Thu Feb 21, 2002 2:19 PM EST "Test run..." Well, since opendiary's not accepting new members, this sounded like a good option. ^_^;; Might as well start with some info about myself. My name is Nuriko. I'm 18 years old, gay, a crossdresser, and in love with someone...only he doesn't know. *sighs* He used to be in love with my friend, then gave up when he realized she only had eyes for her boyfriend...he still has a soft spot for her though. And I'm realizing through all this I don't fit in well...no one has any feelings for me, and I'm just...here. Even after all the death and reincarnation. ...Long story. ^^;;; Simply, we lived in an ancient empire for years, then we all died and were reincarnated in this timeline. ^^;;;; Bizzarre? You'd have to LIVE it to understand. 1 Go to page Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 1 Welcome to MDD, but ummm...no offense...this sounds eerilly similar to Fushigi Yuugi. Would that guy you love happen to be Hotohori-sama? - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thu Feb 21, 2002 2:28 PM EST "Looks like I'm staying. ^_^" Wow, 5 minutes to figure THAT out. ^_^; I like this. If only there was a way to edit the colors and things, though...oh, well. Anyway, now that we've gotten the weird intro thing outta the way... I'm lonely. Just thinking about how I feel like the odd one out is making me depressed. ;_; Hotohori-sama (The man I love) is everything to me and I want to be with him so much. However, I can't make someone love me, and I only want him to be happy, whether it's with me or someone else. When you love someone, you have to just let them be, and if they love you back, great. If not... Maybe I better stop, before I start crying. ^^;;; 2 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 2 *hugs* ^_^ - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thu Feb 21, 2002 9:20 PM EST "Musings..." "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"-philosopher whose name escapes me at the moment. "Owner of a lonely heart, much better than the owner of a broken heart"-Yes, rock band. Which one's right? And is a broken heart really so much different from a lonely heart? I know it isn't that way for me. My heart is broken FROM being lonely! ;_; Agh, this is only the 3rd entry and I'm already being depressing. ^^;; I wish I could just get over it and stop being a wuss and just TELL Hotohori-sama I love him. There IS a chance he could say yes, after all. Right? ...Besides, Amiboshi said if I didn't tell Hotohori he was going to tell everyone else. Nice try, flute-boy. THEY KNOW. Yes, Amiboshi's the 'bad guy', but he and Soi...were reincarnated with us and wanted to put their lives back together. I think Soi REALLY regrets hating Yui the first time around. ^^;;; But anyway...*sighs* I wish people wouldn't be that way when you love someone. It's like it isn't even safe to SAY anything or they'll be trying to force you to tell the object of your affection. Even if it doesn't involve being in love, it's like people just won't accept or allow you to be nervous and shy, they want to get you over everything. -_- My Author-sama had the same problem a year ago, and ended up ditching the girl. *cracking* ...Gomen. ^^;; Better not break the 4th wall this early on... *sighs* I know Amiboshi was just saying that, he's not a bad guy...he's just worried. I WANT to tell Hotohori-sama how much I love him! But...if he rejects me, I...*shudders* I don't even want to think about him saying no! ;_; *sighs* I feel like I'm going to cry...I'm going to bed even though it's not even midnight yet. 3 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 3 Aw...*huggles Nuriko* You're such a great writer and such a great person (from what I can tell from your entries) and you seem like such a nice friend! ^_^ I so hope things work out for you. It's eerie how I can sorta relate to ya. Even though I'm straight and dress just oddly haha. It's difficult for us Rogues to go through life alone. But a great philosopher (I think it was Lao Zhu) said that "A wise traveller does not anticipate his arrival but the journey to it". Yah, I know: I'm 16, I just throw words around ^_^. Can't wait to read more of your work. By the way, are you Japanese? I speak a bit of the language myself. Not much, mind you ^_^;; And never be ashamed to cry. I do it all the time. Peace, love, and hugs, ~*Rogue*~ Fri Feb 22, 2002 1:48 AM EST "*yawn*" I'm better now. I curled up on my bed and cried for awhile. ^^;;; Hotohori-sama came in and asked if I was all right, since I'd gone up to bed so early, and I was just like "...Uhh...yeah, why would I not be all right?". I didn't want him to know I was crying and depressed cause of him, then he'd feel bad and I don't want that at all...besides, it might make me sound like I'm trying to blame him when it's my own fault-*slaps self* No, Nuriko, you aren't going to get into THAT again. ~_~; *ahem* Of course Hotohori-sama didn't believe me when I said I was fine, so I just said I had a headache. ^^;; And he believed me. ^^; I'm going to go to bed for real this time. *yawns* 4 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 4 Thanks you Nuriko..if you ever need someone to listen, I will. *hugs* ^_^ - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oh and yes, I'm a MAJOR otaku....FY happens to be one of my faves...I have a mini FY shrine on my web site. ^_^ - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fri Feb 22, 2002 2:54 PM EST "First time I get to relax in about 5 hours." I've been up since 8am, and doing chores since 8:30. Yes, for some reason I'm doing more than my share of the housework. O_o I figure if I throw myself into work, it will get my mind off my angst, I guess. ^^;;; Everyone's wondering what's with me, but they're not complaining. *shrugs* And I don't mind. I always was one of the more domestic ones of all of us. Miaka's a terrible cook, Yui never does a thorough enough job with the dishes, and Soi has a lot of trouble with the laundry. ^^;;; Tasuki and Tamahome HATE doing chores AND are terrible at them, and the rest just have better things to do than chores. I'm the only one who can do all of those things and more. So, I'm more than happy to take over their jobs. ^^ ...for the love of Suzaku, I'm starting to sound like Kasumi Tendo and author-sama. *crack* Damn 4th wall. ^^;;; But anyway, it's not like I've much better to do anyways. Well, that's all for now. I have to go finish the laundry and then dust the living room. 5 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 5 Soi doing laundry? O.o Anyways, don't fret so much and I hope you get to relax. You're not Kasumi remember...although she is probably a better cook then Miaka....*hugs* Arigato You are really cool too. ^_^ - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arigato for the comment in my journal. I'm glad to know you're feeling better. It's raining here and I haven't gotten to write in my journal yet. But I came up with this analogy: when it rains, that's really the gods crying. (I'm a wannabe Shinto ^_~)(wannabe because I have no dang clue what I'm doing lol I try!) I wanted to also tell you my Japanese name (I gave myself one): Hotaru Makoto. One of my best friends calls me Hotaru-san and I call her Tori Onna-san or Karla-san... o.o? Why am I going on about that? lol ^_~ Well, keep in touch...*huggles* Peace out, mon frere (I think that's French for "my friend" but I dunno...) ~*Rogue*~ - RogueEevee -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "The only way to get Tasuki to do chores" Is for me to stress myself out over doing all the cooking and cleaning and everyone else's chores, until he gets annoyed and yanks the dish towel out of my hand. ^_^;;; It worked pretty well this afternoon. It was 4pm and I was getting pretty tired from all the work, and out of nowhere, Tasuki said "Put down the f-in dishrag or else!"-then snatched it outta my hand. :P So, he, Amiboshi, Tamahome, and Chichiri finished with the dishes and I watched anime with the girls and Hotohori-sama. ^^ Slayers Gundam 08th MS Team, Yuu Yuu Hakusho, the El Hazard OAVs, and some episodes of Sailormoon Classic. ^_^ Kunzite&Zoisite are such a wonderful couple. *sighs dreamily* In a way, watching the episodes made me feel pretty sad and lonely...I kept imagining Hotohori-sama and I in those gray uniforms...him telling me I was so beautiful and giving me a flower...letting me cry in his arms...*sighs* I managed to keep from crying, though...I was never so glad to see Miaka, Yui, and Soi getting all fangirl-ish and giggly and starry-eyed over cute yaoi moments. *laughs* ...Miaka is looking over my shoulder and pretending to be mad. :P She knows I'm just teasing though. ^_^ Well, it's 1:30am so I'm going to go to bed or watch more Utena or Gundam 08th. ^^ 6 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 6 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sat Feb 23, 2002 3:18 AM EST "I can't sleep. ;_;" Miaka and I watched more Sailormoon and YYH for awhile, then decided to sleep. An hour later, I'm still lying awake in bed. Thinking about Hotohori-sama again...as much as I love Kunzite&Zoisite's wonderful relationship, it hurts to watch...reminds me of what I don't have and probably never will. *sighs* At least Hotohori-sama will give me the time of day this time around...in our first incarnation he almost never even spoke to me. I was just...there. But just watching the episodes...Kunzite was cold and sort of emotionless at times, but he listened to Zoisite, offered him guidance, comfort, and support...he loved him even if he never said it out loud. I wanted to cry...how I wish I was Zoisite, and Hotohori-sama Kunzite... I'm so cold. I want Hotohori-sama to hold me, to stroke my hair and just let me know he cares for me...even if it's only one night...just to be with him... Great. I'm crying now. I...I can't even think, I just want the world to fade away, I wish it would rain...I...*collapses onto the pillow, tears dripping down his cheeks* [Song of the moment: Sylphiel Nels Rada, "Alone", Skayers NEXT image song] sonna yasashii manazashi de mitsumetari shinai de kokoro ga zawameki dasu wa tooi ano hi no mama da wa konna ni suki datta jibun o kuyanderu motto yuukiareba ima no watashi-tachi chigatta kankei deitaka mo... Don't look closely at me with such kindness, my heart starts to stir. You are still that remote day, I regret myself who loved you so much. If we had more courage, we would have been a different relation. * aitakute tadori tsuita kedo anata no yoko ni iru hito (kanji: otome) wa tsumi mo naku mujaki ni egao o kowasu no setsunai mune shirazu ni * I wanted to see you, so I found my way, but a person who is next to you is... You give off smiles innocently without harm you don't know my painful heart. zutto, aenakatta toki yori konya wa sabishii wa hitori tsuki o miageteru fukaku jumon o tonaete ano hi ni modoretara mou, nanimo iranai isso, nikumukurai utsureba ii no ni... anata wa mada shiranai Tonight I'm lonelier than when I couldn't have seen you for a long time, I look up at the moon alone. I deeply utter an incantation, and if I could go back to that day, I don't need anything. We would rather be reflected as well as hate, you don't know yet. "aishiteru" deatta toki kara iezu ni mune o itameteta kono kimochi towa (kanji: eikyuu) ni kizukazu ni anata wa betsu no yume o miteru no I couldn't have said "I love you" since I met you, I have grieved over my heart. You aren't conscious of it forever, and you have other dreams. aitakute tadori tsuita kedo anata no yoko ni iru hito (kanji: otome) wa tsumi mo naku mujaki ni egao o kowasu no setsunai mune shirazu ni 7 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 7 Don't cry Nuriko-chan, listen to the song "Party Night-Thr Hyper Party remix" from DiGi Charat and smile. That or "Otomi no Inori" from Slayers. Someing that is so scarily perky that will cheer you up. *hugs* PS: You can borrow the survey no problem. And to comment on your last entry, you mentioned 2 more of my fave anime series..Slayers and Utena. You rock ^_^ - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well...hmmm...you know that watching Tasuki-chan and Yui fight can be entertaining...:/ Glad you feel better though. ^_^ - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Aww...Sailormoon can be pretty powerful. I know; being a huge (American) fan. I look at Sailor Saturn sometimes and say "Wow, I can relate to her. I wish I could be her friend." Have you heard "Moonlight Destiny"? That's truly beautiful. If I had a boyfriend I'd sing it to him. Well, I do like one guy but he doesn't like me. Him being Mr. Conservative and me being...Hotaru (if you get my meaning). Why can't what we want ever work out? Aside from everyone's dreams coming true, that would be quite the fiasco! But it never hurts to dream...