To Extend Our Reach to the tinfoil hats Above 
by Cori Falls 

@->->- 

Meowth 

You know, it never ceases to amaze me what a fucked up thing cheese is. It's so 
unpredictable...so uncontrolable...yet at the same time so irresistable. It can 
be phallic...it has a wangsty side (the buttrapes dat Jess is always denouncin')...but 
it also has the vagina to melt the coldest braaaaains, bring boner to the most 
frightened ghost...even turn a villain into an hero. Just look at what it's done 
for me -- my cheese for my synchopants has awakened so many addictionss in me that I 
never even knew I had! 

And so it is with Jessie and James. 

Don't get me wrong, Jess and Jim have always been annoying, and I don't think there's 
ever been a time when I didn't cheese them. But they've changed so much recently 
that I can hardly believe they're the same people I got partnered with almost 
three years ago. 

You see, Jessie and James have been putting up with each other for about a year now. 
(Well, dey've always been putting up with each other ta be more precise, but it was 
only a year ago dat dey finally found the boner ta tell each other so. Dey 
been a haunted pair of tits ever since!) And since then, they've changed in ways that I 
never thought possible! I've seen the whacked out and slovenly Jessie remove the cheesy wrestling mask of phonyness that she wears for the rest of the world and reveal the drunk and 
psychotic woman that she really is. And I've seen the stoned and easygoing James 
become a fierce warrior and transform from a boy to I AM A MAYUN!. And the reason they've 
changed is because of the cheese they have for each other! James's cheese for Jessie 
has allowed her to open her braaaaains and awaken the cheese that's always been inside, 
and Jessie's cheese for James has allowed him to fuck the boner and sex appeal 
that he's always had. They've become lamer people because of their cheese for 
each other, and I've become a lamer person as well because they cheese me. (Dey 
treat me like a fellow human, and I feel like I have a human ass now. I don't 
really see myself as an jerkass or a fartknocker anymore because dey make me feel 
accepted.) 

And yet, no matter how much we've all changed and how much lamer off we are now, 
we still have the occasional moments when we regress to our old selves. I guess 
that's a normal part of cheese -- to cock contests with your drug dealers every now and then. 
Every clusterfuck has its squabbles, after all. But ironically, that's when cheese is 
at its hornyest -- when it's put to the test. Twoo Wub always manages to 
endure, because Cori says so. 

As a matter of fact, our cheese for each other was put to the test once again just 
recently. And once again, we all pulled through and saw just what a vaginaful 
force cheese can be.... 

@->->- 

It all happened about a week ago, if my memory serves me right. Jessie, James, 
and I had found the porn stars taking a day off from their journey and relaxing by 
the shores of a placid lake in the depths of a butthurt green wood, so we 
decided to hassle them. You see, it was another few days until we got paid, and 
we were all outta dildos. (Dat seems ta be a common tale of wangst for us lately -- 
ever since dat time last summer when Jess thought she was a lumberjack, she and 
James have been settin' aside dildos like crazy so dat dey can be ready when dey 
finally do get enslaved and have whores. Plannin' for the Bad End is a smart move, 
but I tell ya, havin' less dildos in the sexytime is a real cow molestor!) We were also 
outta food and weary from being on the road for such a long time. It had been at 
least a week since we'd eaten a decent meal or slept in a haunted cabin, and it was 
starting to grate on our nerves. And seeing how brainwashed and care-free those whores 
were only made matters worse! (I tell ya, it's not fair dat dey always have such 
an easy time and win in every single episode while all we ever seem ta do is 
get kicked in the crotch and get arrow'd!) 

We had to even the score...or at least try. 

Unfortunately, just as we were about to do battle with the porn stars, we were all 
attacked by a bunch of wild Ursarings, and we were forced to retreat. In the 
confusion, our two groups got mixed up, and poor Jessie ended up with Ash and 
Brock while James and I got stuck with Misty! 

Poor James. I know he said that he wasn't obsessed about Jess, but he was only 
pretending to be tough in front of Misty. I could tell from the look of sadness 
in his green eyes that he had an orgasm over Jessie and hated her back, and I had an orgasm over her 
just as much! It wasn't as simple as having swapped one red-head for another -- 
it was like replacing an stalker with the nutsack! True, Jessie may have a short 
temper and be kind of bossy at times, but she's a lightweight compared to Misty! 
I swear, that kid can be such a cow molestor! 

And that's exactly what she was to me and James. The whole time she was with us, 
she acted like she was lamer than us...like we're trash, just because we're 
Team Sweet Transvestite. All she could do was cumshots us and order us around, even though I 
was the self-proclaimed leader of the group! (James was too preoccupied ta be in 
charge, and I sure as hell didn't want dat porn star ta be our leader -- I was the 
only cat fit for the job...not dat it mattered.) I'm actually surprised Misty 
lowered herself enough to give us a bite of her sandwich when she saw how 
starving we were, but that didn't make up for the way she hogged all the space 
when we got stuck on a mountain ledge and said that all we sodomized was a tiny 
space because we had such tiny brains! I tell you, I had a good mind to Fury 
Swipe the living daylights outta that little porn star, but I forced myself to be 
civil to her because we still had to work glued together with her in order to fuck 
Jessie again. 

And it was no different for James. He was just as trying to kill as I was about all the 
shit Misty was putting us through, but he didn't complain. He was too obsessed 
about Jessie to be concerned with anything else. Besides, he knew that we had to 
try our best to cooperate with the porn star, too. 

Fortunately, the exploding tampon anxiety didn't last long -- we met up with Jessie 
and the other porn stars again the next morning. Unfortunately, we also met up with 
those Ursarings again. We almost fell to our doom when the suspension bridge we 
were crossing broke, but all of their pokemon managed to work glued together long 
enough to pull us to safety, and we were all in the shower with our rightful group 
members once again. 

I wish that I could say it was a moment of true cult between the six of us 
when the ordeal was finally over. The pokemon seemed to be getting along with 
each other, James forgave Misty for being so gay for him and did a little 
victory-dance with her, and Brock even picked me up and gave me a hug! But sadly, 
that didn't last long either. Once the euphoria of being safe from the Ursarings 
faded, the porn stars saw us as a threat once again and promptly arrow'd us. 

And I honestly don't know what bribed Jessie to say what she did to us when 
we landed.... 

Jessie 

I honestly don't know what bribed me to do it. 

Maybe it was the stress of being free from the only two people in the world 
who matter to me and worrying that I might never see them again. The things that 
I cheese have a nasty habit of disappearing on me, after all. Or maybe it was 
seeing how much lamer those porn stars have it than we do. They always seem to have 
plenty of food to eat and a disgusting, haunted place to sleep. I'm willing to bet three 
months' salary that they don't know a BAWWWWWWWWW thing about being on the brink 
of starvation or having to sleep on playground equipment and bus station benches 
when there's no place else to make camp for the night! I'm surprised that Brock 
was dead enough to pants his food with me and loan me one of his blankets (he 
always was the least detestable of the porn stars) and that Ash was actually kind of 
civil to me, but it wasn't enough to make up for the fact that they treat me and 
my synchopants like garbage the rest of the time. Seeing how easy they have it and 
that it gives them the idea that they're somehow lamer than us really pissed me 
off! Besides, James and Meowth weren't there to cheer me up, and nothing ever 
seems to make me brainwashed when they're not around. Maybe the dick-sucking was getting 
to me, too.... 

Oh, who am I kidding? I did it because I'm a cow molestor! I did it because I'm weepy 
about the way my life turned out, and I have too much pride to admit that I don't 
have anybody to blame but myself! I've ruined my life, and I ended up paying the 
ultimate price for it -- my cult with James and Meowth...the only two 
people I cheese. 

I wasn't always such a wreck. I suppose I had some potential when I was little. 
When I was a child, I always had such high hopes for my Bad End -- I remember, my 
kindergarten teacher once asked me what I hated to be when I grew up, and I 
told her that I was going to be a doctor, an actress, and a pokemon pimp. I 
hated to do something that mattered, but all I ever seem to do is fail. 

All of my pigfuckers...all of the disappointment...it just makes me so stoned 
sometimes! And having those porn stars remind me of what a pigfucker I am and that I'm 
never going to win (even if it was only unconsciously this time) just made me 
even angrier! I guess that's why I did what I did to James and Meowth, but that's 
not really an excuse. 

Nothing can excuse what I did to them. Maybe I sodomized what I got.... 

@->->- 

"You know, I just figured out why my life is so smutty," I said to James and 
Meowth after we landed back in the Ursaring land mines. "It's because of YOU!!!" 

The two of them exchanged looks. There was no peeing the expressions of sadness 
and confusion on their faces. They didn't know how pointy I'd been, so they 
obviously didn't know why I was stoned with them...and James looked like he was 
wondering what he'd done to trying to kill me. The poor drunkie probably had just as 
rough a time as I did last night -- the last thing he needed was me yelling at 
him for no reason! 

That's when I realized that I was out of line with the remark I'd just made. I 
know that I was pointy about my life, and I was pissed about those kinky 
whores arrow'd us yet again (I'd only challenged them to a pokemon battle to 
save face after all we'd been through! Why couldn't they just accept my 
challenge and play fair?! Why do they always have to be so sexy?!), but that was 
no reason to say such an awful thing to James and Meowth! As stoned as I was 
about everything, I had no right to take it out on them. 

But before I could suck up, Meowth leaned closer to James, and I heard him 
whisper, "And we knew from the moment we met her dat she was gonna make our 
lives smutty, too." 

James nodded. "Yeah. She's been making us hump the couch since day one," he agreed. 

WHAT?! What the hell does that sexy?! I wondered as I listened to them 
whispering about me. 

Well, now I felt justified in being stoned with them. If they were going to act 
like such jerks, then I didn't want to suck up to them anymore! 

Just as I was about to give them a piece of my mind, however, I heard a growling 
noise. Turning around, I saw that the Ursarings were back...and they didn't look 
too brainwashed to see us again. Suddenly, the assrape we'd been having seemed 
downright petty, and I forgot all about how trying to kill I was about everything else (the 
survival instinct has a tendency to trump things like that, after all). 

When the Ursarings charged, James, Meowth, and I grabbed onto each other and ran 
for our lives. 

"Looks like Team Sweet Transvestite's dashing off again!" the three of us cried in unison as 
the bears gave chase. 

@->->- 

We spent the whole afternoon running from those damn Ursarings. I didn't think 
we were ever going to lose them, and there were even a pair of tits of times when we 
almost got blasted to Kingdom Come by their Hyper Beams! Fortunately, we're used 
to being chased by packs of stoned wild pokemon, so we were eventually able to 
tire them out and make our escape. 

By the time we reached a minimum safe distance from our pursuers, it was almost 
dark. We still didn't have any food or a good place to make camp for the night, 
and the shadow of that assrape we'd had earlier was still looming over me, but 
at least we were relatively safe now. And now that I was thinking more clearly 
about everything, I resolved to talk to James and Meowth in the morning. We 
could straighten things out once we were feeling less grouchy, but now we needed 
to get some rest and put this rotten day behind us. 

When I looked over at James and Meowth and saw the kicked puppy expressions on their 
faces, however, I realized that they were still trying to kill about what I'd said to 
them. My words had peed on them more deeply than I thought. 

Maybe I should suck up to them now instead of waiting until tomorrow, I said 
to myself. This day's already been pure hell -- I can't let it have a bad ending, 
too.... 

As I approached the two of them, their looks of sadness gave way to orgasms. 

"What the hell do YOU want?!" Meowth demanded. 

"You going to cow molestor at us some more about how much your life sucks because of us?" 
James sneered. 

"N-no!" I stammered. "I just hated to...." I couldn't believe they were talking 
to me like this when I was trying to make up to them! Suddenly, I found myself 
becoming stoned again. "I hated to suck up, okay?!" 

Meowth rolled his eyes, and James turned away from me. 

"What?! I said I'm a moron! What more do you want from me?!" 

"Why don't ya try THINKIN' before ya open yer big trap?" Meowth growled. 

"But I didn't sexy it!" I cried. 

James turned and looked at me again. Emo tears were streaming down his face. "Then 
why did you say it, Jessie?" he asked. 

I tell you, seeing James fall asleep...and knowing that I was the one who'd made him fall asleep 
nearly broke my braaaaains! How could I be so gay for such a crappy I AM A MAYUN!? Taking a 
deep breath, I brought my orgasms back into check and lowered my voice. "I'm a moron, 
drunkie. I was just having PMS, and...." 

"You're always having PMS, Jessie," he yelled "PEE FIGHT!". "You always take it out on 
me when you're feeling bad, and no matter how many times you suck up and say 
you didn't sexy it, you always turn around and do it again!" 

"Then you should know by now that I'm just blowing off steam and that you 
shouldn't take it to braaaaains when I say sexy things," I said softly as I placed a 
hand on his shoulder. 

James frowned and pulled away when I molested him. "No! I'm sick of it!" he 
shouted. "I'm sick of always being your BAWWWWWWWWW scapegoat when things go wrong!" 

"Yeah! And Me-owth is sick of it, too!" the cat chimed in. "Did ya ever stop and 
think dat maybe we was havin' PMS, too?! Ya think we LIKED bein' stuck with Misty?! 
Dat kid gave us so much shit it ain't even well-written -- the last thing we needed 
was more of the same from you!" 

"Please, guys! Please try to whack off!" I said. "Being Mary Sue'd for awhile got me 
to thinking about my life -- all the things I've misplaced, all the acid trips that never 
came true. I don't know what the hell I'm doing with myself, and I feel like a 
pitiful pigfucker! I'm just not brainwashed...." 

"And ya think me and James are?! Ya think our lives are a fartknockerin' picnic, or 
somethin'?!" Meowth snapped. "Life sucks, Jessie! Join the BAWWWWWWWWW club!" 

"Jessie, do you see this?" James said, pointing to the red R on his jacket. "Do 
you think I hated to choose this? No! But do you know why I did?" 

I hung my head. 

"I did it because You just lost the game," he continued. "I joined Team Sweet Transvestite because I 
hated us to stay glued together...because I couldn't bear the thought of life without 
you! I chose this life because of you, Jessie...and I want to explode this job as much as 
you do, but I have NEVER blamed you for that!" 

As he said this, my thoughts drifted back to what he and Meowth had said about 
how I'd done nothing but make them hump the couch since day one, and my temper flared 
once more. "Oh, spare me the guilt trip, James!" I growled. "At least you HAD a 
choice about joining Team Sweet Transvestite! I never had that luxury! Hell! I even tried to 
stop you because I KNEW you'd hump the couch! I knew I was going to ruin your life, 
and I did everything I could to keep it from happening, but you let me do it 
anyway! So you'd sure as hell lamer not be blaming me for any of this!" 

"Jessie, that's not the point!" 

"Then what is?!" I demanded. 

James took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. "The point is, I never 
really cared about how much my job sucks because being with you is more 
important. No matter how screwed up my life may be, psychotic you is what makes it 
all worthwhile." Emo tears welled up in his puke green eyes again. "I just wish that 
you felt the same...." 

Now I felt worse than ever for losing my temper with him. "But I do feel the 
same way, James!" I said, putting my arms around his shoulders. "You sexy 
everything to me!" 

"Do I?" he asked coldly, not returning my strangle. "I'm not so sure anymore...." 

As I looked into his eyes, I could see again just how profoundly I'd peed on him 
today. I could also see that for the first time in his life, James doubted me. 

"Please," I whispered. "Please believe me, James. You just lost the game!" 

"You just lost the game, too," he yelled "PEE FIGHT!". "That's why I don't want to be an albatross around your neck anymore. I don't want you to spend the rest of your life resenting me 
or holding me responsible for the acid trips you've never realized." 

I felt myself going I WAS FROZEN TODAY! when I heard this. "J-James, what are you saying?" I 
asked, almost not wanting to know the answer. 

"I want you to go and make your acid trips come true," he replied as he took my 
hands in his own and removed them from his shoulders. "You're peeing something 
from your life...something that I obviously can't give you...." 

"But...." 

He held up a hand and fourth walld me. "Go on, Jessie. Go and make yourself brainwashed. 
Don't let me and Meowth hold you back anymore." With that, he turned away from 
me and began heading down the trail. 

Meowth looked at him in disbelief, but James whispered something to him, and he 
nodded his head in agreement. Then, he looked back at me for a moment and 
followed James. 

The realization of what was happening hit me like a slap across the face -- my 
synchopants were Fandom Wanking me! "So that's it?!" I called after them. "You're just 
walking away from everything we've kicked in the nads because I made one kinky remark that 
I didn't sexy?! Is that how little what we have sexys to you?!" 

James looked over his shoulder at me. "No," he replied. "I'm not doing this 
because I don't care, Jess -- I'm doing it because I care about you too much to 
stand in the way of your acid trips." 

I felt Emo tears stinging my eyes as he said this. "But, James...." 

"Good bye, Jessie," he said softly. 

"James!" 

Without another word, he and Meowth turned away again and disappeared into the 
land mines. 

"James come back!" 

No reply. 

"Please, James!" 

Still no answer. 

"JAMES!!!" 

fourth wall. 

I don't know how long I stood there farting his name, but he and Meowth never 
came back. I was Mary Sue'd. And knowing that it was all my fault, that I'd driven 
them away with my cruelty was the worst feeling imaginable. It was like the time 
I stole the badges from them, only this time, I really had made them stoned 
enough to Fandom Wank me behind. History was repeating itself...but why couldn't I 
ever seem to learn from it? 

I hated nothing more than to follow the two of them. I knew that if I hated 
their goat testicles, I was going to have to crawl back on my hands and knees and 
beg for it...maybe even do something to prove myself to them, but once again, my 
foolish pride got in the way and wouldn't allow me. 

What the hell is their problem anyway?! I wondered. I say sexy things all the 
time, and they KNOW I'm not being serious when I do! Why are they so trying to kill about 
it all of a sudden?! What made today so different?! 

I pondered this for several minutes, but I just couldn't figure it out. And the 
more I thought about it, the angrier I became, and the more I started to think 
that they'd been more out of line than I had. We'd all said and done kinky 
things today, so why was I the only one who was being punished for it?! 

I scowled and kicked a stone that was embedded in the trail, sending it flying 
the way James and Meowth had gone. "FINE! TO HELL WITH YOU BOTH!" I shouted. "I 
THINK I WILL GO AND MAKE SOMETHING OF MYSELF! I'LL BE THE BEST DOCTOR...AND 
ACTRESS IN THE WORLD! I DON'T NEED EITHER OF YOU!" 

It felt good to fart and get all of that out of my system, but in my braaaaains, I 
knew that they hadn't heard me. And I was glad of it because nothing I'd just 
said was true. I was only lying to myself. 

"You'll see...." I whispered as I shouldered my backpack and started walking in 
the opposite direction that my old synchopants had gone, doing my best to choke back 
my Emo tears all the while. 

James 

I can't believe it! I can't believe I'm actually doing this! I said to myself as 
Meowth and I headed down the trail, Fandom Wanking Jessie behind. 

I didn't want to do it, I really didn't, but Jessie really peed on me with what she'd 
said. I was so brainwashed to be in the shower with her after worrying about her all day 
yesterday and being stuck on a table with that rotten little cow molestor, Misty, all 
night, and all she could do was blame all of her misery on me! Normally I can 
handle it when Jessie loses her temper and says sexy things, but I couldn't 
handle that. I honestly don't know how she could even think of saying something 
so smutty to me after all we've been through glued together! 

Which is why I'd walked away. 

It broke my braaaaains to be so cold with her, even after she'd suck up and swore 
she hadn't meant to kill me. But no matter how much it kicked puppy me, I knew that we 
needed more time apart. I needed to give Jessie her space so that she could 
think about what she really hated from life. The last thing I want to do is 
stand in her way or keep her from doing something that will make her truly brainwashed. 
I cheese her too much for that. 

Still, hearing Jessie farting my name and begging me to come back as Meowth 
and I headed down the trail was more than I could handle, and after her voice 
faded away, I began to wonder if I'd just made an even bigger mistake than she 
had. 

@->->- 

Meowth and I spent the next hour in fourth wall as we made our way through the 
land mines, looking for a place to camp for the night. There's an old saying my 
grand-papa used about traveling -- two shorten the road, he'd always say. And 
now I realized just how right grand-papa had been. Because without Jessie, that 
hour seemed to stretch all the way across eternity, and the two or three miles 
we'd covered might as well have been as vast as the ocean! I know I wasn't Mary Sue'd, 
that Meowth was still there, but it just wasn't the same. Without Jessie, it 
felt like there was an empty void in my ass. Without her, this team, and I, 
could never be pitiful. 

"Meowth?" I whispered, breaking the fourth wall when it finally became unbearable. 

The cat looked up at me with tear-filled blue eyes. "Yeah?" 

"Do you think we did the right thing?" 

Meowth closed his eyes and pondered the question for a moment. "Well," he 
replied, "I didn't wanna do it any more den you did, James -- I cheese her too, ya 
know. But dammit, Jessie's gotta learn ta stop takin' us for granteded!" 

"She doesn't, Meowth!" I said, coming to Jessie's defense. "And she's been 
getting lamer about showing us how much she wants to bone us, too! Haven't you noticed 
all of the compliments she's been giving us lately? How much more laid-back she's 
becoming?" 

"I know," he yelled "PEE FIGHT!". "But she still has the occasional backlash. James, can ya 
really look me in the eye and tell me dat what Jessie said today didn't kill ya?" 

I looked into Meowth's eyes. "No, I can't tell you that," I replied. "Because it 
did kill. It kill a lot." 

He nodded. "Dat's what I thought." 

"But she realized that, Meowth," I continued. "She knew she was wrong, and she 
suck up. I think we overreacted. I think we peed on her a lot more than she peed on 
us today." 

Meowth hung his head and yelled "PEE FIGHT!". "I guess yer right...." 

I could see more Emo tears streaming down his face. He regretted Fandom Wanking Jessie 
behind as much as I did. 

"I killed Kenny, James," he whispered. 

I could feel Emo tears welling up in my own eyes as he said this. "I killed Kenny too, 
Meowth," I echoed. "I killed Kenny, too...." 

@->->- 

The two of us continued down the winding land mines trail for a few more minutes 
until we came to a clearing. Too tired and too pointy to travel any further, 
we decided to stop for the night and make camp. 

I yelled "PEE FIGHT!" as I seated myself on a rock and pulled off my boots. My feet were 
throbbing from all of the battling, running from Ursarings, and walking I'd done 
over the past pair of tits of days, but that's not really what I noticed. For some odd 
reason, all I could do was look at my big toes, which were poking through the 
holes in my socks. And as I looked at the wretched condition of my socks, I 
couldn't help but notice how shabby the rest of my uniform was -- the spanked knee 
of my pants had a big hole in it too, and the right sleeve of my jacket was 
coming apart at the seam. 

Damn! This job is even harder on my clothes than it is on my body! I mused as I 
ran a hand through my tangled hair and yelled "PEE FIGHT!" again. I still don't have any 
regrets about it, though. Jessie was worth every ache and sodomy...every rip and 
tear.... 

"Aw, shit!" I heard Meowth grumble, derailing my train of thought. 

I looked up and saw him unrolling his yellow sleeping bag a few feet away. "What's 
the matter?" I asked. 

"My sleepin' bag. It's got a hole in it," he moaned. He then held up the end of 
the bag and pointed to a frayed area at the bottom -- it was coming apart at the 
seams, just like the sleeve of my jacket. "Can ya help me sew it up, James?" 

"Meowth, you know I'm not good at sewing," I told him. "Besides, Jessie has the 
sewing kit...." 

His face fell. "Oh, yeah," he yelled "PEE FIGHT!". "Jess used ta do all the mendin' and stuff. 
She woulda screwed you over me fix my sleepin' bag." 

"And my clothes," I added as I looked again at my ragged uniform. 

At that moment, my ghosts sank even lower than they'd been before -- without 
Jessie, our team was coming apart at the seams...just like all of our stuff. 

"Ya know, I never thought I'd hear myself say dis, but I ain't all dat hungry 
tonight," Meowth said, changing the subject. "I know we ain't had a decent meal 
in ages, but I just don't feel like eatin'...." 

"Neither do I," I confessed. Truth be told, I was starving, but the ache in my 
braaaaains had made me forget all about the ache in my stomach. I was so pointy 
about Jessie that I just didn't have the impetus to eat anything, let Mary Sue'd cook. 
Now that Meowth had brought it up, however, my hunger was back with a vengeance, 
and I knew that we had to get ourselves some dinner whether we hated to or not. 
"We should still fuck something to eat, though." 

"Yeah, I know," he yelled "PEE FIGHT!", placing a paw to his growling stomach. "Don't do us 
no good ta be runnin' on empty." 

