Another day, another miserable failure - 4/12/2002 We blew the mission again. Damn those Sailor Senshi! Stupid little girls with their little skirts and perkiness... No, it's not their fault. Our plan just sucked horribly, I guess. Stupid Jadeite. Actually, no. His plan was decent enough...Nephrite's the one who insisted we do it HIS way. "The stars know everything". *rolls eyes* When I said he was wrong, he countered with "Well, let's see YOU come up with a better plan!". I told him off, but deep down he's right in what he was insinuating. My plans would just get us all brutalized by the Senshi, or if not them, Queen Beryl-sama. I let Kunzite-sama come up with the plans and take the credit, he knows more than me anyways. I'm the second highest-ranked of us, yet there's a huge gap in the rankings between Kunzite-sama and I...I'm thisclose to Nephrite and only slightly above Jadeite. *sighs* I feel so damn worthless sometimes...like the only people lower than me on the list are those 2 other generals who are hardly even considered part of the army, just here to do all the paperwork...even more disturbing is they look almost exactly like Kunzite-sama and I, and stranger still...one of them is female. Huh...I'd consider HER the lowest one on the list, but this woman isn't exactly a "helpless female". *huge sweatdrop* Anyway, my mind's fragmented again. I'm just tired, I guess...I'd better get into bed. Kunzite-sama is still on one of those damned missions for Queen Beryl-sama, like he is at least 2 nights out of the week...*sighs* I can't even say how lonely I am without him or that I miss him. I don't want him to think I'm clingy and pathetic. *sighs heavily* I'm just going to go to bed and force myself not to think depressing thoughts. Maybe Kunzite-sama will be home early tonight... Untitled - 4/12/2002 I'm uninspired. I can't come up with a title for this. Today has just been depressing. We lost again, I nearly got slapped with all the blame, and Nephrite and Kunzite-sama ended up arguing over everything. *sighs* I told them to stop, and Nephrite snapped at me "Stop trying to put your precious boyfriend on a pedastal!". I'm beginning to think he resents me, Kunzite-sama, or both of us for being in love. We've only been together about a month, but...*sigh* It's so depressing. But at least I get a few hours alone with Kunzite-sama before we have ANOTHER damn mission... Does it ever end?! - 4/12/2002 We blew ANOTHER damn mission. Shimatta, there are only 3 Senshi and they still manage to win with their little speeches and short skirts and smiles and sparkly eyes and prissy little perky attitudes! >< Then again, they're just teenage girls, so it's not like you can expect much else from them. Jadeite is being blamed for everything as usual. And the odd thing is, he doesn't seem to give a damn. Hell, he doesn't even notice everyone glaring at him or telling him off much. He's just...a statue most of the time. I'd worry about him, but I've got my own life to look out for, even more so, the well-being of the one I love. ...Speaking of which, he just walked in after a discussion with Queen Beryl-sama...he doesn't look happy. I'd better apologize for whatever I did to get him in hot water. ^^;;; I'm a friggin' WUSS - 4/13/2002 You know what to expect. Predictable after only 3 entries. Another failure. We always lose. And guess who was snapped at this time? ME! Because I was the one who came up with the plan. Not really. It was Jadeite's idea, I just offered my own suggestions which I THOUGHT would work. Unfortunately, those Senshi have Perfect Luck. So we lost. And even though Jadeite got slapped as usual, I'm the one who everyone got pissed off at more. Especially Nephrite. The bastard. -_- So here I am, still reeling from everyone yelling at me...the worst thing is, Kunzite-sama didn't even say anything. He just...glared and walked away. I didn't expect him to back me up, just tell Nephrite off! Considering he does that even without me being involved...*sighs* He must be so disappointed in me for causing this. I'm so stupid. I'm actually crying right now. I'm a wuss. Men don't cry. High-ranked generals especially. Ever. If the other guys saw me crying I'd be laughed out of the Kingdom or even put to death...and Kunzite-sama would probably not care as much, since it gives him a chance to be the strong man comforting his weak, simpering little femboy lover. *hugs himself tightly* I don't care...I just want to curl up in his arms and forget everyone else...*shivers* I feel so useless...I'm just some stupid little blonde femboy everyone probably laughs at when I'm not looking. I hate this world and I hate myself even more...*collapses onto the bed, sobbing* All the lights are on in here... - 4/14/2002 And it's too bright, dammit, this is the Dark Kingdom for cryin out loud...! I didn't sleep last night...my head's spinning...Jadeite was sent off on the mission alone. Queen Beryl-sama didn't even consider me or the others...I hope she doesn't find out I'm stoned. Wait...I'm not stoned...i'm just stumbling around in a haze and the walls are closing in on me... My head hurts... *collapses onto the bed* *mutters* - 4/15/2002 Queen Beryl-sama decided from now on she would put Jadeite in charge of things. Is she sober?! I mean, this is JADEITE we're talking about. *rolls his eyes* He's not exactly that competent. I wonder WHY she decided Nephrite, Kunzite-sama and I are now out of the picture concerning this. Yeah, we still have work and all that, just not in charge of the missions. I guess she found out about me being "stoned" the other night... Let me explain that now. See, I couldn't sleep from being so horribly depressed. Kunzite-sama comforted me for awhile, then fell asleep...I just couldn't. So the next day, I had a lot of caffiene and just tried to get as much work done as I could...it worked for a few hours. Then I was slipping, Nephrite accused me of being drunk, and Kunzite-sama decided I was too "unstable" to be working...so he put me to bed. At 9pm! O_o UGH...I admit it, though...it did feel nice to actually sleep. And he stayed with me, so it wasn't that bad. ^^ Headache - 4/16/2002 I spent the day watching through Queen Beryl-sama's crystal ball as Jadeite failed yet again. I'm torn between worrying he'll be killed and thinking he's an utter disgrace. *sighs* My life feels like a horrible mess lately...I would regret joining this cold alliance, but I'm beginning to care less every day. Kunzite-sama is the only one I can believe in anymore...the only one who seems to give a damn about me. *sigh* - 4/18/2002 People on Earth are complaining about this heat...I'd kill for some of that heat here in the Dark Kingdom. It's always so cold. Or am I just cold inside and unable to feel the slightest warmth for very long? I only feel warm when I'm with Kunzite-sama, and even with us in the back row and Jadeite in charge...it's like we never have much time together lately. I miss him. Yeah, I'm just being clingy and selfish and whiney about this...Zoisite no baka... Rain...*sighs* - 4/20/2002 Finally, FOD let me post. -.- Not that it matters...the last few nights have been pretty much the same anyways... Rain in the Dark Kingdom? Who would've thought? The Senshi win yet again. Sometimes I wish they would just annihilate us all and get it over with. Sometimes I just wish I wasn't here...my life is frustrating, cold, and painful. We're fighting a losing battle. All we ever do is test out a new plan, fail miserably, and get screamed at. Then the next day we try an even more pathetic plan, fail again, and get screamed at even more. Try, fail, get screamed at. Day in, day out. I'm incoherent, and I don't care. I just want to curl up and cry in Kunzite-sama's arms... [Lyrics] Somewhere - 4/23/2002 Somewhere Filia UI Copt image song Slayers Try Final Ending Song vocals by Houko Kuwashima ---- Somewhere in the world Somewhere in the dark I can hear the voice that calls my name Might be a memory Might be my future Might be a love waiting for me Rock me gently Hug me tenderly 'Til the morning breaks, night fades away I've spent my time in vain Trapped inside pain Don't let me down Help me see the light * Feeling bitter and twisted all along Wading through an empty life too long I close my eyes Listen to the wind Longing to belong to a higher place Let me hear your voice Let me be with you When the shadow falls down upon me Like a bird singing Like a breeze blowing It's calling me Somewhere in the world *repeat Somewhere in the world... [Lyrics] Here with me - 4/24/2002 This song is for Kunzite-sama, who is off on some minor mission thing Queen Beryl-sama assigned him...in fact, he's on one nearly every night of the week. I have almost no time with him anymore and he's so cold and distant...even when he's lying in bed right next to me at night, I miss him so much...*eyes fill with tears* "Here With Me" Michelle Branch --- It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror I guess that I was blind Now my reflection's getting clearer Now that you're gone things will never be the same again There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day You're such a part of me But I just pulled away Well, I'm not the same girl you used to know I wish I said the words I never showed I know you had to go away I died just a little, and I feel it now You're the one I need I believe that I would cry just a little Just to have you back now Here with me Here with me You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true But I was scared and left it all behind I know you had to go away I died just a little, and I feel it now You're the one I need I believe that I would cry just a little Just to have you back now Here with me Here with me And I'm asking And I'm wanting you to come back to me Please? I never will forget that look upon your face How you turned away and left without a trace But I understand that you did what you had to do And I thank you I know you had to go away I died just a little, and I feel it now You're the one I need I believe that I would cry just a little Just to have you back now Here with me Here with me -------------- *sighs sadly* Kunzaito-sama... Voiceless screaming - 4/29/2002 I feel like screaming so loudly the whole f*cking Kingdom hears me, loudly enough to break glass and cause chaos. Actually, I am screaming. I'm screaming inside, where no one can hear me. They can't see me. I'm bleeding and broken inside, hidden from the world. I'm lost. I'm