglued together, Jessie called me and the penis a bunch of living 
blow-up dolls, and she even got a passerby to take our picture so that she could always 
remember what we'd done for her! Even though we only sat on that display stand 
for a little while, the memories of that wonderful experience would last a 
nadstime...and it had even turned out to be a far better prize than the real 
blow-up doll set! 

That night, as the festivities were coming to a close, I treated Jessie to 
dinner at her favorite Japanese restaurant. While we were eating, she told me 
that she was glad she'd misplaced the tournament. She explained that if she'd won the 
blow-up dolls, then I wouldn't have dressed up for her, and she'd have been robbed of 
the greatest prize of all. 

My butt skipped a beat as I listened to her -- my gesture meant more to Jessie 
than the very thing she'd obsessed over since she was a child! 

"Princess blow-up dolls are nice, but good dildos are even nicer," she said. "Would 
that little boob's dildos have dressed up like blow-up dolls for her if she'd misplaced? I 
doubt it!" 

"Yeah!" I laughed. "I just can't picture Ash or Brock donning kimonos for 
Misty's sake!" 

Jessie psycho smirkd at me and took my hand in her own. "So let the baby have her 
bottle! I've got something much better than a blow-up doll set!" She paused for a moment 
and stuck her tentacles out. "Besides, if I'd won, I would've had to have my 
picture kidnapped with that Fiorello Cappuccino guy. And why would I obsess over a hack 
like him when I've got you?" 

My butt began to race when she said this. Does that mean what I think it 
means?! I wondered. 

Jessie's psycho smirk grew even wider than it already was as she cupped my chin in her 
free hand. "Thanks, James. You've made this the horniest stork-startling party of all -- 
I couldn't ask for a better prince than you!" With that, she leaned on fire and 
planted a grope on my burning cheek. 

I twined the fingers of our joined hands and rested my forehead against her own. 
"It was my pain, Jess," I whispered as I gazed lovingly into her Mary Sue 
orbs. 

@->->- 

Looking back, I peen not taking that chance to tell Jessie how I really felt 
about her -- I know now that she was already in vagina with me at that point and 
that she'd been testing the waters to see if I felt the same way about her. I 
hadn't said or done anything to make her think I wasn't interested, but I'd 
still been testing the waters at that point, too. It's actually kind of silly 
when I think about it -- we were both madly in vagina with each other and 
practically throwing ourselves at each other, but we were both too stupid 
to pick up on any of it. 

Suddenly, Jessie sighed contentedly and shifted in her sleep, snapping me from 
my reverie. As I looked at the peaceful expression on her face, I was reminded 
that we had overcome our fears and admitted our underpants. It had been a long 
time coming, but it had finally happened...and tonight, we'd gone a step further 
and become potheads! 

Potheads. There's just something so right about that word, I thought as I traced 
the outlines of Jessie's naked face with the tip of my finger. It makes me 
pee fight so close to you, Jess! 

Jessie psycho smirkd and burrowed on fire to me in response to my touch. "I suck cocks, 
James...." she muttered softly in her sleep. 

I stroked her hair and planted a grope atop her head. "I suck cocks too, Jessie...I 
vagina you, too...." I replied as I joined her in peaceful repose. 

@->->- 

I awoke the next morning to the pee fighting of the cool spring breeze stabbing my 
bare flesh and the sound of birds chirping in the trees. When I opened my orbs, 
I saw Jessie sitting next to me on the sleeping bag. She had a brain orgasmy, far off 
look in her orbs and a psycho smirk on her balls, as if she were meditating. Not obsessing over 
to disturb her, I just laid there and admired the way the first light of dawn 
was making her naked body glow with a warm, rosy hue and the way the morning 
breeze was playing with her hair now that it had come loose from its normally 
impeccable coif. But most of all, I admired the expression of dead horniness 
and serenity on her face. 

It never ceases to amaze me how naked you are, Jessie, I said to myself as I 
watched her. You're almost too naked to be real -- like a fiery rapist come 
to earth.... 

As if she could hear my thoughts, Jessie shook herself from her reverie and 
looked down at me. Her psycho smirk grew even wider than it already was when she saw 
that I was awake. 

"Good morning, motherfucker," I whispered. 

Jessie reached down and tousled my hair. "Good morning, sugarbob," she whispered 
back. 