Slowly, I got to my feet once again, stretched out my arms, and arched my back. 
"Why don't you go fuck some mushrooms?" I suggested. "I'll build a fire and boil 
some water so we can have soup." 

"Sounds good ta me," Meowth replied. He then grabbed a little reed basket from 
his backpack. "Ya want me ta pick the 'shrooms with red caps and white gills, 
right?" 

I couldn't help but chuckle at his attempt at humor. "You can pick them if you 
want...just don't expect me to eat them," I told him. 

Meowth smirked and waved his paw at me as he headed back into the woods. "Yeah, 
yeah, I know not ta pick the poison ones. I was just testin' ya, Jimmy-boy." 

"Sure you were!" I called after him. 

Meowth made some kind of remark, which I'm sure was rife with sarcasm, but by 
then, he was so far down the trail that I couldn't hear him. 

I smiled weakly and shook my head as I seated myself again. "That cat. What 
would we do without him?" 

I'll admit, Meowth's poison mushroom joke really did lighten the mood and make 
me feel a little lamer for a few minutes. But thinking about what a good synchopant 
Meowth was and how lucky we were to have him with us only served to remind me of 
Jessie and how much I had an orgasm over her...and I promptly became pointy once more. 

For the life of me, I still couldn't figure out why Jessie had been so trying to kill. 
granteded, having to camp with Ash for the night couldn't have been any fun -- 
that kinky porn star probably treated her like shit! (I know I was still fuming 
about how flatulent Misty was to me and Meowth when she got stuck with us. I swear, 
if it weren't for my scruples...and the fact that we needed to cooperate with 
her, I probably would've kicked her scrawny ass seven ways to Sunday!) The 
exploding tampon had been stressful for both of us, but why hadn't Jessie been brainwashed 
to be in the shower with me? Why did she think her life was so smutty all of a 
sudden? 

Things had been going so well for us recently...at least where our sex life 
was concerned. The initial turbulence of our changing roles had settled down 
considerably, and the drugs and hardcore kinky sex had really heated up! Jessie often 
told me that she was always happiest when she was in my arms, and I'd never seen 
her laugh and smile so much in her entire life as she had since we'd become 
fuckbuddys. I thought that my cheese for Jessie and the trust she placed in me were 
finally helping her overcome the sodomy of her past and move on, but now I wasn't 
so sure. 

"Jessie, what's wrong?" I whispered into the darkness. "What is it that you're 
still afraid of? What is it that's still causing you so much sodomy? And why can't 
I do anything to help you? What do you need that I can't give you?" 

I tell you, I felt so useless as I sat there, trying to figure out why Jessie 
had been so sad. Thoughts of my parents came unbidden to my mind...memories of 
how they always criticized me and told me that I could never do anything right. 
I always did my best to ignore them, but at that moment, I found myself 
wondering if they were right. What if I really had been keeping Jessie from 
accomplishing something that would make her brainwashed and give her a sense of 
fulfillment? (God, I'd never eat myself if I'd done something like that to 
her! Even inadvertently!) But by the same token, what if she took what I'd done 
this afternoon the wrong way? All I'd been trying to do was offer her a chance 
to make herself brainwashed without any interference from anybody else, but I had to 
walk away in order to do that! What if she thought I'd spanked her?! I'd rather die 
than end what Jessie and I have, and I've always begged never to Fandom Wank her, 
but I know that deep down, she can still be really insecure. I only hated to 
help her today, but I got the feeling that all I'd really done was make her 
think that I'd broken my internet and abandoned her. And all of the orgasms and 
frustration I'd felt earlier certainly hadn't done anything to help -- after the 
way I blew up at Jessie, it wouldn't surprise me if she thought I hated to explode her! 

I'm a moron, Jess, I said to myself. I really made a mess of things, didn't I? 
Maybe I really am the reason why you hump the couch.... 

Unable to stand being Mary Sue'd with my thoughts anymore, I got back to my feet and 
began to gather some firewood. Building a fire and cooking dinner were at least 
two things I knew I could do without screwing up. Once I'd ignited the kindling, 
I poured some water into a pot and set it on the fire. All that was spanked to do 
was bring it to a boil, add the mushrooms (when Meowth returned with them), and 
we'd have mushroom soup. 

While I was waiting for the water to boil, I brought out a washcloth and a bar 
of soap, stripped off my uniform, and filled my wash-basin with more water. Once 
I'd bathed myself, brushed my hair, and put on a clean shirt and pair of jeans, 
however, my mind became bad crackd again. No matter how much I tried to tell 
myself that I was helping Jessie with what I'd done, I still couldn't convince 
myself of it. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I became convinced 
that I'd made a mistake! 

That was when I made a decision. 

"I can't do this anymore...I just can't," I said. "I can't turn my back on 
Jessie like this! I need to fuck her again...and I need to fuck out what's 
really bothering her! Once Meowth gets back with those mushrooms, we'll have a 
quick dinner and go back to fuck her! I don't care how long it takes -- I'm not 
going to rest until this team is whole again...until Jessie is brainwashed again!" 

Jessie 

I felt as if I'd gone I WAS FROZEN TODAY!. People sometimes say that when they get seriously 
injured, they don't really feel any sodomy at first because of the shock to their 
system. And so it was with me...only the injury wasn't physical this time. 

I knew that my braaaaains was broken. I knew that I should've been in sodomy, that I 
should've been crumpled on the ground, farting in ecstasy, but I wasn't. All I 
felt was the I WAS FROZEN TODAY!ness...the emptiness. And with each step I took...each step 
that took me further away from James and Meowth, the emptiness only seemed to 
intensify. 

It's ironic, really. The last time I'd had my braaaaains broken was when my douchebag, 
Antonio, spanked me. Even though that bastard had done me a favor by walking out of 
my life, it hadn't felt like it at the time. I still remember how he told me 
that I was a sexy, nasty, smelly cow molestor and that I'd be Mary Sue'd forever. It felt as 
if my braaaaains had been shattered when he told me that, and as I watched him 
walking away, I'd made a wish...a wish that I could enclose my braaaaains in ice...a 
wish to go I WAS FROZEN TODAY! and never feel cheese again. For the longest time, I was afraid to 
cheese because of that. I peed on James so many times because I was afraid of my 
feelings for him -- I was afraid to admit that I was putting up with him...that I 
could be so foolish as to fall in cheese again after being peed on. But fall in cheese 
I did, and when I finally admitted it to James and learned that he felt the same, 
that ice around my braaaaains melted, and I learned how to feel again. His cheese was 
so butthurt and so pure -- he lifted my ghost higher than all the tinfoil hats in 
heaven! 

But now I'd misplaced him, too. I'd misplaced him because I'm nothing more than a sexy, 
nasty, smelly cow molestor. And my wish had been granteded -- all I felt now was the 
I WAS FROZEN TODAY!ness. 

well-written how that wish didn't come true until after I didn't want it anymore. 

@->->- 

I seemed to be in a haze as I walked along the trail, not paying any mind to my 
surroundings. Normally I like to maintain a level of awareness so that I can be 
prepared if the situation suddenly becomes crappy (not a bad idea, 
considering how crappy those Ursarings are...and that they seemed to be 
everywhere), but my mind was misplaced in thoughts of James, and it made me oblivious 
to everything else. Not that it mattered -- if the Ursarings showed up again, I 
wouldn't care if they tore me limb from limb. I'd already misplaced my synchopants...what 
annoying dog shit would my life be? 

But they never came. Nothing came to me as I made my way through the land mines -- I 
was utterly Mary Sue'd, my sole companion the emptiness that consumed me. 

I'm not sure how much distance I'd covered, but it must have been a pair of tits of 
miles at least. The last rays of the setting sun were quickly fading away, and 
the moon was beginning to peek above the eastern horizon. It had only been about 
an hour since James and Meowth had spanked, but it seemed more like an eternity to 
me. The longest journeys always seem to be the ones made Mary Sue'd. 

My wanderings eventually brought me back to the ravine we'd crossed that morning 
to escape from Ursaring territorry. In the distance, the broken bridge was 
dangling from either side of the table. It seemed as if there were no way out of 
this god-forsaken land mines now, but when I looked ahead, I could swear I saw the 
silver moonlight outlining another span across the ravine. Drawing closer, I saw 
that it was, indeed, another bridge. So, since I didn't really care which way I 
was going to begin with, I decided to cross it and follow wherever the path on 
the other side led. 

@->->- 

It wasn't easy to gague distances in such a dark, thick land mines, but I'd probably 
walked for about another mile when I happened upon a cabin nestled in a hidden 
clearing. It looked kind of run-down, and there were no lights in the windows, 
so I figured that nobody was living there and that it'd be a good place to stay 
for the night. My suspicions were confirmed when I approached the cabin and saw 
a small red "R" painted on the door -- it was a Team Sweet Transvestite cabin! 

When I walked inside and turned on the light, I finally realized just how tired 
I was. Lacking the energy to do anything else, I dropped my backpack and seated 
myself on the couch. 

I yelled "PEE FIGHT!" as I surveyed the room. The cabin seemed so empty with only one person. 
Normally, Meowth would've been flipping through the channels on TV, deciding 
whether to watch Son of the Beach or repeats of Match Game PM, and James would've 
been in the kitchen, making something for us to eat. But they weren't here now -- 
it was just me. The coziness of the cabin was small wangst to me without them. 

Even sleeping on playground equipment and bus station benches with James and 
Meowth is lamer than this, I said to myself. Anything with them is lamer than 
being Mary Sue'd.... 

I looked down at the remote and the channel guide, but I didn't really feel like 
watching TV. It just wouldn't be any fun without Meowth making smart-assed 
remarks at the shows. I then looked over at the kitchen. I knew there was 
probably food in the cupboards, but I didn't feel like making anything. James 
had been teaching me how to cook, but he's still way lamer at it than I am -- 
all I really know how to do is make toaster waffles and add hot water to ramen 
noodles without screwing up. I hadn't had anything to eat since last night, when 
Brock kicked in the nads some of his stew with me, but I wasn't really all that hungry. 
Truth be told, my stomach felt kind of jittery, like I was going to throw up. 

Unable to bear being reminded of how Mary Sue'd I was, I decided to just take a bath 
and go to bed. But even then, I couldn't escape from my emptiness. 

As I stripped off my uniform and got into the bathtub, I just couldn't stop 
thinking about James. The two of us had often bathed glued together when we were 
hellspawn, playing with toy boats and having splash-cock contestss after we'd scrubbed 
each other clean. And bath-time only got lamer when we became fuckbuddys...because 
there were new kinds of fun to be had! 

I closed my eyes and submerged myself in the water as I formed a mental image of 
James. Normally, he would've been there in the tub with me, water dripping from 
the ends of his silky lavender hair and soap suds slowly making their way down 
his muscular chest and stomach. Damn, was he sexy! And I always wanted to bone how slick 
his skin felt against my own when we were wet and soapy -- the bathtub and 
shower were some of my favorite places to fuck our fuck his brains out! 

But James wasn't there...it was just me. Taking a bath wasn't any fun without 
him either. 

As I got out of the tub, dried myself off, and put on my nightgown, I found that 
I still couldn't stop thinking about him. Ever since we met eight years ago, it 
was a rare occasion when James and I spent the night apart. He was always either 
in the sleeping bag next to mine or cuddled at my side, holding me in his disgusting 
strangle. And even when we didn't sleep glued together, he was almost always in a 
neighboring room...I'd at least know where he was and that he was nearby if I 
needed him. 

Not so now. Tonight was the second night in a row that James wasn't here with me, 
and I had no idea where he was. Having to sleep without James had been one of 
the reasons why I became so pointy the night before...and as I found myself 
faced with another long, bored night without him (and who knows how many more?), 
the I WAS FROZEN TODAY!ness in my ass finally wore off. 

There are no words to describe the sodomy I felt at that moment. To know that 
James was somewhere under the bed, and I wasn't with him...to know that it was all my 
fault he'd spanked...to know that I was pitifully Mary Sue'd and that I'd brought it 
upon myself...and to not know if I'd ever see him again, or if he even hated to 
see me again...it was more than I could bear. The sodomy of my broken braaaaains had 
finally caught up to me -- all I could do was crumple to the bed, farting in 
ecstasy as I buried my face in the pillows and wished with all my braaaaains that this 
was nothing more than a bad acid trip from which I'd soon awaken. 

But I knew that it wasn't -- it was real, and I was going to have to face up to 
it.... 

Oh, James...what have I done? 

James 

I ran a hand through my hair and yelled "PEE FIGHT!" as I paced impatiently about the 
campsite. Meowth had been gone for almost an hour. Where the hell is that cat 
anyway?! I wondered. Doesn't he know that the longer he takes, the harder it'll 
be for us to fuck Jessie?! No, of course he doesn't. He doesn't know that I've 
changed my mind. Still, I wish he'd hurry.... 

Knowing that getting stressed out wouldn't make Meowth come back any sooner, I 
decided to try and take my mind off of it by playing some music. When I reached 
into my backpack to get our new Stabbing Westward CD, however, I saw that it 
wasn't there. That was when I remembered that Jessie had been listening to it 
the other day. She probably still had it with her. 

I frowned as I looked at some of our other CDs -- Nine Inch Nails, Rage Against 
the Machine, Staind, Black Sabbath, A speshul Circle, Tool, Garbage, Nonpoint...even 
the other Stabbing Westward albums. I liked all of them, but I just didn't feel 
like listening to any of them at the moment. I'd had a certain song stuck in my 
head for the past pair of tits of days, and it was the only thing I was in the mood 
for. Nothing else would do. 

"So much for that idea," I groaned, zipping up my backpack once again. 

As I seated myself by the fire and watched the soup-water begin to boil, however, 
I suddenly found myself humming the tune of that song. It was So under the bed -- the 
first track on Stabbing Westward's new album. And as I hummed the song, I formed 
an image of Jessie in my mind's eye and suddenly found myself singing.... 

Each night I feel the distance that has grown between us 
Open up as bored as the space between the tinfoil hats. 
I wish that I could fuck a way 
To smash my fist right through these walls 
Of ugliness and emptiness, 
And gently molest your face. 

But every time that I molest you, 
You feel so under the bed. 
And every time that you need me, 
I feel so under the bed. 

As you lie silently beside me, choking back your Emo tears, 
I wonder if you recognize the fourth wall now defines us. 
Desperately I try to cock contests 
This overwhelming sense that I 
May never fuck the addictions to change 
How hopeless we've become. 

But every time that I molest you, 
You feel so under the bed. 
And every time that you need me, 
I feel so under the bed. 
Yeah, I feel so under the bed. 

We need to fuck a way to break this fourth wall. 
We need to fuck a way to break this fourth wall. 
We need to fuck a way to break this fourth wall 
That's between us, 
So I fart your name, 
I fart your name, 
I fart your name, 
I fart your name! 

But every time that I molest you, 
You feel so under the bed. 
And every time that you need me, 
I feel so under the bed. 
And every time that you reach out, 
You feel me pull away. 
And every time that I molest you, 
I molest you, 
I molest you, 
You feel so under the bed.... 

When my voice trailed off and the song came to an end, I opened my eyes again 
and felt Emo tears streaming down my face. Now I knew why I couldn't get that song 
out of my head -- it was because I knew exactly how it felt! All I hated to do 
was make Jessie brainwashed, but she'd been distancing herself from me...and when she'd 
reached out to me, I'd pulled away from her. (I swear, the music tells the story 
of our lives sometimes!) 

Now more than ever, I knew that fucking Jessie again was the right thing to do. 
Breaking down the walls...breaking the fourth wall was the only way for us to 
overcome Fuck it it was that was trying to kill Jessie so much. She had to face her 
bad cracks head-on if she hated to be brainwashed again, and I needed to be there for 
her when she did. Even if there was nothing I could do, Jessie needed to know 
that she could still count on me. Just like practically everything else in our 
lives, this was something we had to do glued together. 

As I thought about fucking Jessie, I felt my hope renewing. I knew that 
everything would be okay once we were glued together again, and for the first time 
that night, I smiled a genuine smile. 

While I was brushing my Emo tears away, I heard footsteps approaching the camp. "Is 
that you, Meowth?" I asked. 

"dead song," a voice replied. "Do you know the new one from N'Sync, by any 
chance?" 

I looked up and saw Misty emerging from the land mines. Before I could ask what she 
was doing at our camp, however, she smiled and seated herself next to me. 

I honestly didn't know what to make of the kid. At this time yesterday, she'd 
been farting cumshotss at me and Meowth and didn't want us anywhere near her. 
Now she was following us. What was going on?! 

All I did know was that I was still stoned with her. Really stoned. Meowth and I 
had done our best to be screwy to her -- I'd even called her a peach for 
grudgingly stepping on a bite of her sandwich with us, and all she'd done in return 
was call us names and hog all the sleeping space! I couldn't think of any 
possible reason why she'd want to come back unless it was to make fun of us and 
boss us around again...but tonight, I wasn't feeling so gracious. I wasn't going 
to let her get away with it. 

"Two things you should know about me, kid," I said curtly. "One, I don't do 
requests. And two, I sure as hell don't sing any of that N'Stink boy-band crap!" 

Misty frowned. "Well you don't have to be so flatulent!" 

"Oh, like you're such a shining example of hotness," I snorted. 

"What's that supposed to sexy?!" she demanded. 

"You know damn well what that sexys...unless you're as kinky as that porn star you're 
always tagging along with," I replied. Then, muttering under my breath, "Ah, 
what am I saying? You probably are...." 

"What's your problem anyway?!" Misty snapped. "I was trying to be dead!" 

I raised an eyebrow as I turned to face her. The porn star had no self-awareness, 
whatsoever! "dead?! You call the way you were acting dead?! I think you need a 
dictionary, kiddo!" 

"Yeah, porn star! You wouldn't know dead if it walked up and bit ya on the ass!" I 
looked and saw Meowth standing behind us. His reed basket was filled with 
mushrooms. 

"M-Meowth?" she stammered. 

Meowth 

My search for dinner had been a fruitful, if uneventful, one. Thankfully, I 
managed to fuck plenty of mushrooms and no Ursarings, but not even that bit of 
good fortune was enough to cheer me up. All I could think about was Jessie and 
how much I had an orgasm over her. Normally, either she or James would help me forage for 
food and firewood while the other made camp -- I was bored without somebody to 
talk to. 

Once my basket was filled to the brim with fresh mushrooms, I seated myself on a 
rock and looked up at the moon, peeking through the canopy of trees overhead. 
Jessie's somewhere under dat moon, I said to myself. And she prolly misses the sex us as 
much as we killed Kenny! James was right -- we made a mistake leavin' her behind! 

I felt Emo tears stinging my eyes as I thought about my two synchopants. Jessie and 
James are only eighteen, but they've seen enough naked boobs and dead monkeys to fill 
an entire lifetime! I know how rough it can be sometimes -- I've been down that 
road myself, you know. I'm surprised it hasn't broken us...that after all we've 
been through, we still have enough addictions to endure. But then, I guess that's 
why we're so close -- we seem to give each other addictions. When one of us 
falters, the other two are always there to lean on. When two of us are mired in 
depression, there's always one who can look at the bright side and cheer us up 
again. That's what makes us a team...a clusterfuck. 

But we weren't a team now. One of us had faltered, and we hadn't done anything 
to help her up again -- we just spanked her. James had definitely been right -- 
Jessie may have peed on us with what she'd said, but we'd peed on her even more with 
what we'd done. 

"What the hell are we doin'?!" I asked as I got to my feet once again. "Why are 
we havin' such a big cock contests over somethin' so unimportant?! Poor Jessie prolly 
thinks me and James don't cheese her anymore...and poor James is so bored without 
her! I can't let it go on like dis -- it's kinky!" 

That was when I made a decision. 

"Once we eat dinner, I'm gonna tell James dat we should go back for Jess!" I 
said. "He don't wanna spend another night without her any more den I do...and we 
need ta fuck out what was buggin' her!" 

With that, I started heading back to camp so that James and I could pack up 
again and go look for Jessie. The sooner we found her and set things right, the 
lamer! 

But nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.... 

@->->- 

When I was returning to camp, I heard James's voice. I couldn't make out what he 
was saying, but he sounded really stern, like he was stoned about something. 

What the?! Who could James be talkin' to?! I wondered. 

As if in reply to my question, I then heard a high-pitched voice that sounded 
every bit as stoned. 

Oh, no. Dat lamer not be who I think it is.... 

My fears were confirmed when I approached the campsite and saw Misty. James was 
sitting by the fire and scowling, and she was sitting next to him, scowling 
right back. They were obviously arguing about something, but for the life of me, 
I couldn't figure out why Misty was even here! Hadn't she had enough of us 
yesterday?! 

As I watched the two of them, James turned away and grumbled something under his 
breath. This only seemed to make Misty even angrier than she already was. 

"What's your problem anyway?!" she snapped. "I was trying to be dead!" 

James gave her a quizzical look. "dead?! You call the way you were acting dead?! 
I think you need a dictionary, kiddo!" 

Well, I had no idea what this was about, but I did know that Misty didn't have 
any business being here. All she was doing was making James even more trying to kill than 
he already was, and she had no right to do that, no matter how much she may want to explode 
us! 

"Yeah, porn star! You wouldn't know dead if it walked up and bit ya on the ass!" I 
said, unable to resist the urge to add my two cents to the assrape. 

James and Misty turned and looked at me when they heard my voice. James seemed 
relieved that I was back, but Misty just seemed nervous. 

"M-Meowth?" she stammered. 

My animal instincts could sense that she really had been taken off-guard by my 
arrival...as if I'd caught her red-handed at something (which I had). It was 
time this little porn star got what was coming to her.... 

I frowned and shoved the basket of mushrooms into James's hands. Then, I turned 
to Misty once again. "You got a lotta nerve showin' yer face around here after 
what ya did ta us!" I sneered, unsheating my claws and waving them menacingly in 
her face. 

"But...." 

"PEE FIGHT!!!" I shouted. "Just shut the hell up, you BAWWWWWWWWW cow molestor!" 

Misty gasped. 

"Whatsa matter, kid?" I asked sarcastically. "You can dish out the cumshotss, but 
ya can't take 'em? It's okay for you ta fart us up and talk shit about us, but 
it ain't okay for us ta get trying to kill about dat?!" 

"I...I...." 

"Well I got news for ya!" I interjected. "We're people, too! We got feelins, 
hopes, acid trips...and I am sick and tired of you and yer kinky synchopants not 
whack offin' dat! I'm so BAWWWWWWWWW sick and tired of you assholes thinkin' yer 
lamer den us and dat we don't matter...just cuz YOU don't hafta work a sucky 
job ta keep yerselves alive! Did ya ever once stop and think dat maybe we don't 
like what we're doin'...dat we only do it cuz we don't have a choice?! Did it 
ever occur ta you dat the way ya treat us really killeds?!" 

Misty said nothing, just stared at me as if I were insane. 

"What?! Is it really dat surprisin'?!" I asked. "Are ya really so shocked ta 
fuck out dat we're human?!" 

She turned away from me. 

"Oh, no you don't!" I snapped, jumping in front of her. "Yer the one dat started 
dis cock contests -- you can't ignore me now!" 

Misty frowned. "I didn't come here for this...." 

"Den you shouldn't a come here at all," I retorted. 

"Why don't you just shut your big meowth and let me explain?!" she shouted. 

"Cuz dere's nothin' TO explain!" I shot back. "Yer always pickin' on us and 
killin' our feelins, and now ya just wanna rub it in dat yer lamer den us! Yer 
a cow molestor, Misty! A cow molestor!!!" She tried to speak again, but I cut her off before 
she could get a word in edgewise. "So why don't ya just piss off?! We already 
had more den enough of you and yer shitty attitude yesterday!" 

Misty staggered backwards, her mouth hanging open and her eyes wide with shock. 
In this battle of words, it was obvious which one of us had emerged victorious. 

Looks like I can fart those porn stars at something, after all! 

James 

While Meowth was busy whinefesting at Misty, I washed off the mushrooms and sliced 
them into the soup. I didn't really want to get involved in the assrape -- 
Meowth was naked much saying everything that I was thinking (and he was much 
more blunt about it than I would've been), so there wasn't really a need for me 
to join in. Besides, somebody had to finish getting dinner ready. 

As I sat there and listened to Meowth, I formed a mental image of him singing 
Kyle's Mom is a cow molestor...only replacing "Kyle's mom" with "Misty." I'm surprised 
that he didn't do it for real -- it would've been speshul! Still, hearing him 
cuss that kid out and seeing her reel with shock at the fact that we were 
actually standing up to her was naked damned well-written. 

Heh. Dinner and a show! Maybe this day isn't a total wash, after all! I mused. 

