"Someone To Live For"
	by Sara Jaye


	Well, I found this little Usagi/Mamoru angst fanfic on ASMR, 
and after having it in my folder for well over a year and wanting to 
write a similar fic of my own, decided to borrow the plot and write 
this, using Zoicite and Malachite...it was 2:25am and I was waiting 
for an MPG of the Gundam Wing ED to download, and I got bored...^^;;; 
And this is just one of several other versions I plan to write...
NephritexJadeite, ChibiUsaxHotaru, KunzitexZoisite, MakotoxAmi, 
MimetexUnazuki, SetsunaxMinako, HotohorixNuriko...^^;;;;
	*notices the huge "Get a life, you crazy person" sign above 
her head*
	I tried to get one, but they were out of stock! :P
	Anyway...enough of this rambling and on with the story, shall 
we? ^^;;

[Disclaimers: Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and Toei 
animation. None of the characters belong to me-well, 'cept Zoicite and 
Malachite, whom I stole from DiC. :P
This story is kind of depressing in some places, so if that kind of 
thing bothers you, you may want to close this window. And it's not 
advised that you read this if mushy, sweet, warm&fuzzy-feelings 
romance isn't your thing either. :P Otherwise, enjoy! ^_^]

				~


	Why can't anyone see through this act? This mask of spite, 
evil, this devil-may-care attitude? They can't see me. They don't know 
me. The real me that just wants to scream out, tell everyone that I'm 
not what they think I am. Some people think they have me all figured 
out, but they're so wrong. They only know one side of me, the tough, 
fearless one...but that's slowly fading...fading into the darkness 
that is my life.
	But at the same time, I don't want them to know what I really 
am. I don't want them to see how vunerable, weak, and injured I am 
inside. If they know, they'll just pick me apart worse than they 
already have. And it will be even easier for them to hurt me. And I've 
been hurt enough. I've lost my best friend, my real parents, and 
pretty much anything decent in my life. I can't stand to be hurt 
anymore...I just can't...but I'm so sick of pretending...I just want 
someone I can confide in...but that won't happen. Not to me. If I get 
close to anyone, it'll only turn out horribly in the end. They'll 
only hurt me...if they don't leave me first. The last person I got 
really close to ended up dying...it still hurts like hell remembering 
it. So I just can't let anyone get close enough to know the real me. 
I must continue to hide behind a wall of flames, iron, and flower 
petals.

				~

	I'm just a woman trying survive the Dark Kingdom, but what's 
to survive for? What's the point? No one cares. Life is just one big 
joke. I used to think that life was a precious thing, something to 
live for in itself. But alas, that was so, so long ago, and how naive 
I was...what's to live for?
	My friends? Sure, those heartless jerks who could give a damn 
less about me, they're real friends. My job? Let's not get into that. 
My future? Right, someone like ME actually has a future. Love? Ha! 
Love, what a joke. That's something I'll never have.
	I have a past I wish I could just forget about. A life that I 
hate. A job I only accepted to escape the hell of being lonely, only 
to end up more alone than I ever was before. I'm surrounded by men 
who look at me as just some weak, defenseless girl, and a heartless, 
self-centered, vengeful queen who seems to hate me more than the 
others.
	I just want to get away from everything...

				~

	I survived yet another day of my life. But was it worth it? I 
mean, look at this poor excuse for a life I have. I'm lonely, bitter, 
unwanted, and useless. My co-workers always point out my mistakes, and 
never look at my achievement. I actually picked up an important bit of 
information concerning the Ginzuishou, all on my own, and was late for 
a meeting. Nephrite IMMEDIATELY attacked me and accused me of always 
being late when he-and everyone else-knows that isn't true. Before I 
even got a chance to explain WHY I was late. And the rest of those 
jerks agreed. When I did tell them the truth, they refused to believe 
me. They said I was just saying that so I'd look good!
	I always knew that they could give a damn less about me, but 
knowing just how little they care about me hurts more than I can say. 
Somehow I get this feeling we're all supposed to be friends just 
because we're all trapped in this cold, heartless pit of despair. I 
think not. Even Malachite, the one person who I thought actually gave 
a damn about me, joined in and told me everything I did wrong. I knew 
he was just another stupid man. I can't believe I ever thought I liked 
him.
	Then Queen Beryl laid into me for not beating those "miserable 
Sailor Senshi" yet again...stupid teenage girls...but then again, why 
do I hate them? They never even did anything to us and we're just 
trying to kill them...and all those innocent people whose energy we've 
stolen...they never did anything to harm us...then Zoisite started in 
about how maybe I shouldn't be trusted with anymore missions...and 
Kunzite and Nephrite kept adding in sexist "She's only a weak, 
helpless girl" comments...then Jadeite tried to defend me and that got 
both of us in hot water...now he has to hate me for getting him in 
trouble with our queen. He never said anything, but I know he does. 
Everyone else hates me, so why not him?
	I hate my life. I hate the Dark Kingdom. I hate Nephrite. I 
hate Zoisite. I hate Queen Beryl. I hate all the other people who have 
used, abandoned, hurt, or betrayed me in my life.
	But more than that, I hate myself. For being so stupid, for 
being a heartless bitch, for screwing up every mission I get sent on, 
for being so pathetic...just for being here...
	Why am I here to begin with? I'm nothing important. I'm 
useless. I'm just some random henchwoman that was only hired to even 
out the number of generals working here...no one would blink if I was 
gone. They'd be much better off without some idiot like me ruining 
everything...
	They don't need me...I should just leave...