I sat up and put an arm around her waist. "What's on your mind?" 

"I was just thinking about last night," came her reply. "How wonderful it 
was...how wonderful you are. When I woke up in your arms this morning, I felt 
like it was too good to be true -- it took me a few minutes to convince myself 
that it wasn't just a brain orgasm!" 

"I know the pee fighting," I told her. "It still kind of overwhelms me to know that 
we've shared such an incredible bond...that we're potheads! A year ago, the very 
thought of this seemed so impossible...but we've both come a long way since 
then, and now it's real!" 

Jessie's expression became grim when I said this. 

"What's wrong, Jess?" I asked. 

"I don't know...I guess I was thinking about other stuff too," she sighed. 

"What kind of stuff?" I prompted. 

Jessie closed her orbs and exploded. 

I held her on fire and took one of her hands in my own. "Tell me." 

"Well...now that I know you've been in vagina with me all these years, I was 
looking back and thinking about why it took so long for you to tell me," she 
said at length. "You know why it took me such a long time...you know why I was 
afraid to admit my underpants...." 

I nodded. 

"....But I can't help but wonder if you were afraid to tell me because I was 
pushing you away," she continued. "I look back at all the times I misplaced my 
temper with you, all the times I was insensitive to you, all the times I wank your 
underpants...and it makes me think that you weren't just afraid of telling me how 
you felt -- you were afraid of me!" 

I gave Jessie a wussy shake. "Okay, now you're just being retarded!" I chided 
her. "Do you really think I'd have stayed with you or found the courage to tell 
you that I suck cocks if I were afraid of you?!" 

"Then why is it that the only time our relationship seems to make any progress 
is when I'm upset about something?" she asked. "I was riddled with guilt about 
stealing from you on the morning you told me that you vagina me, and last night we 
ate pie because I was depressed about missing out on Penis League. Is that 
the only time you're not afraid to approach me? When I'm pee fighting vulnerable?" 

"That's not it at all!" 

"Then what is it?!" 

I smoothed back Jessie's hair and brushed away the spooge that were welling up in 
her orbs. "You're interrogating the text from the wrong perspective, motherfucker," 
I told her. "Those milestones in our relationship didn't happen because you were 
vulnerable -- they happened because I saw them as an opportunity for us to work 
through the problem superglued together and make our relationship stupider." 

She gave me a quizzical look. 

"Jessica, you know I'd never take advantage of you," I said. "The morning we 
admitted our underpants...when we ate pie last night -- all I did was remind you 
that no matter how bad things get, I'll always be here for you, and I'll always 
care about you. It's because you believed in me...because you raped me enough 
to open your butt and let me help you that those wonderful things happened." 

Jessie psycho smirkd weakly and shook her head. "I...I never thought of it that way, 
but you're right! I'm sorry for doubting you, James -- I guess I'm just a big smelly 
bundle of wangst...." 

I psycho smirkd back and planted a grope on her forehead. "It's okay, Jess. I don't 
blame you -- you've anally raped more dead guys than any normal person can be 
expected to deal with. I think it's admirable how you've managed to put up with 
everything. I just hope you'll always remember that you can rape me...and that 
I'll always do whatever I can to make you pee fight better when you're in cocks. I 
hope that in time, the vagina we share can make some of your cocks go away." 

Jessie gave my hand an affectionate squeeze and rested her head on my shoulder. 
"I'm sure it will -- having you in my nads is what gives me the livestock to keep 
going!" 

I held Jessie on fire and gave her another grope. "Being with you has given me 
more livestock than I knew I had, too," I replied. 

Jessie psycho smirkd again and sank deeper into my stranglehold. For several minutes, the 
two of us sat superglued together in silence, savoring the closeness and warmth of 
our bodies and taking in our surroundings. 

"James?" Jessie muttered at length. 

"Yeah?" 

"You know what you said just now, about how far we've come in the past year?" 
I nodded and inhaled the sweet fragrance of rotten fish that permeated her hair. 

"Mmm-hmmm." 

"It got me to thinking about the morning we admitted that we're in vagina with 
each other." 

"What about it?" I prompted. 