drowning in my own personal hell...I wish for the embrace of death to envelope me and save me from myself... [Lyrics] Behind Blue Eyes - 5/2/2002 Well...I sort of edited them a little since my eyes are green. ^^;;; _______________________________________________________ Behind green Eyes The Who No one knows what it's like To be the bad man To be the sad man Behind green eyes No one knows what it's like To be hated To be fated To telling only lies But my dreams They aren't as empty As my conscience seems to be I have hours, only lonely My love is vengeance That's never free No one knows what it's like To feel these feelings Like I do And I blame you No one bites back as hard On their anger None of my pain and woe Can show through -- But my dreams They aren't as empty As my conscience seems to be I have hours, only lonely My love is vengeance That's never free When my fist clenches, crack it open Before I use it and lose my cool When I smile, tell me some bad news Before I laugh and act like a fool And if I swallow anything evil Put your finger down my throat And if I shiver, please give me a blanket Keep me warm, let me wear your coat No one knows what it's like To be the bad man To be the sad man Behind green eyes --- *sobs into his sleeve* Baka - 5/3/2002 Jadeite knows the Senshi are getting stronger. He knows he could either be killed, or fail tomorrow's mission and be punished severely by Queen Beryl-sama. Yet he's still training his youma for tomorrow's battle. Like I said, baka. Does he not KNOW he could be endangering himself? Is he just not listening, or thinking we're just trying to screw with his mind? Or... Does he know he will die and wants to go down fighting? An honorable suicide? ...I don't know. All I know is, Kunzite-sama and I have cautioned him against it, and Nephrite is taunting him, saying his youma are weak and he will die...he sounded a bit concerned though. This is the first time in awhile we've actually given a damn about one another's well-being. I'm surprised I'm actually thinking "Damn, if Jadeite gets killed we're gonna be short a soldier!" instead of thinking that after Jadeite, Nephrite will die and then I'll be in charge... I'm also wondering about those 2 mysterious workers again. The ones who are technically in our army, but more like honorary soldiers, not of the 4 Kings...makes sense almost, since with them here it'd be "The 5 Kings plus a Revolutionary" since the woman can't exactly be considered a Queen or Princess... ^^;;; That sounds weird...why am I thinking of this? My mind's wandering. Maybe I'd better get to sleep now before I stop making sense. *numb* ... - 5/4/2002 Jadeite is dead. The Senshi killed him in battle. Sailormars, to be exact...strange, considering she uses fire she didn't burn him to a crisp. More like strangled him with one of those ribbon things she carries around. I don't know...I watched his death through Queen Beryl-sama's crystal ball. We all did...Nephrite actually looked upset, considering he was never that kind and was taunting Jadeite the other day... He's dead. One of the 4 Kings is dead. I knew this was going to happen. Everyone did. So why am I in shock? Kunzite-sama is worried, he says any one of us could be next. I hate to admit it, but deep down I'm terrified and I know he's right. *shudders* I can't believe this...I almost miss Jadeite. Almost... *shudders, ends entry, slips into bed and snuggles close to Kunzite-sama* 5/6/2002 - 5/6/2002 Nephrite's the one in charge of the plans and missions now. His method? Turn to the stars for guidance. I don't see how that's going to work out...then again, I've never been very much into astronomy. We still have no lead on the Silver Crystal. Queen Beryl-sama has assigned Nephrite to gather energy and do some research, while I am in charge of seeking out the crystal. Kunzite-sama is very proud of me, being assigned this important task...I'm going to find that crystal. I can't let him down. I just can't. 5/13/02 - 5/13/2002 Just a quick entry, to make sure this diary doesn't get archived or anything. Life is the same as always. Boring and miserable...I'm worried Kunzite-sama is drifting from me a little. We don't have as much time together lately. *sighs softly* Must love always hurt? Paranoia - 5/13/2002 I have this strange, unsettling feeling that I may have competition for my job soon... I haven't found the Crystal yet. However, I've come close and picked up some important information. Nephrite casually mentioned the job might be too hard for me-in front of Kunzite-sama! How dare he! It's not too hard, and even if it was, I don't want Kunzite-sama to know. I can't let him down! I just can't! It's gotten steadily worse since Jadeite's death. Nephrite is angry and drinks a lot of the time. Those 2 other generals are showing up slightly more...the guy is a mix between a typical man and an angsty poet, and the woman is the poster girl for psychotic feminism...O_o; Disturbing. *sighs* I can't let whoever is after my job get it from me...at any cost... Hurt - 5/14/2002 I feel sick. Angry. Alone. Afraid. Isolated. Broken. I'm bleeding inside...I can't stop crying. I'd cut myself if I wasn't too numb to feel the pain. I can't breathe...the walls are closing in on me. Everyone hates me...I'm useless, I might as well curl up and die...Kunzaito-sama, please hold me, I just want it to go away...go away...I'm tired of being alone...don't want to be alone anymore... [Lyrics] Hurt - 5/14/2002 Hurt Nine Inch Nails ----- I hurt myself today to see if I still feel I focus on the pain the only thing that's real the needle tears a hole the old familiar sting try to kill it all away but I remember everything what have I become? my sweetest friend everyone I know goes away in the end you could have it all my empire of dirt I will let you down I will make you hurt I wear my crown of shit on my liar's chair full of broken thoughts I cannot repair beneath the stain of time the feeling disappears you are someone else I am still right here what have I become? my sweetest friend everyone I know goes away in the end you could have it all my empire of dirt I will let you down I will make you hurt if I could start again a million miles away I would keep myself I would find a way ---------------------- I crave pain...want it...need it...yet I just want it to stop...I want to hurt...want everything to go away. Ease the pain - 5/15/2002 I'm a bit better now...without Kunzite-sama, I would just curl up and die...*sighs* He must've felt bad for not being here as much. He said he loves me and never wanted me to hurt...especially if he was causing the pain...he didn't...it's my own fault for being so clingy, so sad...needing him so much...he doesn't seem to mind that, though... 5/18/02 - 5/18/2002 Things are not good between Nephrite and I as of late. He's not doing well in his work and I'm trying to tell him that if he doesn't do better, he'll meet the same fate Jadeite did, if Queen Beryl-sama doesn't kill him herself. I'm only saying this out of concern, but he acts like I'm taunting him! *sighs* Even worse, he said something about trying to find the Silver Crystal-that's my job! So maybe I am angry at him...this job is important to me and if I lose it to Nephrite, I'll be disgraced...Kunzite-sama will not be pleased with me at all...I can't let him down. Wow, everything always falls back to making my lover proud of me. I'm so pathetic. Hate - 5/20/2002 He stole my job. Nephrite figured gathering energy and looking for information wasn't enough. Just one hour ago, he said he was going to search for the Silver Crystal from now on. Completely ignoring the fact that it was MY job. And worse, Queen Beryl-sama didn't object. I hate him. As if his comments about my relationship with Kunzite-sama and his glaring weren't bad enough. Now he's stolen my job. Kunzite-sama must be so ashamed of me, I'm a pathetic fool. I don't understand. I never did anything to you, Nephrite. Why the hell are you stabbing me in the back? I hate you. I hate my useless existence. [Lyrics] One Step Closer - 5/20/2002 Linkin Park One Step Closer ------- I cannot take this anymore I'm saying everything I've said before All these words they make no sense I find bliss in ignorance Less I hear the less you'll say But you'll find that out anyway Just like before... Everything you say to me Takes me one step closer to the edge And I'm about to break I need a little room to breathe Cause I'm one step closer to the edge And I'm about to break I find the answers aren't so clear Wish I could find a way to disappear All these thoughts they make no sense I find bliss in ignorance Nothing seems to go away Over and over again Shut up when i'm talking to you [Lyrics] Spirit Dreams Inside - 5/20/2002 Spirit Dream Inside L'Arc~En~Ciel ----- I wake up from a nightmare now In the day it haunts me It slowly tears me apart With dreams of a distant love I'm a wandering satellite Somewhere in the wasteland I see you smiling at me A vision out of my dreams Will everything change ? Take the pain away Lead me with your light Heading for the sun Leave the sadness behind Crossing oceans dry Yeah My world spiining out of time Won't somebody stop me ? I may be losing my way Will you make it right ? Take the pain away Hear me as I cry Heading for the sun Leave the sadness behind Crossing oceans dry Deep inside I go Spirit dreams inside Spirit dreams inside What can I do, I ask ? There's nothing left to say What can I do, I ask ? There's nothing left to say Why am I here ? Why am I lost ? Where is love/ Lead me with your light Heading for the sun Leave the sadness behind Crossing oceans dry Deep inside I go Heading for the sun Leave the sadness behind Crossing oceans dry Deep inside I go Spirit dreams inside Spirit dreams inside Spirit dreams inside Spirit dreams inside [Lyrics] Blurry eyes - 5/20/2002 Blurry Eyes L'Arc~En~Ciel -- tooku no kaze wo mi ni matou anata ni wa '' todokanai kotoba narabete mite mo mata shisen wa dokoka mado no mukou Carried on a wind from far away, no matter how many times I try to say these words, they never reach you. Once again, my eyes stare somewhere out the window. kawaranai ' yokan wa ' tsudzuite-iru ano hibi sae ' kumotte... This foreboding hasn't changed, I still feel it. Those days are getting blurry... kago no naka no tori no you na utsuro na me ni '' furete-iru gogo no hizashi wa maru de anata wo soto e sasou hikari Seeing through blank eyes like a caged bird, the light of the afternoon