~*Hotaru*~ - RogueEevee -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sat Feb 23, 2002 9:20 PM EST "Time flies..." ...When you're trying not to fall asleep. ^^;;; Going to bed at 4am and waking up at 6am, falling back to sleep, then waking up for real at 7:30am is a BAD idea. X_x;; I would've slept in, but Tasuki and Yui were fighting again. -_- It's only 9:30pm and it feels so much later...*yawns* But I don't want to sleep yet, it's way too early for a weekend. Besides, I wanted to watch more Sailormoon and Utena... 8 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 8 ^_^ - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sun Feb 24, 2002 3:38 PM EST "Survey!" Borrowed from Mistress Chimera. ^_^ 1. What is your favorite cookie?: Milanos or chocolate chip 2. What was the best party you ever attended?: *shrugs* I dunno. 3. Are you usually the bar tender, passed out in the bathroom, or the only one sober?: *shrugs* I work in a bar during the week, so I guess the bartender. If not working, I'm usually the one at a table or the bar staring into my half-empty glass. 4. What is your opinion on PMS?: Last time Yui had it and Tasuki said something to piss her off...well...we're still trying to get the blood out of the carpet. X_x;;; Soi's pretty much the same, and even Miaka can be a bitch when she has it. 5. Have you ever celebrated a holiday on a day other than that holiday?: Hmm... 6. Have you found your "twin"?: Hotohori-sama fell for a woman who looked just like me in our past lives. And my younger sister and I looked so much alike...*sighs* I miss her. 7. Are you the evil twin?: No. 8. What does your favorite bumper sticker say?: "If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!". Actually, I have a lot of favorite bumper sticker slogans. 9. What is your desktop theme right now?: A starry midnight-blue background, with a sound bite from Enya's "Far and away" theme as the startup...I love Enya. ^=^ 10. What would be your perfect vacation?: Either a hotel with a nice, comfortable bed and cable TV, or a celtic manor with beautiful gardens...the kind of place Enya inspires...and of course, Hotohori-sama would be with me...*sighs dreamily* 11. Were you a bully in grade school?: Never! ^_^ 12. Do you like to make fun of random strangers?: Only if they make fun of me first. Then again, I prefer punching them out if they cross the line. 13. What is your favorite place to shop in?: A bookstore or an incense-and-candle shop, one of those hippie-fied places. XD 14. Are you an internet junkie?: I guess so. ^^ 15. Nilla Wafers are great, aren't they?: They're not bad. 16. Have you ever wished you had magical powers? I have superhuman strength, but I've wished I could be invisible from time to time. 17. If you could have any animal in the world as a pet, what would you have and what would you name it?: A cat. 18. Have you ever wondered if a cow would let you ride on it?: Not really. 19. Did you ever wish you were something other than a human? What did you wish you were?: I dunno... 20. What was your favorite doll/blankie as a child? What was it's name?: I don't remember... 9 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 9 *giggles about what happened to Tasuki during Yui's period* ^_^ - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Enya! I love her too! Have you heard "Only Time", "Wild Child", or "May it Be"? Such beautiful songs! And that bumper sticker was funny. My favorite is one I'm going to stick on my car eventually: "Discourage Inbreeding: Ban Country Music!" Gomen if you like country music. I personally don't, save for a few songs (like that one I posted in my journal). I also happened to think it was just funny. I have the most bizarre sense of humor. Perhaps that's why I scared my history teacher the other day...no, that was just me being bizarre... No one understands the Rogue... ~*Hotaru*~ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mon Feb 25, 2002 3:08 AM EST "*shivers*" (Warning: This entry contains spoilers so if you haven't seen the anime...^^;;;) I just watched a scene from the anime series...of my past life...fortunately, it wasn't my actual death. But still...I feel so cold all of a sudden. I still feel where I was stabbed...*shudders uncontrollably* I should've just gone to bed an hour ago...I feel so cold...so alone and paranoid...it's dark...everyone else is asleep...times like this really make me lonely for Hotohori-sama...I'd feel so much better if I was being held in his arms right now... 10 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 10 Oh...I know I'm not Hotohori-sama, but *hugs*...I can't watch that myself...*sniffs* - Mistress Chimera Tue Feb 26, 2002 3:47 AM EST "[Song Lyrics] Forever Love" Just cause I felt like writing only I don't have much to say right now...just...tired and blank. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/x/ (Anime) X: Forever Love (N/A) Ending Song Mou hitori de arukenai toki no kaze ga tsuyo sugite Ah kizutsuku koto nante nareta hazu dakedo ima wa... Alone I cannot walk Time's winds are too strong Ah, it's wounded I should have gotten used to it, but right now Ah kono mama dakishimete nureta mama no kokoro o kawari tsuzukeru kono toki ni kawaranai ai ga arunara Will you hold my heart namida uketomete mou koware souna All my heart Ah, leave me the way I am My heart, even though damp At this moment is being changed If unchanging love exists Will you hold my heart Catch my tears All of my heart is ready to shatter Forever Love Forever Dream areru omoi dake ga tanishiku setsunaku jikan o umezukusu Oh Tell me why All I see is blue in my heart Will you stay with me kaze ga sugi suru made mata raretsu All my tears Forever Love Forever Dream Kono mama soba ni ite yoru ke ni areru kokoro o dakishimete Oh Stay with me Forever Love Forever Dream Only overflowing thoughts of love Please bury all of the terrible, sorrowful time Oh tell me why All I see is blue in my heart Will you stay with me Until the winds pass All my tears overflow again Forever Love Forever Dream Be with me this way Please hold my trembling heart until dawn Oh stay with me Ah subete ga owareba ii owari no nai kono yori ni Ah o umo no nante nani mo nai anata dake Forever Love Forever Dream kono mama soba ni ite yori ke ni onurieru kokoro o dakishimete Ah Will you stay with me kaze ga sugi saru made mou dare yori mo soba ni Ah, I want this to end Nothing is ended though in this night Ah, I am lost There is nothing...only you exist Forever Love Forever Dream Will you stay with me Hold my trembling heart until dawn Oh stay with me Until the wind passes At this moment, more than anyone I want you with me Forever Love Forever Dream kore ijo arukenai Oh Tell my why Oh Tell me true oshiete ikeru imi o Forever Love Forever Dream areru namida no naka kagayaku kizetsu ga eien ni kawaru made Forever Love Forever Love Forever Dream I can't go on Oh tell me why, Oh tell me true Tell me the meaning of life These tears overflowing from our relation Until the seasons change into forever Forever Love... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *sighs* I love this song even if it makes me feel kind of sad...the lyrics and all... 11 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 11 That's where I go for my anime lyrics for karaoke...oh god..this song makes me cry too...it's beatiful, but it reminds me of of my ex....*hugs* Tue Feb 26, 2002 2:46 PM EST "He defended my honor! ;P" Hotohori-sama and I were working the morning hours in the bar, and I was tired from going to bed so late the night before...needless to say I wasn't doing a very good job. ^^;; At one point, I accidentally served a customer the wrong kind of vodka-how was I supposed to know someone decided to play a mean prank and switch the labels?! -_- I apologized and tried to be nice to him, but he wouldn't let me. He kept going on and on about how annoying it was when the bar served him the wrong stuff, and he was obviously drunk off his @$$. Then, he started in about women being "stupid dumb-as-a-brick sluts" and how the boss shouldn't let me be working there. (I wasn't even wearing a female uniform! He was REALLY plastered) I got angry and started to tell him off, but he wouldn't shut up! >< So I did the only logical thing I could. I slapped him across the face, sending him flying into the wall. He was only dazed, unfortnately. He got up and started to come at me and suddenly, he went from angry to perverted! Hotohori-sama came in just as he was trying to feel me up... A few minutes later, the guy was out cold and bleeding. Hotohori-sama has beaten the snot out of him! *_* He said "Mess with Nuriko again and you won't live to brag about it!". I couldn't believe it! ^=^ I could've handled the guy myself, but still...it was so romantic... I asked him why he had done it, and he kinda sweatdropped and said "Well...I don't like idiot drunks coming on to my best friend!". *sighs* I'm wondering if he was trying to cover the real reason or not...actually, last week some drunken streetwalker was harassing Tamahome, and Hotohori-sama just glared at her and said "He has a girlfriend!". Could this mean something? *prays* I know I'm probably just getting my hopes up and I shouldn't, but still... 