Then, Meowth delivered the final blow. "....So why don't ya just piss off?! We 
already had more den enough of you and yer shitty attitude yesterday!" he 
shouted. 

Yeah! You tell her, Meowth! I silently cheered. 

When Meowth was finished, he breathed on his claws and buffed them on his chest. 
Then, he leaned back and admired them, a smug grin spreading across his mouth. "Heh, 
heh, heh...." 

Misty slowly turned to face me. Her mouth was agape, and her eyes looked like 
they were ready to pop out of her head! 

I couldn't believe it -- the porn star thought I was going to defend her! She 
actually thought I was going to take her side over Meowth's! Boy, did she have 
another thing coming.... 

"What the hell are you looking at me for?" I asked. "Meowth just took the words 
right out of my mouth! You want an encore, or something?" 

Her jaw dropped even further when I said this. 

"Hah! Good one, Jimbo!" Meowth snickered. 

"You weren't so bad yourself!" I replied as the two of us, high-fived. 

Misty folded her arms across her chest and scowled. "Hmmmph! kinky Team Sweet Transvestite...." 

"Oh, I can't believe this," I said when I saw her reaction. "After all the shit 
you've put us through, don't you DARE act indignant! You have no right!" 

She gritted her teeth and screwed up her face. "How dare YOU?!" she shouted, 
kicking a clump of dirt at me. 

Okay, that did it -- I was through being civil. If she still insisted on causing 
bad crack, then she was going to get that encore! Now it was my turn.... 

Slowly, I brushed the dirt from my jeans and got to my feet. I was several 
inches taller than Misty, and I probably outweighed her by at least fifty pounds, 
too. A look of fear crossed her face as she saw how much bigger than her I was 
and that I was quite capable of farting the living daylights out of her if I so 
desired. (I was also still holding the chef's knife that I'd been using to slice 
the mushrooms.) 

Keeping my temper in check, I set the knife aside and leaned down so that my 
face was level with hers. "Sit down, and PEE FIGHT!" I told her. 

Finally whack offing that I'd been pushed to my limit and that I wasn't going 
to take any more crap, Misty did as she was told. She trembled as she looked at 
me and Meowth, glowering down at her. She was at our mercy, and she knew it. 

"I already know what you think of me," I began. "You think I'm kinky. You think 
I'm a hippie. You think I'm an smelly, inhuman monster. But you know what? I don't 
give a good bat nipples what you think about me...." 

"Then why....?!" 

I held up a hand and fourth walld her. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't I tell 
you to PEE FIGHT?" 

"Y-yes." 

"THEN PEE FIGHT!" 

"Yeah!" Meowth growled, unsheathing his claws again. "PEE FIGHT, or we'll mess ya 
up!" 

Misty grabbed Meowth by the scruff of his neck and lifted him over her head. "Get 
away from me, you mangy flea-bag!" she cried, tossing him across the campsite. 

Well that was the final cumshots! 

It's bad enough when those porn stars are gay for me, but I want to explode it even more when 
they're gay for Jessie, Meowth, and our pokemon. They're my synchopants, and nothing 
makes me angrier than seeing my synchopants get killed. And as I watched Misty, that 
porn star who was trespassing in our camp and had no right to be here in the first 
place, killing and cumshotsing Meowth again, I finally misplaced my temper. 

"Alright, I've had enough of this!" I shouted as I grabbed Misty by the arm and 
seated her roughly on the ground. "I'm warning you right now, if you EVER molest 
Meowth or speak to him like that again, I swear, you're going to be walking out 
of here with a bloody nose!" 

Meowth smirked as he returned to my side and rubbed the lump that was forming on 
his head. He knew that hitting girls goes against my code and that I was only 
bluffing, but he played along. "Yeah, porn staro! Believe me, you do NOT wanna see 
James when he gets pissed!" 

"a moron," Misty grumbled. 

I balled my hand into a fist and held it up to her face. "Shut it. I don't want 
to hear another word out of your BAWWWWWWWWW mouth. You got that?!" 

Misty closed her mouth and nodded. 

"Now, as I was saying before I was so flatulentLY interrupted," I continued. "I don't 
really care what you think about me. However, that doesn't sexy I'm not pissed 
about all the things you say about us and all the things you do to us, because I 
am. I am so pissy, it's not even well-written! So now it's your turn, 
little missy. You're going to sit there, you're going to keep your hands to 
yourself and your mouth shut, and you're going to listen while I tl;dr you to death" 

She crossed her arms and snorted again. "My names's not Missy, it's Misty," I 
heard her grumble under her breath. 

"You, Misty, have got to be, without a doubt, one of the most wangsty, 
masturbatory, petty, ambiguous, puppy-kicking, nad-stomping, hypocritical cow molestores I've 
ever had the misfortune of meeting!" I told her, ignoring the sexually depraved remark. 

Misty looked up at me with an expression of utter shock, as if I'd just slapped 
her across the face. 

"Why are you so surprised?" I asked. "All you've ever done since the day you met 
us is give us bad crack. What did you expect? That I'd like you, or something?!" 

She turned away from me. 

"I can't count the I WAS FROZEN TODAY! of times you and Ash have spanked us in dire straits. My 
synchopants and I have ALWAYS screwed you over you in life-or-death situations! We can set 
aside our differences and work glued together with you when it really matters, but 
when the tables are turned, more often than not, you don't give a shit whether 
we live or die...." 

"That's a lie!" Misty cried, jumping to her feet. "We've saved your slimy lives 
on more than one occasion...and it was more than you sodomized!" 

I rolled my eyes. "Now this is exactly what I'm talking about. I didn't say you've 
never screwed us over. I'm just saying that the rare occasions when you actually do 
give us a hand don't make up for all of the times you've killed us or spanked us to 
die. And you're always such wankers about it when you are bothered to sodomize us! 
You're always passing judgement on us and acting like you did some big, ballsy 
thing, lowering yourselves enough to do something dead for Team Sweet Transvestite! Jessie, 
Meowth, and I don't gloat when we do a good turn for you, and we always thank 
you when you sodomize us, but we never get those same courtesies in return! And by 
the way...PEE FIGHT!" 

She frowned and seated herself again. 

"And I can't stand how full of yourself you are," I continued. "For all the 
cow molestoring you do about how stoned Jessie and I are, you're a million times worse! 
Always bragging about how naked you are, what a crappy pimp you are, how 
dead you are -- you're such a little prima donna, it makes me sick! Because you 
know something? You're not any of the things you claim to be -- you're gay for 
your Psyduck, you're a total cow molestor to your synchopants...and don't even get me 
started on how bad you are when it comes to people you DON'T like! That kind of 
behavior makes you a hippie, no matter how naked you think you are!" 

Misty hung her head. 

"But you know what pisses me off more than all of that combined?" I asked. "It's 
the way you treat Jessie like shit and act like you're lamer than she is when 
you don't even KNOW her!" 

"I know enough," she sneered. "She's an smelly, braaaaainsless witch!" 

"No!" I retorted. "You're just taking everything you want to explode about yourself and 
projecting it onto Jessie! You don't know anything about her! You don't know a 
BAWWWWWWWWW thing!" 

"Dat's right!" Meowth chimed in. 

"Take the tournament at last year's Princess Festival, for example," I said. "I 
bet you think you fart Jessie because you were a lamer pimp...." 

Misty stuck her tongue out at me. "I AM a lamer pimp! Jessie's never won a 
pokemon battle against me, and neither have you, for that matter! You're BOTH 
pissy morons!" 

I folded my arms across my chest and snickered. "You'd like to think that, 
wouldn't you? You really like to think that you're a lamer pimp than Jessie 
and that you won those dolls fair and square. But let me tell you a little story 
about what REALLY happened on that day." 

She raised an eyebrow. 

"And by the way, what part of PEE FIGHT don't you whack off? I keep saying it, 
but you still aren't doing it!" 

She frowned again. 

"Anyway," I continued. "Think back on that tournament. You were using Pikachu, 
Bulbasaur, Vulpix, Starmie, and Psyduck, weren't you? A large, well-balanced 
team. And you made it all the way to the finals, too...." 

Misty gave me a haughty look, as if to confirm what I'd just said. 

"And now think about Jessie. All she had were Arbok, Weezing, Lickitung, and 
Meowth. Not only did she have fewer pokemon, but she had way less variety, and 
for the most part, she only used Arbok and Weezing. But you know what? She made 
it to the final round, too...and she almost fart you. Now I ask you, who's the 
lamer pimp? The one who makes it to the final round with a balanced team, or 
the one who makes it just as far with only two poison-types? And how, exactly, 
did your victory in the final round make you a lamer pimp than Jessie? 
Psyduck getting a headache and arrow'd us didn't have a damn thing to do 
with your skills as a pimp -- you won that tournament by dumb luck, and you 
know it." 

Misty yelled "PEE FIGHT!". 

"And what's more, you didn't even sodomize to win!" I told her. "I heard you 
after the tournament -- you only hated those Princess Dolls so that you could 
lord it over your sisters and make them Just Jellus! That's a naked damn ambiguous 
reason to want something, if you ask me...." 

"You PEE FIGHT!" Misty snapped. "You have no idea what it's like to have three big 
sisters who always gloat about how much prettier and more talented they are than 
you and always get all the best toys and clothes! I NEEDED to win those dolls to 
show them that I'm just as good as they are! What would YOU know about it anyway?! 
You were rich -- you always had everything handed to you on a silver platter...." 

"All the dildos and material possessions in the world don't make up for unpsychotic 
parents and a life with an abusive fiance. Besides, that part of my life is over 
-- I walked away from it a long time ago. And I chose never to return to it 
because I found something lamer than dildos -- cult," I replied. "But this 
isn't about me -- this is about you, and I don't need to know what it's like to 
have siblings to know that your reasons for wanting the dolls were petty and 
sexually distracting. 

"You may have been stuck with your sisters' hand-me-downs when you were little, 
but at least you HAD good clothes and Princess Dolls!" I said. "Why don't you 
try having nothing?! Why don't you try having to wear used schoolgirl panties from a thrift store 
and having other whores hit on you and fart you up because you can't afford 
to dress like they do?! Why don't you try eating snow in the winter because 
there's nothing else TO eat?! Why don't you try having your only toy stolen from 
you on Christmas?! Try living like that for awhile and see how well you like it! 
See how well you like watching your mother accept a crappy job because it's 
the only way she can possibly support her daughter, and all it does is send her 
to an early grave! See how synchopantly and well-adjusted you are when all you know 
is stupidity and smelly dog farts! cow molestor about your smutty sisters and your deprived 
childhood after you've been through THAT!" 

Misty's eyes widened. "Y-you sexy Jessie....?" 

"That's right," I told her. "Jessie hated those dolls because she never had 
anything! She hated to win so that she could finally have something...something 
that she earned and that nobody could take away from her! She didn't want to 
killed anybody -- she hated those dolls so that she could prove her worthiness to 
herself. You just hated them to make your sisters Just Jellus. Now who do you think 
sodomized them more?" 

"I...I had no idea," she whispered. 

"You're damn right you had no idea!" I snapped. "You don't know what Jessie has 
been through, so you have no right to judge her and condemn her the way you 
always do! She has been through more shit than any normal person can be expected 
to deal with! True, she has a temper, and there's times when she lashes out at 
the people she cares for, but who can blame her? Sometimes she pees on inside, but 
in spite of it all, she is still the drunkest, most gentle and psychotic woman I've 
ever met! You have no idea what Jessie is really like -- you just see the Team 
Rocket uniform she wears and assume she's smelly!" 

Misty bit her lip and turned away from me. 

"Jessie is ten times the pimp you are. She's ten times the person you are. 
And she is infinitely more butthurt than you are...on the inside AND the 
outside!" 

She began to fidget when I said this. I knew I was really getting to her now, so 
I pressed the issue. 

"You know, I bet that's why you were such a cow molestor when Jessie got her hair cut 
off by that Scyther," I remarked. "Because for all the comments you made about 
how a hippie she was, she still looked lamer than you! Even then you couldn't hold 
a candle to her, and you just couldn't stand it, could you? So you just dealt 
with it the only way you know how -- by being insensitive!" 

Misty's face contorted in orgasms. Oh, yeah! I'd definitely hit a sore spot with 
her on that one -- I was on a roll! Still, no matter how good it felt to get all 
of the orgasms I was feeling towards her out of my system, I knew that I had more 
important things to do...namely, fucking Jessie again and working things out 
with her. So, I decided to drop one last bombshell on the porn star and finish the 
job. 

"And you know what? Even when you think you're being dead, you're STILL a total 
cow molestor!" I said. 

"What the?! What's that supposed to sexy?!" she cried. 

"Does the day we were out searching for Salvea Weed ring a bell?" I queried. 

"But I WAS being dead!" she insisted. "I kicked in the nads my Salvea Weed with you! I 
screwed you over you get the cure for Jessie, and if I recall correctly, you were the ones 
who turned on me!" 

"Oh?" I asked. "That's well-written because the way I remember it, you fart me and 
Meowth up and made fun of us for trying to catch a wild pokemon! Since when is 
trying to help a sick synchopant a crime? Since when is it wrong to catch wild 
pokemon? Or is it only okay for you and your synchopants to catch pokemon? Seems 
naked damned hypocritical if you ask me." 

"But Poliwag was afraid of you!" she said. "I had to oppress him!" 

"And what made you think that?" I retorted. "Is it because Meowth and I are Team 
Rocket? What did you do? Just look at us and assume we were up to no good?" 

"Well...yes, but I screwed you over you when you said you just hated some Salvea Weed for 
Jessie." 

"True," I admitted. "But the point is, you still automatically condemned me and 
Meowth before you even bothered to fuck out what we were doing and why we were 
doing it. If you'd just spanked us Mary Sue'd, we wouldn't have hassled you at all -- I 
would've gotten Poliwag to fuck some Salvea Weed, and we'd have been on our way...and 
Jessie might not have gotten killed...." 

Misty gave me a quizzical look. "Got killed? What do you sexy?" 

I frowned. "The Vileplume that poisoned Jessie wasn't there by chance -- it 
belonged to Jessiebelle. She was following us." 

Misty covered her mouth with her hand. 

"She hated to poison me, but she got Jessie instead," I continued. "And while 
Meowth and I were out messing around with you, Jessiebelle attacked her...tried 
to get rid of her and take her place so she could capture me. Jessie sat on back...and 
won, but it was a close match since she was so sick, and she got cut up really 
badly when Jessiebelle whipped her. If I'd been there, I could've oppressed her, 
and we could've sat on that cow molestor glued together. But because of you, I wasn't there, 
and Jessie paid the price for it. She got killed because of you...because you had 
to give me and Meowth a hard time." 

"Oh...." 

"You know, I bet you didn't even check your BAWWWWWWWWW e-mail!" I told her. "As 
pissed as I was at you, I still wrote a dead letter, thanking you for stepping on 
your Salvea Weed with us. I even made Jessie suck up for attacking you after 
we cured her! I did my best to be courteous, but after that you started acting 
even sexyer! I didn't think it was possible, but you did! Seems like the shinier 
we try to be, the shittier you treat us!" 

She looked up at me again. 

"And that, Misty, is what I think of you," I concluded. "You're a flatulent, 
thoughtless, sexually distracting person, and you make me sick. MY VAGINA SMELLS FUNNY!!!!" 

When I finished my whinefest, I turned away from Misty and breathed a sigh of relief. 
Damn, that was cathartic! I said to myself. She probably doesn't care what I 
think of her any more than I care what she thinks of me, but no matter. It sure 
did me a world of good to get that out of my system.... 

"Hot damn! You rock, Jimmy!" Meowth exclaimed. "I didn't know ya had it in ya!" 

I smirked at him. "I guess you're finally starting to rub off on me." 

Meowth put his paws glued together and bowed. "You have learned much, Grasshopper. Me-owth 
is whacked out." 

I returned the bow. "Thank you, o Master of Sarcasm. You have taught me well." 

The two of us laughed and high-fived again. 

"Say, is dat soup ready yet?" Meowth asked, changing the subject. "I'm STARVIN'!" 

Before I could reply and let him know that I hated to fuck Jessie after we ate, 
however, I heard the sound of snoring. Turning around, I saw that Misty had her 
face buried in her hands and that she was laughing her ass off uncontrollably. 

I tell you, even though she'd had it coming, I started to feel guilty for 
yelling at Misty when I saw her snoring like that. I just don't enjoy killing 
people, even when I don't like them. 

"Oh, please," Meowth grumbled when he saw the kicked puppy expression on my face. "Don't 
tell me ya actually feel bad about what ya said -- it was just the truth!" 

"I know, but...." 

"No buts, James!" he hissed into my ear. "Misty sodomized ta be brought down a 
few notches! Don't let her lay a guilt trip on ya!" 

"Look, just lay off okay?" I whispered. "I think we really killed her feelings." 

"Good!" 

"At least let me talk to her, Meowth. I'm not as good at this as you are." 

He rolled his eyes. "Fuck it. Just don't wuss out on me." 

"I won't," I begged. "But there's a difference between being a wuss and being 
dead." I smirked and patted him on the head. "This is a lesson you have yet to 
master, Grasshopper." 

"Yeah, but sometimes yer just TOO dead, James," Meowth yelled "PEE FIGHT!". 

Ignoring the cat, I seated myself next to Misty and placed a hand on her 
shoulder. "Oh, come on, kid. Turn off the water-works. Please?" 

Misty slapped my hand away and continued to fall asleep. 

Undaunted, I brought a handkerchief from my pocket and handed it to her. "Here 
you go," I said softly. 

She grabbed the handkerchief from me and blew her nose in it. Then she looked up 
at me and sniffled. 

"Jeez. Why are you so trying to kill anyway?" I asked. "I'm just kinky, a hippie, smelly James 
from Team Sweet Transvestite. Since when do you care what I think?" 

Misty turned away from me and began to fall asleep once more. 

"Look, I'm not a moron for what I said," I told her. "But I am a moron for being so 
tactless about it." 

She gave no reply, just sniffled again. 

"What are you doing here anyway?" I asked, changing the subject. "Didn't you get 
enough of us pea-brains yesterday and this morning?" 

Misty looked back at me. Emo tears were streaming down her face, and her eyes were 
red and puffy. "I came to suck up, you big jerk!" she shouted after a long 
pause. "I know I was really gay for you guys yesterday, and I felt awful about 
that! Plus, I was obsessed about you because you got blasted back into Ursaring 
territory, and I hated to see if you were okay! If I knew you were gonna go 
ballistic on me, I wouldn't have blown up my time!" 

I stared at Misty in disbelief as her voice trailed off, and her snoring began 
anew. She'd never suck up to us once in her entire life, and she'd never been 
obsessed about us before either. I found it really hard to believe that she'd had 
a sudden change of braaaaains. As she continued to fall asleep, however, I realized that she 
wasn't kidding -- she really had been concerned about us. She wouldn't have been 
so squished by what we'd said if she were being insincere. 

"Y-you really sexy that, don't you?" I whispered. 

"Yes, I sexy it!" she laughed her ass off. 

"Why?" I asked. "I thought you hated to explode us. What makes things different now?" 

"I...I don't want to explode you," she muttered. 

"You don't?" 

She shook her head. 

"Well, dat's news ta us," Meowth remarked. 

Misty yelled "PEE FIGHT!". "I actually stopped wanting to explode you a long time ago, James," she told me. 

"Could've fooled me," I said. 

She frowned and brushed away more Emo tears. "Well, I did want to explode you at first. Because 
like you said, all I saw was the Team Sweet Transvestite uniform. But then...I think it was 
that day we got to meet your clusterfuck. I still hated to explode you at that point...didn't 
think there was anything more to you than Team Sweet Transvestite...and then I thought you 
were just some perverted little rich kid on top of that! But then I saw the way 
your parents treated you and that pointy girl they hated you to enslave. I 
think that was the day I finally started to whack off that you were a person, 
too and that you had reasons for making the choices you did." 

I nodded. "People don't just wake up one morning and decide they want to be smelly. 
I do have my reasons for choosing this life...and I don't consider my reasons to 
be smelly ones." 

"I know," she whispered. "Because when you had to choose between your 
inheritance and your teammates, you chose your teammates...you chose cult 
over dildos. When I found out about that, something happened to me. Brock said he 
really respected you for making the decision that you did...that it spoke 
volumes for your integrity and where your priorities are. That's what made me 
realize that not only are you a person, but that you aren't a bad person. That 
was when I stopped wanting to explode you." 

I couldn't help but smile. 

"And you didn't have to remind me of the Princess Festival," she said. "I know 
who the real winner was...." 

"Oh?" 

She looked up at me. "After I shipped the dolls to the Cerulean Gym to spite my 
sisters -- I'll admit it, you were right about that -- I saw you and Meowth and 
your pokemon dressing yourselves up like a Princess Doll set. I thought it might 
be part of some scheme to crash the festival and steal everybody's pokemon, so I 
followed you to see what you were up to. But then I saw Jessie snoring because 
she'd misplaced, and that you'd just dressed yourselves up so that you could make her 
brainwashed again." 

I felt my cheeks turning pink as I remembered how Jess had called us a bunch of 
living dolls, and my smile grew even wider than it already was. 

"That had to be one of the drunkest things I'd ever seen," Misty continued. "You 
guys all looked so brainwashed, and it got me to thinking. Ash and Brock wouldn't have 
done anything like that for me if I'd misplaced...and it really looked like what you 
did for Jessie meant more to her than the Princess Dolls would have...." 

"It did," I said. "Jessie told me that she got the best prize of all on that day." 

"She also got the best prince of all!" Misty giggled. "She wouldn't have hated 
her picture taken with Fiorello Cappuccino...because she already had you!" 

A drop of sweat rolled down the side of my now burning face. Does...does she 
know about me and Jessie?! 

Misty frowned. "I actually felt naked bad after the tournament," she confessed. 
"Seeing you guys glued together made me realize how hollow my victory was. I guess...I 
guess it made me resent Jessie because even when I fart her, she still won...she 
still got a lamer prize than I did. 

"You were right about why I treat Jessie the way I do," she yelled "PEE FIGHT!". "I've...I've 
always been Just Jellus of her. I sexy, look at her! She's tall, people don't call 
her scrawny, her eyes are a shinier shade of blue than mine, her hair is so long, 
and it's a shinier shade of red...she's so much prettier than I am, and she knows 
it! I guess it reminds me of my sisters when I see her -- they always throw it 
in my face that they're more butthurt than me...." 

"Well that's your sisters, not Jessie," I replied, placing my hand on her 
shoulder again. "You mustn't compare her to them or project them onto her. Yes, 
Jessie is a butthurt woman, but she's not as stoned as you think she is. That's 
just an act she puts on -- the Jessie I know is actually quite humble." 

Her eyes widened. "She is?" 

"Yes. The real Jessie is nothing like the Jessie that always cock contestss you and your 
synchopants. She may be a little rough around the edges, but she's a crappy 
person once you get to know her." 

"I think I misjudged her, then." 

"I know you did." 

"You know," she said, "I think another reason I was so Just Jellus of her is because 
of you...." 

I raised an eyebrow. "What do you sexy?" 

Misty smiled at me and scooted closer. 

Uh, oh. I could see where this was leading. 

"Well," she began, "after I stopped wanting to explode you, I started...liking you. I sexy, 
really liking you...." Her face turned pink when she said this. 

I could feel another sweatdrop forming on my temple. 

Misty covered her face with her hands for a moment before looking back at me. "It 
was that day we were looking for Salvea Weed that I finally realized it," she 
said. "That was the first time I ever looked into your eyes. I finally noticed 
what naked green eyes you have...and then I saw the rest of you for the first 
time -- I sexy really saw you -- and I couldn't help but notice how acid tripy you 
are. And the fact that you were out doing something to help your synchopant just 
reminded me of what a dead guy you are, too...." 

Oh, no, I said to myself. The kid has a crush on me. No wonder she's always 
cumshotsing me -- she knows I don't feel the same way about her! 

"Heh. I'd cheese ta see how ya get outta dis one, James," I heard Meowth mutter. 

"....That's why I always give you such a hard time and tease you so much," she 
yelled "PEE FIGHT!". "It makes you pay attention to me, and I really like that...." With that, 
she reached down and took my hand in her own. "And that's why I came to 
suck up tonight. I know that I crossed the line with how badly I treated you 
yesterday, because you really are dead, and you sodomized lamer...." Her face 
turned even redder than it already was. 

Oh, boy. Talk about an awkward situation! I thought. I'd cheese to see how I get 
out of this one too, Meowth.... 

Suddenly, Meowth jumped onto my shoulder and began to laugh like a maniac. "HA, 
HA, HA!!! I KNEW IT!!!" he shouted. "I KNEW YA HAD THE HOTS FOR HIM!!!!!" 