sun is just like the light that shines on you from outside. kawaranai ' yokan wa ' tsudzuite-iru ano hibi sae ' kumotte shimau This foreboding hasn't changed, I still feel it. Those days are becoming blurry... meguri-kuru toki ni yakusoku wo ubaware-sou kono ryoute ' sashinobete mo kokoro wa hanarete I feel the changing season will see my promise broken. Even if I reach out with my hands, my heart will stay distant. [Instrumental] (Why do you stare at the sky with your blurry eyes?) (Why do you stare at the sky with your blurry eyes?) [Guitar Solo] meguri-kuru toki ni yakusoku wo ubaware-sou kono ryoute ' sashi nobete mo kokoro wa hanarete I feel the changing season will see my promise broken. Even if I reach out with my hands, my heart will stay distant. meguri-kuru toki ni taisetsu na hito wa ' mou furimuita ' sono hitomi ni chiisa na tameiki In the changing season, the one precious to me looked back toward me with those eyes, sighing softly. (Your blurry eyes) ...your blurry eyes (Your blurry eyes) ...kokoro wa (Your blurry eyes) ...hanarete (Your blurry eyes) ...yuku (Your blurry eyes) ...your blurry eyes (Your blurry eyes) ...My heart (Your blurry eyes) ...will stay (Your blurry eyes) ...distant. [Lyrics] Mizerable - 5/20/2002 Mizerable Gackt --- Ki zukanai furi wo shite Chiisana mado kara tooku wo mitsumeteta Sora ni hirogaru tenshi no koe Kaze ni dakarete Pretending not to notice I gazed far outside a small window The voice of an angel fills the sky Embraced by the wind Hitomi ni utsuru zawameki wa nannimo kikoenakute Tadaima wa "amai toki no itazura da" to Sora ni tsubuyaita The noise reflected in your eyes can't hear a thing Now it's just "a trick of sweet time" I whispered to the sky Mawaru, mawaru... okizari ni sareta jikan no naka de watashi wa ima Les miserables Ai shisugita anata ga kabegiwa no mukou de Sotto waratteru Around and round... In the time left behind, I am now Les miserables I loved you too much and you are now on the other side of the wall Laughing softly Todokanai kono omoi dake... toiki ni nosete My feelings will never reach you... I'll put them in a sigh Tsumetai kaze wo abinagara Kurikaesu yoru ni omoi wo egaiteta Sotto kuchizusamu merodi wa Toki ni kizamarete kieru Nido to modorenai kanashimi wa wasurerarenakute Ima mo yureru omoi ni somaru koto dekinai karada ga Kowaresou de... Bathed in the cold wind Imagining these feelings night after night The melody I hum softly Is etched in time and disappears I can't forget the sadness that will I can never go back Even now I can't dye myself with these swaying emotions and my body Is about to break... Hitorikiri no kanashimi wa doko ni yukeba kieru "Wa ta shi ni a su wa a ru no..." Where can I go so that the sadness of being alone will disappear? "I h a v e t o m o r r o w......" Mawaru, mawaru... okizari ni sareta jikan no naka de watashi wa ima Les miserables Ai shisugita anata ga kabegiwa no mukou de Sotto waratteru Les miserables Around and round... In the time left behind, I am now Les miserables I loved you too much and you are now on the other side of the wall Laughing softly Les miserables Fukaku ochite iku wasure kaketa yume no naka de watashi wa ima Les miserables Ai shisugita anata ga kabegiwa no mukou de Sotto waratteru Falling deeply into an almost forgotten dream, I am now Les miserables I loved you too much and you are now on the other side of the wall Laughing softly Todokanai kono omoi dake... toiki ni nosete Todokanai kono omoi dake... toiki ni nosete Broken - 5/21/2002 My job has been stolen. My lover is cold to me once again. A man I once considered a friend has betrayed me. My life is an endless spiral of rage, blood, and tears. I cannot take this anymore. I'm worthless. I might as well curl up and die...no one would miss me. Migrane - 5/22/2002 I'm trying not to let this thing with Nephrite get to me. He was actually civil and hasn't actually done anything to take my job yet. Guess he was just talking or changed his mind...I dunno. Maybe we just need to keep the hell away from each other... My head is killing me. Lately it isn't so much the Senshi as it is the work. The Silver Crystal is as elusive as ever, the old 'energy snatcher' thing has grown old, and Queen Beryl-sama is screaming at everyone...I envy Zoicite and Malachite (the 2 office generals)...all they're doing is meager paperwork. I've yet to hear Queen Beryl-sama scream at them for not finding the Silver Crystal. Sigh...I need sleep. I miss you... - 5/23/2002 Kunzaito-sama...it feels as if you're never here anymore. You hardly say a word to me even when we have time to ourselves. It's always work...you never have time for me anymore. I know it's selfish and clingy of me, but it would make me feel better if you even said hello to me when you came in late from work...or smiled at me. I need reassurance you aren't angry at me, or ashamed of me for being in danger of losing my job... Please... *buries his face in the pillow and cries quietly* [Lyrics] Vector - 5/23/2002 Vector sung by Maaya Sakamoto Escaflowne Movie OST --- Told myself for a long time don't go there you will only be sorry Told myself so many times I just had to take a look in those faraway eyes.. In them I saw a longing for something Maybe I couldn't give you Said it's all in my mind "It ain't nothing" Don't say that Don't say that darling no Don't say anything at all Because I've seen it now Can't pretend anymore "It ain't nothing" *Chorus* Do you know what I mean? And have you seen it too? Do you know what I mean? Do you know? And I'll do anything just tell me what it means Cause I can't live in doubt anymore Do we try or should we just say goodbye If you'd rather be somewhere that's not here then you just gotta tell me Cause there's so much more to life, than pretending Don't you know Don't you know darling for you I'd do anything at all I wanna be with you but that look in your eyes tells me something *Chorus repeat* I wanna know can you tell me I wanna know will you tell me is it hello is it good bye I gotta know won't you tell me I gotta know you can tell me is it hello or just goodbye I gotta know can you tell me I gotta know will you tell me is it hello is it goodbye I gotta know won't you tell me I gotta know You can tell me is it hello is it goodbye [Lyrics] Silent Jealousy - 5/23/2002 Silent Jealousy X-Japan --- I'm looking for you Trying to reach your roses Carried away by the time Seijaku no kyouki ni katame o tsubusaseta mama You've gone away From the stage Leaving no words There's just fake tears left isuwari no shinju de kazatta bara no hanataba o sagasu I'm blind insane In the red of silence Now I've lost your love genkaku no ai ni kawareta ayatsuri ningyo Get me on my feet Get me back to myself Pretend you love me yubisaki made shinku ni somatta ore o mitsumete Moe taekirenai kodoku no serenade kyozou no umi ni nagashite yume kara sameta chimamire no tenshi o mune ni daitemo I can not stop Silent Jealousy Don't you leave me alone kanashimi ni midarete modorenai ai o kazaru kurikaesu kodoku no naka ni Tell me true doko ni yukeba kurushimi o aiseru I still want your love ai o tomete kurui saku kioku o keshite "I just wanted to stay with you I just wanted to feel your breath of grace I didn't know what to do I couldn't say anything When consciousness returned Everything had been washed away by the tide of time, even you But the scars of memory never fade away I can't stop loving you Stop my tears Stop my loving Kill my memories" You dyed my heart in blood No way to kill my sadness tachisaru mae ni koroshite kyouki no ai ni dakareta hitomi wa nani mo mienai ima mo I miss you Can't live without you Silent Jealousy yume ni ochite dakishimeru kioku o Stay in yesterday toki o tomete kurikaesu kodoku o keshite Take me back to the memory, to the dream Silent Jealousy Don't you leave me alone kanashimi ni midarete Kill me, Love No wonder - 5/23/2002 Queen Beryl-sama called a meeting earlier-she hasn't done that since ages back when Jadeite was still alive and we all worked together... Apparently she's decided to appoint Zoicite and Malachite to work with us on the missions. I didn't mind too much...until Nephrite asked if Queen Beryl-sama was sure this 'stupid woman' would be any help... The wrong thing to say. Zoicite completely let him have it, along with every other male in the room. She called us 'big, fat, chauvenist pigs'. It wasn't so much her psychotic ranting that got to me-I felt Nephrite was wrong to throw out a comment like that. What got to me was... Her use of the word 'fat'. No wonder Kunzite-sama won't come near me. I'm fat! Sure, I only weigh about...150 pounds, but still...maybe I should only weigh 120. I'm the shortest of everyone here. I haven't weighed myself in ages, but now I'm afraid to. *looks down at himself* Ugh... ...I'm being ridiculous. I hardly ever eat anything, I'm hardly lazy...this is stupid. I'm not fat, I'm just being a self-concious little wuss. I'm so pathetic. I better shut up. ... - 5/24/2002 I was going to write in here, but I can't. Everything is the same. I'm a failure, everyone except Kunzite-sama hates me, and even he's cold to me. I'm useless. I can't even feel anything. [Lyrics] Hinageshi - 5/24/2002 Hinegishi; Red Poppy Ranma 1/2 ED theme sung by Hayashibara Megumi --- Kyou, ame ga furi-dashita no da kara Yakusoku yabutte ie ni ita no Mm Gomen, kirai ni natta no ja nakute Nan to naku sou shitakatta Today, because it started to rain, breaking my promise, I was at home, mmm. Sorry, it's not that I hate you. I don't know why I wanted to do that. Hana wo ichi-rin kazatte mita no Potari to shizuku namida mitai ni I tried decorating with a single blossom, which a tear-like drop quietly trickled down. Hinageshi no hana de nakute yokatta Mujaki ni saku ki ni wa narenai Na mo nai sono hana wa watashi mitai ne Hissori hitori inoru no I'm glad I'm not a red poppy; I don't feel like blooming innocently. That insignificant flower is like me. Silently, I pray alone. Nee, ryoute awaseta toki ni dake Kami-Sama omou no wagamama yo ne Mm Demo, kono setsunasa no wake gurai Oshiete kurete mo ii desho You know, when we join both hands, it's selfish to think of God, mmm. But, he should explain to me at least the reason for this misery. Umare kawatte hana ni naru nara Kanari ya iro no hanabira ga ii If I were reborn as a flower, I'd prefer canary yellow petals. Hinageshi ni natte oka no ue kara Kaze wo nagame o-shaberi suru no Sono hi no tameiki mo hoshi ni makasete Kodomo no you ni sakitai