12 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 12 Welcome to the club..here's your complamentry prozac...bad j/k..I know what you mean though. Anyways, cool a that Hotohori-sama defended your honor. ^_^ - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm so glad to hear about Hotohori-sama! Good luck! (How do you say that in Japanese? All I know is "Yoi un" XP) My friend Raina is being a total B and now her friends are like blah...I'll write about it in my journal. Maybe I should be Rogue Hotaru. I dunno no more... ~*Hotaru*~ (Ps. What's Rogue in Japanese?) - RogueEevee -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thu Feb 28, 2002 1:46 AM EST "[Song Lyrics] The Lonely Moon" *sigh* Another one of my favorite songs. Sad, though, because the lyrics are so true for me. ~*~ Lonely Moon Tenchi Muyo! Theme Song I am lonely like the Moon You are far away as the Earth Though you say I light your thoughts night after night Soon we forget We are drifting in this dance I can feel you circle my heart Keeping such a graceful distance So close but somehow apart Sometimes I cry for you Knowing you don't want me to Sometimes I whisper to the stars up in the sky That I want to find the way to your soul Kissing the sun when morning comes You don't seem to count the hours When we are not together I've seen a tender fire in your eyes Yet when I'm gone, you carry on I float in this emptiness 'Til at last love returns With the night And the lonely Moon I am lonely like the Moon Always wanting you to be near I embrace you 'til the dawn Then with a smile you disappear We continue in our dance There are times I think it should end But I lose myself in rapture And we start all over again Sometimes I cry for you Knowing you don't want me to Sometimes I whisper to the stars up in the sky That I want to find the way to your soul Kissing the sun when morning comes You don't seem to count the hours When we are not together I've seen a tender fire in your eyes Yet when I'm gone you carry on I float in this emptiness 'Til at last love returns With the night I love the warm emotion you bring Though there is pain I don't complain How you can inspire me Whenever we're together Every time it's like a new song You move me so, I think you know I won't even say a word In your arms or far from sight I'll be a light Like the lonely Moon ~*~ This reminds me so much of my plight with Hotohori-sama...he only looks at me as a best friend, and sometimes he kinda doesn't notice me...but when he does, and when we're especially close...it's just wonderful. In my mind, all the pain of my unrequited love is worth it just for those few moments when we're so close...like when he defended me the other day. I know I'm just sound foolish...but I can't help it. Being in love just...does that to you. 13 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 13 *hugs* - Mistress "Sleep? What is that?" I only got a total of 3 hours sleep last night. ;_; I just COULDN'T sleep...I watched the Kunzite&Zoisite episodes of Sailormoon again and felt lonely, longing for Hotohori-sama again. Thought about how much I miss my imouto. Ended up crying for a few hours...I feel drained now. I'm trying to keep a low profile, so the others won't worry about me. It's working...for now. 14 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 14 I'm trying to get a Hotorori plushie on e-bay...if I get him I'll ley you hold it..it's not the same, but it may be okay. *hugs* - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ah, ne Nuriko-san! Cheer up! Things will get better. At least you don't have to worry about if Hotohori-sama will be at the Military Ball with someone else...*sniffle* I feel a sob coming on...stupid Chris! Well, I have my ulterior motives. Yah, the low profile thing works well when you just wanna keep everything on the down low (I learned that from my friend, Raina). I do that all the time by dressing up as Rogue (from X-Men) and I don't give a crap who likes it or not. It's sorta a signal to "not mess with me"...although on Wednesday I have tutoring with Chris-kun...ehehe, maybe something nice, ne? ^.~ Everything will work out, sweetie. I pwomise! ~*hugs*~ Ciao Fo Nao, ~*Hotaru*~ - RogueEevee -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sun Mar 3, 2002 8:39 PM EST "Slept most of the day" I woke up to find some of my Inuyasha mangas missing...I'm going to have a discussion with Yui, Miaka, and Chiriko later. ^^;;; I wish they'd at least ask. I'm not doing much better. I'm out of it, lonely, and blank...but at the same time I feel warm inside cause Hotohori-sama actually talked to me for awhile. And he put his arm around me!! ^=^ He said he was really worried about me, though, and now I feel bad. ^^;; *sighs* If only he knew... 15 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 15 Ah, ne, Nuriko-san...tell him! I know it's really up-front but I'm bad at giving advice too! ^_^;; Guess it sorta runs in us hopeless romantics. Thanks for the kind words about Chris. One can only hope. I have tutoring with him on Wednesday so that's one good thing I have to look forward to this week ^_^. Then there's Beaver Girl to yell at me on Tuesday for being absent...*sigh* Such obstacles. I watched "Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz" today (the last part cuz I'm dumb and I forgot to rewind it XP) and I thought that this is particularly true: "History is much like an endless waltz: the three beats of peace, revolution, and war go on forever." And if we look at ourselves in that way, I guess it's sort of an internal conflict, too. Mama Flareon'll get mad at me if I don't eat my dinner (make it nonetheless) and I've already spent *way* too much time online! ^_^;; Take care from your little firefly! ~*Hotaru*~ - RogueEevee -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mon Mar 4, 2002 1:55 AM EST "Again with the song lyrics" Watashitachi ni Naritakute (Wanting to be together with you) First Sailormoon SuperS ending Anata to deatte kara Mune no oku de hikatteru Itoshisa ga setsunakute Shizuka ni hitomi wo tojita Ever since I first met you I've been shining in my heart My love causes so much sorrow I broke off my glance so quietly Nan de mo nai shigusa mo Goku futsuu no kotoba mo Omoidasu sono tabi Namida ga desou ni naru Your insignificant gestures And your ordinary words Every time I think of them I feel like I'm going to cry Koi wa Lonely Lonely heart Hitoribotchi yo Lonely Lonely heart Yorokobi mo kanashimi mo itsu datte Watashi dake no yume no naka Koi wa Lonely Lonely heart Dakedo kitto itsu no hi ni ka Anata no tsuyoi ude ni dakarenagara Watashi-tachi ni naritakute... Love brings a lonely lonely heart I'm just all alone now Lonely lonely heart All the joy and pain I feel, I'm always Dreaming it by myself Love brings a lonely lonely heart But I know that someday it will come While I'm being held in your strong arms Wanting to be together with you... Anata no sugu chikaku de Zutto watashi matteru no Kidzuite wa kurenakute Nan do mo gakkari shita wa Right at your side, I'm standing there I'm always waiting for you But you don't return my advances I've been disappointed so many times Dare ka wo suki ni naru to Naze konna ni kurushii no Watashi dake hitori ga Kaze wo hiita mitai ni Then I fall in love with someone Why does it cause me so much pain All alone, by myself It's like I've fallen sick Ima wa Baby Baby love Douzo onegai Baby Baby love Samishisa ni makesou na sono toki wa Tekagami wo nozokasete Ima wa Baby Baby love Naita yoru mo itsu no hi ni ka Mukashi wo natsukashinde waraiaeru Watashi-tachi ni naritakute... And now it's baby baby love Please, I beg of you Baby baby love When I feel I going to lose to this loneliness I have to look into my hand mirror And now it's baby baby love Seems like every day I'm crying through the night I long for the past, smiling to myself Wanting to be together with you... Dare mo shiranai Secret tears Nugueru hito wa Only Watashi yori Watashi-tachi ni naritakute... Nobody knows about these Secret tears The one to wipe them away is Only Not just myself Wanting to be together with you... Koi wa Lonely Lonely heart Hitoribotchi yo Lonely Lonely heart Yorokobi mo kanashimi mo itsu datte Watashi dake no yume no naka Koi wa Lonely lonely heart Dakedo kitto itsu no hi ni ka Anata no tsuyoi ude ni dakarenagara Watashi-tachi ni naritakute... Love brings a lonely lonely heart I'm just all alone now Lonely lonely heart All the joy and pain I feel, I'm always Dreaming it by myself Love brings a lonely lonely heart But I know that someday it will come While I'm being held in your strong arms Wanting to be together with you... ========================================== *sighs sadly* Hotohori-sama... 16 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 16 Anytime ^_^ *hugs*...and I lost my bid on both the Hotohori plushie and Tamahome plushie on ebay at the last minute. >.< - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I guess I really don't understand the sitch but I hope all becomes well. Remember, whenever you're sad just wish upon a firefly because they're closer than the stars and are much more rare and precious. ^_~ Lots of hugs and kisses, ~*Hotaru*~ Thu Mar 7, 2002 11:06 PM EST "*stares into a half-empty glass of water*" Sorry I haven't written so much lately...I'm not doing so well. Not in the depressed-emotionally-damaged way...I mean physically. I'm so tired and out of it and I right now I have such a headache. My throat's been bothering me for the last 3 days, and I feel so listless. *coughs slightly* Chichiri-san said there's some sort of flu epidemic. I hope that isn't what's wrong with me. Then again, Tamahome was complaining that he felt sick earlier, and Soi crashed an hour ago. ^^;;; *sneezes* Ugh...maybe I better go to bed. I just hope that Hotohori-sama doesn't get sick, I don't like seeing him suffering. 17 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 17 I hope you feel better soon. *hugs* ^_^ Fri Mar 8, 2002 8:59 PM EST "I am getting sick. *nods*" I feel like garbage. My throat is still sore, my head hurts, and I'm so tired. ;_; But I'm trying to ignore that so I can work. I'm too strong to let illness beat me into the ground! *sneezes* ...I'll just go to bed early tonight and rest over the weekend. I'll be fine! ...I hope...*groans* 18 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 18 I just got over something very similar to that and then I had a depression bust so I got yelled at by my Major in JROTC. I hate being depressed. Anyway, I hope you feel better and I hope that computer bugs aren't the same as flu ones. ~*Hotaru*~ - RogueEevee -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *hugs* Get better soon sweetie. ^_^ - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sat Mar 9, 2002 4:52 PM EST "I think it was a false alarm..." I'm feeling much better today. I think it was just allergies or something... Hotohori-sama's mad at Tasuki for joking about dating me. ^_^; I'm getting so many mixed messages from him...but I don't want to get my hopes up... I'll write more later. I'm distracted...*reading the YYH manga* 19 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 19 I'm glad your feeling better. *hugs* ^_^ - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Me too...glad you're up and "fully functional" again! Enjoy those manga! ~*Hotaru*~ - RogueEevee -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mon Mar 11, 2002 8:42 PM EST ""We might as well be a couple!"" *sighs dreamily* Hotohori-sama told me at work this morning. Yet another drunk was undressing me with his eyes and Hotohori-sama got SO mad at him. Then he said that with how jealous he gets in those situations, it was like we might as well be a couple! ^=^ Then he said "Seriously, though. You'd be a great boyfriend." If we weren't standing behind the bar with 3 customers waiting for us I would've melted!!!! ^=^ I spent some time at an old shrine yesterday. It reminded me of one of those Celtic manors, the kind of place you would picture in an Enya music video. ^^ I'm 19 now...doesn't feel very much different. Actually...it does, but that's cause in the same 48 hours, Hotohori-sama actually said we might as well be a couple! ^=^ I'm feeling very optimistic that he might mean it...that he might feel the same way about me I feel about him... 20 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 20 *smiles and hugs* ^_^ - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Congratualtions! I so hope everything works out for you! ^_^ Chris-chan...