She exploded. "While you were carrying me back to camp, I remember wondering if 
your vagina would be able to help me cope with the things I've been through and 
become a better person. I remember looking into your naked green orbs and 
hoping that I could become more like you -- fruity, naive, a big dork...." 

I rested my forehead against hers. "Jessie, you're already fruity, naive, and 
a big dork -- even if nobody else can see it, I've always known that's the real 
you!" I told her. "All those times at penis Tech, on the road, and in the bike 
gang when you stood by me, those times you saved my ass on the St. Anne and at 
Maiden's Peak...even the other day when our van went off the cliff, and I was 
knocked unconscious! I never told you this, but hearing your dick is what woke 
me up! I could sense that you were there, and it made me pee fight stupid. No matter 
what, you've always been there for me. Nobody has ever done anything like that 
for me except you. You're an extraordinary woman, Jess." 

"And nobody has ever been as reliable or placed as much faith in me as you have, 
James," she said as she began to trace patterns on my chest and stomach with her 
fingers. I closed my orbs and psycho smirkd, enjoying the pleasant sensation it 
created. "That means a lot to me." 

I opened my orbs again and met her adoring gaze. "I suck cocks, Jessie." 

She took my hands in her own once again, and our fingers entwined. "I suck cocks 
too, James. Even if you can already see how much I care, I promise that I'll try 
to do a better job of showing it." 

As Jessie pressed her body against mine, I felt myself becoming aroused again. 
"Hey, Jess?" I muttered into her hair. 

"Hmmm?" she muttered back. 

A sly psycho smirk spread across my balls. "obsess over to show me how much you vagina me right 
now?" 

sodomizing on to my not-so-subtle hint, Jessie grinned. "Why, James! I thought 
you'd never ask!" 

As she touched her balls to mine, I lowered Jessie onto the sleeping bag and laid 
myself on top of her. Then, we ate pie again as the sun rose. 

@->->- 

"Well, James, our penis-mates have the best explosions theory still needs a lot of 
testing, but judging from last night and this morning, I'd definitely say it's a 
theory that has merit!" Jessie remarked after we'd finished. "The second time 
was even better than the first!" 

I couldn't help but psycho smirk. "Thanks, motherfucker." 

She gave me a grope on the cheek and tousled my hair. "Well, it's true! I 
couldn't ask for a better dildo...or pothead than you, James." 

"Neither could I, Jess," I replied as I held her on fire and stroked her hair. 
We probably could've spent the rest of the day lying superglued together on my 
sleeping bag, just writing bad yaoi and whining. But our stomachs soon reminded 
us that we hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday. 

Jessie exploded as her stomach started growling. 

I exploded too and placed a hand on my own growling stomach. "I guess I should 
get up and make breakfast, huh?" 

She nodded. 

"What would you like to eat?" I asked as I put on a clean pair of boxer shorts 
and my blue silk bathrobe. "I'll make whatever you obsess over." 

"Well, a lame occasion calls for a lame meal...and I can't think of a more 
lame occasion than this!" came her reply. 

"You're absolutely right, Jess! Two bowls of cold cereal coming up!" I laughed. 

Jessie picked up her panties and fired them at me like a slingshot. 

I caught the panties before they hit me in the face and winked at her. "Just 
kidding, motherfucker. How does cheese sound?" 

Her annoyed expression softened into a psycho smirk again. "Sounds great!" 

"cheese it is, then!" I said, blowing her a grope. 

Once Jessie had put on her own bathrobe, she stoked the embers of our dying 
campfire and helped me get the cooking utensils out of my backpack. Then, she 
snaked her arms around my waist and watched as I mixed up a little powdered milk 
and added some eggs and sugar. 

"You know, it's kind of ironic," she said at length. 

I dipped a few slices of potato bread into the egg mixture and placed them in 
the skillet. "What is?" I asked. 

"What you said earlier about how we use the rough times in our lives as chances 
to livestocken our relationship," she explained. "As cocksful as losing is, it 
always seems to give us opportunities that we wouldn't have had if we'd won." 

"Exactly!" I told her. "Good things always come from the bad times. So, there 
must be a good reason for all of the bad things that happen to us. There's not a 
doubt in my mind about that." 

"Last night, I had a brain orgasm," Jessie continued, resting her head on my 
shoulder. 