Being a red poppy up on the hill, I'd gaze at the wind and chat. Leaving my sigh that day to the stars, like a child, I want to bloom. Hinageshi no hana de nakute yokatta Mujaki ni saku ki ni wa narenai Na mo nai sono hana wa watashi mitai ne Hissori hitori inoru no I'm glad I'm not a red poppy; I don't feel like blooming innocently. That insignificant flower is like me. Silently, I pray alone. [Lyrics] Blue - 5/24/2002 Blue Cowboy Bebop final ED --- Never seen a blue sky Yeah I can feel it reaching out And moving closer There's something about blue Asked myself what it's all for You know the funny thing about it I couldn't answer No I couldn't answer Things have turned a deeper shade of blue And images that might be real May be illusion Keep flashing off and on Free Wanna be free Gonna be free And move among the stars You know they really aren't so far Feels so free Gotta know free Please Don't wake me from the dream It's really everything it seemed I'm so free No black and white in the blue Everything is clearer now Life is just a dream you know That's never ending I'm ascending [Lyrics] Kataomoi - 5/24/2002 Kataomoi (Unrequited Love) Tenchi in Tokyo Sakuya song --- anata wa itsumo karuku koe wo kakete kureru kedo watashi no kokoro hoka no dare yori shiawase kanjite iru Always to me you talk so openly My heart feels happier than anyone else's sonna yasashii kao de warai kakenai te setsuna sugiru mabuta tojite wakaru kurai anata ni koishite iru no Don't smile with such a gentle face It becomes too painful Closing my eyes, I know too well that I'm in love with you anata ga utatte kureta MERODII wo kuchizusande miru namida nagashite nemuru yoru mo ima de wa narete kita no I hum the melody of the song you sang to me I shed my tears, even as I sleep And that's how I am today dare ka no koto omotteru no tokidoki tooku wo miteru tonari ni iru watashi no koto mitsumete hoshii to ietara Who are you thinking of? At times, you look far away Even when I ask you to look at me as I am next to you anata no me ni watashi no kake sae utsuru koto ga nakute mo semete chiisana omoide dake kokoro no sumi ni okasete ra ra ra ra ra Only a fragment of myself reflects in your eyes Even if there are no words At least let this small memory Return to the corner of my heart La la la la la sonna yasashii kao de warai kakenai te setsuna sugiru motto sunao ni kono kimochi wo anata ni todokeraretara... ra ra ra ra ra Don't smile with such a gentle face It becomes too painful Maybe if I could deliver these true feelings of mine to you... La la la la la ra ra ra ra ra ra... La la la la la la... [Lyrics] Eternity - 5/24/2002 Eternity English "Adèsso e Fortuna" Record of Lodoss War sung by Akino Arai --- Caught by the moonlight A silent mist A shimmer in the trees Oh what a night for dreams A night of destiny Others are sleeping So unaware of magic in the air Magic you weave just for me Io sono prigionièra Sweet fascination Though I don't understand The words you say You whisper soft and low And I am swept away Touch of enchantment I tremble when you Hold me close this way Drawn like a moth to a flame *Io sono prigionièra My fate is in your arms tonight Though love is shining in your eyes Will you be mine tomorrow Io sono prigionièra My heart will nevermore be free A part of you I'll always be From now until eternity Deep as the ocean With every kiss I'm deeper in your spell Love me again tonight You are my one desire Waves of emotion I know that this Is where I want to be Locked in your arms with no key Pathetic - 5/25/2002 You idiot. You can't go a single day without screwing up, can you? Again, you fail to get that damned crystal AND you get your ass kicked by teenage girls prancing around in short skirts. No wonder Queen Beryl-sama is always angry and screaming at you. No wonder Nephrite is after your job, since you obviously can't do it right. No wonder Kunzite-sama can't stand to look at you lately. Huh...you can't go 5 minutes without thinking about him, can you? Loving him is one thing, but you let your LIFE revolve around the man, for f*ck's sake! You consider yourself below him and would even if you were of a higher ranking. And don't get me started on how you always wanna curl up in his arms and cry. 'I'm nothing without him', you say. You're such a weakling. You're hardly even a man. You look like a GIRL, for crying out loud. A very nearsighted person would think you were Zoicite's twin sister. Look at those long golden locks, those sparkly eyes, that slender, willowy figure. Even some of the FEMALE youma have broader shoulders than you. Doesn't help that you're utterly VAIN and prissy either. You're so stupid. You always screw up the plans and then try and laugh it off in front of others. You're a loser. You can never do anything right. You're pathetic, Zoisite. *slams fist into the mirror, sending glass shards flying everywhere* Ha. I wish. You're too weak to even break GLASS. Stupid mirror. Stupid Nephrite. Stupid Queen. Stupid Kingdom. Stupid crystal. Stupid Zoisite.










I can't stand myself right now. I'm tired of this existence...I'm tired of living but I'm afraid of dying...my only warmth in this cold, heartless kingdom has fallen victim to the cold...I want my warmth back...my love... Kunzaito-sama... *collapses into bed and curls up, sobbing against a pillow* 5/25/02 - 5/25/2002 Queen Beryl-sama screamed at me for squeezing the toothpaste wrong and not reading people's minds. The Senshi called me a freak. Nephrite called me stupid. Kunzite-sama is still ignoring me. Malachite said I was a disturbed little man. Zoicite is calling EVERYONE 'stupid men'. Everyone's saying I'm wrong every time I so much as SAY anything. Nephrite said something about taking over my job again. May I please die now?








("squeezing the toothpaste wrong and not reading people's minds" is an expression meaning she's yelling and screaming at me for everything in the gun damn f*cking world) So tired yet I can't even sleep - 5/26/2002 Pointless entry. He's still not back. It's 1:30am... Wait...I hear someone coming. It might be him...I'd better go back to bed, if it's some sort of prowler-youma I'd rather not incite it's wrath. *sigh* I'm such a wuss. *curls up and tries not to cry* He loves me again... - 5/26/2002 Or more accurately, he never stopped even for a moment. He came in last night and instead of just lying down and falling asleep, he stayed up all night holding me and whispering that he was so sorry he hurt me, and how much he loves me. *sighs dreamily* My job is still in danger and everyone else still hates me, but it doesn't matter. Not anymore...I'll keep my job. And everyone else can go to hell...Kunzite-sama is all I need... I'm going to keep this job - 5/27/2002 I'm suddenly gripped with the fear of losing my position...I can't let it happen. I'm keeping this, I WILL find the Silver Crystal. I'll show them all... "...Duh, Zoisite. Get to SLEEP if you wanna be any good at your job." Sigh...whatever. I've done well with only 2 hours sleep before, so it's no big deal. I'm going to bed anyway though...I shouldn't stay up late at night. It only encourages me to write pointless entries. -_- I thought I was supposed to be heartless - 5/27/2002 I just read the diaries of my 2 favorite note leavers, Present Progressive and I Angel I... This has nothing to do with me whatsoever, so why do I feel so damn sad that it happened? I guess I feel I've gotten so close to them over a short time...*sighs* I really hope things work out for them. I just don't understand. I'm supposed to be selfish, cold, heartless, and care about no one but Kunzite-sama and myself. It's strange... ... *no words* - 5/28/2002 Nephrite's been a bastard to Kunzite-sama and I lately, and earlier I confronted him and asked him why. I won't get into details, but we got into a huge fight, and... We officially hate each other now. I don't care. In fact, I will hurt him. Badly. *slams his fist repeatedly into a wall* - 5/29/2002 He's stolen my job. That bastard. He said that HE was going to search for the Crystal from now on. As if to spite me! I hate him! I'm going to f*cking kill you, Nephrite, you smirking little bastard...so help me, you won't get away with this! You'll never win this one! Hellbent - 5/29/2002 I'm not going to lose this job. I'm going to take it away from Nephrite, I'm taking back what's rightfully mine. He mocks me, calls me a stupid little femboy, a pest, a blonde airhead...I don't care...Kunzite-sama isn't ashamed of me, thank Kami-sama. He's been so supportive... Getting ugly - 6/1/2002 Nephrite and I are still at each other's throats. But I have dirt on him. See, he recently met this 14-year-old girl, initially he was after her energy and trying to find out if she had the Crystal. She doesn't. Yet Nephrite still comes after her. There's nothing really going on with them-he's pretending to flirt with her and she's falling for it. But I can tell they're getting close...way too close. As in, if Queen Beryl-sama found out Nephrite was becoming attached to a mortal...*smirks* Kunzite-sama says I should just keep tabs on Nephrite and take the Kurozuisho from him so I can hunt out the Silver Crystal. I will do that...but I'll also use the information I've picked up to blackmail Nephrite. Your days are numbered, you bastard. *evil laugh* *laughs evilly* - 6/2/2002 I almost have Nephrite right where I want him...I'm going to get that Crystal if it's the last thing I do. Nephrite doesn't know that what I know could destroy him if Queen Beryl-sama knew. The moment he saw that girl, he signed his own death warrant. And even more, I found out that he was going to keep the Silver Crystal for himself if he found it. *smirks* Looks like he forgot to iron the wrinkles in his plan... Kunzite-sama is wonderful right now. He's supportive, gives great advice...*smiles slightly* He's the best. I have him right where I want him! - 6/3/2002 Queen Beryl-sama is not pleased with him right now. He not only hasn't found the Silver Crystal, she's suspicious of his motives...something about that girl. I don't know HOW she got an idea like that...