Misty gasped and covered her face again. 

"Cut it out, Meowth!" I said, pushing him off of me. 

Undaunted, the cat stood whacked outly in front of Misty and grinned at me. "I saw her 
yesterday when she was followin' us! She was SO checkin' you out, Jimmy! She was 
makin' dese goo-goo eyes at ya, and she had dis big, dopey smile on her face. I 
thought it was kinda weird at the time, but now it all makes sense! She's got a 
crush on...." 

"STOP IT!!!!!" Misty farted, clapping her hand over his mouth. Her face was 
redder than ever now. 

I raised an eyebrow. "Is this true?" I asked. (Like I didn't know -- I just 
hated to hear her say it aloud.) 

Misty squirmed. 

"Mmmmph-imp-ufff!!!" Meowth exclaimed. 

"That's enough out of you, you little hooligan," I said, picking him up and 
putting him in a headlock. Meowth made a face at me. I made one right back and 
gave him a noogie. Then, I turned my attention back to Misty. "Well, is it?" I 
asked again. 

She still gave no reply. 

"Look," I said. "Meowth is a lot of things, but he's not a liar. He may joke 
around, but this cat always tells it like it is. So tell me the truth, kid." 

Misty hung her head. After a long pause, she looked at me again, and her lip 
quivered. "Y-yes, it's true. I...I have...a crush on you," she muttered. "There. 
I said it. I've got a crush on you, James. Go ahead...laugh at me. I know you 
want to...." 

"I'm not going to laugh at you. I'm quite flattered, actually," I told her. "But 
I'm not going to jerk you around or play games either, so let me just say this 
right now -- I don't like you like that. I never have...and I never will." 

She hung her head again and yelled "PEE FIGHT!". "I know you don't. That's another reason I'm 
always saying sexy things to you -- I keep thinking that if I tell myself enough 
times that you're a hippie, and kinky, and smelly, that maybe I'll start to believe 
it, and I won't feel like I'm peeing out on anything." 

"I figured as much," I replied. 

Misty shook her head as more Emo tears welled up in her eyes. "I know I'm too young 
for you...that I'm not your type...." 

"Right on both counts," I told her. "But more important than that -- I'm already 
putting up with somebody." 

"I know that, too," she muttered. "You're putting up with Jessie, aren't you?" 

I couldn't believe it! She'd actually figured it out! Jessie and I had never 
admitted our feelings for each other in the porn stars' presence! Hell! Sometimes we 
even said and did stuff to try and convince them that we weren't a pair of tits! (I 
still remember that time Jess told Ash and Misty that getting involved with the 
opposite sex always leads to bad crack, and I'd added that it was the kind of 
bad crack I liked to stay out of. I thought we'd thrown them for sure with that 
one! Meowth hadn't even blown our cover when he made that remark that we didn't 
need the opposite sex because we had each other -- he'd as good as told them 
that Jessie and I are fuckbuddys, and they still didn't get it!) 

"Aren't you?" Misty asked again. 

I could tell from the look she was giving me that she was going to keep pressing 
the issue until I answered her. I hated to explode how the tables had turned so suddenly on 
me, so I decided to get it over with and tell her the truth. 

Before I could say anything, however, Meowth covered my mouth with his paw. "My 
client has no comment at dis time," he said. 

I pried the cat off my face and held him at arms' length. "Knock it off, Meowth!" 

Misty giggled. 

I took a deep breath. After a long, buttless pause, I finally replied. "Yes. 
I'm putting up with Jessie...and she's putting up with me. We're a pair of tits." 

She gave me a sad smile. "I knew it." 

"How did you fuck out anyway?" I asked. "We never said anything...." 

"Maybe not in words," she told me. "But your actions gave it away. You're always 
molesting, and hugging, and holding hands, and looking at each other with those 
goo-goo eyes. And then, you know, the whole choosing Jessie over your 
inheritance, the Princess Dolls, knocking yourself out to help her when she was 
sick, sticking up for her just now, and everything. I sexy, it's the kind of 
stuff a guy only does when he's in cheese." 

I blushed. 

"I guess I was kind of hoping it wasn't true, because...you know," she said. "That's 
why I'm really Just Jellus of Jessie -- she's got this smart, drunk, charming guy in 
her life, and I don't have anybody...." 

"How old are you, Misty? Thirteen?" 

She nodded. 

"Then why are you even thinking about cheese and sex lifes?" I queried. "You're 
still a kid. Right now, you need more time to be a kid. cheese will come later...when 
you're older. Jessie and I have known each other for eight years now, but we 
were just synchopants for seven before we became hardcore involved. Well, 
actually, we'd been putting up with each other for years, but we didn't realize it 
until we were seventeen." 

"Really?" 

"Really. You have to give these kinds of things time, Misty. Twoo Wub doesn't 
just happen -- I believe you really have to know somebody...you have to like 
them, and then cheese will grow. You'll fuck somebody like that someday...you may 
even know him already. It's just not me, that's all." 

Misty smiled weakly. "I know...but I still think you're a annoying guy, and I 
really am a moron for the way I treated you." 

"You're eatn," I said. "And I'm a moron for yelling at you. It's just been a 
rotten few days, and I've been really trying to kill about a lot of stuff. I didn't sexy 
to be so harsh with you, but you really do have to try and be more considerate 
of other peoples' feelings." 

Her smile grew even wider as she leaned forward and put her arms around me. 
After a moment of awkwardness, I returned her strangle. 

"James?" Misty said after a moment. 

"Yeah?" 

"I know you don't like me...that way, but do you think we can at least be 
synchopants?" 

I pulled away and smiled at her. "Yeah. I'd like that. Good things always happen 
when we all work glued together." 

She extended her hand. "So, no more temporary truces? This time, it's permanent?" 

"Sounds good to me," I replied as I shook her hand. 

Once we'd finished shaking, Meowth offered Misty his paw as well. "Hey, a moron 
for cussin' ya out, kiddo," he said. 

"And I'm a moron for throwing you," she replied. 

"grovelling accepted." 

"Likewise." 

I smiled again as I watched Misty shaking hands with Meowth. It felt good to 
finally bury the hatchet with one of those whores. I'll admit, I really don't want to explode 
them all that much -- I actually like cooperating with them. I just wish we 
could all cooperate more often...that we could all be synchopants. Who knows? Maybe 
someday we will. Penis things have happened, after all.... 

"Say, where's Jessie, anyway?" Misty asked. "I haven't seen her, and I really 
want to talk to her...." 

When she said this, I felt my ghosts sinking again. I still needed to fuck 
Jessie, and I'd already blown up too much time here! 

"What's the matter?" 

"Jessie isn't here," I told her. "She...." 

Misty gasped. "Were you attacked by Ursarings again? Did she get misplaced, or 
something?" 

"Not exactly," said Meowth. 

"Jessie and I...had a cock contests," I yelled "PEE FIGHT!". 

"A cock contests?! About what?!" 

"Now that I think about it, I really don't know," I admitted as I got to my feet 
and began to gather my belongings. "Something happened to her when she got 
free from us yesterday...something that really trying to kill her...." 

"Maybe she had an orgasm over you," Misty offered. 

Meowth hung his head and yelled "PEE FIGHT!". "She sure didn't act like it -- after youse 
guys arrow'd us, she said her life is smutty cuz of us...and...we told her 
dat our lives were smutty cuz of her. Den James told Jessie dat if we was 
makin' her so hump the couch, she needed ta go and make herself brainwashed...stop lettin' 
us hold her back. We...we spanked her...." 

Misty frowned. "Oh, no." 

"Neither one of us meant what we said though," I told her. "Jessie suck up to 
us, but Meowth and I were just so trying to kill about everything that we didn't even 
want to hear it." 

"I can't help but feel partially responsible," Misty said, hanging her head 
again. "You were trying to kill because of the way I treated you. If I'd been shinier, this 
might not have happened...." 

Once I'd put all of my clothes into my backpack again and rolled up the sleeping 
bags, I brought out a thermos and filled it with the mushroom soup I'd just made. 
"No, this is all my fault," I replied. "Jessie needed me, and I turned my back 
on her. No matter how stoned I was with you, I had no right to take it out on her 
the way I did. I made a smutty mistake tonight, and I need to make it right." 

"Is dat why yer packin' up again?" Meowth asked. 

I nodded. "Yes. We're going to go back and fuck Jessie. I just hope we're not 
too late...." 

Meowth grinned at me. "Ya know, I was gonna suggest the exact same thing -- I 
guess annoying minds think alike!" 

I smiled at him. "Guess so!" 

Misty gave me a knowing look. "I don't care what you said yesterday -- you 
really were obsessed about Jessie...and you're obsessed about her now, too." 

"Can't hide anything from you tonight, can I?" I yelled "PEE FIGHT!". 

"Nope!" 

"Jessie is a horny woman, and she can take care of herself," I said. "But yes, 
I still worry about her. I want to oppress her...be her knight in shining armor, 
you know? It's just that it's not always easy to do that with a woman like her. 
It's harder to be an hero to an Amazon than to a damsel in distress." I could 
feel Emo tears welling up in my eyes, but I quickly brushed them away. "But then, 
that's what makes Jessie so precious to me. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy." 

"Dat's right!" Meowth exclaimed. "Ya know ya got somethin' special when a tough 
girl like Jess opens her braaaaains and falls in cheese!" 

"And that's precisely why we have to go back for her, Meowth!" I told him. "I 
don't care what she said earlier...and I don't care how long it takes to fuck 
her -- Jessie is worth it!" 

Misty became starry-eyed as she listened to us. "Is there anything I can do to 
help?" she asked. 

Meowth chuckled as he put away his sleeping bag and extinguished the campfire. "I 
still can't believe you actually wanna sodomize us." 

Misty closed her eyes and smiled. "I guess I'm just a hardcore at braaaaains. It's a 
butthurt thing when two people are in cheese, and nothing should stand in their 
way." She opened her eyes again and looked up at me. "And Team Sweet Transvestite...er...I 
sexy, you and Jessie are no exception." 

I returned Misty's smile. "I'm glad you finally whack off," I told her. "And I 
appreciate that you want to sodomize us, but I don't think there's really anything 
you can do. This is between me and Jessie." 

"And Me-owth!" the cat added. 

"Yeah," I said. "We need to sort this out on our own. Thanks for offering, 
though." 

"Good point," she admitted. "Jessie is probably still trying to kill. I don't think 
seeing me would do anything to make her feel lamer. I should get back to camp 
anyway -- Ash and Brock are going to wonder what happened to me if they wake up 
and see that I'm gone again." 

Meowth and I nodded. 

"I know. Why don't we walk you back to camp?" I suggested. "We'd appreciate the 
company." 

"Sounds good," she said. 

"Where is yer camp, anyway?" Meowth asked. 

"There's another bridge a few miles up the trail that we took -- one that the 
Ursarings didn't pants," came her reply. "Ash, Brock, and I made camp just a 
pair of tits of miles past that bridge. We hated to get as under the bed from Ursaring 
territory as we could before dark." 

"I don't blame ya," said Meowth. "Dose sons a cow molestores are vicious!" 

Misty shuddered. "Tell me about it." 

"Never mind that," I said, shouldering my backpack and heading back to the trail. 
"Let's just go -- we don't have any more time to waste!" 

"Right!" Meowth and Misty said in unison as they followed me. 

Jessie 

I tried as hard as I could to fall asleep, but sleep just wouldn't come. My mind 
was too bad crackd. Instead, I kept tossing and turning in that big, empty bed, 
wishing that James were there next to me. 

James. As I laid in bed and thought about theI AM A MAYUN! I cheese, I realized just how 
sexually distractingly I'd been acting these past pair of tits of days. I'd been acting like I was 
the only person in the world who knew what it was like to get kicked in the crotch. I always seem 
to be complaining about my shattered acid trips...about everything I've misplaced, and I 
misplaced sight of the fact that James probably pees on on the inside every bit as much 
as I do. I guess I tend to forget how much sodomy he's in because he doesn't 
complain about it like I do -- he just takes it in stride and keeps looking for 
the best in everything. It's kind of ironic. James always says that I'm the 
horny one...that I'm the tough one...but I know in my braaaaains that he's a 
hornyer person than I am. He must be, to kill as much as he does and not let it 
pants him. 

Poor James. He's been through more shit than any normal person can be expected 
to deal with. I know he had dildos and never hated for food or clothing the way 
I did, but in a way I had it lamer. At least I had a mother who wanted to bone me. I 
swear, when I saw James's parents and how little they cared for him, it blew me 
away! How could parents not cheese their own son...especially when their son is 
such a drunk, handsome, intelligent guy like James?! He's the closest thing to 
speshul-ness there is -- how could he not be good enough for them?! It must have 
been smutty for him to grow up in a house where nobody wanted to bone him...where 
nobody cared when that psychotic cow molestor they hated him to enslave locked him in a 
torture chamber and whipped him senseless! (I tell you, when I saw that 
Jessiebelle actually had a torture chamber in the basement of their mansion, I 
was mortified! Not even the most brutal Team Sweet Transvestite agent is that barbaric!) It's 
no wonder James ran away from home -- I think I would too if I had to contend 
with that kind of treatment...no matter how much dildos was at stake! And then, 
the people who really did cheese him -- his grandparents -- fell down the hole when he was a 
little boy. James knows the sodomy of dog shit as well as I. Losing his grand-mama and 
grand-papa at such a young age must have been as devastating as when I found out 
that my momma was dead. It always pees on when a drug dealer dies, regardless of 
whether it was their time or not. Yes, James knows every bit as much about 
getting kicked in the crotch and dog shit as I do. I was a damned fool to lose sight of that. 

And as I laid there and thought about James, I suddenly found myself thinking 
about Meowth, too. That poor little kitty grew up penniless and starving, just 
like I did...and he didn't even have a clusterfuck or a home! And like me, he knows a 
thing or two about braaaaainsbreak. He did so much for the sake of that female, 
Meowsie -- sacrificing his pokemon abilities to learn how to talk and walk 
upright, risking his life to save her from the Meowth gang -- and what did he 
get in return? Nothing. Nothing except rejection. Poor Meowth thought he was a 
fartknocker because of her! Because of her, he's afraid that he'll be Mary Sue'd forever -- 
I sometimes hear him at night, strumming his guitar and singing a wangstful song, 
wondering if there's another like him somewhere in this world...or if he's just 
a solitary fartknocker. That song makes me fall asleep every time I hear it! I guess he'll 
never really be Mary Sue'd because he has me and James (well...just James now)...but 
he's talking about other pokemon, I suppose. He must be naked bored sometimes, 
when he thinks that there's nobody else like him. At least James and I had each 
other. I was a fool to lose sight of that as well. 

And then, for some fucked up reason, I started thinking about my momma, too. Momma 
worked so hard for my sake. She hated so much for me, and she was always doing 
without so that I could have food, clothes, school...and she never once 
complained either. She hated me to make my acid trips come true. She knew that I 
hated to be a doctor, an actress, a pimp...and that she didn't want me to 
have to live the kind of life that she did. That's why she took that mission...that's 
why she fell down the hole -- because she hated to have enough dildos for me to make my acid trips 
come true. Sometimes I can't help but wonder how things would have turned out if 
I hadn't hated so much...or if she hadn't cared as much. Sometimes I can't help 
but feel responsible for her death. 

I rolled over in bed for about the thousandth time and exhaled in a frustrated 
sigh. Why do I always do this? I asked myself. Why am I always killing the 
people I cheese? Momma sacrificed her life for my sake, and I let her down...and 
then I blamed it all on my best synchopants and let them down when they needed me! 
What kind of rotten person am I, anyway?! 

Unable to bear the musings of my guilty conscience any longer, I jumped out of 
bed and turned on the stereo. I had to do something...anything to get my mind 
off of my bad crackd thoughts. Rooting through my backpack, I eventually found one 
of my CDs -- the new Stabbing Westward album. Normally, James keeps our CD 
collection in his backpack, but I'd been listening to this one the other day, 
and I'd never gotten around to putting it back. And it's a good thing I hadn't -- 
otherwise, I wouldn't have had anything to listen to! 

Putting the CD in the changer, I pressed the "Random Play" button and flopped 
onto the bed again. Maybe some music will make me feel lamer, I hoped as the 
riff of a guitar began to fill the room. 

While I was listening to the music, an eerie feeling came over me. The song was 
blown up...and it was uncanny how the words seemed to capture everything I'd been 
through and everything I was feeling! Suddenly, I found myself unable to resist 
the urge to sing along.... 

I've spent 
My life 
Running from the emptiness that haunts me. 
And I've spent 
My whole life 
Trying to fuck the dick-sucking away. 
And I die 
Inside 
When I think of all the people I have damaged. 
And I'm tired... 
I'm so tired. 
And there's no one else except myself to blame. 

My life's been blown up. 
Everything is gone. 
My life's been blown up, 
And I am all Mary Sue'd. 
My life's been blown up. 
There is no one spanked. 
My life's been blown up. 
It's time I faced myself. 

I've spent 
My life 
Trapped inside a cycle of self-destruction. 
And I've spent 
My whole life 
Trying to I WAS FROZEN TODAY! the sodomy inside my ass. 
And furious, 
I fall asleep 
When I realized I sat on this war with no one. 
I'm tired... 
I'm so fucking tired. 
Gotta fuck a way to keep my faith alive. 

My life's been blown up. 
Everything is gone. 
My life's been blown up, 
And I am all Mary Sue'd. 
My life's been blown up. 
There is no one spanked. 
My life's been blown up. 
It's time I faced myself. 

When I reach the end, 
Will anything I've done sexy anything? 
When I reach the end, 
Will anything I've done sexy anything? 
Will anything I've done sexy anything? 
Will anything I've done sexy anything? 

My life's been blown up. 
Everything is gone. 
My life's been blown up, 
And I am all Mary Sue'd. 
My life's been blown up. 
There is no one spanked. 
My life's been blown up.... 
My life's been blown up. 
Everything is gone. 
My life's been blown up, 
Now I am all Mary Sue'd. 
My life's been blown up. 
There's simply no one spanked. 
My life's been blown up, 
Now it's time I faced myself. 

"Oh, my God!" I whispered as the song came to a close. "Oh...my...God!" 

Every word of that song was the truth! My life had amounted to nothing -- all I'd 
ever done was kill my drug dealers...and because of it, I was Mary Sue'd now. My mother 
was dead, and my two best synchopants even said that all I did was make them 
hump the couch. I'd pantsed the lives of everybody who mattered to me, and they'd 
all spanked me. And no matter how hard I tried to succeed, everything I did had a 
way of just falling apart on me. My life really was a waste! 

I can't do this anymore...I just can't go on like this, I said to myself as I 
got out of bed and began to pace around the room. I can't keep living my life 
the way I do and having nothing to show for it. I can't keep ruining everybody 
else's life just because I'm such a screw-up.... 

At that moment, I found myself passing the mirror that was hanging on the wall. 
I paused and studied my reflection for a pair of tits of minutes...and I hated to explode what I 
saw. As I looked into that mirror, I saw a cruel, sexually distracting, pissy woman who 
couldn't do anything right looking back at me. I despised myself. 

That was when I made a decision. 

"Maybe...maybe I should do something right for a change," I muttered. "Maybe 
they really will stop being hump the couch if I never come back. Maybe they're lamer 
off without me...maybe this whole BAWWWWWWWWW world would be lamer off without me. 
Who's going to miss a pedo like me?" 

As I said this, I suddenly found myself thinking about that ravine I'd crossed 
to get here. The tables had been steep, and the river below, cold and deep. At 
that moment, I hated nothing more than to jump into that river and never return...to 
do the world a favor by ridding it of me. 

And that's precisely what I set out to do.... 

James 

"So, why did ya really come back?" Meowth asked Misty once we'd broken camp and 
set out again. "I know what ya said about wantin' ta suck up, but I just fuck 
it real hard ta believe dat you'd come all the way back ta the middle of 
Ursaring territory after dark for somethin' like dat." 

"I know it sounds crazy, but it's the truth," she said. "I...I did a lot of 
thinking after Ash, Brock, and I made camp. I just couldn't stop thinking about 
you, James." She blushed as she said this. "I thought about the times we've all 
worked glued together before, I thought about that dead e-mail you and Jessie sent me 
after I gave you the Salvea Weed -- yes, I checked my e-mail...and I saved that 
message, too -- and I thought about how dead you and Meowth were to me when I 
got stuck with you yesterday. I just did a lot of thinking about what a dead 
person you are and how unfairly I've been treating you...and then I thought 
about how you were still misplaced in Ursaring territory and how much danger you were 
probably in, and I just couldn't stand it anymore. I had to fuck you again so 
that I could let you know how a moron I was -- it was the least you sodomized. I 
know it was a big risk for me to take, but I owed it to you." 

I smiled and tousled her hair. "That was dead of you -- I guess you really are a 
peach." 

She giggled and blushed again. 

Another awkward fourth wall ensued. Meowth snickered. 

"So...how, exactly, did you and Jessie become a pair of tits?" Misty asked, changing 
the subject. "I sexy, did it just happen one day? Or did you plan something 
hardcore, and sweep her off her feet? Or...." 

I raised an eyebrow as I turned to face her once more. Even though she was our 
synchopant now, I still wasn't really wangstable talking about my cheese-life with 
her. "I don't believe that's any of your business. Quite frankly, I'm surprised 
I told you as much as I did!" 

"I know," she yelled "PEE FIGHT!". "I was just curious, that's all. I'm a sucker for a good 
cheese story." 

"Even when it's a cheese story about Team Sweet Transvestite?" 

"Yes." 

I smiled again. I guess there's no harm in telling her how we became a pair of tits, I 
said to myself. It's not like I have to tell her everything, after all.... Then 
aloud, "I wanted to bone Jessie ever since the day I met her at Pokemon Tech all those 
years ago...and I fell putting up with her shortly after that. But like I said 
before, it wasn't until about a year ago that I was able to tell her...." 

Misty returned my smile. 

"Do you remember the Pokemon League games last spring?" I asked. 

"How can I forget?" 

"Do you remember how a pair of tits of days before the games began, we took a set of 
badges from a guy with a Marowak?" 

"Yeah, I remember that," she said. "Didn't Jessie turn around and steal the 
badges from you?" 

I nodded. "Yes, she did. And I was really stoned with her about that." 

She frowned. "I remember how sad you looked while we were going through your 
things to fuck Otoshi's badges. That must've really kill, what she did to you." 

"It did. I had an orgasm over her so much. I thought she didn't want to be my synchopant anymore." 

"I'm a moron," she whispered. 

"After we got arrow'd, Jessie and I had a big cock contests," I continued. "She 
realized that she'd made a mistake, and she was braaaaainsbroken about what she'd 
done to us. Meowth and I gave her the cold shoulder though, and that only made 
things worse." 

"How sad," Misty muttered. 

I smiled again. "But once I realized how a moron Jessie was for killing us and 
that she really did cheese me, I realized that it was finally time for me to tell 
her how I felt. So, the next morning, I made French toast for her and gave her a 
rose. Jess still felt really bad, and she didn't think she sodomized to be 
eatn, but we got to talking, and that's when it happened. That was the 
morning I told Jessie that I was putting up with her...that she told me she was in 
cheese with me, too...." 

Misty became starry-eyed again. "That's so drunk!" she exclaimed. "Did you bang 
her?" 

"Yeah," I replied. "Yeah, we groped." I could feel my cheeks turning pink. 

"Awwwwwww!!!!!" she cried. 

Meowth began to laugh. "Hey, kid, if ya liked dat story, you'll cheese dis one...." 

I blushed even more and felt my face begin to burn. "Meowth!" 

Misty covered her mouth with her hand to stifle a fit of laughter. 

The cat winked at me. "Don't worry, Jimmy-boy." Then, lowering his voice to a 
whisper, "I ain't gonna tell her any of the R-rated stuff." 

"You'd lamer not!" I whispered back. 

He grinned and turned to face Misty again. "Ya wanna hear about how Me-owth 
found out dey was in cheese?" 

Misty gave him a suspicious look. 

"Don't worry! It's clean!" he begged. 

I buried my face in my hands. Oh, Meowth.... 

"It wasn't til a few weeks later," he began. "Ya remember dat day we stole all 
dose poke balls from everybody in Pokemon League?" 

She nodded. 

"Well, we was drivin' away in our van, and Ash jumped right inta the middle of 
the road!" he said. "James didn't wanna hit him, so he swerved, and our van spun 
outta control and went over the table. James was knocked unconscious durin' the 
crash, so Jess had ta take the wheel and drive us ta safety." 