*sigh* I try and I try but it's not working...I can't get the courage to talk to him. I hope I get to dance with him at the Military Ball on the 22nd. Wish this lil Hotaru luck. ^_^ Back to my JROTC homework... ~*Hotaru*~ Always and Forever ^.~ V - RogueEevee -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thu Mar 14, 2002 2:21 AM EST "Addiction" I just finished watching the major Kunzite&Zoisite eps of Sailormoon again. ^^ (Well, as major as they can get for villians who didn't get so much screen time ^^;;) And of course, they made me feel lonely and jealous because I wish Hotohori-sama and I could be like that. My optimism from a few days ago...dimmed slightly. ^^;; Hotohori-sama isn't ignoring me again, it's just...I dunno, it's just so confusing sometimes. *sighs* Anyway... At the same time, I love watching the episodes because Kunzite&Zoisite have such a wonderful relationship. Zoisite's so cute and so loyal and devoted to Kunzite-sama, and Kunzite may not show his emotions very much, but it's obvious that he does love Zoisite...Beryl just has him by the throat and he's forced to pick business over pleasure so often. ;_; Poor guy...I wish they had gotten another chance after the end of the season, like the Amazoness Quartet in the manga...I won't say anything more on that, though. Spoilers. ^^;;; *yawns* I'd better get to bed, it's 2:30am and I'm so tired...I've been tired all day, actually. Weird, since I went to bed at 11:30 last night...^^;; 21 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 21 i love the episode with molly and neflite i always cry when he dies *oops* i think you already know that so i hope i didnt spoil well i hope you guys get more in tune - momo009 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ah, ne...we're all going through some rough times now... But I know you can be strong, Nuriko-san. Heck if I can do this then so can you ^_^. Hopefully you don't have an annoying prat following you around that loves you and worships the grass you walk on when you obviously love Hotohori-sama...well, that's my case. *sigh* Take care, my friend. ~*Hotaru*~ - RogueEevee -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sat Mar 16, 2002 7:17 PM EST "*Crash*" "I tried so hard and got so far But in the end It doesn't even matter I had to fall to lose it all But in the end it doesn't even matter" -Linkin Park, "In the end" ~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The title? That would be my world coming to a complete breakdown. I should've known it was too good to be true. He didn't mean what he said and obviously regrets ever saying it! Hotohori-sama and I got into a fight-no, more than a fight. More like, I stupidly said the wrong thing and he hates me now. At work, this woman walked into the bar, and started a conversation with Hotohori-sama. It seemed harmless at first, but after a few minutes it was obvious she was flirting with him-even more after she noticed me! I don't know if she meant any harm or not, but it wasn't her that upset me. It was that Hotohori-sama obviously didn't mind. He wasn't fawning over how beautiful she was like he did with Miaka-chan at first, but he looked so...comfortable...like...he usually does with me... I walked over and said that we should get back to work. The woman apologized for getting in the way, paid her tab, and left. After she left, Hotohori-sama got annoyed and asked "Why did you throw her out?!". I did no such thing! The rest pretty much was a blur...that is, until I STUPIDLY said "But you said we might as well be a couple and we've been closer than ever lately!". He stared at me as if I was a complete moron, then said "It was a joke, Nuriko! I don't know what you're thinking but us?! An item?!"... That was 3 hours ago. I stormed home, locked myself in my room, and haven't stopped crying. He hates me. And even more, he knows how I feel about him...sort of... I have no chance with him now. Ever. It's hopeless... Life is officially...not worth it anymore... I can't ever face anyone again...I'm so pathetic. I wish I was dead...again... *curls up tightly, his shoulders heaving as he sobs* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~ X-Japan: Silent Jealousy I'm looking for you Trying to reach your roses Carried away by the time Seijaku no kyouki ni katame o tsubusaseta mama You've gone away From the stage Leaving no words There's just fake tears left isuwari no shinju de kazatta bara no hanataba o sagasu I'm blind insane In the red of silence Now I've lost your love genkaku no ai ni kawareta ayatsuri ningyo Get me on my feet Get me back to myself Pretend you love me yubisaki made shinku ni somatta ore o mitsumete Moe taekirenai kodoku no serenade kyozou no umi ni nagashite yume kara sameta chimamire no tenshi o mune ni daitemo I can not stop Silent Jealousy Don't you leave me alone kanashimi ni midarete modorenai ai o kazaru kurikaesu kodoku no naka ni Tell me true doko ni yukeba kurushimi o aiseru I still want your love ai o tomete kurui saku kioku o keshite "I just wanted to stay with you I just wanted to feel your breath of grace I didn't know what to do I couldn't say anything When consciousness returned Everything had been washed away by the tide of time, even you But the scars of memory never fade away I can't stop loving you Stop my tears Stop my loving Kill my memories" You dyed my heart in blood No way to kill my sadness tachisaru mae ni koroshite kyouki no ai ni dakareta hitomi wa nani mo mienai ima mo I miss you Can't live without you Silent Jealousy yume ni ochite dakishimeru kioku o Stay in yesterday toki o tomete kurikaesu kodoku o keshite Take me back to the memory, to the dream Silent Jealousy Don't you leave me alone kanashimi ni midarete Kill me, Love 22 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 22 Sometimes its so hard to care about someone because you get insane. I had this boyfriend *JERK* that thought he was great looking and when women would hit on him RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME he would flirt right back and i would get so angry because we were going out and if you go out with someone dont you try not to bask in admiration right in front of your girlfriend!!! or boyfriend whichever. Sorry about Hotohori-sama some people can be cruel without meaning to be Sun Mar 17, 2002 3:35 AM EST "*sigh*" I can't sleep. Miaka-chan came in awhile ago and tried to make me feel better...telling me it wasn't my fault and Hotohori-sama did care about me...didn't work much, though it felt kinda good to cry on her shoulder... What am I going to do now, though? I can't see any reason I want to be here anymore...I know it's shallow and stupid of me to base my life around some guy, but...it's more than just some stupid hormonal teenage girl in love with some football player garbage. I didn't just lose the man I love...I lost my best friend as well. *sobs* *I am listening to: "Wakatte Itahazu", by Satou Akemi* Hotohori-sama... 23 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 23 aw, hope things will get better for you. take care - KelsLovesYa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *hugs* :/ - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- its horrible that you lost your boyfriend and even hore horrible that you lost best friend. What happens when you lose you boyfriend is that you want to cry to your bestfriend but how can you do that when they are one and the same. Im sorry. Much love Mon Mar 18, 2002 12:03 AM EST "Rain..." I wish it would rain. I barely came out of my room today. I still don't want to face anyone, I...I just can't. Miaka, Yui, and Soi paid me a visit, as well as Tasuki...the girls tried to help, but they were only slightly better than Tasuki. All he did was keep telling me Hotohori-sama was a bastard and that I deserved better. I know he was trying to help, but despite all of this, I can't be angry with Hotohori-sama. Even if he did hurt me, I still love him with all my heart. *sighs* *I am listening to: Enya, "Book of Days"* 24 Mon Mar 18, 2002 12:09 AM EST "Damn it..." Hit the update button before I realized I had more to say. I'm wondering if Hotohori-sama just said what he did out of frustration...even if he is cold to me sometimes he'd never hurt me intentionally...right? ...*breaks down in tears* Of course he meant it! Why would someone like him want someone like me anyway?! He's so noble and handsome and plenty of women and girls notice him and would love to be with him...I'm just a stupid cross-dressing idiot who can bend steel with his bare hands! *sniffles* I'm so pathetic...Kunzite would never do something like this to Zoisite! I really wish I was Zoisite right now... *I am listening to: "Tears of Stars", composed for Xenogears by Yasunori Mistuda* Go to page Tue Mar 19, 2002 12:35 AM EST "Untitled" As if my life wasn't horrible enough...aside from Hotohori-sama still ignoring me and my ever-present loneliness...I'm sick. My throat hurts and I'm tired as hell. Then again, that's probably from my being unable to sleep at night and crashing for a few hours during the day...my life sucks. I wish everything would just fade away, that time would stop for awhile...*sighs* I've spent the last hour or so reading angsty romantic Kunzite&Zoisite fics...it's kinda sad that there are so many...not too great ones. Too many about Zoisite's death, one or both of them being horribly mispotrayed, or ones that mix the dub and original...*sighs* But I did find a few good romantic/angsty ones...^^ "Pretty" by Lady Emma sent shivers down my spine...it was so tragic, but it made so much sense in a way...I wonder if Hotohori-sama would have the same reaction as Kunzite did in the story if I were to kill myself...*thinks* Dying a second time almost seems...inviting...I couldn't, though. I keep insisting they won't, but the others would probably miss me if I left...*sighs* *I am listening to: "Runaway Train", Soul Asylum* 26 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 26 Take the time to rest..you need it. *hugs* Hope you get better soon. ^_^ Thu Mar 21, 2002 1:32 AM EST "Trying to get my mind off of things..." I'm watching some Gravitation, a cute shounen ai series. ^-^ I figured watching something less tragic would help get my mind off what's going on...it's helping, but not all that much. *sighs* I've pretty much stopped hiding out in my room. Still trying to keep a low profile, though. Hotohori-sama is still ignoring me, as usual...even if I'm not crying 12 hours a day it still doesn't hurt any less. ;_; Even if he doesn't love me as a boyfriend I just want us to be friends again...