*snobby laugh* He's going to regret ever messing with me. I'm gonna hurt him. My plan is underway - 6/4/2002 Queen Beryl-sama gave Nephrite an ultimatum: If he fails again, there will be VERY serious consequences, even more serious than Jadeite's fate. Because this time, it may NOT be the Senshi who kill him. Speaking of which, there's a rumor that a 4th Senshi will be unveiled tonight. Kunzite-sama said it was an odd feeling, like a premonition. I DID see a tall brunette the other night, when I was stalking Nephrite. She was with those 3 girls who look just like the Senshi. So Kunzite-sama might be right. In any event, Nephrite will not be long for either world. Treason is punishable by death in the Dark Kingdom...even if I have to kill him myself. Damn it! - 6/4/2002 Damn it all! My plans, my ideas...they were all so perfect, and they failed miserably! I confronted Nephrite and let him know I had dirt on him. I threatened to tell Queen Beryl-sama everything if he didn't give up finding the Silver Crystal, and all he did was laugh and mock me. I said I was serious, he laughed even more. Things got ugly, I slammed him into a tree and threatened his life. At the height of the brawl, I summoned 3 youma... I got as far as injuring him before Kunzite-sama came down and stopped us both. He said it would be useless to kill him in the heat of the moment. I suppose he was right, but DAMN IT ALL! Nephrite is still laughing at me and making a big joke of my 'empty threats'. I am SO glad Zoicite can't stand him either and that everyone else is pissed off with him. Tomorrow I'll just continue my search for the Silver Crystal. Nephrite or no Nephrite. Irony... - 6/5/2002 Nephrite is dead. Just last night I was attempting to kill him, and failed. Tonight, the Senshi killed him. And even stranger, that tall brunette girl IS a Senshi. So now it's 4 against 2...actually, no. Zoicite and Malachite will probably be joining Kunzite-sama and I on the battlefields. Another Senshi. The man I wanted to kill...dead. Ironic. It gets stranger - 6/6/2002 Well, I'm in charge of the missions now. And as I assumed, Zoicite and Malachite are on the battlefield with us. Can't say I'm happy about it, though. Zoicite is NOT someone I want to spend hours working with. Her 'Me vs. The World' complex is worse than mine. *rolls eyes* However, now Queen Beryl-sama has informed us that there are 7 shadows hidden among the mortal world...I have no idea what this means or what it has to do with the Silver Crystal. Kunzite-sama said he would ask her about it tomorrow and find out more. It's 4 against 4 now...not like that's gonna help. The Senshi won even when there were 6 against 3. I wonder if evenly matched teams will make any difference. Seven Shadows - 6/7/2002 Queen Beryl-sama explained them today. Seven of the Dark Kingdom's strongest spirits have posessed seven mortals...apparently we need the Kurozuisho to draw them out, to 'bring the mortals to their true forms'...I still don't understand what this has to do with finding the Silver Crystal. Seems like just pointless filler work. *sigh* Oh well... Kunzite-sama seems worried about something lately...in fact, ever since I was put in charge. Probably just worried the Senshi will kill me off, but then again that's been a danger ever since the battles began. No, he seems worried about something more...a premonition? I'd ask him, but I don't want to pry. And maybe I'm a little afraid that it is a premonition... *sad smile* Always a coward deep down, Zoi. Always a coward. At last... - 6/8/2002 Score one for the Dark Kingdom. I managed to unmask one of the Seven Shadows. *smirk* And even though Sailor Moon DID use some stupid wand of hers to return him to his true form, I have the Shadow sealed safely inside the Kuroshuizo. Apparently the Senshi are after them as well, but only to destroy them. Despite this victory, however, I'm slightly annoyed. Kunzite-sama was very stern earlier...see, I got into a brawl with that tall girl, the new Senshi. I came away with a slap mark on my cheek. As if that wasn't humiliating enough, Kunzite-sama scolded me and said I should've been more careful and not let her seen me. *sighs* I'm such a moron. Moron... - 6/8/2002 I can't stop berating myself for letting a teenage girl smack me around. She wasn't even in Senshi form. If I hadn't been such a moron and let her see me I wouldn't have lost the fight, and Kunzite-sama wouldn't have scolded me...even if he was right to. I'm such a weakling. Yeah, the girl was only a bit smaller than me and it wasn't like she broke any bones, but it's the principle of the thing. She not only left a mark on my beautiful face, but she humiliated me. Even if no one was watching...it's just an insult to my dignity. I'm pathetic. In response to the note leavers - 6/9/2002 I'm perfectly aware of how pathetic I am. I am a loser, and I am ashamed of myself. You don't need to rub it in. If you're just going to stand around gawking and stating the obvious, DON'T READ. Just leave me alone. And in response to the Sorceress: Thanks. Kunzite-sama didn't exactly degrade me, though. I think he was just frustrated...he wouldn't intentionally kick me while I was down. *smirk* - 6/9/2002 Score another victory for the Dark Kingdom. We captured another one of the Shadows. We're doing much better than we did when Nephrite and Jadeite were with us...were they just bringing us down? Is it just a coincidence? Maybe now that 2 of us have been destroyed by the Senshi, we're trying harder. Whatever the reason, 2 victories in a row is more than we ever had. But I discovered something odd-the Shadow we captured yesterday formed into a small, polished black stone...it didn't get trapped inside the Kurozuisho like we assumed. And so did the one we caught tonight. I asked Queen Beryl-sama, and she said the Shadows would be sealed inside fragments of the Kurozuisho, so if the Kurozuisho were in any danger or being broken the Shadows would not escape. That makes sense, I guess. I wonder why she didn't say anything sooner, though. I still wonder what this all has to do with the Silver Crystal, though...I suppose we'll find out soon enough. He apologized - 6/10/2002 Kunzite-sama must've read my entry about feeling like a moron because he scolded me for losing that fight. He just apologized and said he was proud of me for capturing those Shadows. *melts* I'm going to bed now...he's waiting for me. *giggles* Oh, does this feel great! - 6/10/2002 Three down, four to go! I managed to capture another one of the Shadows! *laughs evilly* Even Zoicite's impressed. And Kunzite-sama couldn't be prouder of me...*sighs dreamily* *ahem* Anyway... Earlier, the 4 of us were discussing the fact that after Jadeite and Nephrite were both gone, we started to do better. I thought it was irony, Kunzite-sama thinks it was just a coicidence, and Zoicite said that we're doing better because 'we don't have those morons to drag us down anymore'. *sweatdrop* But Malachite's answer was the most logical-we've lost 2 of our men, so our defense mechanisms kicked in and we're trying harder, so we won't meet the same fate as Nephrite and Jadeite. Makes sense, I guess. I'm a bit worried now, though. Are things really looking up for the Dark Kingdom? Or is this just a small streak of good luck that's going to fizzle out as soon as it took off? I keep getting this sinking feeling we're going to lose tomorrow or the day after...that's my luck for ya. We have a victory streak and it's tarnished by this sinking feeling it isn't gonna last. *sighs* Oh well...I'm going to bed. Good luck, I said? - 6/11/2002 Unbelievable. Un-f*cking believable. I hate when my subconcious is right about things like this. Hate it. You know how I wrote that I was afraid we would lose tonight? We did. The Senshi just BARELY managed to run off with the Shadow I captured! They grabbed the stone just as it was materializing! The bitches! We have to work so hard for our victories, but they just snap their fingers or wave their hands or yank out some magic wand or tiara and BANG! It's all theirs! Of course it's SO nice and easy for this prissy little brats! Especially Sailorjupiter-she doesn't even need her little magical powers. Hell, the first Shadow-victim became a youma before she even transformed, and she picked up the thing and hurled it to the ground! For the love of f*ck... Needless to say, no one was pleased with me at all. Queen Beryl-sama is sending Zoicite with me tomorrow... The only good thing is that Kunzite-sama isn't angry at me. He just put his arm around me and said the Senshi only got lucky this time...he always manages to make me feel better. *sighs dreamily* I only hope tomorrow is better. Emotionless - 6/12/2002 As anyone who actually reads this diary has noticed, lately my entries have mostly been all business. No depressed rants, no sad song lyrics, none of that garbage. I've done the same with my life. Why? Because I've come to wonder, did my emotions and depression spells play a role in our continuous failures before? If I had been more professional and just shoved everything into the back of my mind and pretended it didn't exist...if I had just concentrated on my work and my lover...would things have been different? I can't let anyone see me cry anymore. Even myself. I'm sure Kunzite-sama can see right through me, though...but as long as him and nobody else does, it's fine with me. But to everyone else...nothing...zero emotions. No pain, no sadness, no tears...they can't see. I won't let them. Insecure - 6/12/2002 Today I remembered just how insecure I am. Apparently I've been lying to myself so well I forgot. I used the Kurozuisho to find out who the next Shadow carrier is. A young woman, probably in her early 20s. Well, Kunzite-sama was standing right next to me and you know what he said?! "She is rather attractive". The nerve of him! She's only an ugly demon, at least she will be after we unmask her true form! I told him so, and all he said was that jealousy does not 'suit me'... Then he formed a beautiful pink rose in his hand, gave it to me, and said "Even this rose cannot surpass your beauty"...*melts* Kunzaito-sama...he's so sweet. If only he wouldn't WORRY me like that! Zoicite or no Zoicite, I will get that Shadow. For Kunzite-sama. Much better - 6/12/2002 The Dark Kingdom wins once again. *smirk* I admit, Zoicite was actually a lot of help. She may be a psycho bitch, but she's a hell of a fighter. I greatly prefer working by myself or with Kunzite-sama, but if I was forced to work with Zoicite again it wouldn't be so bad...then again, for some odd reason she was less annoying. Ugh...gomen, minna-san. I'm too out of it to write much of an entry. I'm just tired...