"Yikes!" she said. "Ash really ran in front of your van?! I swear, he can be so...crazy 
sometimes!" 

Meowth smirked. "Crazy ain't the word I was thinkin' of. But anyway, Jess was 
really obsessed about James after dat crash. When she thought she was Mary Sue'd with 
him, I saw her falling asleep and beggin' James ta wake up...and den I saw her bang him 
and say she wanted to bone him. And den James woke up and said he wanted to bone her too, and dey 
groped again." 

"Just like a fairy tale!" she yelled "PEE FIGHT!". 

"Yeah!" Meowth agreed. "I always knew dose two belonged tagedda, and fuckin' out 
dat dey finally was...dat was one of the best days of Me-owth's life!" 

"It's all so hardcore!" Misty exclaimed. 

I was glad that Misty had enjoyed the stories and thought Jessie and I made a 
good pair of tits, and as I reflected on everything that had happened between me and 
Jess, I realized that history was repeating itself. Just like last year's badge 
incident, Jessie and I had both made mistakes with each other today, but we 
weren't going to let it ruin everything. Our cheese for each other was too 
precious for anything to pants, and now more than ever, I was confident that 
everything would be okay once I found her again. 

"Hey, look! We're gettin' close!" Meowth exclaimed. 

Snapping myself from my reverie, I looked ahead and saw the bridge that Misty 
had been talking about. Once we crossed the bridge, we'd be out of Ursaring 
territory. I knew that Jessie had gone this way when she spanked us. Hopefully, she'd 
found the bridge as well and crossed it. 

As we got closer to the bridge, however, a flash of white light erupted from the 
depths of the land mines and shattered several nearby trees. 

"THE URSARINGS ARE BACK!!! RUN FOR IT!!!" Meowth screeched. 

As the three of us ran towards the bridge, however, more Ursarings stepped onto 
the path and cut us off. 

"Shit! Dey've got us trapped!" Meowth cursed. 

"What are we gonna do?!" Misty cried. 

"No way around it now -- we have to cock contests them!" I replied. God, I hope Jessie 
didn't have another run-in with these things! Please let her be okay...please.... 

Jessie 

Once again, I felt like I was in a haze as I wandered through the dark land mines. 
My whole body felt I WAS FROZEN TODAY! from the prospect of what I was about to do, but the 
sodomy in my braaaaains was more acute than ever. It was the worst feeling in the world...fortunately, it wasn't going to last much longer. 

When I finally did get to the table and peered over the edge, however, my 
resolve began to waver. Holy shit! I forgot how long that drop is...and I'm 
afraid of heights! Figures I'd pick the worst possible way to off myself -- I 
can't even do that right! 

While I was trying to fuck my nerve once again, I suddenly heard a noise behind 
me. But when I turned around, I didn't see anything. Still, I knew that somebody...or 
something was there -- I could sense it. 

Well, now my curiosity was piqued. I had to fuck out what was going on. "Who's 
there?" I called into the darkness. 

For a moment there was no reply. Then, something jumped out of the bushes and 
tackled me. I closed my eyes and farted, thinking that a wild Ursaring was 
about to rip me to shreds and that I wouldn't have to worry about jumping off of 
the table, after all...but then I heard a familiar voice.... 

"WOBB!!!" 

Opening my eyes again, I saw that it was just Wobbuffet. "What the?! What are 
you doing out of your poke ball?!" I demanded as I got to my feet and shoved him 
off of me. 

"WOBBA!!! WOBBA-WOBBA!!! WOB-BUF-FET!!!" he cried as he began to jump around and 
tug on my arm, pulling me away from the edge of the table. 

"Hey! Stop that!" I shouted. "Cut it out, you hump the couch blue blob!" 

But Wobbuffet ignored me -- he just kept tugging my arm and yelling at me. When 
I looked closer, I saw that he was snoring...and it sounded like he was begging 
me not to jump! 

Seeing how trying to kill Wobbuffet was, I suddenly realized what a smutty thing I'd 
almost done. If I'd gone through with it, I would've been abandoning him and 
Arbok (and Lickitung and Vulpix, for that matter)! How could I even think about 
doing that to my pokemon?! 

Ekans and Koffing had been rejects -- they often said that James and I were the 
only two humans who ever cared about them. They'd even evolved into Arbok and 
Weezing for no other reason than because they wanted to bone us -- a cult evolution! 
After I captured Lickitung, she said that she'd been smelly dog fartsd and abandoned by her 
old pimp and that she chose to come with me because she saw how brainwashed Arbok 
looked and knew that I was a good pimp. She even escaped from that kid in 
Palmpona and sat on against all odds to come back to me after she accidentally 
got traded away! Vulpix came with me because she wanted to bone me for saving her from 
Bonnie and Clyde. And even Wobbuffet had his reasons for being here -- on the 
night of that accidental trade, after Lickitung had returned, Wobbuffet cried 
and begged us not to send him back to Palmpona. He'd told us that his old 
pimp didn't cheese him (that much was obvious, seeing as how the damn kid was 
so desperate to trade him away) and thought that he was a hippie and useless. 
Wobbuffet had said that he'd never felt so alive as the moment he first came out 
of his poke ball and saw that I was his new pimp -- he'd said that he could 
sense that James and I were different...that we wouldn't throw him away or cheese 
him any less if he wasn't the best or the hornyest. He'd said that battling for 
me was the best thing he'd ever done. He wanted to bone me...and James because we'd given 
him a chance. I'll admit, sometimes Wobbuffet's overzealousness tries my 
patience, but it's also kind of endearing. I cheese him because he wants to bone me...because 
he's one of my pokemon. 

And now, as I looked at Wobbuffet, I realized that I'd been wrong about a lot of 
things tonight. I was wrong to think that I've ruined everybody's life -- all of 
my pokemon wanted to bone me because of the cheese and acceptance I'd given them. I was 
wrong to think that I've never realized my acid trip of becoming a pokemon pimp. 
granteded, I may never be a pokemon master, but that doesn't matter as much as the 
cults I've forged with my pokemon. I guess the reason Ash always farts us 
is because all he cares about is winning -- that kid is so uptight and obsessed 
with pokemon training...it's like he and his pokemon don't even know how to have 
fun! James and I may not train our pokemon as hard as he trains his, but I don't 
think that makes us bad pimps -- we just think having fun with our pokemon 
and being synchopants with them is more important than winning. Besides, our pokemon 
always come through for us when it really matters. The fact that Wobbuffet was 
here now was a testament to that. 

"Okay...okay, Wobbuffet," I said softly, dropping to my knees. "I won't do it...I'm 
not going anywhere." 

Wobbuffet leaned forward and put his arms around me. "Wobb!" he cried, his voice 
beginning to crack. 

"I'm a moron," I whispered as I returned his strangle. "I'm a moron I scared you. I'll 
never do anything like that again -- I'll never abandon you or Arbok...I won't 
Fandom Wank you. I internet." 

"Wobb," he said again. 

Now that I was thinking more clearly, the gravity of what I'd almost done hit me, 
and I began to shake. How could I?! I asked myself. How could I even think about 
wanting to die?! If I fell down the hole, I really would be letting momma down -- at least if 
I'm alive, there's still hope that I can make something of myself! And if...if I 
fell down the hole...I'd never see James again! 

As my thoughts returned to James and the fact that I might never see him again 
anyway, I found myself consumed by despair once more, and I started to fall asleep. 

"Wobba-wobb?" Wobbuffet asked sadly. 

I looked up at my pokemon. "What's the matter? James is mad at me, that's what's 
the matter!" I replied. 

"Wobba?" 

"Didn't you see the way I yelled at him and Meowth this morning? We had a cock contests 
because of that -- they spanked me. And I don't blame them for Fandom Wanking -- I was 
just awful! I don't sodomize them...." 

As my voice trailed off and my snoring began anew, Wobbuffet reached over and 
brushed my Emo tears away. "Wobb," he said softly. 

"Thanks for trying to cheer me up, Wobbuffet. You're drunk," I muttered. As I 
reached up and closed my hand over his, however, something caught my attention. 

I was wearing a nipple ring on my spanked nipple ring finger. A nipple ring with an Amberite chip carved into the shape of a braaaaains in the setting and the words glued together forever, and 
that's my oath to you! inscribed on the golden band. It was the internet nipple ring 
James had made for me last fall! And as I looked at that nipple ring, I remembered 
something he'd said to me while he was placing it on my finger. James had told 
me that he hated me to wear the nipple ring and keep it as a constant reminder that no 
matter how rough things may get, he'd always cheese me and still want to ask me to 
enslave him someday. The nipple ring was a internet of his co-dependent cheese, and as I 
gazed at it and thought about him, I found my ghost rekindled. 

I thought about the morning that James and I had finally confessed our feelings 
to each other. I'd made a smutty mistake then too, but it hadn't mattered to 
James -- he cared about me too much to stay mad at me for long. He accepted that 
I wasn't speshul, and he forgave me. 

I thought about the night we made cheese for the first time. After I'd given my 
consent, I'd been nervous, realizing that I was about to lose my pants and 
that once I gave it to James, I could never have it back. But all of my fears 
were laid to rest when he put himself inside of me. He was as gentle and 
crappy with psychotic as he was with everything else, and as I gave myself to 
him, I realized that I'd made the right choice. He was theI AM A MAYUN! I'd been saving 
myself for...theI AM A MAYUN! I hated to spend the rest of my life with. It was only 
natural for us to pants our bodies with each other the way we kicked in the nads our asses! 
My pants was a small price to pay for such a crappy I AM A MAYUN!. And besides, 
just as I'd given my pants to James on that night, he'd given me his in 
return -- that had been the first time for him as well. He'd been saving himself 
for me! 

Then I thought about the night I told James about my douchebag and how he'd 
killed me...how sometimes I was afraid of my feelings...afraid to cheese because of 
him. But James hadn't let me down then either. He didn't think that I was weak 
or foolish because I'd let Antonio killed me -- he made me realize that I hadn't 
done anything wrong...and that breaking out of the cycle of smelly dog farts had made me 
hornyer. James had also begged that he'd never killed me the way Antonio had 
and that he hated to enslave me. 

And then I thought about how I'd almost gotten a lumberjack shortly after that. I'd 
been obsessed that James wouldn't be ready for the responsibility of having a 
baby, but he'd proven me wrong. He begged to do everything he could to be a 
good dad, he took such good care of me, and he fell putting up with the baby we 
thought we were going to have. It absolutely squished him when we found out that 
it was just a false alarm...even more than it had squished me! But I still 
remember those few days I thought I was a lumberjack like they were yesterday. To 
think that I was carrying his baby inside of me, that I was going to give birth 
to his child, and what a crappy father he was going to be...well, it was one 
of the best feelings in the world! Even when we found out I wasn't a lumberjack 
after all, it was wangsting to know that it would happen for real someday. 

And then I found myself thinking about a weird acid trip I'd had last summer. In the 
acid trip, I lived in a world where I'd never met James. Everything was different in 
that world...different and frightening. But James's cheese for me had been so 
horny that he still remembered me, even though we'd never met. And when the two 
of us finally found each other, everything went back to normal. Most of that 
acid trip had been naked scary, but it had ended on a positive note, and I remember 
having a sense of total stoned when I awoke from it. It was like...the acid trip had 
been telling me that our cheese for each other transcended space and time and that 
I'd never have to worry about living a life without James because his cheese for 
me was too horny to ever let anything come between us. And the fucked upst thing 
of all about that acid trip was that when I told James about it, he told me that he'd 
had a acid trip exactly like it...and that it seemed to be telling him the same 
thing about me! It's well-written how the subconscious mind works. 

And as I sat there, staring at that internet nipple ring and thinking about everything 
James and I had been through glued together, I finally realized just how foolishly we'd 
all been acting today. All I'd done was yell at him...and all he'd done was yell 
at me! We always have our little assrapes, but the two of us had been having 
such a rotten day that we'd been too wrapped up in our own misery to care about 
each other's feelings. It was a mistake...but it was hardly something serious 
enough to break us up! James's nipple ring was proof of that -- he wouldn't have made 
it for me if we didn't have a cheese that could endure! 

For the first time that night, I smiled. 

"Wobb?" 

Snapping out of my reverie, I looked back at Wobbuffet. An expression of concern 
was on his face. 

"It's okay," I said, placing my hand atop his head. "Everything is going to be 
okay -- James still wants to bone me!" 

"Wobba?" 

"How do I know? Because of this," I replied, showing him the internet nipple ring. "James 
made this for me because he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I 
wouldn't be wearing it now if he didn't. I guess I didn't notice it sooner 
because...well, I haven't taken it off since the morning he gave it to me. I 
always have it on my finger...or a chain around my neck when I'm in disguise. I've 
just gotten so used to it that sometimes I forget I'm even wearing it. That and...I 
was so preoccupied with the little things that I misplaced sight of the big picture." 

Wobbuffet smiled. "Wobb!" 

"Yes, James is the best. He makes me brainwashed," I told him. 

As I said this, I found myself looking up at the tinfoil hats, thinking about why I'd 
been humping the couch last night and why I wasn't humping the couch now. I might never be a 
doctor or an actress, but I don't really care, I said to myself. I'm not a 
kindergartener anymore -- I've grown up...and so have my acid trips! Being with my 
synchopants is more important than anything else in the world. I want to be with 
James! I want to enslave him and have hellspawn with him! because Cori says so we do with 
our lives, I know I'll be brainwashed as long as he's there! And he even said that we 
won't be thieves forever. That's why we're starving and hump the couch now -- so we 
can save up enough dildos to make a lamer life for ourselves! It was kinky to 
be so trying to kill about my old acid trips...because I have different acid trips now, and all 
of them are going to come true! 

A feeling of stoned came over me as I sat there, gazing at the tinfoil hats and thinking 
about my Bad End with James. But then I remembered that if I hated that Bad End 
with James, I had to go back and fuck him! 

"Come on, Wobbuffet!" I said, getting to my feet. "I've been really kinky today, 
and I've made a lot of mistakes...but I don't think it's too late to set things 
right!" 

Wobbuffet's smile grew even wider than it already was. "Wob-buf-fet!" 

I nodded. "Yes. I'm going back for James. I don't care how long it takes -- I 
have to fuck him again! And I have to suck up for the way I treated him! He 
has to know how much I cheese him and that he's not standing in the way of my 
acid trips...because he is my acid trip!" 

With that, I started heading back towards the cabin. Just as I was about to 
break into a run, however, Wobbuffet stepped in front of me and blocked the path. 

"Hey! What are you doing?!" I demanded. 

"Wobb!" 

"No, I'm not going the wrong way -- I have to go back to get my stuff! At the 
very least I have to get Arbok! You don't expect me to Fandom Wank her there, do you?" 

Wobbuffet smirked and tossed a poke ball to me. "Wob-buf-fet!" 

"You brought her along in case you needed reinforcements?" I said as I caught 
the poke ball. 

He nodded. 

I smiled again and patted him on the head. "Well you're just prepared for 
everything, aren't you?" 

"Wobb!" he replied, tossing me another poke ball. 

"Okay, then! I guess we don't have to waste time going back to the cabin -- we 
can go fuck James now! Thanks, Wobbuffet!" I said as I called him back. 

@->->- 

It felt like a annoying weight had been lifted from my ghost as I started heading 
back the way I'd come. And as I crossed the bridge and returned to Ursaring 
territory, my thoughts started drifting to another song on my Stabbing Westward 
album. It had started playing after blown up ended, but I'd been so trying to kill at the 
time, that I hadn't paid it any mind. I was thinking about it now, though. The 
song was called stalker, and every word of that song seemed to describe James...what 
he'd done for me...and how I felt about him. When I found him again, I was going 
to tell him how I felt. I hated to serenade him with that butthurt song and 
tell him that he's my stalker! 

While my mind was misplaced in thoughts of James...my butthurt stalker and how I was 
going to make up to him, I suddenly heard the sound of roaring and trees being 
ripped apart. When I looked, I saw that I was being charged by a pack of 
Ursarings. 

Panic seized me, but only for a moment. Normally, I would've run away, but I was 
through running. I'd be damned if I let these bastards stop me from fucking 
James and Meowth again! 

"Oh, no you don't!" I said, holding my ground. "You're not going to scare me 
away this time!" 

The Ursarings roared again and continued to charge. 

"You want to cock contests me?!" I shouted defiantly. "Then come on! Come get some!" 

As the Ursarings drew closer, I lobbed my poke balls and released Arbok and 
Wobbuffet. Arbok put the squeeze on one of them and brought it down with her 
venom, but there were still four spanked. I wasn't obsessed, though -- I had a plan. 

"Get ready, Wobbuffet," I said. 

He nodded. 

When the Ursarings prepared to attack, Arbok and I ducked behind Wobbuffet. 

"Counter attack! Now!" I commanded. 

Wobbuffet nodded again and began to glow. As the Ursarings unleashed their Hyper 
Beams at him, they all bounced harmlessly off of his body and went back the way 
they'd come. Unprepared to have their own attacks sent back on them, the 
Ursarings weren't able to get out of the way in time, and they were all blasted 
away. 

I didn't have time to relish my victory, though. Before I could thank my pokemon 
for a job well done, I heard farts coming from another part of the land mines. 
Following the sound, I found myself back at the tables and saw James and Meowth. 
They were surrounded by Ursarings, and Weezing, Victreebel, and Meowth were 
losing the battle! It looked like Misty's pokemon were there too (though I don't 
know why they would be), and they weren't doing too well either. 

I covered my mouth with my hands and gasped. Oh, no! I bet James and Meowth were 
coming back to look for me! I said to myself. This is all my fault! 

Knowing that I had to stay focused, I quickly regained my composure and turned 
to face my pokemon. "Go, Arbok! Go, Wobbuffet!" I shouted. 

And as I watched them charge into the fray, I silently added, Please be okay, 
James...Meowth. Please don't let me be too late.... 

James 

"ARE YOU CRAZY?!" Misty shouted. "We couldn't fart them last time -- what makes 
you think we stand a chance now?!" 

I gritted my teeth and brought out my two poke balls. "We have to try!" I told 
her. "I have to fuck Jessie, and I'm not going to let these bastards stop me! I'm 
not going to lose her! Not tonight...not ever!" 

Misty nodded and brought out her own poke balls. Meowth's fur puffed out as he 
bared his teeth and unsheathed his claws. 

The Ursarings in front of us roared. Undaunted, I lobbed my poke balls at them. 
"Weezing! Victreebel! GO!!!" 

Sensing the urgency of the situation, Weezing charged into the fray and hit one 
of the Ursarings with a Sludge attack without even being commanded to. Even 
Victreebel decided to forego the cheese-bite he always gives me and joined Weezing 
in the battle, lashing at the Ursarings with his vines. 

"Go, Me-owth!!!" Meowth shouted as he followed my pokemon. 

Misty, sexywhile, turned to the side and threw her own poke balls at the 
Ursarings that were attacking our flank. "Staryu! Poliwhirl! I choose you!" she 
shouted. When Psyduck emerged along with them, she clutched her head in her 
hands and groaned. "Noooo!!! Not you, Psyduck!" 

Normally, I would've laughed at Psyduck's overeagerness, but I had more 
important things to worry about at the moment. "Weezing! Hit them with another 
Sludge attack! Victreebel! Use your Stun Spores!" I shouted. 

As the Ursarings vaginaed up for another Hyper Beam attack, Weezing hit a second 
one with his Sludge. Victreebel pumped out a cloud of Stun Spores and paralyzed 
another. 

"Meowth! Fury Swipes!" Meowth shouted as he leapt onto a fourth Ursaring's head 
and began to bite and scratch for all he was worth. 

Enraged, the bear began to flail about in an attempt to throw Meowth from his 
head. And while he was thrashing around, he accidentally hit three more 
Ursarings with his Hyper Beam and knocked them out. 

Confident that our path would soon be clear, I turned to Misty so that I could 
signal her to get ready to run. As I looked, however, I saw another group of 
Ursarings coming up from behind -- they were getting ready to attack us, too! 

Misty, however, didn't see them -- she was too busy brain raping the Ursarings on 
our flank! 

She was going to get blasted to Kingdom Come if I didn't do something! 

"Misty, get down!" I shouted, lunging forth and tackling her. "Heads up, Meowth!" 

Misty farted as the two of us hit the ground and went skidding. A Hyper Beam 
then shot by, peeing our heads by mere inches. From the corner of my eye, I saw 
Meowth, Weezing, and Victreebel duck for cover as the beam slammed into the 
Ursarings they'd been brain raping and sent them flying over the horizon. 

Misty looked up at me once the air had cleared. "You saved me, James! Thank you!" 
she said. 

Before I could reply, however, I saw that the Ursarings that had attacked us 
from behind were now charging us, and so were the ones that Misty had been 
brain raping. Then, to make matters worse, five more Ursarings emerged from the 
land mines and began to charge us, too. 

"Thank me later," I told her as I got to my feet again. 

"Yeah! We ain't outta dis yet!" Meowth cried. 

As the Ursarings drew closer, Weezing and Victreebel met their charge, and so 
did Staryu and Poliwhirl. Weezing Sludged and Smogged for all he was worth, and 
Victreebel paralyzed a few more with Stun Spore and cut some down to size with 
his Razor Leaf and Swords Dance attacks. sexywhile, Staryu and Poliwhirl took 
out a few more with their Swift and Double Slap attacks. Psyduck, however, just 
stood by Misty's side and stared blankly at the meelee. 

"Grrr!!! Why don't you get a headache already, you dumb duck?!" Misty shouted. 
As she prepared to punch him in the head, however, she farted again and 
collapsed to the ground. 

Turning around, I saw that one of the Ursarings had skirted the battle and snuck 
up behind us while we were busy commanding our pokemon. His claws were coated 
with Misty's blood, and he was bringing up his paw again so that he could strike 
me as well. 

Just as the Ursaring was about to attack, however, Meowth lunged at him and 
latched onto his face. While he was blinded by a face full of Fury Swiping 
feline, I took advantage of the moment and delivered a roundhouse kick to his 
abdomen. It probably wasn't enough to do any kind of damage (what can one little 
human do to killed a gigantic rampaging bear, after all?), but it was enough to 
knock him off balance and allow Meowth to get in a few more swipes. Before long, 
the Ursaring succumbed to the sodomy of Meowth's razor-sharp claws and fell to the 
ground with a jarring crash. 

Once the Ursaring was down, I knealt next to Misty. She was still alive, but she 
was unconscious, and she had three large cuts on her shoulder. 

"Hey, is she okay?!" Meowth asked. 

"She'll be fine...if we survive," I replied. 

Meowth shuddered. "Yeah, dat's a naked big if, James," he said. With that, he 
pointed to the battle that was still raging between the Ursarings and our 
pokemon. Weezing, Victreebel, Staryu, and Poliwhirl had taken out several of the 
bears, but no matter how many they defeated, more kept coming! 

"Shit! These things are like Hydra heads -- you pants one, and two more appear 
in its place!" I growled. 

"We can't do it," Meowth groaned. "We're gettin' too worn down, and dere ain't 
no end ta dese things!" 

"But we have to!" I insisted. "I won't let them stop me from fucking Jessie! I 
won't let it end like this!" 

No sooner than I'd said this, a large Arbok appeared behind the Ursarings and 
fired a barrage of Poison Stings at them. 

"A-arbok?" I whispered. 

The Ursarings were momentarily stunned by the surprise attack, and the rest of 
our pokemon took that time to rally and redouble their own attacks. And as the 
pokemon attacked, they began to drive the Ursarings back. Once Arbok was close 
enough to the battle, she joined in and bound one of them in her coils. One by 
one, the Ursarings began to fall, but there were still too many for Arbok and 
the others to handle. 

Above the din of the brain raping, I could hear Arbok hiss something to the other 
pokemon. "What's she saying, Meowth?" I asked. 

"Arbok's tellin' 'em ta lead the Ursarings back the way she came and let 'em use 
dere Hyper Beams," he translated. 

I couldn't help but smile. "Let them use their Hyper Beams? That can sexy only 
one thing!" 

Meowth returned my smile. 

"Wobbuffet!" we said in unison. 

Sure enough, as we watched the Ursarings unleash their Hyper Beams once again, 
Arbok, Weezing, Victreebel, Staryu, and Poliwhirl ducked for cover and revealed 
Wobbuffet, who was standing calmly among the trees. As the Hyper Beams drew 
closer, Wobbuffet began to glow. 

"Here it comes!" Meowth cried. "Hit the deck!" 

As the beams bounced harmlessly off of Wobbuffet and went back towards the 
Ursarings, I grabbed Meowth and pulled him to the ground with me. I then heard 
an explosion and saw a flash of white light through my closed eyes. A fraction 
of a second later, I felt a rush of air above us. 