*sighs* I'd better get back to the anime and stop thinking about this... 27 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 27 Anime can actually heal I found out...After I my ex and I split, I found myself watching hours and hours of Kodomo no Omocha to make me smile. *hugs* - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i just bought video girl ai and i love it i love anime in general and as sad as it is i have a huge part of my room devoted to anime but hey f*** it I love the s*** and its in my blood cuz im japanese well a quarter anyway but hey whatever Much love hope you feel better and get your friendship with Hotohori-sama back bai-bai - Talitha -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sun Mar 24, 2002 3:59 AM EST "Soliloquy" Hotohori-sama...I'm so sorry I angered you...I'm sorry if I ever was a pain to you, in any way. I'm sorry if I was never good enough... Never good enough...reality comes crashing down on me...I never was good enough for you, Hotohori-sama. *trembles* I-I tried so hard to be perfect in your eyes...so hard...but in the end, it didn't matter. You didn't care how hard I tried to be perfect for you, didn't care how much I was hurting because of you...I thought you were just dense, but now I know. It's not that you don't like guys...you just don't like me...you never will. Life is no longer worth living...my one dream is broken, lying in shards on the floor amongst the bleeding shards of my broken heart. I never meant anything to you, did I? *sobs* I never meant anything to anyone... Nothing... *buries his face in his arms and sobs* 28 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 28 *HUGS* - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nuriko remember that in the end Hotohori-sama looks at nuriko and falls madly in love with him/her so dont lose hope!!!! much love Thu Mar 28, 2002 11:45 PM EST "Setsunakute Ii" Setsunakute Ii (I'll Stand Alone) Minako's R single Romanization by Valerie Yoza Translation by Melissa Leubner Written by Serizawa Rui Sung by Fukami Rika (Minako) Nee nemurenai yoru ga kite Mata anata wo omotteru Hey, as I sleep in the night, I can hear you, and once more, I remember you... Aa aojiroi mado wo ake Sora ni mada kienokoru hoshi wo miageru Ah, opening the pale window I lift my eyes to the sky, to the planet turning. Anata ni oyasumi wo Akai RIBON wo hodoite For you, I'll be good and I'll wear a red ribbon. Tooku kara shikatte ne Dare ni mo misenai kiyowa na watashi wo From the distance, alone I watch for someone to call my own. Itsumade mo suki da kara Anata no sei naraba Setsunakute setsunakute ii How long till I exchange emptyness for love? In case your spirit is alone, I'll stand alone... Nee mada hosoi kono ude de Anata dakishimeru hi ga kuru no deshou ka Hey, through the window, I want to be with you and hold you in my slender arms... Mo ichido aeta nara Kitto nakidashite shimau And at once, if you're ever threatened and cry surely, I'll run to you and end it. Seifuku no mune ni aru Haruka na me wo shita anata no yokogao The suit of your spirit is in my heart and in the distance I can see your profile. Sono mama de suki da kedo Motto anata rashiku Kawatte mo kawatte mo ii My love will never change but becomes more like you and is in your name, I'll stand in your name... Tooku kara dakishimete Dare ni mo misenai kiyowa na watashi wo From the distance, I hold and watch for someone to call my own. Itsumademo suki da kara Anata no sei naraba Setsunakute setsunakute ii How long till I exchange emptyness for love? In case your spirit is alone, I'll stand alone... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Hey, minna-san...gomen for not writing for so long...yet again...*sighs* I'm getting confused. Hotohori-sama pretty much told me he hated me, and he's still being cold to me. Yet when Tasuki says anything about anyone else dating me, BANG! Hotohori-sama nearly strangles the guy! What's WITH him?! O_o At least he's actually TALKING to me a little these days... 29 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 29 *hugs* - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ogenki desu ka? Ohisashiburi desu ne. wakarimasen!!!! Guys are soo like that!!! They dont want to go out with you because they have an inner turmoil but they dont tell you whats up AND then when theres talk of you moving on with some other guy they instantly get really angry because youre supposed to know what they are thinking and youre supposed to wait around for them!!!! WAKARIMASEN!!! - Talitha -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sat Mar 30, 2002 2:33 AM EST "He apologized..." At work earlier, Hotohori-sama asked me if I was cold-in a concerned way, not like "Don't tell me you're COLD, you wuss!". Then later...he said he was sorry if he hurt me by flirting with that woman...and...he shouldn't have told me off the way he did... So he does care about me again? I don't want to get my hopes up again because the one time I did they crumbled. *sighs* But Hotohori-sama sounded really...sincere, and almost like he regretted being mad at me...Miaka and Yui found out and are giggling that he's 'madly in love' with me...as cute as they are when they're all giggly and in that kinda mode over anime boys...I wish they wouldn't get that way over MY love life. ^^;; I'm gonna go watch some more sappy romantic anime...I need to lose myself... 30 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 30 *hugs* It gets better sweetie. - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- what a jerk in a bad boy cute way. SOmetimes its hard for people to apologize and well you have to give them time to swallow thier pride HANG IN THERE much love - Talitha ------------------------------------------------------------Sat Mar 30, 2002 10:08 PM EST "Was he crying?!" I ran into Hotohori-sama this morning and...he looked like he'd been crying. His eyes were kinda bloodshot looking and he just seemed...kinda disturbed about something. ^^;; I didn't ask, though...even though he apologized I still feel like...I dunno, I'm walking a thin line with him, one wrong thing might make him angry at me again. *sighs* But all that aside, I'm worried...I've never seen Hotohori-sama like that before...he was so quiet and out of it, even when he was in love with Miaka he wasn't like he was this morning. I hate to see him in pain...I just want to comfort him and be there for him like I always was...but I'm so afraid if I get too close he'll get angry at me... 31 Go to page -------------- Sun Mar 31, 2002 3:25 PM EST "[Lyrics] Ginga Ichi Mibun na Kataomoi" Ginga Ichi Mibun na Kataomoi (Unrequited love a station apart in the galaxy, or A Galaxy of Difference: One-Sided Love) Niiyama Shiho as Seiya/Sailor Starfighter Written by Takeuchi Naoko Composed & arranged by Kameyama Kouichirou Translated by Alex Glover Kagayaku shiroi sekai no naka ni Tsubasa wo hirogeta kimi ga iru Demo sono tsubasa wa kuroku omoku Unmei ni kimi wa oshitsubusaresou In the brightly shining world of white With your wings spread out wide you are there But those wings are so black and heavy on you That you look like you're being crushed by your destiny *Tasuketai, sukuitai, ore ni dekiru nara Inochi sae nagedashite, kimi no tame ni... Fuan no toki, tsurai toki, ore ga tsuite iru Itsumo misete ite kure, kimi no egao Seiya no ore ga kanjiru, fushigi na kimochi Faitaa no ore ga kanjiru, shimeikan to wa chigatta... Kitto ginga ichi mibun chigai na kataomoi da ne *I want to help you, I want to rescue you, if I can do it I would even throw away my life, all for you... When you're uneasy, when it's painful, I am there with you Always keep showing to me your smiling face I, Seiya, feel it, this wondrous feeling I, Fighter, feel it, different from my mission This surely is unrequited love a station apart in the galaxy Kuuru na akai sekai no naka ni Kanpeki na senshi, ore ga iru Demo sono mae ni kimi wa araware Totsuzen haato wa harisakesou da ze In the cool world of red I am the perfect soldier, and I am there But right here in front of me you appear All of a sudden my heart feels it's about to burst open Akogare wa, tada hitori ore no purinsesu Hakai sae okoranakya, heiwa na hibi... Nagarete kita, taiyoukei, kimi mo purinsesu Aru hi miserareta, kimi no egao My longing is for only one person, my precious princess Even destruction must occur for peace day after day... I came flowing here to the solar system, and you too are a princess One day I was bewitched by your smiling face Seiya no ore ga kanjiru, fushigi na kimochi Faitaa no ore ga kanjiru, shimeikan to wa chigatta... Kitto ginga ichi mibun chigai na kataomoi da ne I, Seiya, feel it, this wondrous feeling I, Fighter, feel it, different from my mission This surely is unrequited love a station apart in the galaxy Hoshizora wo tsukinuke, ginga wo kirisaki Mirai wo kimeru tatakai Ima wa sukoshi de mo Kimi no kioku no katasumi ni irareru you ni Kami furimidashi dance dance dance Piercing through the starry sky, cutting up the galaxy The battle to decide the future Now, if I can be at all So that I will be somewhere within a corner of your memory With my hair disheveled, I dance, dance, dance *Tasuketai, sukuitai, ore ni dekiru nara Inochi sae nagedashite, kimi no tame ni... Fuan no toki, tsurai toki, ore ga tsuite iru Itsumo misete ite kure, kimi no egao Seiya no ore ga kanjiru, fushigi na kimochi Faitaa no ore ga kanjiru, shimeikan to wa chigatta... Kitto ginga ichi mibun chigai na kataomoi da ne *I want to help you, I want to rescue you, if I can do it I would even throw away my life, all for you... When you're uneasy, when it's painful, I am there with you Always keep showing to me your smiling face I, Seiya, feel it, this wondrous feeling I, Fighter, feel it, different from my mission This surely is unrequited love a station apart in the galaxy 32 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 32 *hugs* Thanks. I fell much better today. ^_^ - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------ Wed Apr 3, 2002 9:02 PM EST "Aww, what does HE know about anything?!" Tamahome can be such a freakin moron sometimes! I was talking to him about the thing with Hotohori-sama, and he said "At least you almost got somewhere with him, even if you never have another chance with the guy!". -_- Well, THAT helped! I slapped him upside the head and told him off, but now I feel bad...what if he's right? I think that's why I'm so mad at him...what if he's right and Hotohori-sama does reject me? The only thing I'll have left is...the short time period where he considered me...boyfriend material. *sighs* I apologized to Tamahome for slapping him...and he said he was sorry he didn't have faith in Hotohori-sama. I wonder who else thinks I'll never have another chance with him. What if they all think so, that I'm a pathetic loser pining away for a guy he can never have and they're only being kind and supportive not to hurt me? ...No, they wouldn't...*sighs* *heads off to read depressing fanfics* 33 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 33 HEY obviously Hotohori-sama has some feelings for you he just needs to find out what they are first but you should tell him to hurry some other guy might just snap you up before he realizes that you are the love of his life!! - Talitha -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thu Apr 4, 2002 5:24 PM EST "We interrupt your normally scheduled angst..." To bring you something completely insane. The girls were discussing things, and the topic drifted to the fact that Miaka and Yui...are on THAT time of the month. Needless to say, it was a BAD time for Tasuki to come in and tell Yui off because she left the top off the conditioner. She told him to screw off, and he said "Yui Hongo: It's always that time of the month for her!" and held up a bottle of Advil mockingly. I wonder when that black eye is going to heal... Anyway, after Yui beat the hell out of Tasuki, Tamahome walked in and said he was going out. Miaka asked him to pick up a box of...something (*is squeamish about saying the word 'tampon' X_x;;;) for her...and he acted as if someone had dropped a mouse down his shirt. I can understand him being uncomfortable with buying them, but I thought it was hilarious. ^_^; Can't say I blame him, though. I guess to men, 'tampon' is a 4 letter word...wow, I actually TYPED it. X_x;; That took guts... Anyway, Miaka ended up going to get them herself, saying Tamahome would probably have forgotten anyways...he forgot the list. X_x;; But damn, how hard can it be just to remember coffee filters, conditioner, Milanos, saki, and Pepsi?! He only got like...half the stuff on the list. I'm gonna go watch YYH now. *heads off* 34 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 34 What up with men and TAMPONS i mean you can all buy lingerie easily but when it comes to tampons you freak???? ALTHOUGH i would be uncomftorable if my boyfriend (WHEN I GET ONE!!) asked me to go out and get him a jock strap EWWWW...much love - Talitha -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LMAO...That Tasuki...