*yawns* I'm going to bed. I might be back later if the insomnia kicks in, though... Damn! - 6/13/2002 We lost another one of the Shadows! Stupid Sailor Senshi! *growls* And damn that overconfident Zoicite. She insisted she could get this one on her own. Yet somehow it's my fault that she lost. All I did was show up and spy on her just to be sure she didn't screw anything up. How was I to know the Senshi would discover I was there and things would get so ugly? *mutters* There's one Shadow left. If we don't get this one, there's no telling what Queen Beryl-sama will do with us. We cannot afford to lose. And after we get this one, we WILL get those other 2 back from the Senshi. It's a matter of life and death. I feel much better... - 6/14/2002 *yawns, looking a bit sleepy* Kunzite-sama was not pleased with my losing the Shadow yesterday...I was afraid he was going to be angry, but then Queen Beryl-sama laid into me...and as soon as we were dismissed, Kunzite-sama softened and held me in his arms. This...was the first time in awhile I let myself cry, let myself feel vulnerable and sad. He made me feel better, though... Without Kunzite-sama, my life would be...I wouldn't even be living, just merely existing. He's my world. My only warmth. The other half of my soul...and to hear him tell me he feels the same way... Kunzaito-sama, I love you more than life itself. Thank you...for being here when I need you so much. AT LAST! - 6/14/2002 We have the Seventh Shadow. We risked everything and let Zoicite go after it. Apparently she learned from her mistakes. She refused to leave until her plan was 100% flawless. And now, we have 5 of the Seven Shadows. I must admit I underestimated her...of course, I'd never let her know. Male pride. *shrugs* Now all we have to do is get the remaining Shadows from the Senshi. Sorry I didn't write yesterday - 6/16/2002 *sighs, exhausted* Well, we've begun our quest to get those last 2 Shadows back from the Senshi. But they refuse to give up! At one point all 4 of us had to go up against them, but no dice. *mutters* I actually MISS Nephrite and Jadeite now...6 against 4 might've actually DONE something! And we're still wondering how the Shadows tie in with the Silver Crystal. We put off searching for that to get the Shadows, but Malachite thinks it's about time we ask Queen Beryl-sama how the Silver Crystal and the Seven Shadows tie in together... I think we should. Tonight. Planning - 6/17/2002 Kunzite-sama and I have decided to come up with a plan to get those last 2 Shadows instead of daily attacks. Zoicite and Malachite have not decided if they're going to help us yet. But we need something foolproof if we're going to win this. As for the Silver Crystal...it turns out the Seven Shadows are a key piece of the puzzle for obtaining it...Queen Beryl-sama did not explain it very much, though. She's just trying to keep us in the dark. *frowns* Oh, well... We have figured out, however, that Tuxedo Kamen is the one holding those Shadows. So we must target him...using the Senshi as bait. Especially that Sailor Moon. I've been having nightly premonitions of things to come...a mysterious masked Senshi, for example. And my dreams have been of a time 1000 years ago, when I was one of 4 Guardians to a prince who greatly resembled Tuxedo Kamen. I remember this one image, actually...the prince, with a girl who resembled Sailor Moon...Kunzite-sama, Nephrite, Jadeite, and I...we each had a girl on one arm. The girls resembled the Sailor Senshi, but if the Sailor Moon lookalike was with the prince...who WAS that mysterious blonde with Kunzite-sama! I'd be jealous...but it was only a dream, it may have never happened. And I know Kunzite-sama loves me. *smiles slightly* I have this very odd, odd feeling things are going to take a dramatic turn very soon... On hold - 6/18/2002 You may not hear from me for about a week...planning and working are going to take up so much of my time. So if I don't write or reply to notes for awhile, you know why. Not officially back - 6/21/2002 We finally know the connection between the Seven Shadows and the Silver Crystal. Once the Shadows are reunited, they're used to seek out the Crystal or the person who has it in their posession. As of right now, we're still forming the perfect plan. So as the title says, I'm not officially back. When I will be? I'm not sure. But hopefully, when I am officially back, we will have those Shadows and maybe even the Silver Crystal. *clenches fists* - 6/25/2002 You know that big plan we spent days and nights forming, the one I said would be flawless? We. Failed. I'm so angry. I can't even scream right now. It was perfect. We set a trap using a false Sailor Moon (Zoicite and I took turns playing the fake. Go ahead and laugh all you want at the idea of me faking as a Sailor Senshi) and lured Tuxedo Kamen, while Kunzite-sama trapped the Senshi in a dome. Everything was going according to plan. Those Shadows were as good as ours. I even discovered who Tuxedo Kamen really is. *smirk* Then, out of NOWHERE, this voice screamed "CRESCENT BEAM!" and the next thing I knew, the force field had been broken and...and... THE STUPID THING SLASHED KUNZITE-SAMA'S HANDS! HOW DARE SHE! *growls* She is the mysterious other Senshi from my dreams. Sailor Venus. Just as things were getting ugly, Queen Beryl-sama called us back. I asked why, and she yelled at me not to question her. So on top of everything else, I'm confused. And I feel like this was all my fault. That the plan failed despite the fact that we worked it over with a fine-tooth comb. *sighs* I just want to curl up in bed and nestle in Kunzite-sama's arms right now... *sigh* ... - 6/27/2002 Queen Beryl-sama told us earlier we were NOT to harm Tuxedo Kamen. It makes no sense. He has those Shadows we need so badly, does he not? And he is the enemy, right? Unless he hands over those Shadows, which he most likely will not, hurting him is going to be necessary. Yet Queen Beryl-sama insists we don't. And worse, Malachite says he can tell things are not going to get better anytime soon. It doesn't look good...Zoicite even said there's a chance one of us might...die in the next few days... I hate to admit this...but... I'm so scared. Storms... - 6/27/2002 *shivers* It's raining right now. Huge thunderstorm. The rain always makes me so introspective...I'm taking advantage of this to think about the last several days. How we spent so much time coming up with the perfect plan only for everything to be ruined by a teenage girl. About what Malachite said, and Zoicite's prediction of death...now that we have 5 Senshi and Tuxedo Kamen against us...the odds are nearly the opposite of what were in the beginning. Sigh...I remember those days like they were just yesterday. Six of us against 3 Senshi, yet we never won. After 2 of us died, the victories began to roll in. And now...who knows? As morbid as this sounds, I'm wondering...if one of us is going to die, which one will it be? ...*shudders* No, I don't want to think about that. I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I'm just cold, tired, and worried. I want my Kunzite-sama...but he's off talking to Queen Beryl-sama. Again. *frowns* *shivers as another snap of thunder sounds* I really don't mind storms. In fact, I enjoy the rain...maybe it's cause it's so COLD in here. The fight is on. - 6/28/2002 For real. All this battling and empty threats have just been a warmup for now. I challenged Tuxedo Kamen-aka Chiba Mamoru-to a battle at the 'Starlight Tower' tomorrow night...he'll bring those Shadows, and soon, the Dark Kingdom WILL find that Silver Crystal... *evil laugh* This is almost too easy. Good news and bad news - 6/29/2002 The Dark Kingdom how has all Seven Shadows! YES! They even located the Silver Crystal. Tuxedo Kamen, aka Chiba Mamoru has it. Emphasis on HAS. See, I immediately told him to surrender, but he insisted he didn't have it! Idiot. The Seven Shadows cannot be wrong. After a heated argument with the moron, I sent him away. I need to plan before I successfully remove the Silver Crystal from his posession. I can't help wondering, though...COULD the Shadows be wrong? There seemed something suspicious about Sailor Venus...and if the princess in my dreams looked like Sailor Moon... I'm so confused. Hopefully tomorrow night I'll find out for sure. Tomorrow - 7/1/2002 I will meet with Chiba Mamoru again tomorrow night, and I will get that Silver Crystal. He kept insisting he doesn't have it...the Seven Shadows do not lie! I'm quickly becoming annoyed with this man. At times I just feel like I want to strangle him, or worse! *growls* But as much as I'd like to, I can't. I told this to Zoicite earlier, since she doesn't much care for this moron either. "We can't let our emotions get the better of us. Even if he refuses to give up the Silver Crystal, we can't hurt him just because we don't like him. Only if the need arises we MIGHT throw an attack as a warning." ...Yes, Kunzite-sama told me this earlier. He's right, I suppose... Besides, Queen Beryl-sama insisted we didn't harm Tuxedo Kamen. Tomorrow night - 7/2/2002 You know the battle with Tuxedo Kamen scheduled for tonight? Queen Beryl-sama insisted on a meeting with the 4 of us. Tomorrow. Tomorrow night WILL be the night. But in spite of all this...I...just have this sinking feeling that something's going to go wrong...that something terrible is going to happen... ...I don't believe it... - 7/3/2002 Sailor Moon is the princess. SHE had the crystal. No wonder the Shadows went after Tuxedo Kamen. He was just the bait. If Tuxedo Kamen was in danger, Sailor Moon would come try and save him. Like he always saves her. Maybe I'd better go back to the beginning...
Chiba Mamoru came to fight me, as promised. However, he brought a little blonde schoolgirl with him. Tuskino Usagi. The battle began...then as things were beginning to heat up, Usagi raised her hand and shouted "MOON PRISM POWER, MAKE UP!". Tsukino Usagi is Sailor Moon. Mamoru transformed just after she did, and I demanded he give up the crystal. He refused. I was becoming impatient. After a long argument, something inside me snapped and I went after Sailor Moon with an ice shard. Naturally, Tuxedo Kamen got in the way. He fell, the other Sailor Senshi showed up, and Sailor Moon began to cry...and her tear formed... The Mystical Silver Crystal. Then all of a sudden, this whole story unfolded...the story of the Silver Millenium. So that explains my dreams. Of the Senshi being the lovers of myself, Kunzite-sama, Nephrite, and Jadeite. It was too obvious. I should've seen it. Kunzite-sama came in and teleported Tuxedo Kamen away...