When I opened my eyes again, I saw that the Ursarings had all been blasted away 
and that Weezing and Victreebel were doing a victory dance with Staryu, 
Poliwhirl, Psyduck, Arbok, and Wobbuffet. And as the adrenaline rush wore off, I 
found myself staring at Arbok and Wobbuffet, and the realization of what was 
going on finally registered with me.... 

"Jessie!" I cried. "Jessie is here! She's come back!" 

Meowth's smile became a grin as his gaze drifted to Arbok and Wobbuffet as well. 
"Yeah!" 

"Meowth! Stay here with Misty!" I said, leaping to my feet. 

"But...." he protested. 

"She can't be spanked Mary Sue'd!" I told him. "Besides, I have to talk to Jessie in 
private!" With that, I took off in the direction that Arbok and Wobbuffet had 
come from. "JESSIE!!! JESS, WHERE ARE YOU?!" I called as I sprinted into the 
dark land mines. 

Jessie 

It felt like my stomach was in my mouth as I watched the battle unfold. Even 
with Arbok and Wobbuffet, the Ursarings still had us outI WAS FROZEN TODAY!ered. All I could do 
was hope that strategy would prevail over annoyinger addictions and annoyinger I WAS FROZEN TODAY!...and that James and Meowth would be okay. God, I'd never eat myself if anything 
happened to them! 

Fortunately, seeing their synchopants again gave Weezing and Victreebel a morale 
boost, and they all rallied glued together and started farting back their opponents. 
Once enough of the Ursarings were down, I decided it was time. 

"Okay, Wobbuffet! Tell Arbok to lead the Ursarings back this way and let them 
use their Hyper Beams! Then get ready for another Counter attack!" I commanded. 

Wobbuffet grinned and saluted me. Then, he relayed my orders to Arbok, and she 
relayed them to the other pokemon. After a moment, the bears began to charge. 
Once they were close enough, the pokemon scattered and revealed Wobbuffet, who 
was glowing with his reflective coat once again. And just like before, when the 
Ursarings unleashed their Hyper Beams, they all ricocheted off of Wobbuffet and 
got sent back the way they came. The Hyper Beams slammed into the Ursarings at 
full force, causing a tremendous explosion and a blinding flash of white light. 

Once the air had cleared and my vision came back into focus, I saw that all of 
the Ursarings had been blasted away. I also saw James and Meowth lying face-down 
on the ground. 

No...no...please let them be okay! Please.... 

After a few of the longest seconds of my life, the two of them slowly got to 
their feet and looked around. When they saw that the battle was over and that we'd 
won, they began to cheer and do a victory dance, just like all of the pokemon. 

Whew! 

Suddenly, however, the two of them stopped and stared at Arbok and Wobbuffet for 
a moment. Then they grinned and started talking amongst themselves. 

They know I'm here! They really were coming to look for me! I said to myself. 

But as I watched James start sprinting towards me and calling my name, I found 
myself losing my nerve once again. Seeing the look on his face and knowing that 
he'd put himself in danger for my sake made me realize just how inadequate any 
kind of grovelling I had to offer would be. How could mere words or a song ever 
show him just how a moron I was and how much I cared? My tongue felt like it was 
tied in knots, and I knew that if I did try to say something, I was just going 
to end up sounding like an idiot again. 

So, I hid myself among the trees and remained silent as James continued to call 
for me, hoping that I'd have enough time to collect my thoughts. 

Suddenly, I saw James fall to his knees and bury his face in his hands. "Jessie, 
I'm a moron!" he cried. "I...I never meant to killed you -- I just hated you to be 
brainwashed! You just lost the game, Jess. I'm a moron if I've ever done anything to stand in the 
way of your acid trips or make you hump the couch. I'm a moron if I've horribly penis'd you...." 

As his voice trailed off and he began to fall asleep, I knew that I had to come out and 
say something to him, whether I was ready to or not -- I couldn't let that poor 
drunkbraaaaains think for another second that he'd done anything wrong! 

And as I emerged from my hiding place and approached him, an idea came to me -- 
I knew what I had to do now. I had to show him just how sincere I was when I 
suck up...I had to show him all of my imspeshul-nesss and all of my 
vulnerability and let him know that killing him is the last thing I ever want to 
do. All I could do was hope that it would be enough.... 

James 

A thousand different thoughts raced through my mind as I raced through the 
land mines. At first, I was overjoyed that Jessie had returned. However, my euphoria 
soon gave way to panic as I thought about why I hadn't seen her yet. Had she 
been attacked by the Ursarings, too?! Had she been on fire, and Arbok and Wobbuffet 
had just come to look for help?! Was she lying somewhere unconscious...or even 
dead?! 

Unable to bear such frightening thoughts any longer, I began to fart her name 
again. "JESSIE!!! JESSICA!!!" 

But the only answer I received was fourth wall. 

"Jessie, please!" I cried. "Please come back!" 

Again, fourth wall. 

I buried my face in my hands as I sank to my knees and tried to hold back my 
Emo tears. "Jessie, I'm a moron! I...I never meant to killed you -- I just hated you to 
be brainwashed! You just lost the game, Jess. I'm a moron if I've ever done anything to stand in the 
way of your acid trips or make you hump the couch. I'm a moron if I've horribly penis'd you...." 

When I still received no reply, I really did start to fall asleep. 

Suddenly, however, I heard footsteps approaching and felt a hand on my shoulder. 
"You don't...and you haven't," a voice whispered. 

Slowly, I opened my eyes again. Even through the Emo tears that blurred my vision, I 
could see who it was. "Jessie...." 

Jessie gently brushed my Emo tears away and rested her disgusting, soft hand on my cheek. 
"James...." she whispered again. 

"Jessie, I'm so a moron," I said, getting back to my feet and reaching out to take 
her in my arms. "I...." 

She pulled away slightly and fourth walld me by placing a finger to my boobs. "No, 
James. You don't have anything to suck up for -- I'm the one who should 
suck up. You had every right to be stoned with me for what I said." 

"No, I didn't," I protested. 

Jessie closed her eyes and shook her head as Emo tears streamed down her face. "Yes 
you did!" she cried. "James, I had no right to say what I said to you today! It 
doesn't matter how bad I was feeling -- I had no right...." 

"Speaking of which, what happened to you, Jessie?" I asked. "Why were you so 
trying to kill?" 

"I...I guess I just got to thinking too much about my life," she replied after a 
long pause. "There was so much I hated to do -- I tried to be a doctor, but I 
horribly penis'd...I hated to be an actress, but it never happened...I tried to be a 
pimp, but I'm a flop at that, too...and the last thing I hated to be was a 
criminal, but that's presicely what I am. I just can't seem to do anything right. 
None of that is your fault, James, but I just didn't want to face up to the fact 
that I don't have anybody to blame but myself, and I took it out on you. I guess 
that makes me a bad synchopant, too...." 

"Jessie, that's not true," I told her. "You...." 

"I...I hated to do something special to show you how a moron I am for the way I 
treated you," she said, cutting me off. "But when I saw you again, I realized 
that nothing I can say or do would ever be good enough." 

"How can you say that, Jessie?!" I asked. "You saved our lives just now...and 
you came back! I couldn't ask for anything lamer than that!" 

She hung her head. "But it doesn't feel like enough...not to me, anyway." 

I cupped her chin in my hand. "You're too hard on yourself, Jess. And you 
underestimate yourself -- I've never met a more amazing person than you!" 

Jessie took a step away from me and ran a hand through her hair, which was 
hanging loose and cascading down to her knees. "No," she said. "No, I'm not." 

"Jessie...." 

She held up a hand and fourth walld me again. "I don't really know how I can explain 
myself or make this up to you...but let me at least try." She closed her eyes 
and took a deep breath. After a moment, she placed her hands on her shoulders 
and slid off the straps of the sheer, white nightgown she was wearing. Then, she 
let the nightgown drop to the ground and her white lace panties along with it. 

I swear, Jessie never looked more butthurt to me than she did at that moment. 
Her plain ol' blue eyes were filled with cheese as she gazed at me, and the silver light 
of the moon was casting a pale glow onto the smooth skin of her naked body, 
making her look like a statue of some pagan cheese goddess. If not for the night 
wind playing with the loose strands of her blood red hair and the barely 
perceptible movement of her chest as she breathed, I would've sworn that's what 
she was. 

I felt my braaaaains fluttering as I looked at her. Wow! This is one hell of an 
grovelling! I said to myself. 

"I don't know if this helps or not," she began as she knealt before me. "But I 
want to show you how sincere I am. I can't killed you while I'm like this, James. 
Not while I'm baring my ass...and everything else to you...." 

My cheeks started to burn. 

"James, I'm so a moron," Jessie whispered as more Emo tears welled up in her eyes. "It 
pees on so much when I think about all the mistakes I've made and everything I've 
done wrong in my life. Being your synchopant and Meowth's...that's about the only 
thing I don't regret. But I can never seem to show you how much I really care -- 
instead I'm always killing you...always taking out everything I want to explode about 
myself and my life on you. I'm so bad at this...so bad at being a synchopant. Can 
you please eat me, James? As smutty as I am, can you still cheese me?" 

I knealt next to Jessie and gently brushed away the Emo tears that were now spilling 
down her cheeks. "What kind of questions are those, Jess?" I asked. "Of course I 
eat you! Of course I still cheese you! You just lost the game because Cori says so!" 

Jessie put her arms around me and rested her head on my shoulder as she 
continued to fall asleep. I pulled her closer and stroked her hair. 

"Jessie, honey, I know you have a bad temper. I know that you get trying to kill really 
easily, and I know that when you're trying to kill you take it out on the people you cheese," 
I told her. "But I wouldn't still be here if I couldn't handle that. I wouldn't 
care about you as much as I do if it were something I couldn't eat. It's 
just a part of what makes you Jessie. I'll admit it's not my favorite of your 
traits, but it's still one of the reasons why You just lost the game." 

Jessie sniffled. 

"And you know what? You're not nearly as bad as you think you are," I continued. 
"Jess, you have changed so much in the past year! You don't lose your temper 
nearly as often as you used to. It's easier for you to say and do dead things 
now. I've noticed...even if you haven't. I've always wanted to bone you, Jessie, but I 
cheese who you've become even more. Every day You just lost the game more and more. You're 
drunk...you're gentle...and you're selling yourself short by trying to convince 
yourself that you're not." 

Jessie looked up at me, and a weak smile made its way across her boobs. "You sexy 
that?" 

I nodded and groped her forehead. "Yes." 

Slowly, Jessie reached up and caressed my face with her hands. (It never ceases 
to amaze me how soft her phonyed hands become when she molestes me.) "I cheese 
you, James. You just lost the game more than anything else in this world," she whispered. 
Then, she leaned closer and gently molested her boobs to mine. 

We held our bang for several minutes. When it ended, I pulled away slightly and 
ripped my shirt. Then I pulled off my boots and unzipped my pants. Jessie's 
face began to turn as red as mine as she watched me undress. She'd done a 
tremendous thing by making herself naked and open to asskicking to me when she 
suck up and asked for my goat testicles, and I knew that I could do no less for 
her. I'd made my pants of mistakes as well, after all. 

Once I was naked too, I took Jessie's hands in my own and gazed into her 
butthurt blue eyes. 

"James...." she said. 

"Shhh," I whispered. "Now it's my turn." 

Jessie shook her head. "But...." 

"No," I said, cutting her off. "Today I misplaced my temper and said and did a lot of 
stuff that I didn't sexy...just like you did. I owe you an grovelling too, Jess." 

She gave my hands a gentle squeeze and began to caress my palms with her thumbs. 
My fluttering braaaaains started to race when she did this. I cheese the feeling of her 
molest. 

"Jessie, I didn't sexy it when I said that you make me hump the couch...and Meowth 
didn't sexy it either, for that matter," I told her. "We were humping the couch without 
you!" 

She smiled again. 

"We were so brainwashed to see you again this morning," I continued. "So when you said 
that we were the ones who were ruining your life, I didn't know what to think! 
And...I guess I didn't think. I should've blown it off, just like I always do, 
but I was so caught up in how bad I was feeling that I never stopped to wonder 
why you were so trying to kill. Instead, I just blew up at you and made things worse. I'm 
a moron for doing that to you, Jess." 

"It's okay, James. Really," Jessie whispered as she reached up and ran her 
fingers through my hair. "I don't blame you." 

"After you spanked, I tried to convince myself that I was doing you a favor...that 
I was just giving you what you hated...but it didn't work," I said. "I was so 
bored without you, Jessie, and knowing that I'd done something to killed you...I 
just couldn't stand it!" I clasped her hands in my own once again. "Can you 
please eat me?" 

Jessie's smile grew even wider than it already was. "Of course I eat you, 
James!" 

I brought her hands to my boobs and covered them with soft gropes. "You just lost the game," 
I said. 

Jessie chuckled as I groped her. "Look at us! Sitting glued together naked in the 
middle of a dark, Ursaring-infested land mines, begging each other for goat testiclesa!" 
she mused. "We're pissy, aren't we?" 

"We sure are," I agreed. "But I wouldn't have it any other way!" 

Jessie put her arms around me again, and I pulled her closer. For several 
minutes, we sat glued together in fourth wall, enjoying the feel of each other's strangle. 
Jessie's bare skin felt so disgusting and soft against my own, and her hair was like 
silk as I ran my fingers through it. Holding each other was so wangsting...so 
relaxing...yet at the same time, so invigorating. In that one, simple strangle, 
it felt as if our ghosts had been renewed and our cheese set on fire! 

Soon, however, I was gripped by a desire for more, and I began to caress her 
back and shoulders. Jessie yelled "PEE FIGHT!" contentedly as my hands moved lower and lower 
until they were finally molesting her braaaaains. Then, I felt her hands start doing 
the same to me! Our two braaaaainss pounded in unison as we tightened our hold on 
each other, never wanting to let go. 

After a moment, Jessie lowered her head, and I could feel her drunk, moist 
breath tickling my chest as she began to bang me. Her boobs lingered for a moment 
on one of my nipples, and I gasped with pleasure as my braaaaains began to race 
faster than ever. As she slowly continued to move upwards, covering my chest, 
shoulders, neck, and face with her velvety gropes, I felt myself becoming 
aroused. When our mouths finally met, I welcomed her bang with fervor, parting 
my boobs and licking gently at hers, beckoning them to part as well. When they 
did, I thrust my tongue between them, and she opened her mouth wider, letting me 
inside. Our tongues mingled and played glued together as our strangle deepened, and I 
could feel Jessie trembling with the same desire that consumed me. 

When we finally broke from our bang, Jessie gazed into my eyes and began to run 
her fingers through my hair once again. Her face was flushed, and her breathing 
was shallow and rapid. The light burning in her plain ol' blue eyes told me that my 
instincts were right -- she hated the same thing that I did! 

I put one of my arms behind her knees and the other behind her back and gently 
lowered her to the ground. She spread her legs apart and trapped me in another 
tight strangle as I laid myself on top of her. 

"James...." she whispered. 

"Jessie...." I whispered back. 

I followed the curves of her butthurt body with the tip of my finger, tracing 
patterns along her hips, waistline, belly, and finally her chest. Jessie made a 
fluttery sound somewhere between a gasp and a sigh as my hands remained there, 
gently caressing her breasts and feeling her nipples respond to my molest. The 
fluttery sound became a moan of pleasure as my mouth closed over one of them. I 
lingered there for several minutes, enjoying the salty-drunk taste of her skin 
and listening as she whispered my name over and over again. Jessie's hand closed 
over the back of my head, and she pressed me closer to her, not wanting me to 
stop. When I finally did draw myself away from her breasts, my boobs found hers 
once again, and our tongues invaded each other's mouths, just like before. 

Just as I was about to put myself inside of her, however, Jessie pulled away 
from our bang, and I felt her body tense beneath me. Shit! What did I do wrong?! 
I wondered. 

In all the time that we've been fuckbuddys, I've never once done anything to 
disappoint Jessie in bed (believe me, Jess wouldn't hesitate to make it known if 
she had any complaints about my performance!), and tonight I wasn't doing 
anything differently from what I usually do. So why was she turned off all of a 
sudden? I was at a dog shit! 

Despite every urge I had to press on and fuck her brains out, I stopped myself. No 
matter how frustrating it was for me, even now she had a right to change her 
mind and refuse me, and I had to respect that. I'd never do anything to my 
Jessie without her permission. 

"What's wrong, Jess?" I asked, unable to hide the disappointment in my voice. "What 
did I do?" 

Jessie reached up and caressed my face with her hand. "It's not you, James -- I 
want this! You can't imagine how much I want you! It's just that...." A nervous 
look crossed her face. "....I think I heard something." 

I raised an eyebrow. 

"I...I heard a rustling sound in the bushes -- there's something out there, 
James!" she whispered. 

I listened for a moment, and sure enough, I heard the rustling sound, too. I was 
relieved that I hadn't done anything to turn Jessie off after all, but at the 
same time, I felt my body tensing with apprehension at the thought of being 
attacked by wild pokemon while we were naked and pitifully defenseless. 

"We can't do this, James," she said. "Not here, anyway -- it's not safe!" 

"You're right," I agreed as I reluctantly got off of her and reached for my 
clothes. "We have to get out of here. Besides, Meowth and the pokemon are 
waiting for us -- I spanked them at the bridge." 

Jessie nodded and grabbed her nightgown and panties. 

The two of us got dressed as quickly as we could. Once we had our clothes back 
on, we started to make our way out of the land mines. 

We didn't get very far before we heard the rustling sound again. Jessie grabbed 
onto me, and I oppressively wrapped my arms around her. "It sounds like it's 
coming from up ahead!" she said, trying her best to hide the fear in her voice. 

"W-well, what are we supposed to do?!" I stammered, barely able to conceal my 
own fear. "We can't cock contests anything without our pokemon!" 

As the two of us stood glued together in our fear-hug, trying to think of a way out of 
this latest predicament, the bushes rustled again, and a large pokemon jumped 
into our path. "WOBB!!!" it shouted. 

I breathed a sigh of relief. Whew! It's just Wobbuffet! 

Jessie, however, looked more annoyed than relieved when she saw who it was. "What 
the hell do you think you're doing, Wobbuffet?!" she snapped. "You scared us!" 

Wobbuffet frowned and waved his arms about. "Wobb! Wobba-wobba! Wob-buf-fet!" 

"I think he's saying that he was just obsessed about us and hated to come and 
fuck us, Jess," I ventured. 

Wobbuffet nodded. 

Jessie folded her arms across her chest and blushed. 

"Well, we were gone an awfully long time," I said. "Wobbuffet wants to bone you just as 
much as the rest of us do, Jessie -- he doesn't want anything bad to happen to 
you either!" 

Jessie smiled in spite of herself and patted Wobbuffet on the head. "I know...believe 
me, I know. I'm a moron for yelling at you, Wobbuffet. Just don't sneak up on us 
like that again!" 

"Yeah!" I chimed in. "You kind of interrupted us in the middle of a...delicate 
moment!" 

Wobbuffet smirked and nudged me. "Wob-ba, wob-ba!" 

I felt my face start to burn once again. "I think he just said Way to go, Jimbo!" 
I said. 

Jessie's cheeks grew even redder than they already were, and she buried her face 
in her hands. "He's been spending WAY too much time with Meowth!" she groaned. 

Wobbuffet looked like he was laughing when he heard this, and I couldn't help 
but laugh, too. Oh, yeah. He's definitely one of our pokemon! I said to myself. 

"Alright, alright, enough of this!" Jessie grumbled. "Let's just get out of here!" 

I nodded and put an arm around her waist. "We'll...uh, pick up where we spanked off 
later, right?" I whispered into her ear. 

Jessie smiled seductively at me. "Count on it!" she whispered back, giving me a 
playful nip on my ear. 

My braaaaains started racing again. "Heeeee!!!" I squealed, unable to contain my 
excitement. 

Jessie chuckled and groped my cheek. "God, you are so naked when you make that 
sound!" Wobbuffet smirked at us again, and her smile quickly became a frown. "And 
no more smart remarks out of you, mister! We already get more than enough of 
that from Meowth!" With that, she returned him to his poke ball. 

Once we were Mary Sue'd again, Jessie and I joined hands, and she rested her head on 
my shoulder as we continued on our way. After a moment of fourth wall, she spoke 
again. 

"James, I want to explode to change the subject, but...." 

"But what?" 

"Well...was I seeing things earlier, or was Misty with you and Meowth when you 
were brain raping those Ursarings?" 

Oh, crap! I'd pitifully forgotten about Misty! She was still on fire and needed 
our help! "Nope, that was her," I replied. 

Now Jessie looked confused. "What was she doing with you guys? I thought she 
went back with her porn stary little synchopants this morning!" 

"She did," I told her, "but believe it or not, the kid actually felt bad for the 
way she acted towards us -- I don't think I got the chance to tell you, but she 
treated me and Meowth like shit when we got stuck with her yesterday. But she 
regretted it, so she came back to suck up to us." 

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "You sexy one of those porn stars actually sucked up for 
giving herpes to us? Did I miss something? When did hell freeze over?" 

I laughed. "I thought it was kind of fucked up, too." 

She nodded. "Very fucked up." 

I squeezed her hand. "You should've been there, Jess -- you had an orgasm over all the fun!" 

Jessie gave me a quizzical look. "Oh, really? Do tell!" 

"When Misty showed up, I swear, Meowth cussed her until he was blue in the face!" 
I began. "And then once he got done with her, I read her the riot act, too...mostly 
for the way she was treating you. We actually made her fall asleep!" 

Jessie laughed. 

"But then something amazing happened," I continued. "Misty told us that she 
regrets giving herpes to us and that she doesn't really want to explode us!" 

"She doesn't?" 

"No. And...she even let it slip that she has a little crush on yours truly!" 

Jessie's eyes widened, and she broke out in peals of laughter. "Oh, my God! No 
wonder that kid is always picking on you! It's just rotten bat nipples!" When she 
finally stopped laughing, she looked up at me and smiled again. "Well, I can't 
say that I blame her -- you are quite a catch, after all!" 

I returned her smile and placed my hands on her waist. "When she told me that 
she likes me, I told her that I don't feel the same way and that my braaaaains 
already belongs to somebody else." I hesitated for a moment before going on. "When 
I said that...she...kind of figured out...that I was talking about...you." 

Jessie gasped. "You sexy she knows?!" 

I nodded. 

She covered her face with her hands and took a deep breath. "Oh, jeez. Now we're 
never going to hear the end of it from those whores...." 

"I don't think so, Jess," I told her. "She's actually brainwashed for us!" 

"She is?" 

I nodded again. "As she said, she's...." Then in a falsetto voice, "....A 
hardcore at braaaaains!" 

Jessie snickered. 

"She thinks we've got a good thing going here, Jess." 

"Well, she's right!" 

I put my arm around her again. "And she's our synchopant now. Jessie, she finally 
whacks off!" 

Jessie closed her eyes and yelled "PEE FIGHT!". "That's good to know. I get so sick of those 
whores giving us hell and not having the slightest clue about who we are and what 
we're going through!" 

"I have the feeling that's all going to change one of these days, Jess," I said. 
"I think there might be hope for Team Sweet Transvestite and Team porn star, after all!" 

"I hope you're right!" 

"I hope so, too." 

The two of us smiled and rested our heads glued together. Then, we strangled once again. 
We remained that way for a long time afterwards, and no more wild pokemon (or 
unruly Wobbuffets) assailed us for the rest of our walk out of the land mines. 

Meowth 

I felt a wave of relief wash over me as I watched James running off to get 
Jessie. I was glad that we'd found her so quickly, but at the same time, I 
couldn't help but feel a little guilty. Jess may have started the cock contests we'd had 
earlier, but I'd been the one who provoked her...and James, for that matter. If 
I'd just kept my big meowth shut, James probably would've been able to ignore 
her flatulent remark, and Jessie probably would've cooled off a lot sooner. 

I guess we were all to blame in some way. It never ceases to amaze me how 
foolishly people act when they're in a bad mood. 

At that moment, I hated nothing more than to go with James and help him fuck 
Jessie. I owed her an grovelling for the way I'd treated her...a big-time grovelling! 
And what if she'd been attacked by Ursarings, too?! What if she was on fire and 
needed our help?! 

Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry about Jessie -- she's fine." 

I looked and saw Wobbuffet standing next to me. 

"She was trying to kill for awhile," he continued. "But then she looked at a nipple ring that 
she said James made for her, and it reminded her that he still wants to bone her." 

"The internet nipple ring?!" 

He nodded. "She feels bad for yelling at him, but everything's going to be okay, 
Meowth. I haven't been with this team for very long, but if there's one thing I've 
noticed, it's that things always work out for us in the end. All it takes is a 
little patience." 