				~

	Looking out at the stars, I sighed deeply as I wrapped my arms 
around myself, trying to keep warm. I gazed at the sakura trees 
surrounding me and smiled sadly as the petals fall from the branches...
so beautiful...the only beautiful thing in this wretched kingdom...at 
least I was able to look at something beautiful before I left.
	Yet in the back of my mind, part of me didn't want to leave. 
What if they did miss me? And what if my life isn't fated to be so 
horrible? What if there is a light in the darkness I view my life as?
	For a moment, I thought maybe there is someone who will miss 
me...or I have a reason to be here...
	But why? And who would want me here at all?
	No one...
	Just then, I heard someone call my name.
	"Zoicite, what are you doing out here so late?"
	Startled, I immediately snapped out of my thoughts, turned 
around, and saw the person I least expected, and one of the last 
people I wanted to see.
	Malachite.
	"It's 2am, and we have a mission tomorrow. And it's dangerous. 
You never know when a youma will turn on their master." Jeez, could 
you remind me a little more that all I am to everyone around here is a 
defenseless woman? I rolled my eyes. I wasn't in the mood for this 
sexist talk.
	"I can take care of myself." I said coldly, not even looking 
at him. "Besides, why do you care?"
	"Zoicite...what do you mean?" he asked.
	"I mean, nobody else gives a damn about me, so why should 
you?" He looked at me, obviously confused.
	"Whatever gave you that idea?"
	"The way everyone here treats me like I'm just some weak, 
useless female. They always find some way to make me feel like I'm 
worthless, like nothing I ever do around here is right, or good 
enough. Even the youma have little to no respect for me. And being in 
the Dark Kingdom makes it hurt more. Knowing I didn't even want this. 
Attacking innocent people who never did anything to me. Trying to kill 
a gang of teenage girls just because Queen Beryl said so. To be forced 
into it. I hate that. And I hate myself for doing it. Do you 
understand what I'm saying, Malachite?" I asked, still refusing to 
meet his gaze.
	"I'm not that bold, fearless, hot-tempered woman you all 
know. I never was. I may seem like nothing can scare me, like I'm so 
tough...but deep down, I'm not. I'm lonely, injured, and scared...
scared of this bleak, soulless kingdom, scared of Queen Beryl...scared 
of myself...I-I can't hide this anymore, Malachite...I just want 
people to see who I really am..."
	"Then why don't you?" he asked.
	"Because I can't. Not as long as I'm here. If they knew what I 
really was I'd be dead in 2 minutes. And anyone I get close to is only 
going to hurt me if they don't leave me first. I want them to see, yet 
I don't want them to see...I'm so confused!" I cried, unsuccessfully 
fighting back tears. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone...yet at 
the same time, I wanted him to stay with me...I needed someone...
someone to hold me, to kiss away my tears and tell me it would be okay...
	But of course, that would never happen.
	"I can't stand this any longer...I have to leave...I can't 
stay here."
	"Why?"
	"What's here to keep me here?" I asked, looking up at him very 
slightly. He only smiled, cupped my chin lightly in his hand, and 
gently lifted my face to meet his.
	"Me."
	Then he kissed me. There was no other way to describe it than 
just...incredible. Just the feeling of his lips on mine was enough to 
make me lose any sense of what was around me. I found myself returning 
the kiss, maybe even more passionately. I had only dreamed of this 
moment before. Never thought it possible that it would become reality.
	Yet it was.
	I finally pulled back, and we just stood there, gazing into 
each other's eyes. In the darkness, his were so shiny...so icy, yet so 
warm and inviting...I'd never noticed just how beautiful his eyes were 
before.
	"We better get back", he said. I shook my head. Even if he 
cared, or at least cared enough to run out here after me, I was still 
afraid. Afraid he would end up leaving me or hurting me.
	"Why? Not like anyone would care enough to miss me."
	"I care. And I would miss you terribly if you were gone."
	"Only you."
	"Aint I enough?" he asked almost playfully. I couldn't help 
smiling. He sure was handsome...and it felt so right being with him...
feeling his arms around me...
	'He won't hurt me,' I thought. 'It's different this time. I 
can just tell...he really does care about me.'
	"Oh, all riiiight," I said, snuggling closer. "But on one 
condition."
	"And what might that be?" I looked up at him, lightly resting 
my hand on his cheek and toying with a lock of his gorgeous silver 
hair.
	"Stay with me," I whispered. He smiled and softly kissed my 
cheek, brushing a hand through my ponytail.
	"Of course. I wasn't planning to let you go anyway, Zoi," he 
said, laughing a little as he wrapped his cape around the 2 of us. 
'Zoi...' Just hearing him call me that felt wonderful. My eyes closed 
as I rested my head against his chest, my heart soaring.
	Right then I made up my mind. I wasn't leaving. Now that I had 
found Malachite, I swore to myself I would never leave him.
	Ever.
	I had found my light in the darkness. My warmth in the 
neverending cold.
	I had someone to live for now. 

				~End~

	Well, for a story that started out so angsty, it sure didn't 
end that way. ^^;;; But then again, warm&fuzzy romance is probably the 
only thing aside from angst I'm really good at. ^^;;
	Ja ne! ^_^