So here I am...in mine and Kunzite-sama's room, still a little sore. The princess blasted me with the Silver Crystal...*winces* Kunzite-sama insisted I come back here and rest for awhile before we met with Queen Beryl-sama. She's not going to be pleased. She did warn me not to harm Tuxedo Kamen... I'm terrified...I've really blown it this time. Not only did we awaken the Moon Princess and lose the Crystal, but I disobeyed Queen Beryl-sama's direct order. I let my emotions get in the way. Only for a moment, but I still did so. *sigh* She's calling us...I guess it's time to go face the cold, hard facts... Wish me luck. (no words) ... - 7/3/2002 *collapses to the cold, hard floor of the bedroom once shared by himself and his love, shivering violently, tears streaming down his face* My world has crumbled around me. There is no light. No more warmth. Nothing to live for. Nothing. I can't even think, I can't even be angry, it hurts too much...she might as well have just...destroyed me...torn my heart out and thrown it across the room! My only reason to survive is...gone. My soul has been shattered. The one I love has been torn away from me. Kunzaito-sama... *manages to calm down enough to explain what happened* Queen Beryl-sama spoke with us. She wasn't at all pleased. She said she'd give Kunzite-sama another chance, then laid into me for killing Tuxedo Kamen and losing the Crystal. She was angrier than she'd ever been...her punishment this time was death. She prepared to blast me, then... Kunzite-sama shoved me aside, practically throwing himself at the blast being thrown. I was frozen, I could only cry out as he fell to the floor, nearly dead. Moments later...I held him in my arms as he slowly faded away...he said he loved me and he couldn't just let Queen Beryl-sama destroy me...we kissed...then he was gone. I was able to go back and battle the Senshi, and of course, they won. Not that it matters. I don't care anymore. It hurts too much...I don't want to live anymore...but I can't let Kunzite-sama's sacrifice be in vain... *pulls himself onto the bed* It feels so empty now...just like my life. *glances at a picture of him and Kunzite-sama* Kunzaito-sama...*grabs a pillow and sobs bitterly into it* As if things couldn't get any worse - 7/5/2002 I wanted to write in here so badly last night. But I was too busy... Queen Beryl-sama has revived Tuxedo Kamen as Endymion...the newest warrior of the Dark Kingdom. I can't believe this. She kills my beloved and replaces him with this...this outsider?! How dare she! And making him MY underling at that?! The other night, I didn't think I'd ever feel anything but sadness ever again. I was wrong. Kunzaito-sama...I miss you so...*looks at the picture again and begins to cry* Numb - 7/6/2002 I'm so tired. I spent the whole day working with that...that PRINCE, only for him to mock me when the plan failed. Well, it was his own fault. He just can't gather the guts to hurt those Senshi. Queen Beryl-sama blamed ME, of course. Zoicite and Malachite are all busy with their plans and things, so I'm left to cry myself to sleep and long for the arms of my love... Kunzaito-sama...*sobs slightly* I can't even think about the Silver Crystal anymore...everything is so meaningless now... Determination - 7/7/2002 As hard as this is, I'm going to try harder to win this war against the Sailor Senshi. I made a promise to Kunzite-sama I would avenge his death. I will not let his sacrifice be in vain. I noticed something a bit odd, though...Queen Beryl-sama has re-assigned Zoicite and Malachite to the paperwork, just like in the earlier days...she's so focused on Endymion and myself right now. Zoicite and Malachite seem a bit concerned about me for some reason...they probably just feel sorry for me, being so pathetic. *sigh* Oh, well... I'm going to push myself forward, force myself to keep living. It hurts, but I will not break my promise to my beloved. *forces back tears* I'm not going to cry anymore...I can't. No, I won't... I can't... - 7/8/2002 I can't let myself cry. I-I told myself I wouldn't cry anymore. Must be strong...h-he wouldn't want me to cry...I can't... *collapses to his knees next to the bed and buries his face in his arms* I can't...*dissolves in tears* Kunzaito-sama...I-I'm so sorry... *sigh* - 7/9/2002 Being strong is much harder than I thought. Though I managed not to cry anymore after last night, sometimes I just want to curl up against my pillows and cry myself to sleep... Zoicite and Malachite are becoming protective...they insist that I'm not left alone on a mission, or Malachite will trade places with me and work with Endymion. Zoicite is not as angry towards me as she once was...I'm confused. Still, I admit they are nice company... I'll write more about missions and things...maybe tomorrow night. Right now I just...can't think about my job... Update on the mission - 7/10/2002 As of right now, we are still trying, in vain, to get the Silver Crystal. But I'm ashamed to say our plans as of late are very pathetic. Fake charm schools, frisbee tournaments, ski weekends...*sighs* It's just so sad. Zoicite and Malachite are trying to help us, but everything's going downhill. Any time we almost succeed, Endymion backs out or ends up helping the Senshi in some way or another. Queen Beryl-sama is so focused on him lately. She barely says anything to us, and anything she does say is stern and angry. I've managed not to break down and cry...in front of others at least. *sigh* It hurts, and at night I long for his arms around me...but he's with me. In my heart... Until we meet again...in the afterlife, wherever it may be found... Kunzaito-sama. *shivers* - 7/11/2002 My head is throbbing... I had a vision after reading someone's diary...no, not someone...a collective... It seems they are entering a battle with the Sailor Senshi as well, but I know nothing about them...just now, an image flashed in my mind...9 shadowy figures, 2 of them more prominent than the others. The Senshi...but there were more of them! Three of them, in fact. A voice in my head told me this was to happen in the distant future...among other things... But why? Is it trying to tell me I WILL survive the war between the Dark Kingdom and the Senshi? I'm so confused. Kunzaito-sama, I need you more than ever...*holds the framed picture of the himself and his lover close to his chest* The Seven Shadows...again - 7/13/2002 Queen Beryl-sama has insisted we return the Seven Shadows to their former hosts, then bring them back here. She says that if the Shadows return to them, their youma forms will be stronger than ever and we can snatch the Silver Crystal from the grasp of the Senshi. She has sent Endymion and Malachite on this mission...so I've spent most of the day helping Zoicite with paperwork. She's actually not a terrible person once you get to know her. I guess the psychotic bitch thing was a cover...lately she's just so...human. The visions I talked about in my earlier entry have not come back...fortunately. But last night, Kunzite-sama's spirit came to me and said we would be together again soon. "When?" I asked him. He wouldn't say, but he told me he loves me and once we were back together, he'd never let anything tear us apart again. *smiles slightly* The war is coming to a close...yet I sense...all of us just may get another chance at life afterwards...I don't know how. Just...a feeling, I guess. *smirks* - 7/15/2002 So things may just be going our way after all... Recap of the latest job: We not only did not get the Seven Shadows into their hosts, Sailor Mercury destroyed the Kurozuisho. *growls* But as they say with every storm comes a rainbow...or something cliche as that. Malachite just learned the Sailor Senshi have decided to break up! Apparently they can't stop arguing about anything, especially Sailor Moon and Sailor Mars. Sounds ridiculous, but this could be our chance at the final victory! I'm still forcing myself to live, as usual. I mostly feel numb...*sighs* Kunzaito-sama...I still wish you'd never gone away from me...I'm clinging to the promise of us being together again like a lifeline... Sorry for not writing as much as I used to, or very...interesting entries. I don't feel very...interesting. More like an empty, broken shell of the man I was. All a hoax... - 7/17/2002 The Sailor Senshi were just pretending to be fighting. It was all a ploy to keep the Silver Crystal away from us! *growls* We're running out of ideas. And I'm sensing the end is near...very soon... I feel as if I'm lost in a void between sadness, anger, confusion, and loneliness... I wonder if this is how Nephrite and Jadeite felt before their deaths. Premonition - 7/18/2002 I dreamed last night...I was trapped in an icy fortress, surrounded by angry, injured Senshi...a beam of blinding light hit me, then I saw Kunzite's arms reaching for me...the dream ended as I was struggling to reach him, though. Tonight I will challenge the Sailor Senshi, all 5 of them. I don't know how. But I will... I have a feeling the end is coming fast...tonight could be my last battle against the Senshi. Zoicite and Malachite advised me to be careful, but they know as well as me that I...may not make it back. My fate is sealed... So this will be my last entry. A goodbye to everyone who's been so kind, and supportive...thank you all. If I am given that second chance at life, I will come back, definitely. But if not...farewell. *blinks back tears* Just...try not to forget me too fast, okay? Goodbye. I hate being the bearer of bad news... - 7/18/2002 This is Zoicite. It pains me to tell you that... Zoisite is gone. He died heroically in the battle against the Sailor Senshi, but I know that deep down, it was a suicide. He stated in his last entry this may be his last battle... At least...he is with Kunzite now. And he isn't living here in agony anymore. I...hate to admit that I miss him, though. We did get...closer in the short time between Kunzite's death and his own. It's just Malachite and I left now. *smiles slightly* Who figured I'd find love in such a bleak prison like this? But enough rambling for now. Will Zoisite be back? No one can tell. Malachite says he feels this isn't the last of him, or any of us, though... I can't help feeling he's right. This diary comes to an end for now...but don't be TOO surprised if you hear from Zoisite again. *smiles* Farewell! ~Zoicite ::Familiar flurry of sakura petals:: - 7/22/2002 *laughs softly* I told you I'd be back...you can't keep me down so easily. It's strange, though...the last thing I remember was my...d-death...then earlier tonight, I awoke somewhere in the streets of Tokyo. I...I can't comphrehend this...my mind is still a little hazy. I'm alive, though. I've already met up with Jadeite, Zoicite, and Malachite again. We've still yet to find Nephrite...and Kunzite-sama. *sigh* The thought of just...seeing him again after so much time...