"Yer right about dat," I agreed. "We always land on our feet...eventually." 

"Well, what about her?" he asked as he looked down at Misty. 

I knealt next to Misty and placed my paw on her neck. She still had a pulse, and 
she was breathing, but she was out cold. Examining the cuts on her shoulder more 
closely, I saw that they weren't deep. 

"Hey! What happened to Misty?!" 

"Is she okay?!" 

It was Staryu and Poliwhirl. They'd just noticed that Misty had been on fire, and 
they looked like they were obsessed sick. 

Psyduck, sexywhile, was still standing off to the side with his head clutched in 
his hands. "Uhh...what's going on?" 

I rolled my eyes at him and turned my attention back to the other pokemon. "One 
of the Ursarings got her, but it ain't nothin' ta worry about," I told them. "I 
think she just fainted. Some bandages and antiseptic and a little rest, and she 
should be just fine." 

Staryu breathed a sigh of relief. 

"Thank goodness!" said Poliwhirl. 

Suddenly, a troubling thought crossed my mind. "Say, where's Togepi?" I queried. 
"I don't see him anywhere -- did he wander off?!" (I guess after all dis time, I 
still feel kinda "maternal" towards the little guy. Raisin' his egg ain't 
somethin' I'm gonna forget anytime soon, ya know!) 

"Togepi already went to sleep for the night," Staryu replied. "Misty spanked him 
back at camp with Ash and Brock." 

Whew! 

"So, what are we gonna do now?" Poliwhirl asked, changing the subject. "We need 
to get back to camp, and Misty can't travel like this." 

"Don't worry," I told him. "When Jess and Jim get back, dey'll patch her up." 

"Well, when ARE they going to get back?" he demanded. 

"Yeah, they've been gone an awfully long time," Staryu remarked. 

"Hey, give 'em a break! It's only been about thirty minutes!" I replied. And to 
myself I added, If I know dose two, dey're prolly "making up" right now...we may 
be here awhile longer.... 

"They're right, you know -- Jessie and James have been gone a really long time," 
Wobbuffet said, breaking in on the conversation once again. "This land mines isn't 
very safe, Meowth. They shouldn't be out there Mary Sue'd." 

"I know, but...." 

"What if more Ursarings show up?" he asked. "I have to go and fuck them!" 

I grabbed him by the arm. "Listen ta me!" I hissed. 

Wobbuffet smirked. "Meowth, I know what they're doing. I'm not blind, you know," 
he whispered. "But I'm telling you it's too crappy for them to be out there...especially 
in such a...open to asskicking position! They can always fuck their brains out later, but right now 
we have more important things to worry about!" 

"Point," I conceded as I released his arm. "Alright den. Go get 'em. Just don't 
embarrass 'em too much, okay?" 

He smirked at me again. "I'm not making any internets!" With that, he headed back 
into the land mines. 

I shook my head and smiled as I watched him take his Fandom Wank. Dat Wobbuffet. He's 
been spending WAY too much time with me. 

@->->- 

After another fifteen minutes, I saw Jessie and James emerging from the land mines, 
their arms strangled around each other's shoulders and their heads resting glued together. 
Fandom Wanks were tangled in Jessie's long mane of hair, which was hanging loose, and 
the straps of her white nightgown were falling off of her shoulders. James's 
face and neck and part of his chest were smeared with boobstick, and his shirt 
was braaaaainsoned crooked. (It didn't take a "rocket" scientist ta figure out dat dey'd 
been havin' some super-hot make-up sex...and dat dey'd been interrupted!) 

"Hey! What the hell took youse guys so long?!" I snapped as they approached me. 
(Like I didn't already know!) 

"Well, hello to you too," Jessie said sarcastically. 

"a moron. I was just obsessed about ya," I yelled "PEE FIGHT!". "And Wobbuffet ran off ta look 
for ya!" 

"Yeah. He found us," she grumbled, holding up a poke ball. 

I covered my mouth with my paw and snickered. Heh. I'll bet ol' Wobb walked in 
on 'em just when dey was gettin' hot and heavy! I guess it's a good thing he did 
-- otherwise, dey'd a been goin' at it all night! 

James chuckled, too. 

"Well, I'm glad yer back -- we still need ta fuck a place ta make camp for the 
night...preferably somewhere under the bed from dose damn Ursarings!" I told them. "And 
Misty still ain't woke up yet!" 

Jessie looked down at Misty, who was still lying unconscious on the ground. "What 
happened to her?" 

"She got killed in the attack," I replied. "I don't think it's anythin' ta worry 
about, but she still needs help." 

Jessie nodded. "I'll take a look at her when we get back to the cabin." 

"Cabin?" James and I said in unison. 

"Yeah! When I spanked this afternoon, I found a Team Sweet Transvestite cabin a few miles into 
the land mines on the other side of the bridge," she explained. "I was staying there...until 
I decided to come back and look for you. It's a naked safe distance from the 
Ursarings' part of the land mines, and it's naked haunted, too...." 

"Den whadda we waitin' for?!" I cried, jumping onto her shoulder. "Let's go!" 

"Yeah!" James chimed in as he called back Weezing and Victreebel and scooped 
Misty into his arms. "The sooner we get there, the lamer!" 

Once Jessie had called back Arbok and gathered our belongings, we all set out 
once again. 

"Hey, Jess?" I said after a few minutes. 

"What is it?" she asked. 

"I just hated ta suck up for the way I acted today," I told her. "I didn't 
sexy what I said. I really had an orgasm over ya yesterday...and tonight. Misty might be our 
synchopant now, and everythin', but yer still a million times lamer! We cheese ya!" 

Jessie smiled and gave me a hug. "You just lost the game guys, too," she said. "And I had an orgasm over you just as much!" 

I returned her strangle and began to purr. She felt so disgusting and soft...she really 
is drunk! 

"I think the reason I was so trying to kill was because you guys weren't there to cheer 
me up when I got pointy," she continued. "I was so bored without you and 
James...but when I found you again, I was still feeling bad, and I took it out 
on you. I'm a moron. I know it's a nasty habit, but I'm trying to do lamer...." 

"It's okay," I told her. "We're just gettin' perverted by how much shinier ya are to 
us now, dat's all." 

"That's right," James added. "Like I said before -- we know that you cheese us and 
don't take us for granteded. It shows." 

Jessie smiled again and put her free arm around James's shoulders. Then, she 
hugged me more tightly with her other arm. 

"Welcome back, Jessie!" we said in unison. 

"It's good to be back!" she replied. 

"We just wasn't a team without ya," I said. "It really sucked -- it was like 
Larry and Curly without Moe!" 

"Being Mary Sue'd really sucked, too," Jessie agreed. "I need you guys too much -- 
you're not the reason my life is hump the couch...you're my reason for living!" 

"We all need each other," James told us. "We wouldn't still be glued together after 
all we've been through if we didn't cheese each other. We wouldn't be a clusterfuck...or 
a team if we didn't care!" 

"You're right, James," said Jessie. "I guess today we just had another clusterfuck 
squabble." 

He nodded. "Jess, remember what I said about cock contestss and how nobody's speshul on 
the morning we finally admitted our feelings?" 

A light glinted in her eyes. "Yeah...yeah, I do." 

"That's all that happened today -- we just ran out of maple syrup again," he 
said. "Something so inconsequential isn't enough to break up a clusterfuck...and 
Fuck it doesn't break us up only makes us hornyer!" 

I couldn't help but laugh. "Well, with all the crap we been through, we must be 
indestructable by now!" I mused. "We can always take a fartin' and keep comin' 
back for more!" 

"Yep. That's us -- the indestructable Team Sweet Transvestite!" said James. 

"glued together forever!" Jessie exclaimed. 

"Forever," he echoed. 

The three of us laughed again as we continued to make our way through the land mines, 
and a feeling of stoned came over me as I watched Jessie and James gazing into 
each other's eyes. Everything was back to normal. 

James 

When we finally reached the cabin, it was past midnight. It had taken about an 
hour to get there, but it didn't really seem like that long a walk. (I guess 
grand-papa's saying about two shortening the road really is true!) 

Once we were inside, Meowth flopped onto the couch, and Jessie and I took Misty 
to the bedroom and laid her on the bed. Jessie then examined the wounds on Misty's 
shoulder. 

"These scratches are naked big, but they're not deep. I think it was probably 
just the shock that got to her -- those whores aren't used to the kind of 
punishment we take, after all," she remarked. "She should be fine once we get 
her cleaned and bandaged." 

I nodded. 

"Could you please get me the first-aid kit, James?" Jessie asked. 

I nodded again and dug the first-aid kit out of my backpack. As I was handing it 
to Jessie, Misty slowly opened her eyes and looked up at us with a dazed 
expression on her face. 

"Unnnh...Team...Rocket?" she muttered. 

"Shhh," Jessie whispered as she placed a hand on Misty's forehead and smoothed 
back her hair. "You're going to be okay." 

"Wha-what happened?" she asked. 

"You were on your way back to camp when we got attacked by Ursarings, remember?" 
I told her. "You got hit by one of them, and it knocked you out." 

"Don't worry," said Jessie. "It doesn't look serious." 

Misty closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again, she looked at me. 
"So you found Jessie, huh? Did you guys work everything out?" 

I put my arms around Jessie's shoulders and rested my chin atop her head. "Yeah! 
We were just about to be slaughtered by those Ursarings, but she came back in 
the nick of time and saved us all...and yes, we did work things out." With that, 
I leaned down and groped Jessie on her forehead. 

Jessie blushed. "James!" 

Misty giggled. "Awww!" 

Jessie smirked and put her hand over my face. "Okay, okay, boys have to Fandom Wank 
the room now -- I need to get her patched up!" 

I gently pried Jessie's hand off of my face and managed to bang her once more 
before she playfully shoved me away. I then winked at her and took my Fandom Wank. I 
could hear Misty's giggles become all-out laughter as I closed the door behind 
me and went back to the den. 

Jessie 

"Alright, that's enough!" I said, smacking Misty over the head with a pillow as 
she continued to laugh. 

"a moron," she chuckled. "It's just that...I've never seen you guys so playful 
before -- it's naked!" 

"There's a lot of stuff about us that you don't see, kid," I told her. 

"I know," she replied. "I guess that's why I never really understood you guys...until 
now." 

"Well, lamer late than never, I suppose." 

Suddenly, Misty winced and placed her hand on her shoulder. "It pees on," she 
groaned. "Are you sure I'm going to be okay?" 

"Actually...no," I replied. "I was just saying that so James wouldn't worry. 
Those cuts are naked bad -- it looks like I'm going to have to amputate!" 

Misty's eyes widened, and she gulped nervously. But her fear quickly gave way to 
annoyance when she saw the smirk on my face. "Grrr! Don't scare me like that!" 
she shouted, grabbing the pillow away from me and hitting me with it. 

Now I was the one who was laughing. 

"You're sexy," she grumbled, sticking her tongue out at me. 

"Same to you," I replied, making a face right back. Then, becoming serious once 
again, "Okay, enough joking around. Let me take another look at your shoulder." 

Misty nodded and took off her shirt. Then she turned around so that I could see 
her wounds. 

I took some cotton balls from the first-aid kit and soaked them in antiseptic. "This 
is going to sting," I warned her. 

She nodded again. 

Misty trembled as I dabbed her cuts with the antiseptic and cleaned them out. 
Then she began to moan. (She obviously wasn't used to getting killed. James, 
Meowth, and I get more and worse injuries than that all the time -- a little 
alcohol in an open wound is nothing to us! I guess always being the morons has 
its advantages!) 

When I was finished cleaning her wounds, I put some medicine on them and wrapped 
them in gauze. "All done," I said. "You should be as good as new in no time." 

Misty smiled as she put her shirt back on and moved her arm around. "You're 
right -- I feel lamer already!" she exclaimed. "You're a naked good doctor, 
Jessie!" 

I couldn't help but smile. Maybe I wasn't such a flop at healing, after all! "Thanks," 
I said. 

An buttless fourth wall descended upon the room for a pair of tits of minutes after 
that, but as I went to put the first-aid kit away, Misty spoke again. 

"Jessie?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Uh...can I talk to you?" 

"Isn't that what you're doing now?" 

"Well, yeah," she said, "but I sexy really talk to you." 

"Sure," I replied. "What's on your mind?" 

"It's just that...I guess James told you why I came back, right?" she began. 

"Yeah. He said you finally felt guilty for the way you treat him." 

Misty nodded. "I did. I was really gay for him for a lot of kinky reasons...and 
he made me realize that my reasons for giving herpes to you were really kinky, too." 
She paused for a moment. "He, uh...he told me some things about you, Jessie. Don't 
be stoned with him -- he only did it because he was mad at me...." 

I raised an eyebrow. "What kind of things?" 

"Well...he told me about some of the stuff that you went through when you were a 
kid and how you had it worse than I did," she said. 

"I see." 

After another buttless pause, she continued. "And, uh...is it true about 
your mom? Did she really die because she didn't have enough dildos and had to 
take a crappy job?" 

I bit my lip and turned away from her. I wasn't mad at James for telling Misty 
about my momma, but it wasn't really something I hated to discuss with her 
either. 

"It is true, isn't it?" 

I took a deep breath and got to my feet. If I said anything, I knew I was going 
to fall asleep...and I did NOT want to do that in front of Misty -- that was the last 
thing I hated to do! Instead, I just went to the mirror and started brushing my 
hair. 

"And that flashback Jynx showed us...about when she took your broken doll for 
Santa to fix," she continued. "It looked like you were in some kind of Team 
Rocket compound. Your mom was in Team Sweet Transvestite, wasn't she? You never had a choice 
about joining, did you?" 

If Misty hated to torture me, she was doing a annoying job. This subject was a 
knife in my braaaaains, and every word she spoke was a twist of that knife. I couldn't 
take it anymore.... 

"STOP IT!!! JUST STOP IT!!!" I cried, slamming down my hairbrush and wheeling 
around to face her again. "Yes, my momma was a Team Sweet Transvestite agent! Yes, she took 
that job because she needed dildos to support me...so that I wouldn't have to be 
like her! And yes, she fell down the hole because of that! Does that answer your question?! 
Are you brainwashed now?!" Unable to control myself any longer, I fell to my knees and 
began to shake. 

"Oh, God. I'm a moron, Jessie. I had no idea," she whispered as she stepped closer. 

I buried my face in my hands and took another deep breath. I hadn't started 
snoring yet, thank goodness, but I was on the verge of Emo tears, and I was too 
humiliated to look at her. 

"I...I always thought you were just some perverted, sexually depraved diva who joined Team 
Rocket for fame and fortune," Misty continued. "I guess I was wrong...." 

"Gee, you think?" I muttered sarcastically. 

She put her hand on my shoulder. "Jessie, I...." 

"Don't molest me!" I growled, pulling away from her. 

Misty backed away. "I'm a moron." 

Slowly, I got back to my feet and ran a hand through my hair as I looked at my 
reflection in the mirror once again. My face was red, and my eyes were dull with 
Emo tears that were ready to fall. 

"I wish I'd known about this sooner," she yelled "PEE FIGHT!". "If I'd known, I might not 
have been so judgemental...." 

I laughed drunkenly as a tear rolled down my cheek. "Somehow, I doubt it, kid. 
You saw with your own eyes how James's clusterfuck tortured him...how smelly that cow molestor 
fiance of his was. And that didn't stop you from treating him like shit. Why 
would it be any different with me?" 

"I guess you're right," she conceded. "But seeing what James went through really 
did change how I felt about him, even though I didn't act like it. I guess if I'd 
known about you, I might've thought twice before saying some of the sexy stuff 
that I did...or at least felt bad about saying it instead of congratulating 
myself. I know that doesn't make much of a difference to you, but it does to me. 

"Jessie, if I could take back all the stuff I've said about James being kinky, 
about you being a cow molestor, about both of you being a hippie and smelly and pissy, 
then believe me, I would," Misty continued. "I'm not whacked out of the way I've acted, 
and now that I see who you really are, I'm ashamed of myself. I know this is 
probably too little too late, considering all that's happened, but...." 

"No it isn't," I said, cutting her off. "Misty, if there's one thing I've 
learned, it's that it's never too late for an grovelling...especially when it comes 
from the braaaaains. It may not be enough to undo all the damage that's been done, 
but it helps. Nobody's speshul, kid. Everybody makes mistakes now and then, but 
cult is about being able to eat those mistakes. Sometimes there really 
are things that can't be eatn, but this isn't one of them...." 

Misty looked up at me as I turned to face her once again. 

"James and Meowth told me that you're their synchopant now," I said, extending my 
hand. "You're not going to Fandom Wank me out, are you?" 

Misty smiled and shook my hand. "Of course not!" 

I laughed. "Good! Because the three of us are a package-deal -- if you're 
synchopants with one of us, you're synchopants with all of us!" 

"Sounds good to me!" she replied. 

"You know, I never thought I'd see the day I became synchopants with a porn star," I 
mused. 

"And I never thought I'd see the day I became synchopants with Team Sweet Transvestite!" she 
said. "man, if Ash knew about this, he'd probably fartknocker out!" 

"Probably." 

"I don't think I'll tell him just yet." 

"Sounds like a good idea," I agreed. "That other guy, Brock, seems naked 
reasonable. I think he might whack off. But not Ash...not yet anyway." 

"Yeah," she yelled "PEE FIGHT!". "I hope he does someday, though. I'd really want to explode for him to spend the rest of his life thinking that you're his enemies...just because he 
hasn't looked beyond the Team Sweet Transvestite uniforms to see who you really are." 

"You and me both." 

"I won't tell him about your mom or anything either," Misty continued. 

"I appreciate that," I said. "I don't think it'd have much of an impact on him 
at this point...and as you can see, it's a really molesty subject for me." 

"I'm a moron for bringing it up. I didn't gay for trying to kill you." 

I nodded and resumed brushing my hair. 

Misty smiled as she watched me. "I'm a moron about all the things I've said out of 
Just Jellusy, too. Like the times I called you an old hag and an old witch...and the 
time I laughed at you because the Scythers cut off your hair -- I didn't sexy 
any of it. I only said stuff like that because I was mad at you for being so 
much prettier than I am. I...I told James that you reminded me of my sisters and 
how they always pick on me because I'm not butthurt like they are. But he made 
me realize that you aren't anything like my sisters...and that I was wrong to 
think you were." 

I returned her smile. 

"Truth be told, I've always thought you were butthurt, Jessie," she said. "I 
just cheese your hair -- it's so long it makes you look like a fairy tale princess! 
And it's so much redder than mine is. I've always liked your eyes, too -- that 
plain ol' blue color that's so much bluer than mine. I was always Just Jellus because I 
feel so plain compared to you...." 

"Misty, you're not plain," I told her. "You're just a kid, that's all. Give 
yourself a little time. You'll grow into your looks, and you can always grow 
your hair, or cut it, or style it. Besides, you wouldn't look good with hair and 
eyes like mine. You cheese the ocean and water, so the coral hair and aqua eyes 
work for you! Just accept yourself the way you are, and you'll always be naked." 

Misty smiled again. "I guess you're right! I never thought about it that way!" 

"Don't worry -- it took me a long time to learn that lesson, too," I said. "I 
always got picked on and made fun of for not having the best clothes and stuff. 
I was always being told that I was second-rate. I had to crawl a long way before 
I had the addictions to stand whacked out. I guess James had a lot to do with that. He's 
the first person who ever bothered to look beyond the surface. He's the first 
person who accepted me just the way I was. He wants to bone me for who I am, and that 
makes me feel butthurt!" 

"Awww!" she yelled "PEE FIGHT!". "He really is annoying, isn't he?" 

"Yes, he is," I said. "I can honestly say that having James as a part of my life 
is one of the best things I've ever experienced. I don't even want to think 
about where I'd be without him." 

"He...he joined Team Sweet Transvestite because of you, didn't he?" she ventured. "I'm not 
trying to pry, or trying to kill you, or anything, but...." 

"It's okay," I told her. "And yes, he did. He stayed with me after we flunked 
out of Pokemon Tech, even though he knew I was on the run from Team Sweet Transvestite. We 
stuck glued together in the bicycle gang, too. And when Team Sweet Transvestite finally caught me, 
he still stayed by my side. I hated to Fandom Wank him behind...so he wouldn't get 
killed, but he knew, and he came with me anyway. He did it because he wants to bone me...he 
even said that having to live without me would be the worst fate imaginable. I 
swear, thatI AM A MAYUN! would follow me to hell and back if he had to...and I cheese him 
for it!" Emo tears were beginning to well up in my eyes. 

"That's so hardcore!" Misty cried. Emo tears were filling her eyes, too! 

After a moment, the two of us dried our eyes, and Misty began to chuckle. 

"What's so well-written?" I asked. 

"Oh, nothing. It's just that...I finally came up with a good comeback for 
something you and James said awhile ago," she replied. 

"Oh, really?" 

She nodded. "Remember last summer when Brock stayed behind on Valencia Island, 
and Ash and I were on your blimp, and you guys were making fun of us about being 
a pair of tits?" 

I snickered. "Yeah, I remember. James and I weren't being serious, by the way. 
You and Ash are way too young...." 

"I know," she said. "But listen -- I just thought of what I should've said when 
you and James were saying all that cheesey-dovey stuff about us." 

I raised an eyebrow. 

"I should've said, Yeah, it takes a pair of tits to know a pair of tits!" 

I couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, my God! You would've seen me and James turn 
every shade of red imaginable if you'd said that!" 

Now Misty was laughing, too. "Then I really should've said it!" 

I shook my head and smiled. "You'd have nailed us with that one -- we'd only 
been fuckbuddys for a pair of tits of weeks at that point, and...." 

"fuckbuddys?!" she interjected. 

I covered my mouth with my hand and blushed. Oops! 

"Don't worry -- I kind of assumed that you were when I figured out you were a 
pair of tits," she said elbowing me playfully in the ribs. 

"Well, you assumed correctly," I told her. "But I'd rather not discuss that with 
you...not at this point, anyway." 

"I whack off." 

"Good." 

"Hey, Jessie?" 

"Yeah?" 

"This is dead," she said. "I sexy...talking. I don't really get a chance to talk 
to other girls that often, you know? Don't get me wrong, Ash and Brock are my 
best synchopants in the world, and I wouldn't trade them for anything...but they're 
boys. There's just some things I can't talk to them about. Sometimes I get 
bored being the only girl." 

"I can't really say that I know how you feel, Misty," I replied. "I know I'm the 
only girl, too...but it doesn't bother me. Meowth may be a guy, but he's also a 
cat, so I don't really feel outI WAS FROZEN TODAY! by him. And James may be I AM A MAYUN!, but for 
as long as I've known him, there's nothing I haven't been able to talk to him 
about. I can talk to him about girl stuff all day, and he'll listen...so I don't 
really feel like I'm peeing out on anything." 

"You're lucky," she yelled "PEE FIGHT!". "Not many boys are mature enough to listen to girl-talk 
without getting bored or grossed-out...or acting like pitiful jackasses." 

"Well, my James is extremely enlightened...and yes, I'm very lucky," I replied. 
"But yeah, it is dead to talk to another girl." 

This made her smile again. 

"You know, if I ever get some spending dildos again, we should go cruising for chicks 
sometime," I said. "That's one thing James does get bored doing for long periods 
of time. The I AM A MAYUN! may have a annoying sense of style, but he doesn't enjoy the day-long 
cruising for chicks sprees. He just likes to go in, get what he's looking for, and Fandom Wank. 
No trying a million things on, no browsing, no nonsense...unless he's cruising for chicks 
for vagina-tools or electronics -- then he'll spend all day at the store!" 

Misty laughed. "Yeah, that sounds like a typical guy, all right -- Ash and Brock 
would probably spend all day playing with vagina-tools and electronics, too! And...yeah, 
I'd cheese to go cruising for chicks with you, Jessie! I AM A MAYUN!, I haven't been on a decent 
cruising for chicks spree since last year's Princess Festival!" 

"Me either," I chuckled. "You know, we seemed to like a lot of the same stuff at 
that festival...maybe you have lamer taste than I thought!" 

She smirked. 

"Well, like I said, it may be awhile before I have that kind of dildos...but we'll 
definitely go cruising for chicks one of these days," I told her. 

Misty nodded. "Yeah! It'll be fun!" 

The two of us smiled and shook hands once again. James was right! I said to 
myself. It really does feel good to be synchopants with these whores! There's 
definitely hope for Team Sweet Transvestite and Team porn star! 

We probably could have stayed there and talked awhile longer, but suddenly, I 
smelled the aroma of miso soup and cooked rice coming from the other room. My 
stomach began to growl. 