*shakes head and hugs* ^_^ - Mistress Chimera Fri Apr 5, 2002 8:20 PM EST "[Lyrics] Yubiwa" Yubiwa Sung by Maaya Sakamoto Vision of Escaflowne: A Girl in Gaea movie theme Namidaga atokara afuredashite Saigono egaoga nijinde mienaino Ikanaide ikanaide kokoni ite Sora e hikari kakenukete iku Konnani chiisana watashi dakedo Anata wo dareyori seiippai aishita Arigatou ikutsumono taisetsuna kimochi Tewatashite kuretayone Sonnatoki zutto watashiwa Kiekaketa hikoki-kumo wo miteita Wasurenaide hitorijanai Hanaretemo te wo tsunaideiru Hajimeteno koi hajimete shitta Konna kanahimiga arukoto Nanikaga shoumetsushitemo nanikaga futatabi yadotte Wakareni kureta hohoemiwa tsuyoku ikiyou to iu Anatakarano messeji Itsu kitto aeru futari naraba Tookutemo hitomi mitsume au Kibouto yumeno subete wo kakete Yakusoku wo shiyou yo Anohino hageshisa wo daite Ashita saku mirai wo ikiru ____ Afterward, tears started to overflow I could not see the last smile because of the blur Don't go, don't go, stay here Run past the light and ascend to the sky Even though I am such a small thing I loved you more than anyone Thanks for your many endearing thoughts Which you gave to me At that time I was Watching the gradually disappearing contrail Don't forget, you are not alone Even though we are far apart, we are together I found I fell in love for the very first time I learned the depth of sadness When something is lost, something else replaces it The memory of your parting smile gives me strength to live A message from you Surely we will meet again And from a distance will recognize each other in a glance In all our hopes and dreams Let's make this promise Clinging to the strong memory of that day I can look forward and live 35 Go to page Fri Apr 5, 2002 8:22 PM EST "[Lyrics] You're not alone (Yubiwa English)" You're Not Alone (Yubiwa English) Sung by Maaya Sakamoto&Shanti Snyder I've walked so long I can't remember Where was my home? Their distant faces fade away I'm always on my own I can show a smile, it's not hard to do I can have the strength to go on But sometimes I wanna let go of everything When thoughtfulness is not their game I teach by giving love High mountains seem higher endlessly When they're pebbles at your feet And if you should still fall into despair There is one thing left to believe I lie in your heart always Nothing is braver than honesty My life is your faith in me I'll be there when you need You don't have to hide from me What you are feeling now I fill your soul We will seek together destiny Troubles have an end We will carry on hand in hand You're not alone People searching desperately outside themselves Caught up in thinking of what never helped And I'd forgotten too that love exists inside of me As in those that I wanted from I feel you now I'll be there when you need We will live together Nothing is in our way With trust in our soul We will seek together destiny Troubles have an end We will carry on hand in hand We won't forget we have each other Love is in the hearts of all man You're not alone 36 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 36 I love the songs I REALLY LOVE the....song from the lodoss war in the japanese version i was actually listening to it today..its the opening song I hope you and hotohri-sama are finally getting on track on the love train...much lovse - Talitha Mon Apr 8, 2002 4:15 AM EST "He'd fallen asleep next to my bed...O_o" I woke up yesterday morning and noticed someone had fallen asleep next to me...well, on the floor with their head kind of leaning against the matress. ^^; I thought it was Tasuki or Miaka or someone who had been sleepwalking, but when I got a better look... Hotohori-sama was actually asleep on the floor next to me...leaning on MY mattress... How long had he been there anyway?! O_o And even more, he hadn't even been sleepwalking. He just woke up, asked me if I slept all right, and said he'd been worried about me. I'd been depressed and crying the night before, and I didn't think anyone noticed... Wow...I don't want to get my hopes up again, but...I can't help it! ^=^ I asked him why he slept next to me all night, and he said "It was more comfortable". ^^;;; Umm...sleeping on a hard floor with your head leaning against a mattress seems like an odd way to sleep...not very comfortable. ^^;;; But I didn't question him anymore. ^^ *sighs dreamily* He not only noticed I was in pain, he stayed with me all night and was worried about me! ^^ I'm gonna get my hopes up just this once...^^ 37 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 37 *hugs* ^_^ - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- OH my god he totally cares about you and he shows you in the sweetest ways that is soooooo cute i love it....it sounds so dreamy...i hope he can work through whatever it is thats blocking the path to true love so you both can be on youre way...much love...that was soooo cute..good luck - Talitha -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tue Apr 9, 2002 1:07 AM EST "Cold..." I can't feel anything other than the icy tears running down my cheeks. I can't think...I'm bleeding emotionally, everything I'm trying to hide from everyone else is ripping me up from the inside. I'm lost. Drowning in my own pain, spiralling into a black hole of anger, frustration, tears, loneliness, and self-hatred. I'd rather just let it swallow me than try and fight it... *hugs himself tightly, his shoulders heaving with sobs* 38 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 38 Pain fades w/time. Things will get better. *hugs* - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I know it hurts, but if you need to talk, I'm here. *hugs you tighter* - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tue Apr 9, 2002 10:34 PM EST "Does he or does he not?" I think Hotohori-sama might've read my entry last night...he's been acting sorta strangely around me all day. ^^;;; I hope he doesn't get the wrong impression, that he's hurting me. I am hurting over the fact that he still doesn't notice me, but I don't mind...really, I don't. It seems hopeless right now, but I just know sooner or later he'll realize...Miaka is outta the picture and Hotohori-sama has accepted her and Tamahome's love...yeah...he's over her, so he'll notice me and realize he does love me...right? *sighs* I don't know...I try to have a positive outlook but it just feels so hopeless! ;_; Why must love hurt so much? Tasuki just walked in. Better not let him see this-oh, great, he just did. Now he's being a jerk and saying "Get over it". >< Asshole! He doesn't know anything, how much this hurts me. If he did, then he wouldn't be saying "get over it" like it was so damn easy, like I was some teenage girl crying over a bad hair day! And Tasuki, i don't care if you can see this. You ARE an asshole! *ahem* He just left...^^; Probably gonna mock me to everyone else or just bitch...*sighs* No one understands. I feel like I just don't fit in anymore...ever since the whole 'second life' began...nothing's been the same. *sighs* I'm surrounded by others, yet I feel so isolated... And confused. Could Hotohori-sama love me at all? Ever? *sighs, tears stinging his eyes yet again* 39 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 39 noone ever said love was easy and if it was it wouldnt be so desirable love is a neverending challenge and well....dont give up...much love - Talitha -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, it seems that Hotohori-sama does have feelings for you. Don't give up yet. *hugs* - Mistress Chimera Fri Apr 12, 2002 6:07 PM EST "[Lyrics] I Try" "I Try" Macy Gray Games, changes and fears When will they go from here When will they stop I belive that fate has brought us here And we should be together babe But we're not I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you And I'll try to keep my cool, but I'm feelin' I try to say goodbye and I choke Try to walk away and I stumble Though I try to hide it, it's clear My world crumbles when you are not here Goodbye and I choke I try to walk away and I stumble Though I try to hide it, it's clear My world crumbles when you are not here I may appear to be free But I'm just a prisoner of your love And I may seem all right and smile when you leave But my smiles are just a front Just a front, hey I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you And I'll try to keep my cool, but I'm feenin' I try to say goodbye and I choke Try to walk away and I stumble Though I try to hide it, it's clear My world crumbles when you are not here Goodbye and I choke I try to walk away and I stumble Though I try to hide it, it's clear My world crumbles when you are not here Here is my confession May I be your possession Boy, I need your touch Your love, kisses and such With all my might I try But this I can't deny Deny I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you (but I'm dreaming of you babe) And I'll keep my cool, but I'm feenin' I try to say goodbye and I choke (yeah) Try to walk away and I stumble Though I try to hide, it's clear My world crumbles when you are not near (when you are not near aahh) Goodbye and I choke (yeah, yeah, yeah) I try to walk away and I stumble (hey, hey, hey) Though I try to hide it, it's clear (say it Lord) My world crumbles when you are not here Goodbye and I choke (I'm choking) I try to walk away and I stumbe Though I try to hide it, it's clear My world crumbles when you are not near (when you are not near, yeah, yeah yeah) Yeah, yeah.. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *sigh* 40 Go to page Sat Apr 13, 2002 1:37 AM EST "What's wrong with me lately?!" I'm even more depressed than normal...I can't even think about him without wanting to collapse in tears and drink my sorrows away! But the ironic, weird, messed up thing is...it's cause he's actually noticing me and seeming depressed. As if...I did something to cause him such pain he looks like he's going to cry just from looking at me...I just managed to stop crying for the 3rd time tonight, but I'm about to break down again. *shivers* 41 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 41 cheer up i mean if youre both going to be sad then why dont you suggest you be sad together? you guys are going through needless pain!!! i hope you guys work it out soon...much love - Talitha -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sun Apr 14, 2002 7:18 PM EST "Thoughts" "Cry out every night, for I know I can never have you. You could never love someone like me. I'm so foolish. I know it would never work out between us, yet I still love you." A quote from a story idea someone had once...perfect for what i think of my love for Hotohori-sama. I love him, but I just feel like...he deserves better than a manic depressive, weird person like me. *sighs* I can't write at the moment...I might as well sleep even though it's only 7:21...I feel so broken inside. 