"Secret Tears"
        by Sara Jaye


        Another Kunzite&Zoisite story! ^_^; However, this one is from Kunzite's 
point of view, it focuses on his very well-hidden emotions, why he keeps up the 
"ice king" mask, and how much Zoisite means to him. ^^

[Disclaimers: Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and Toei animation. 
None of the characters belong to me. 
This is a yaoi fic, and an angsty, sappy one at tha. So if that kind of thing 
bothers you, you may want to close this window. Otherwise, enjoy! ^_^]


                                ~



        It's 2am. I'm cold, unable to sleep. The rain ralls in continous 
streams outside, beating down on the windows. I get out of bed quietly, so as 
not to disturb him. This is a rare occasion in which he's sleeping well...I'd 
hate to ruin that for him. Sigh...he looks so beautiful when he's asleep...his 
golden hair framing his beautiful face like a silk curtain...his innocent 
smile...
        Gods, I love him...I love him so much it hurts. He always tells me I'm 
his light in the darkness, his warmth in the cold. How much he loves me. He's 
so passionate, so devoted...I wish I could be as affectionate to him, tell him 
just how much I love him. I tell him I love him, of course, how important he is 
to me. I just...feel guilty because he's so loyal, I'm his world. He's not 
afraid to admit it. But I'm always so quiet about my feelings. As much as I 
love him, I'm also a workaholic. And our job is more than just very important. 
Our lives depend on our success and how hard we work...don't get me wrong, Zoi 
is very serious about his job and is very successful a lot of the time. But 
even so, his loyalty always lies with me. To him, I always come first. But so 
often I'm torn between him and our job, and since I'm the most powerful and 
highest ranked of the Dark Kingdom Shitennou, I'm always forced to choose 
business over pleasure.
        I know how much this upsets him...I wish it didn't have to be this way. 
It hurts to see him in pain, even more when I know I'm causing the pain. He 
blames himself, saying he's just so clingy and weak, always needing to hold 
onto me. If that's weak, I'm as guilty of it as he is, maybe even more. But he 
doesn't know. He doesn't know that under the strong, calm front, I'm as broken 
and insecure as he is. I can't let him see that, though...I want to be strong 
for him. Sure, he says I can always lean on him and that he'll always be here 
for me, but I still feel compelled to be the stronger of the 2 of us. I don't 
want him to see me crying or depressed. I don't want to worry him more than he 
already is...hours ago, he said I looked depressed and asked what was wrong. I 
told him not to worry about it, it was just stress.
        I look at him again...Gods, he's so beautiful...and brilliant, and 
sweet...how did I ever get so lucky? I'm so cold, an antisocial workaholic. 
Hell, he was even afraid to tell me he loved me because I'm so cold. Why me? He 
doesn't believe it, but he's so wonderful, anyone would love to be with him. 
Yet he chose me.
        My eyes are stinging with tears now. Nothing new, though. This 
crying-at-2am is a regular thing, 3 days a week at least. I don't want to be 
here, I'm sick of being forced to choose between my love and the woman who 
practically owns me. Zoi is miserable here, I just want us to live a normal 
life...Zoi deserves better than this. As my tears begin to fall, I wrap my arms 
tightly around myself. Cold, inside and out...I try and force myself not to 
cry, I can't cry...if Zoi woke up and saw me he'd worry, and I don't want to 
worry him...I've got to be strong...but at the same time I just want him to 
hold me, and tell me it'll be all right...I just want to be close to him, to 
bury my face against his silky hair, to hear his beautiful voice whispering my 
name...
        He's the only one who can see the real me under the "Ice King" image, 
the only one who appreciates me for who I am...so why do I still feel the need 
to hide my emotions? He loves me for who I am, yet I still hide...I want to be 
strong for him.
        I can't stop crying as I collapse back into bed. I hope Zoi doesn't 
hear me and wake up...

        "Kunzaito-sama?"

        Too late...then again, maybe he just can't sleep. I don't know it's my 
fault...

        "Are you crying?"

        He did hear me. I don't answer, only hold myself tighter and try to 
stop the tears falling from my eyes.
        "What's wrong, my love?" he asks, placing his hand on my back. Against 
my better judgement, I turn my head to look at him. As expected, he's almost 
horrified to see my tears.
        "Kunzaito-sama!" he whispers. "Why are you crying? It breaks my heart 
to see you in pain, my love," he says, his voice choked. I wish I could stop 
crying! Just hearing the sadness in his voice...
        "Zoi..." I finally say. His sharp yet soft green eyes are wet with 
emotion as he looks at me. Saying nothing, he snuggles against me, wraps his 
arms around my chest and buries his head against my shoulder.
        "You don't have to tell me what's wrong. Just know I'm here, and that I 
love you," he whispers. I feel my pain melting away as I hold him, burying my 
face in his hair.
        "I love you too, Zoisaito...I know I don't say it enough, but you mean 
everything to me, I'm just sorry I never show you how much," I sob, holding him 
as close as I can, never wanting to let him go. "I hate choosing work over you, 
Zoisaito, I'm sorry it upsets you so much." He silences me, placing a finger 
over my lips.
        "I know. Even though you're so quiet and don't say it very much, I just 
know," he whispers, smiling softly.
        "Don't ever leave me," I choke, tears still running down my face. 
"Ever."
        "I'll be here forever," he reassures me, his embrace tightening. 
"Whenever you need to hold onto me, I'll be here. You don't have to be strong 
all the time...it's okay to cry." I feel a weight lifting from my heart upon 
hearing this.
        "Zoi..." I whisper, gently bringing him closer and pressing my lips to 
his. His fingers run gently through my hair as he kisses me back.
        Slowly, the cold begins to fade, as well as the world around us. Who 
cares about Beryl or that stupid crystal? Right now, the most important one in 
my life is in my arms. And no matter what, I'll never let go of him.

                                ~End~

        Finished! ^^ Man, after over a month of bad luck with writing it feels 
GOOD to get something done! ^=^ My writing was at a high over the December 
holidays, then in January it...slowly began to fizzle out. ;_; I dunno if this 
story marks it coming back with a vengence or not, but either way I'm just glad 
I wrote something. ^^
        It was pretty interesting to write from Kunzite's point of view. I'm so 
used to writing from Zoisite's and I identify with him more. But as 
Heather-sama said, writing both sides of the relationship helps give more 
insight. ^^
        Till next time! ^^