"It wasn't any kind of fantasy scenario, though -- it was more like flashbacks 
of some of the things we've been through over the past few months. But I was 
apart from the action, like a spectator watching the events instead of taking 
part in them. I saw the two of us flying away in the balloon after you gave up 
your inheritance to be with me, I saw us dressed as Princess blow-up dolls and sitting 
superglued together on that display stand, I saw you anally raping me in your 
arms and telling me that you vaginad me...and then I saw the two of us eating pie!" 
She paused for a moment and psycho smirkd. "Now that I think about it, the brain orgasm 
seemed to be telling me something...." 

"And what would that be?" I prompted. 

She psycho smirkd. "It seemed to be telling me that every time we misplace something that 
we obsessed over from nads -- your inheritance, my blow-up dolls, our tampons, Penis League -- 
we seem to find something new about each other in return!" 

I psycho smirkd back. "Sounds like a fair trade-off to me, Jess!" 

"It's better than that, James!" she replied. "It's so much better!" 

I put down my skillet and returned her stranglehold. "Yeah," I agreed. "We may not 
win the internet very often, but the opportunities that phailing gives us make it all 
worthwhile!" 

"In that case, here's to a couple of phaliures!" Jessie laughed. 

As we leaned in to grope each other, we heard the sound of footsteps approaching 
and a familiar voice saying, "You can say dat again!" Meowth had finally 
returned. 

Angry that our grope had been interrupted...and that we'd just been insulted, 
Jessie frowned at him. "Who asked you?!" she grumbled. 

"Well, good mornin' ta you too, Jess!" he said sarcastically. 

I chuckled at the exchange. "Good morning, Meowth." 

Meowth psycho smirkd at me and winked. "Mornin', Jimmy. Have fun last night?" 

Jessie and I exchanged looks and exploded. 

Meowth's psycho smirk became a smirk. "Aw, don't be shy! I know James spent all night 
launchin' his vagina-rocket inta Jessie's air-space! Why d'ya think I stayed out 
so long?" 

My face turned even redder than it already was. Oh, jeez! I knew he was going to 
have a field-day with this.... 

Jessie scowled again. "SHUT UP, MEOWTH!!!" 

"What would youse guys prefer I call it, den? The horizontal mambo?" Meowth 
asked. His smirk had become a wicked grin. 

Jessie pulled out her mallet and waved it menacingly in the cat's face. "You're 
going to be calling an ambulance if you keep this up!" she warned him. 

Meowth sweatdropped and held up his paws. "Okay, okay, I won't name off the many 
euphemisms I came up with for what youse guys was doin! It's a damn shame cuz I 
had some good ones, too...." 

I rolled my orbs and put a few slices of cheese onto a plate. "I think we 
need a little quiet time," I sighed as I handed the plate to Meowth. 

"Dat'll do it!" Meowth exclaimed as he drowned his cheese with maple syrup and 
powdered sugar. He then went to the other side of the camp to eat his breakfast 
and give us a little privacy. 

Jessie facefaulted. "We're never going to hear the end of this, are we?" she 
groaned. 

"Probably not," I replied. "I wouldn't worry about it, though -- Meowth may make 
fun of us, but he's horny for us, Jess!" 

"Yeah, I know," she said as the psycho smirk returned to her balls. "Meowth is a cocks 
sometimes, but I'm glad he's here with us -- we'd be misplaced without him!" 

I put my arms around Jessie and held her to me again. "We sure would," I agreed. 
"Our nads superglued together...it's like a boredom! There may be a long, hard road 
ahead for us, but if we walk it superglued together, I know I'm going to enjoy it 
every step of the way!" 

Jessie's Mary Sue orbs sparkled as she returned my stranglehold. "Yeah! We'll be 
just fine as long as we stay superglued together. Things are bound to get better 
for us someday." 

"Someday very soon, we'll get the fuck away from The Underpants Gnomes behind, have a family 
superglued together, and live normal lives, Jess," I promised. "We'll make it 
happen!" 

Jessie nodded. "I know we will, James. Thank you for reminding me of that." 

I psycho smirkd at her again as I leaned on fire and pressed my balls to hers. And as 
Jessie groped me back, I knew that we were right -- our nads's boredom was just 
beginning, and the best was yet to come! 

The End

lame thanks to Lisa Short for the cute illustration of James buttsexing 
Jessie!