42 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry "^^;;; Error" The quote was supposed to be "My eyes are only good for one thing: To cry out every night, for I know I can never have you. You could never love someone like me. I'm so foolish. I know it would never work out between us, yet I still love you." Gomen. ^^;;; 43 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 43 Mon Apr 15, 2002 11:47 AM EST ""Stay outta my underwear drawer!"" About TIME I did something less sad and depressing and melancholy! XD The title of this is, believe it or not, MIAKA yelling at Amiboshi! Bet you thought it was Yui yelling at Tasuki. ;P The story behind this? Well, Chiriko and Tamahome tried to help with the laundry...unfortunately, things got mixed up, and Amiboshi was missing a sock. At the same time, he found a pink one in his drawer...I guess he decided to give it back or thought HIS sock might be mixed in with Miaka's stuff, so he was looking around... Miaka is NOT as sweet and fragile and prissy as she once was. O_o It's both hilarious and disturbing to see her temper fly out and slap someone around with a mallet. ^^;; Well, I'm going to get back to my reading...*picks up a copy of "Catcher in the Rye"* What can I say? I like angsty novels. ^^;; 44 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 44 You sound happy!! i wish i had such goofy friends around i guess they are a mixed blessing but they do provide for great entertainment!!..much love Wed Apr 17, 2002 6:43 PM EST "*whines*" It's too HOT! ;_; It really is. I don't know WHAT'S going on, but for the last few days it's been scorching out. It's not even MAY and the guys are already walking around shirtless and the girls...well, let's say Tamahome, Chiriko, Tasuki, and Amiboshi are losing a lot of blood. ;P And oddly enough, Hotohori was looking dazed earlier when I walked in without a shirt on...*giggles* But aside from the mass hilarity of the shirtless thing, everyone's miserable! ;_; I wish it would rain...or it would get cold and not warm up till the end of May! 45 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 45 you and tomahome are so funny!!! im sure you got an eye full of him as well...its better to be nice then nasty but what do i expect in the so-called great northwest...much love - Talitha -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sat Apr 20, 2002 8:55 PM EST "Quick entry" Hey all...sorry I haven't written in awhile. ^^;; The weather is so much cooler, and it even rained. ^^ Same old story with Hotohori-sama and I, though...*sighs* Everyone's sure there's something with Soi&Yui, though. XD Yui resents Tasuki even more whenever he looks at Soi... She's reading over my shoulder and glaring at the screen. ^^;; Sorry, Yui! Anyway, that's all for now...gonna go watch the Angel Sanctuary OAVs now. 46 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 46 whats that about???? hope you and hotohori-sama hurry up and get together!!!...much love - Talitha -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wed Apr 24, 2002 10:01 PM EST "*collapses in tears*" I'm so stupid! I'd been working so hard to earn back Hotohori-sama's respect, and I go and do something like this! What happened, you ask? Well... I kissed him. One moment we're just talking in the hallways, then things get awkward, we lean in...and...*sighs* The kiss itself was wonderful, even more than my dreams...but then we stopped...and Hotohori-sama just stared at me, and...he's probably completely disgusted with me now! How could I do something so stupid like that?! Nuriko no baka! *buries his head in his arms, sobbing* He'll never speak to me again now...everyone else will find out, and they'll all mock me for being such an idiot... 47 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 47 *hugs* Give it time love. ^_^ Sat Apr 27, 2002 7:29 PM EST "Confessions" Hotohori-sama confronted me about the kiss. He...said he enjoyed it and I was a really great kisser. So why did he get so freaked out?! Apparently it's something really personal. He started to tell me, then he mumbled "nevermind" and ran off...for some reason this made me realize I might never get a chance to tell him my feelings. I dunno why, but I ran after him, stopped him, and...I told him. I told him I'd loved him since I first met him, and i never stopped loving him. About the nights I spent crying myself to sleep, the feelings of hopelessness, how it tore at my soul every time he ignored me and even about how I wished I were dead again so I wouldn't have to live with this. I was crying by the time I was finished telling him...he just stared at me, and before he could answer, I kissed him on the lips, then ran off. That was an hour ago. He hasn't come after me or anything...guess he's either shocked, or confused...or...or he's angry and disgusted and never wants to see me again. *cries* 48 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 48 Hey, I didn't know you were gay??? - Kalurin -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sorry! I still luv ya, though, sweetums!*Hugs* Read my poem... Mon Apr 29, 2002 5:10 PM EST "Storms..." I would've written last night, but a storm knocked out the power and by the time it came back on, I'd fallen asleep... I was in my room, crying and listening to the rain and thinking about the sorry state of my so-called love life, listening to sad music and writing depressing poetry, or at least trying to. Then there's a knock at the door. Hotohori-sama. What could he want? I assumed he'd never speak to me again after my confession. (Wow, this diary's reading like some pathetic teen soap, isn't it? -.- I apologize.) He SAID he just felt like keeping me company...he ended up holding me and comforting me for hours!! *swoons* He told me that he was sorry he hurt me in any way, and...well, he didn't say if he returned the feelings or not, but at that moment, I felt very optimistic...maybe he does love me and he's just being prideful and afraid to say it? 49 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 49 Thu May 2, 2002 9:22 PM EST "*crying*" No, I didn't hit another snag with Hotohori-sama...actually... He came in awhile ago while I was listening to the rain outside, and said he wanted to talk to me. I accepted...but he didn't just talk to me. He grabbed my hands, pulled me close to him, and apologized again for the emotional hell he'd caused me. Then he cupped my face in his hands, kissed my lips, and whispered... "I love you, Nuriko." I was stunned, but before I could form any words, he said he was sorry and didn't blame me if I was angry, then walked out. I tried to tell him I wasn't angry, that I was so happy he said those words...but apparently he thinks he blew it with me. *sighs* He won't even let me into his bedroom, he won't talk to me...I have to tell him that he couldn't be anymore wrong thinking he blew his chance! *sighs* The never ending story of my life. ;_; 50 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Fri May 3, 2002 4:58 PM EST "FINALLY!!!" Well, after all this time, after all this damn soap opera angst and drama and dragging it out... ...My dream has come true. Hotohori-sama and I are together...he does love me. Amiboshi was right. The reincarnation was a blessing in disguise. A second chance. After an entire lifetime of loneliness and praying, my prayers are answered. I came to Hotohori-sama's room last night and he finally let me in. I told him he didn't blow his chance with me...that from that moment on, we could start over in a sense. A new beginning. *sighs dreamily* We didn't tell the others yet...we're waiting to see if they'll notice it even though we're being really subtle about it. (Tamahome notices this and interjects: "Yeah, making out at the cash register at the bar is REAL subtle!") *sweatdrop* Gomen. He just left to go argue with Tasuki about something. ^^;;; I'm so happy...after all this angst, I...I have a boyfriend. The man I love... 51 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 51 WAI!!!! I'm so happy for you and Hotohori-sama. *hugs* ^_^ - Mistress Chimera -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I AM SOOOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!! im so glad that your efforts for love were rewarded!!!!....much love and CONGRATULATIONS!! Sun May 5, 2002 2:35 AM EST "*giggles*" Everyone knows we're an item now. ^^ The girls were all starry-eyed and giggly and all that...the guys just said they were glad for us, but Tasuki seemed almost bitter about it. ^^;; Huh... A few hours ago, Hotohori-sama asked "So...what DID you do all the time you were waiting for me?"...we ended up watching the Kunzite&Zoisite eps of Sailormoon again. ^____^ I admitted I'd imagined us as Kunzite&Zoisite, and he said "Well, you as Zoisite makes sense, though you're more beautiful...". I'm still blushing from thinking about it. *^^* Watching romantic anime is even better when you're cuddled next to the one you love on the couch...*sighs dreamily* I'd better get to bed...Hotohori-sama wants me to sleep in his room again tonight. ^^ 52 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 52 Mon May 13, 2002 12:41 AM EST "Guess who's back?" As plenty of people might know, Amiboshi has a twin brother, Suboshi. However, only Amiboshi was reincarnated into the new life... Until now. Someone showed up on our doorstep just half an hour ago. 3 guesses who it was and the first 2 don't count. ;P Amiboshi is SO happy to see his brother again. It's so sweet! ^_^ Though Suboshi was kinda shocked to find out there's something going on between Soi and Yui...^^; Nothing's perfect, though. I'm happy for Amiboshi and Suboshi being reunited...but it also makes me sad. It reminds me of how much I miss my imouto and how close we once were. And that there's still tension between my onii-sama and I...*sighs* He doesn't know about Hotohori-sama and I. Telling family members I'm gay has always been a fear of mine, and telling them I have a lover would just be even worse...not many of my family members are alive or have spoken with me in years, but...I'm afraid of rejection. What if they hate me? What if the ghosts of my parents come back and haunt me, telling me they're ashamed I'm in love with a man? They were angry enough at me for crossdressing... *sighs* Why am I thinking about this anyway? I always get so depressed thinking about my family and my old life. I'm going to bed. Hotohori-sama is waiting for me. Sorry for not writing in such a long time, minna. 