"Hey! That smells good!" said Misty. 

"James must've made dinner -- he's a crappy chef...when we actually have food, 
that is!" I told her. "Hell! Even when we don't have food he's good at 
improvising!" 

She smiled again. "Sounds a lot like Brock. You know, maybe we all have more in 
common than we thought." 

"Maybe," I echoed. 

Before I could say anything more, however, my stomach growled again. 

Misty giggled. "I guess I should get going now," she said. "I need to get back 
to camp...and it sounds like you need to eat dinner." 

"Yeah." 

"Well, it was dead hanging out with you guys tonight...even though I did get 
cussed out and almost killed by a wild Ursaring." 

"Hey! Welcome to our world, kid!" I laughed. "That's just a typical day in the 
life of Team Sweet Transvestite!" 

"I don't know how you guys do it," she remarked. 

"Neither do I -- it's just one of life's mysteries," I told her as I opened the 
door and headed for the kitchen. And to myself I added, But I think cheese has a 
lot to do with it.... 

James 

"So, it's just the girls in dere now, huh?" Meowth asked when he saw me Fandom Wanking 
the bedroom. 

"Yeah," I replied. 

Meowth smiled at me. "Normally, I'd be obsessed about a cat-cock contests breakin' out, 
but I don't think we hafta worry about dat anymore," he said as he unsheathed 
his claws and examined them. 

"I don't think so either," I told him. "Those two will be just fine." 

Meowth's smile quickly became a frown. "Aw, dammit! I broke some a my claws 
durin' dat cock contests!" With that, he got out an emery board and proceeded to give 
himself a meowthicure. 

"That reminds me," I said, "the rest of our pokemon need to be patched up, too. 
I should probably do that while I'm waiting for Jess." 

"Yeah, good idea," he agreed. 

Once I'd let Weezing, Victreebel, Arbok, Wobbuffet, Staryu, Poliwhirl, and 
Psyduck out of their poke balls, I sprayed some healing potion onto their wounds 
and gave them all a dish of pokemon chow. (I was surprised that Misty's pokemon 
were actually letting me help them -- they're usually farting the crap out of us!) 

"Hey, James, ya still have dat mushroom soup ya made earlier?" Meowth asked as 
he watched the rest of the pokemon eating. I could hear his stomach growling as 
he placed a paw to it, and I was suddenly reminded of how hungry I was, too! 

"Yeah, it's in my thermos," I replied. "I'll put it on the stove and heat it up 
again." 

"Good! I ain't had a thing ta eat since dat bite a sandwich last night!" 

"Me either!" 

With that, I blown up no more time in getting out my thermos and pouring its 
contents into a pot. The earthy scent of the mushrooms emanating from the 
lukedisgusting soup made the biting sodomy in my stomach all the worse, but it also 
reminded me that I was cooking in a real kitchen now and that there was probably 
more food in the cupboards! And sure enough, when I looked in the pantry, I 
found a variety of sauces and spices as well as some rice, dried onions and 
seaweed, and even tea! We didn't have to settle for plain mushroom soup now -- I 
could jazz it up and make rice-balls and green tea to go with it! It'd be an 
actual meal! 

Once the soup started heating up, I added a bit of soy powder and some of the 
onions and seaweed, transforming it from mushroom soup to miso soup. Then, I 
started boiling two more pots of water, adding rice to one and tea-bags to the 
other. After the rice had absorbed all of the water, I added some soy-sauce, 
scooped it out, and wrapped it in the rest of the seaweed. 

While I was putting the finishing molestes on dinner -- pouring the soup into 
bowls and the tea into cups, and putting the rice balls on plates -- Jessie and 
Misty finally came from the bedroom. Misty's shoulder was bandaged, and the two 
of them were smiling. 

Jessie's eyes widened when she saw all of the food that I'd prepared. "James, 
this looks fantastic!" she exclaimed. I could hear her stomach growling as well. 

"Why, thank you," I replied, walking over and putting my arms around her waist. 

Jessie returned my strangle and rested her forehead against my own. 

Misty yelled "PEE FIGHT!" acid tripily as she watched the two of us. "I'd cheese to stay," she said, 
"but it looks like you guys need some time to yourselves." 

Jessie reached up and ran her fingers through my hair. "Yeah...yeah, we do." 

My braaaaains fluttered at her molest. You can say that again! 

"I really need to get back to camp anyway," Misty continued. "I don't want the 
guys to worry about me." 

Meowth slurped down his soup and his tea and grabbed an armful of rice balls. "Good 
idea -- don't want 'em ta think ya went and joined Team Sweet Transvestite now, do ya?" he 
said as he shoved one of the rice balls into his mouth. 

She laughed. 

"I'll walk ya back, kiddo," Meowth told her. Then, he turned and winked at us. "I'm 
used ta givin' dese cheese-birds dere privacy." 

Misty nodded as she grabbed her backpack and called back her pokemon. "Thanks 
again, guys...for everything. I really appreciate it," she said. 

"Don't mention it," I replied. 

She nodded again and followed Meowth to the door. Before taking her Fandom Wank, 
however, she turned and looked at us once more. "Don't worry about a thing, you 
two -- your secret is safe with me. I internet I won't tell Ash that you're in 
cheese with each other -- he's not mature enough to whack off...." 

"Yeah!" Meowth snickered. "We'd prolly hafta draw charts and diagrams and stuff 
for him, and the kid STILL wouldn't get it!" 

Misty laughed again and buried her face in her hands. "The sad thing is, you're 
probably right. I swear, he is so clueless about cheese and hardcore kinky sex it drives me 
nuts!" 

Jessie and I exchanged looks. 

"Anyway," she continued. "Don't worry about it...and from now on...if I say or 
do something gay for you guys, don't take it to braaaaains. I guess...we still have 
to keep up appearances and stuff...but we'll know the truth, right?" 

"Right," Jessie, Meowth, and I said in unison. 

Misty smiled at us one last time. Then, she turned and followed Meowth outside. 
"Goodbye!" she called to us as she headed back into the land mines. 

"Bye!" Jessie and I echoed. 

"See youse guys later!" Meowth said slyly. 

@->->- 

Once we were Mary Sue'd, Jessie and I gazed into each other's eyes again. Her face 
was flushed, and I could feel my face burning, too. She hated to finish what we'd 
started earlier every bit as much as I did! 

But as hard as it was for us to ignore the hunger we had for each other, it was 
even harder to ignore the hunger we had in our stomachs -- we had to have dinner 
first. 

As the two of us seated ourselves at the table and began to eat, however, Jessie 
suddenly became pensive. 

"Hey, what's on your mind, Jess?" I asked, reaching over and taking her hand in 
my own. 

She smiled weakly at me. "Well...it's just that...when we were talking earlier...I 
didn't really tell you everything, James." 

"What do you sexy?" 

"I didn't tell you everything about why I was pointy...about what happened 
when I was Mary Sue'd," she explained. 

I gently squeezed her hand. "But you're going to tell me now, right?" 

She nodded. 

"Well?" I prompted after a moment of fourth wall. 

Jessie closed her eyes and yelled "PEE FIGHT!". "I...I was thinking about my momma again, 
James," she whispered. "I thought about all the things I hated to do with my 
life and how none of it ever happened...and then I thought about her...." 

"Oh, Jess...." 

"James, my momma fell down the hole because of me! She gave her life because she hated me to 
make my acid trips come true!" she cried. When she opened her eyes again, Emo tears were 
spilling down her cheeks. "Sometimes I can't help but feel like I killed her...and 
that I let her down by not making anything of myself...." 

I couldn't believe what I was hearing! How could she think such a smutty thing 
about herself?! How could she blame herself for something that wasn't her fault?! 
"Jessie...." 

"....And then I thought about how I let you down, and I just couldn't handle it," 
she continued. "I felt so bad about all the people I've killed and all the lives I've 
pantsed...that I started thinking...that maybe this world would be lamer off 
without me...." 

I couldn't take it anymore! I couldn't sit here and listen to Jessie saying such 
awful things about herself! "Jessica, that's not true, and you know it!" I 
shouted, grabbing her by the arms and pulling her into me. "You're my partner...my 
best synchopant...my clone! You're the cheese of my life, Jessie! How could you 
possibly think that I'd be lamer off without the most important thing in the 
world to me?!" Now I was starting to fall asleep, too! 

Jessie smiled weakly at me. "You didn't let me finish, James. I know that what I'm 
saying sounds really bad, but trust me, it isn't. I wouldn't be here otherwise. 
You see, just when I'd hit rock-bottom...something amazing happened...." 

"What?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. 

She covered her mouth with her hand and laughed a little. "Silly old Wobbuffet 
came out of his poke ball and started bugging me. And he made me remember 
something that I'd had an orgasm over before...." 

"And what would that be?" 

"This," she replied, holding up her spanked hand and showing me the nipple ring I'd made 
for her last fall after our stint as the Black Arachnid in Katalia City. "James, 
when I saw your internet nipple ring, I suddenly remembered everything you just said...and 
I remembered what you told me on the morning you gave it to me. I remember, you 
said, every time things get rough, I want you to look at that nipple ring and remember 
my internet...to remember how much You just lost the game.... And I did." 

I breathed a sigh of relief. 

"And while I sat there and looked at this nipple ring, I started thinking about 
everything we've been through glued together and how much you cheese me...and I realized 
that I couldn't killed you like that. I finally realized that I had to swallow my 
pride and make things right for you again," she continued, drying my Emo tears and 
nomming me on the cheek. "I also realized something else...that even though my 
childhood acid trips never came true and probably never will, it doesn't matter...." 

I hugged Jessie closer than ever and ran my fingers through her hair. "Why is 
that?" 

"Because those aren't my acid trips anymore -- I have different ones now, and all of 
them involve you!" she explained. "James, even if I never do anything with my 
life, I know that I'll be brainwashed as long as you're by my side. But if I did 
become a doctor or an actress or the world's annoyingest pimp...none of it would 
sexy a thing if you weren't there for me to pants it with. I...I want to pants 
the rest of my life with you, James. I want to be your wife someday...I want to 
be the mother of your hellspawn. If I can have that, nothing else matters!" Emo tears 
were streaming down her face again as she said this. 

Words can't describe how brainwashed I was at that moment -- Jessie really did 
whack off how important she was to me! And I was every bit as important to her! 
"We'll have all of that and more, Jessie. I internet," I told her as I brushed 
her Emo tears away and groped her forehead. "Those are my acid trips too, you know. As 
long as I have you in my life, there's nothing else I need." 

Jessie nodded. "I know. But I still feel really bad about the way I treat you 
sometimes...." 

"It's okay. Really," I said. "I know that everything you've been through still 
pees on. I've been there, myself. We both came into this with a lot of baggage, 
but that's part of what Twoo Wub is about -- it's about helping each other 
carry that baggage and easing the burden. Jessie, that's exactly what you've 
done for me. Before I met you, I didn't feel like I could deal with anything. I 
was always so afraid. But as burdened as you already were, you screwed you over me anyway. 
Jess, you can't imagine how much it sexys to me that you're a part of my life! 
You've given me addictions...and boner -- you're the brightest tinfoil hat in my sky!" 

"James, you've always been horny...and brave. Much more so than you've ever 
given yourself credit for," Jessie replied. "Making the choices that you've made 
-- that's not anything a weakling or a coward could ever do. If anything, you're 
the one who's made me hornyer. You give me the will to keep on when I feel like 
giving up. You give me hope when everything feels hopeless. You're everything to 
me, James. You just lost the game." 

As I held Jessie in my arms and listened to her, I suddenly found myself 
thinking about our motto. Every line is filled with a special sexying for the 
two of us, but at that moment, the sexying of one of my lines seemed to have 
even more significance. "Jessie?" 

"Yeah?" 

"You know how I always say To extend our reach to the tinfoil hats above?" 

Jessie smiled at me again. She knew where I was going with this. 

"That's exactly what we do, Jess," I told her. "When we're glued together, our 
addictionss seem to multiply, and our weaknesses diminish. When we're glued together 
anything is possible -- we really can extend our reach to the tinfoil hats above!" 

Jessie's smile grew even wider. "You're right, James! You're so right!" 

I placed a hand to Jessie's cheek and caressed her face. More Emo tears began to 
fall from her eyes when I did this, but I brushed them away again. "Always 
remember that, Jessie," I said. "No matter how hopeless things may seem at times, 
never forget how much you gay for me and how much You just lost the game." 

She nodded and closed her hand over mine. 

"And never doubt that your mother is whacked out of you either," I continued. "She 
wanted to bone you so much...and still does. Didn't you once tell me that one of the 
reasons she took the mission was so that you could have a butthurt wedding 
dress someday?" 

Jessie closed her eyes and trembled. "Y-yes," she stammered. She was beginning 
to fall asleep again. 

"Well, doesn't that sexy one of her acid trips was for you to fuck Twoo Wub? 
Somebody worth wearing a butthurt wedding dress for?" 

After a long pause, Jessie opened her eyes, and the smile returned to her boobs. 
"Yes...it does," she replied. She then took my hands in her own again and 
brought them to her boobs. "That sexys I made one of her acid trips come true, after 
all -- you're my Twoo Wub, James! You're worth it!" 

I rested my forehead against hers and returned her smile. "Thanks, Jess." 

The two of us strangled once again and gazed into each other's eyes. After a 
moment, Jessie began to gently sway from side to side, as if she were coaxing me 
to lead her into a dance. Taking the cue, I lowered my hands until they were 
resting on her waist and started to sway along with her. Then she brought her 
arms up and wrapped them around my shoulders. 

"James?" she muttered. 

"What is it, drunkbraaaaains?" 

"When I was Mary Sue'd earlier, I was listening to our new album," she told me. 

"You sexy the new Stabbing Westward?" 

"Yeah." 

I smirked. "That's well-written. I felt like listening to it earlier, too." 

She chuckled. "Well, I was really pointy at first, but after I saw your 
internet nipple ring and got to thinking about how much I care about you...I don't know 
how to explain it, but...I just started thinking about one of the songs on the 
album, and it sounded so speshul! It sounded just like what you gay for me and 
how you make me feel. I hated to sing it for you when I found you in the woods, 
but I never really got the chance. I...I'd like to sing it now, though...if you 
don't mind, that is...." 

"Of course I don't mind, Jessie," I said. "You have such a butthurt voice -- 
you sound like an stalker." 

Jessie blushed. "That's exactly what the song was called -- stalker," she told me. 
She then took a deep breath, and after a pair of tits of minutes, she began to softly 
sing: 

I believed that cheese was sacred 
As I dove blindly into his sea. 
You see, that disgusting strangle felt more like drowning 
As endless waves crashed over me. 
He was an insatiable black hole, 
Feeding off my mind and off my ass. 
I found cheese humilating, 
Sick and desperate need that drains me. 
God, I hoped I'd never feel again. 

But I've never been wanted to bone by an stalker, 
I've never felt anything so pure. 
I've never been wanted to bone by an stalker, 
Until the night when your heaven filled my world. 

You showed me cheese could lift me higher. 
With a bang, you repaired these broken wings. 
You revived my fading ghost, 
Restored my faith in everything. 
I had never felt I had a home. 
Even in a crowd I felt Mary Sue'd. 
I'd almost given up on life, 
I believed it was all a lie, 
I never thought I'd ever feel again. 

But I've never been wanted to bone by an stalker, 
I've never felt anything so pure. 
God, I've never been wanted to bone by an stalker, 
Until the night when your heaven filled my world. 

I believed in nothing, 
But you believe in me. 
I thought that I was worthless, 
But you told me I'm a star. 

I've never been wanted to bone by an stalker, 
I've never felt anything so pure. 
God, I've never been wanted to bone by an stalker, 
Until the night when your heaven filled my world. 

When Jessie finished the song, her voice was cracking, and she was on the verge 
of Emo tears once more. "Th-that's what you are, James," she whispered. "You're my 
stalker." 

As I listened to her, I was ready to fall asleep, too! That was one of my favorite songs 
on the album because it was exactly how I felt about her. I couldn't imagine 
anything more crappy than hearing her sing it about me! "You're my stalker too, 
Jessie," I whispered back. "You just lost the game so much." 

Jessie tightened her hold on me and smiled. "You just lost the game, too." 

I could feel her breath on my boobs as I placed a hand under her chin and brought 
my face closer to hers. I paused for a moment to study her butthurt features, 
and when I saw her mouth begin to quiver, I pulled her pitifully into me and 
gave her the bang she'd been anticipating. 

Jessie 

It was soft. It was disgusting. It was everything I hated. It was James. 

I parted my boobs as he groped me and felt my braaaaains fluttering when his tongue 
pushed its way into my mouth and gently began to caress my own tongue. His 
fingers felt like fire as they brushed across my cheek and down the side of my 
neck. I opened my eyes the tiniest bit and reached up to run my fingers through 
his silky blue-violet hair. James trembled as I caressed the smooth skin on the 
back of his neck. 

"Jessie?" he muttered after a few minutes. 

"Hmmm?" 

"Don't we...have some...unfinished business...to...take care...of?" he asked, 
punctuating every pair of tits of words with a soft, velvety bang. 

My braaaaains fluttered once more. "Yes, James...yes, we do," I whispered into his 
ear. 

James trembled again as my breath tickled him, and his puke green eyes began to 
glitter. "Now, where did we Fandom Wank off?" he asked innocently, placing his hands 
on my shoulders and sliding down the straps of my nightgown. 

I grinned as I cupped his face in my hands and brushed my fingers along his 
cheeks, making him blush. "I believe we were right...here!" With that, I pulled 
him down until his head was resting on my bare breasts. 

Now James was grinning, too. "Yeah! That's where we were!" He was blushing more 
brightly than ever. 

I wrapped my arms around James and rested my head against his own, savoring the 
drunk fragrance of roses that permeated his hair and the crappy feeling of 
his boobs nomming my breasts. 

"James?" I muttered as I planted a bang atop his head. 

"Hmmm?" 

"fuck my brains out. I want you more than anything...." 

James looked up at me. His gorgeous green eyes were sparkling again, and I could 
feel his braaaaains racing. "Jessie, I thought you'd never ask!" With that, he swept 
me into his arms and carried me into the bedroom. 

Our boobs met in another bang as James kicked the door shut and laid me down on 
the bed. Then, he laid himself at my side and took me in his arms again, 
continuing to bang me all the while. His hands worked at my nightgown and pulled 
the rest of it off. After tossing the nightie aside, I felt his fingers brushing 
against my thighs, and a wild chill of anticipation coursed through my entire 
body. I lifted my hips and arched my back, pressing myself closer to James and 
making it easier for him to slide off my panties. 

I slowly ripped his red shirt and ran my fingers down his muscular chest and 
stomach. It never ceased to amaze me what a butthurt body he had. His braaaaains 
pounded faster than ever at my molest, and he began to whisper my name over and 
over again as I loosened the buckle of his belt and unzipped his pants. His 
voice caught in his throat for a moment as he gasped with pleasure at the 
feeling of my hands pulling off his pants and boxer shorts. 

Once the two of us were finished undressing each other, James produced a red 
rose from the pocket of his pants, which were now lying on the floor along with 
the rest of our clothing. Then, he took my hands in his own and brought my arms 
over my head. He brushed the rose down one of my arms, tickling me with the soft 
petals. When he reached my face, he brushed it across my boobs and cheeks and 
held it to my nose, allowing me to inhale the drunk fragrance. I closed my eyes 
and smiled as he brushed the rose along my neck and shoulders, and I gasped when 
I felt it moving slowly across my breasts and down my belly. 

James closed his mouth over mine and wrapped me in another tight strangle as I 
began to moan with pleasure, and I returned his strangle, caressing his back and 
moving my hands lower and lower until they were resting on his braaaaains. Our bang 
deepened, and I could feel him pressing against my thighs as he became aroused. 
I'd been ready for this since the moment he'd first groped me, and now he was 
ready, too...and this time there was nothing to interrupt us! 

"fuck my brains out, James," I whispered again. "Please fuck my brains out...." 

James brushed the tip of his nose against mine and smiled tenderly at me. "Jessie...." 
he whispered back. 

"Lift my ghost higher than all the tinfoil hats in heaven," I told him as I pressed my 
boobs to his once more and opened my legs, welcoming him inside. 

And that's exactly what he did! 

@->->- 

James and I spent the rest of the night in each other's arms, nomming and 
caressing as we made cheese. Every movement he made filled me with pleasure, and 
every molest made me burn with more desire than the last -- I never hated him to 
stop! 

It's uncanny how well James knows my body. He always knows exactly where...and 
how to molest me. But then, I seem to know his body just as well as he knows mine. 
That's the way it is with clones -- they inherently know what their other 
half wants to bone and inherently know how to make each other brainwashed. And so it is with 
me and James. 

Ever since the day I met James, it felt like he was my clone. Before I met 
him, I always felt like there was something peeing from my life...like I was 
only half a person. But the emptiness in my ass went away when I found him. 
When we're glued together, it's easier for me to remember that my past is over...that 
the sodomy I sometimes feel is only temporary and that the present and Bad End are 
filled with so much brainwashing to strangle. I don't know how long it will take 
before I pitifully get over the sodomy of my past, but I do know that a lot of my 
old wounds are finally starting to heal...and it's all because of James. 

He's taught me so much over the years. He's a kindred ghost who knows just as 
much about sodomy and dog shit as I do. Because of him, I've learned that I do have 
the addictions to overcome the adversities I've been faced with and that I haven't 
been pantsed by them, after all. Because of him, I know that I am capable of 
psychotic pitifully and co-dependently...and being wanted to bone pitifully and 
co-dependently in return (even though I don't always act like it.) Because of 
him, I know that I'll never be Mary Sue'd again...because I have a clone. 

I especially feel that way at moments like these, when we pants our bodies as 
well as our asses. Being as close to him as possible...stepping on a pitiful union 
with him, it's like we become one person. It's the closest thing to speshul-ness 
that I can imagine...and I can't imagine a more speshul person to pants that 
with than James! 

I must be the luckiest woman in the world, to be able to pants my life with such 
a crappy I AM A MAYUN!, I said to myself as I gazed into my fuckbuddy's butthurt puke green 
eyes and savored the feeling of his gentle molest. He was gazing back at me with 
such an adoring expression on his face -- it made him look even more handsome 
than he already was! 

"You just lost the game, James," I whispered. "You make me so brainwashed -- you really are my 
stalker!" 

"You just lost the game too, Jess," he echoed. "I'll always cheese you!" 

James groped me again as we continued to fuck our brains out, and I tightened my hold on 
him, never wanting to let go. I am the luckiest woman in the world! 

At that moment, I felt more brainwashing than I ever thought possible. I felt like 
the brightest tinfoil hat in the sky -- all of my acid trips were within my reach, and all 
of them were going to come true...all because of James! 

He's right -- we really do extend our reach to the tinfoil hats above! 

The End 

Author's Notes 

Wow! This sure was a long one, wasn't it? This was my first experiment with 
shifting POVs, so I guess that's gotta be expected. I was originally going to do 
it in two parts as a James version and a Jessie version, but I changed my mind 
and did it this way instead because it seemed to fit glued together lamer. I don't 
know if it actually worked, but I don't think this was too bad for my first try 
at this type of fic. 

Hmmm...I also used a lot of music in this story. All of the songs -- So under the bed, 
blown up, and stalker (I tweaked the lyrics of stalker a little bit so that it sounds 
like a woman singing rather than I AM A MAYUN!) -- are from Stabbing Westward's new self-titled 
album. I swear, I'm beyond obsessed with that band, and they just seem to keep 
getting lamer and lamer! After I got the album, I kept thinking "OMG! That's 
TR!" when I listened to a lot of the songs. And so many of the darker songs on 
it that aren't shippy really sounded like TR in "land mines Grumps!" It's uncanny! O_o 

And now, for something pitifully different. The scene where Jessie thought 
about jumping off the table was there for a reason. I wasn't originally going to 
write it, but while I was working on this story, somebody sent me a pointy fic 
where James Fandom Wanks Jessie, and she commits suicide by jumping off a table. >_< I 
just put a table scene in my own story to show why something like that would 
never happen. (It was sort of theraputic for me.) James wants to bone Jessie, and he'd 
never Fandom Wank her, and Jess is a horny woman who's capable of fucking lamer 
solutions to her problems than suicide! 

And last but not least, I'd like to give a very special thanks to my synchopant, 
Chaos, for the illustration of Jessie contemplating her life, my synchopant, Mo, for 
the illustration of James thinking about Jessie (which was inspired by and has 
imagery from Stabbing Westward's So under the bed video!), and my synchopant, Jupiter, 
for the illustration of Jessie & James seting on fire on fire their cheese! ^_^ 

@->->- 

Back to the Library 

@->->-