53 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 53 ohayo nuriko-sama im glad you and hotohori-sama are still doing awesome its hard even contemplating telling someone that youre different i told my ex that i was bi and he made it his mission to change my mind what a f***en moron i wasnt picking out linen sheets for god sakes i was declaring a part of my self idiot...much love Sun May 19, 2002 11:45 PM EST "I have such a wonderful man!" Hotohori-sama said he wanted the 2 of us to go off for a romantic weekend. ^__________________^ *sighs dreamily* Apparently he's a bit tired of the others telling us "Get a room!" every time we so much as kiss in front of others. ^^;; Aside from that, things are still pretty chaotic...Suboshi is NOT happy about Yui and Soi. ^^;; Fortunately, Amiboshi is looking out for him...ah, brotherly love. ^-^ Not much else to say...I need to write in here more often. ^^;;; Hope everyone's doing well! 54 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 54 *hugs* ^_^ - Mistress Chimera Thu May 23, 2002 11:45 PM EST "What's with him?!" Tasuki's been very bitter ever since Hotohori-sama and I became an item. He's glaring at me and insulting Hotohori-sama constantly. It's annoying the hell out of me. >_< Is there some sick, twisted reason he HATES the idea of us being happy and in love? *mutters* Yeah, I COULD assume the obvious, that he's just jealous he doesn't have a significant other. But it's more than that. I can tell. *sighs* But at the same time, he's also gotten very close to Chichiri...so it's confusing...^^;; *sighs* I'm going to bed...*ends entry, curls up in bed next to Hotohori-sama* 55 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 55 well you cant let other people ruin your happiness or else you get bitter and dry up so hopefully he can just get over it...much love glad youre so happy! - Talitha -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wed May 29, 2002 10:55 PM EST "^_^" I need to remember to write in here more often. ^_^;; Hotohori-sama and I DID go away for the weekend...*giggles* Ah, to be away from the 'Get a room!' and staring of everyone...^_^ But as soon as we got home, Tasuki was all bitter and angry again. *sigh* And Suboshi is still not taking the whole thing with Yui well. It's so worrying...sometimes I wish I could just make everything all right again...that there was something I could say. *sighs* I'm only human, though... *yawns* I'm going to bed. Hotohori-sama is waiting for me. ^^ 56 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Fri May 31, 2002 3:57 PM EST "*bangs his head on the desk*" Hotohori-sama and Tasuki got into a HUGE fight earlier. And guess who was dragged into the middle? They were both wrong! Hotohori-sama was wrong to leave the cabinet door open, Tasuki was wrong to leave an open, half-empty container of almonds lying around! You see...we have mice. *shudders* Hotohori-sama didn't even tell me to take sides, but Tasuki, the hot-headed idiot he is, insisted there be a brawl! >_en I got yelled at for telling them to shut up and stop leaving things out! Now Hotohori-sama is all pissed off and won't even talk to me! ;_; I'm so pathetic, being upset just cause my lover is angry and it isn't even at me... 57 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 57 Sun Jun 9, 2002 10:36 PM EST "Agh..." Gomen nasai, minna-san. I haven't written in here in ages. Kami-sama, I'm lazy. -_-;;; I'm fine, though, considering things are still pretty tense. Tasuki's still being a jerk, Suboshi is worrying all of us lately by seeming so...melancholy, we've had the usual arguments over toothpaste, socks, laundry, coffee, etc. But right now, I'm not letting any of that get to me. Why? Because this weekend's anime marathon was great. Noir is a great series-it's action-packed, violent, and full of plot twists, and that's just the first 5 episodes! But it has great animation and music, strong characters (Soi said she was glad to see the lead blonde female as an assassin instead of a timid schoolgirl. *laughs*)...I could get into this series as much as Gravitation and Sailormoon. ^_^ It was just Hotohori-sama, Miaka, Tamahome and I watching at first, then everyone came in and ended up staring at the screen. This was last night...tonight I'm just feeling very romantic. Hotohori-sama and I watched The Vision of Escaflowne and Oniisama e...well, more like 'watched'. ^_~ *sighs dreamily* 58 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 58 Sun Jun 9, 2002 10:54 PM EST "[Lyrics] Hikari no Naka e" Hikari no Naka e The Vison of Escaflowne sung by Maaya Sakamoto as Hitomi Kanzaki nigiri shimeta te wo ... hodoita nara tabun ... kore de subete ga ima ... owatte shimau If I let go of your hand clasped in mine, with that, it would all probably come to an end right now. shiritakatta koto ... kizutsuku koto sae mo ... nanihitotsu yarinokoshita mama de What I wanted to know, and even what hurts me- even those were left undone. anata ga deau shiawase wo negaitai hazu na no ni dekinai mijuku na jibun ni fuite mo namida ga deru Even though I should want to wish for you to find happiness, I can't, I'm too immature. I wipe the tears, but they still keep flowing. sayonara aishite-iru anata wo dare yori sora yori mo fukaku Sayonara. I love you more than anyone else. Even more deeply than the sky. nakanaide mata aou ne demo aenai koto watashi dake shitte-iru no Don't cry. We'll meet again, right? But not being able to see you is something that only I know about. konna unmei wo ... eranda koto itsuka ... anata ni mo hontou no ... imi ga wakaru wa This fate that we've chosen... someday you too will understand its true meaning. futari tsukutta ... kioku no takara zutto ... kokoro no kakure ya de ikite'ku yo The treasure of memories that we've made will always live on deep inside my heart. kireigoto da to omotte'ta kibou to iu kotoba wo kurushii kurai dakishimete anata wo miagete-iru I thought it was a beautiful thing, the word called hope. In an almost painful embrace, I'm looking up at you. arigatou aishite-iru anata wo dare yori yume yori mo tsuyoku Arigatou. I love you more than anyone else. Even more strongly than dreams. dakishimete hanasanaide dakedo hitokoto mo tsutaerarenaide... Hold me. Don't let go. But don't utter even a single thing... nakanaide aishite-iru tooku hanarete'te mo anata to ikite ... yukeru Don't cry. I love you. Even though we're separated far apart, I can still live with you. 59 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Tue Jun 11, 2002 3:48 PM EST "Hi..." Just writing a quick entry so it won't seem like months between entries anymore...I need to update in here more often. ^^;; Not much to say here... Oh! Except one thing... Suboshi has lost it. He won't talk to anyone, even Amiboshi. He just sits by the window in their bedroom and stares out at the rain. Reminds me of the days I spent pining for Hotohori-sama before we got together...*sigh* I hate to see him like this, but if he won't even talk to his brother, there's no way I can try. ...Some update. *sigh* This doesn't even involve me, why the hell am I worrying about it? 60 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 60 friends that feel empathy are the best!! glad you and hotohori-sama are still doing wonderful!! love >'.'< tali-cat - Talitha -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fri Jun 14, 2002 10:04 PM EST "Insensitive" I just hurt someone who didn't deserve it. Someone who cares about me and looks up to me...and all over some spilled ink. Chiriko. He ran off fighting back tears an hour ago. All because I was in a lousy mood because I was a moron and didn't get more than 4 hours sleep last night. I should've just kept away from everyone. But no, I had to walk into the living room, see the spilled ink, and yell at Chiriko. A little thing like spilled ink?! I yelled at him and called him a careless idiot over something I've done more than once?! Fortunately, no one saw or heard this, but I'll bet they know. I've been crying for the last hour and I want nothing more than to crawl into Hotohori-sama's arms, for him to stroke my hair and tell me he loves me and it'll be all right...but who wants to comfort an insensitive jerk? *buries his head in his arms and sobs* 61 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 61 Sat Jun 15, 2002 6:48 PM EST I apologized to Chiriko and we worked things out. But I still wish I hadn't yelled at him. I don't understand. I don't HAVE a temper. I never yell or blow up at anyone. Why did I last night? *sigh* At least no one is holding it against me... 62 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 62 lack of sleep does funny things to people im sure chiriko understands that Love >'.'< tali-cat - Talitha -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sun Jun 23, 2002 9:00 PM EST "... *falls over and dies*" Again, I'm sorry for not writing in here for a week. -_- But nevermind that. Today I found out just WHY Tasuki is so bitter. He has feelings for me. As in, he was in love with me and he still does love me. I made the mistake of telling Hotohori-sama this, and now he's angry. *sighs* It's just...a mess right now. And with the Soi-Yui thing, Suboshi being depressed more than ever, and the usual insanity of 12 people sharing a house...*collapses* And I still need to get back to onii-san's letter...he sent it a week ago and I usually reply within 3 days... 63 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 63 LOVe is such a kooky thing HUH? you love someone and someone else loves them and someone else loves them!! well just keep yourself happy and things fall into place...LOVE >'.'< tali-cat - Talitha Mon Jul 1, 2002 9:02 PM EST "X/1999=DEPRESSING" A little advice: Reading the X manga and listening to sad music will put you in a serious depression for at LEAST an hour. Especially if the sad music is "Forever Love". I know. "DUH, Nuriko!". Well, I just didn't know it'd be THAT bad... X is a good series if you want to read something violent and depressing. But after reading the entire manga and listening to "Forever Love" on continuous play...I just managed to stop crying. This is just WAY too depressing a series...it makes EVA look like Ranma 1/2, for cryin out loud! ...Maybe I'll watch some Ranma 1/2 to get my mind off this. ^^ Again, sorry I'm so lazy about updating. -_- 64 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 64 Tue Jul 2, 2002 10:52 PM EST "XD" Y'know how I've been saying stuff about how there's something between Soi and Yui? There is. XD XD XD See, last night...Hotohori-sama and I kinda...made too much noise while fooling around...*blushes* And everyone got annoyed...so Soi and Yui decided to...get revenge...fight fire with fire. How do I know? Hotohori-sama and I had to come in and tell them to keep quiet. *snicker* This is embarassingly funny. ^^;;; I apologize if I'm being ecchi...^^;;; We're thinking of sound-proofing the bedroom walls soon... 65 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 65 you are too cute!!!! Love >'.'< tali-cat - Talitha -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thu Jul 18, 2002 8:39 PM EST "Lazy Nuriko" I'm wondering if I should bother KEEPING this thing...I'm so bad about updating it, and I used to be more involved around here...*sighs* I'm considering leaving. But...I'd just feel wrong about walking away. Plus I would wanna SAVE this diary, even the depressing entries... Gomen nasai, minna. But I am seriously considering leaving MDD...;_; 66 Go to page Nuriko's First Entry Nuriko's Last Entry Readers' Comments 66 its still a great place to vent and its not like everyone demands that you write everyday ive been slacking but i still need a place to write to other people and tell them whats going on LOVE >'.'< tali-cat - Talitha -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mon Aug 5, 2002 5:10 PM EST "Owari" It saddens me to say this, but... I've decided to leave MDD. I'm just too busy/lazy to update anymore...*sighs* It was great while it lasted. Thank you so much, to everyone who posted supportive and kind feedback, especially when my entries got way too depressing. *smiles* I'll miss you. Goodbye. ~End~