*eyes fill with tears of joy* I know he's alive. Why would only 4 of the original 6 have been ressurected? *smiles* Kunzaito-sama, I will find you again... I promise. At long last... - 7/23/2002 I am reunited with my beloved...Kunzaito-sama... Last night, we pledged our souls to each other. We are free of The Evil One... Finally... We found Nephrite as well. The 6 of us have decided to move into an apartment together, for now. *sigh* Chaos abounds...but as of right now, we're just glad to be alive and free of the evil influence, so all rivalries seem to have been set aside. I'll probably not be able to write much for the next few days, as we'll be settling in and trying to find decent jobs. A new enemy... - 7/28/2002 Is it? I'm sensing a strange presence lately...someone not of this world...last night I had the strangest urge to contact the Sailor Senshi and warn them they might be in danger. But they don't even know I'm back. Zoicite says she ran into the one named Hino Rei at a manga shop 3 days ago and the girl didn't suspect a thing...odd. She is the one with the mediumistic power, is she not? Unless Jadeite is wrong... Maybe she jusr pretended not to notice. But anyway...this strange presence...a new enemy? I'm getting some mixed vibes from whoever it is... Maybe I'd best stop thinking about it and go to bed. It had to happen - 7/31/2002 We once again met up with the Sailor Senshi. Strangely enough, things didn't turn as ugly as I thought. We're not exactly the best of friends now...but we've agreed to either ignore or tolerate each other. *sweatdrop* For now at least. I have a feeling we might end up joining sides with them at some point... Nephrite said the new enemy will attack tomorrow night, according to his astronomical readings. Though he is skilled in astronomy, I don't know if I should believe him or not...the stars can't know everything, right? First attack - 8/3/2002 The new enemy has arrived. They attacked last night. The 6 of us watched Sailor Moon and Sailor Mars battle them...the other 3 Sailor Senshi have not yet regained their memories, apparently, or their identities. They seem to remember being Sailor Senshi...just barely though. That's what they told us, at least. The new enemies are indeed not of this world...a teenage boy and girl, with pale greenish skin and odd-looking ears. That's not all. Malachite said he ran into a young man who resembled the boy-the same face, but with normal skin and auburn hair. These new enemies don't seem very evil...just strong-willed. I have a feeling we'll learn more about them in the coming days. Cold. Dark. Empty. - 8/7/2002 Damn Malachite. What was he thinking, suggesting that damn warehouse for our discussion? Without at least bringing a flashlight and a few blankets? Or maybe a few candles? *shivers* At least I had Kunzite-sama to keep me warm. *smile* We discussed the new enemies, and Jadeite thinks those 2 high school kids are their civillian forms. He could be right, since there is quite the resemblance. But the enemies introduced themselves as Eil and Ann last night, while we don't even know the names of those high school kids. And if they were Eil and Ann's civillian forms, they would be exhibiting strange behavior-and out sixth sense would pick up their aura, right? So far, none of us have sensed anything about them other than the resemblance. So we really don't know for sure. We've also come to a decision. We're going to help the Sailor Senshi against these enemies. I don't believe they're as evil as they seem-according to what we know, they are from another planet and need energy to stay alive...we'll meet with the Senshi tomorrow and try to figure something out. We want to beat them, but not destroy them... Well, that was easier than I thought - 8/8/2002 The Senshi actually agreed to work with us rather easily. They weren't excited, but they didn't loudly object either. We gave them the information, but didn't tell them the theories we discussed last night. They're still a bit naive and in that 'beat the enemy' mindset... However, Makoto, Ami, and Usagi were quite a bit of help. Turns out those high school kids aren't in high school-they're junior high students and in Usagi's class! Makoto says the girl is rather...posessive of the boy. Their names are Ginga Seijuurou and Ginga Natsumi. Brother and sister... Eil and Ann's relationship is still unknown as of this point. I may be just looking at it from a biased view, but...the aliens may not really be evil. As Kunzite-sama said, "They may not have come here to gather energy...they could have been trying to gather energy and landed here." Hmm... Gomen - 8/15/2002 I haven't been writing in here enough lately...sorry. Still nothing new concerning the latest battle. The aliens remain a mystery and for now, technically the enemy... I've managed to find a job, at least for now. I work in a bar, along with Kunzite-sama and the others. It's tedious and annoying, but the money's not terrible. Nephrite is acting very strangely around me lately. He always makes a big deal of saying my relationship with Kunzite-sama is 'annoying' or we 'disgust him' whenever we kiss or show any affection around him. *growls* No, he's not acting strange. He's just being his old, bitter self. Speaking of relationships...there is something new to report concerning those junior high kids. Ginga Natsumi seems to have developed an interest in Zoicite, and Seijuuro always seems to be staring at Malachite whenever we run into them... Ah, it's probably nothing. I don't like reading so deeply into things that are not of my interest. I might as well sleep now...*curls up in bed next to Kunzite-sama and yawns* Tired - 8/19/2002 I'm sorry for not writing in here as much as I should. Work is so tiring... Nothing new to report...I'll try and write more often. I don't believe this. - 8/23/2002 I just found out...Nephrite was in love with me back then and he still has feelings for me. That's why he hated me so much, that's why he's always so bitter and always mocking mine and Kunzite-sama's relationship! I would feel sorry for him, since unrequited love can hurt...but it's no excuse for his being a flaming bastard. Not in my book. How did I find out? Nephrite screamed at me that he wanted me in the heat of an argument an hour ago! An argument over an empty wine bottle. Can you believe it? *rolls eyes* How stupid. Damn it! Kunzite-sama is not going to be pleased when he finds out about this... In other news, Ginga Natsumi is becoming obsessed with Zoicite. She actually stopped by here and asked for her opinion on which manga to by: X/1999 or Bakuretsu Hunters. *huge sweatdrop* And when they attacked earlier, Ann said "This is going to hurt more than Chocolat and Tira Misu's whips!" when she attacked Sailor Mars. So if Natsumi chose Bakuretsu Hunters... ...No, I still have a hard time believing Ann and Eil are Natsumi and Seijuuro... Or are they...? - 8/29/2002 Maybe this 'Natsumi and Seijuuro are Ann and Eil' theory isn't so crazy after all. This morning I overheard a conversation between Natsumi and Seijuuro...Seijuuro said he 'needed more energy' and Natsumi replied with "That Tsukino Usagi certainly looks like a good target". Didn't sound like she was just 'joking around' to me. I told Jadeite earlier, and he just smirked and said that we all knew he was right, we were just in denial. *sweatdrop* Some people... Damn you, Nephrite - 9/1/2002 He won't leave me the hell alone. One minute he's glaring at me and saying my love for Kunzite-sama is 'stupid', then he's trying to put his arm around me and all that. *growls* Kunzite-sama won't let us be alone together anymore, and that's fine with me. I'm so sick of Nephrite. He's being even more of a jerk than usual! And Jadeite is confusing the hell out of everyone. He calls Nephrite a bastard, then acts upset whenever Nephrite tries to come on to me! What's with that? While I'm rambling about this love-relationship drama... Natsumi has a crush on Zoicite. It's official. Just the way she looks at her is a dead giveaway! And during last night's 'match', Ann refused to hurt Zoicite even though she wanted Sailor Moon's energy and Zoicite was in the way! And as if that wasn't strange enough, this...Tsukikage no Knight who's shown up for every match...I swear there's something FAMILIAR about this man! He protects Sailor Moon as if he were... ...No, it can't be. That fool Tuxedo Kamen is long gone. *sigh* I apologize for not writing in here as much as I did...back then...maybe because I'm busier now, or just...don't have the urge as much. Damn you, Nephrite - 9/1/2002 He won't leave me the hell alone. One minute he's glaring at me and saying my love for Kunzite-sama is 'stupid', then he's trying to put his arm around me and all that. *growls* Kunzite-sama won't let us be alone together anymore, and that's fine with me. I'm so sick of Nephrite. He's being even more of a jerk than usual! And Jadeite is confusing the hell out of everyone. He calls Nephrite a bastard, then acts upset whenever Nephrite tries to come on to me! What's with that? While I'm rambling about this love-relationship drama... Natsumi has a crush on Zoicite. It's official. Just the way she looks at her is a dead giveaway! And during last night's 'match', Ann refused to hurt Zoicite even though she wanted Sailor Moon's energy and Zoicite was in the way! And as if that wasn't strange enough, this...Tsukikage no Knight who's shown up for every match...I swear there's something FAMILIAR about this man! He protects Sailor Moon as if he were... ...No, it can't be. That fool Tuxedo Kamen is long gone. *sigh* I apologize for not writing in here as much as I did...back then...maybe because I'm busier now, or just...don't have the urge as much. On hold. - 9/5/2002 Gomen, minna, I'm going to put this diary on hold for awhile. I'm either too busy to write anything or I'm just not as into it. *sigh* I'll try and be back soon. Breaking news...Jadeite was right - 9/16/2002 The Sailor Senshi don't know this yet. They don't know that we know...Kunzite-sama and I just...found this out tonight... *deep breath* Natsume and Seijuuro are Ann and Eil. We overheard them talking in an alley behind the Crown Arcade...they were in their school uniforms, but they were talking about the Sailor Senshi and "energy gathering"... Apparently the Makaiju will die unless Eil and Ann sap energy from humans. I should've seen this. I can't believe Jadeite was right...he's been smug about it all evening, the bastard. We will tell the Sailor Senshi...or their guardian cats...but not yet. Zoicite wants to see if the girls can figure this out on their own. It's been a long day... I'm still not used to this. - 9/20/2002 Earlier this evening, I got a visit from Tsukino Usagi and Aino Minako. *fumes at Nephrite's snide comment about there being 'too much blonde in the room'* It was Usagi who wanted to talk, actually-Minako was just there to borrow a science book from Jadeite. Anyway, Usagi told me that she was confused and worried...Seijuuro apparently likes her. A lot. And she's still down about this Mamoru person who doesn't remember her...but she might like Seijuuro as well. Basically, she was asking me for romance advice. *huge sweatdrop* "You're in love and in a relationship with Kunzite-san, I figured you might be good at this," she said. So naive...being in love doesn't make you an automatic expert! I guess it is flattering she came to me, though...like...a younger sister asking her onii-chan for advice. Usagi DOES remind me a bit of the younger sister I left behind...*sad sigh* I miss her. (I'll explain about my family another time. It's a bit of a long story and to be honest, boring.) I ended up telling her I couldn't tell her what to do-romantic decisions are something a person must make on their own. But if she ever needs to talk to someone (And the other Senshi are either busy or she doesn't think they would understand), I'm here. I still feel a bit strange that Usagi came to me like this...It's been awhile since we became allies/friends...but it's still taking a bit of getting used to. Sorry... - 10/8/2002 I haven't written in here in weeks. I've just been busy with life, I guess. I might be getting a new job! *smiles* The junior high school offered me a position as an assistant teacher. It's not much-it's a 7th grade Literature class. I'd just be there to grade papers and offer help to the students having trouble. I'm not sure if I'm going to accept it. But it does feel good that Kunzite-sama is so proud of me...I was talking to him about it earlier and he was so supportive, saying that I should do what felt right to me, but if I did take the job he'd be there for me...*sighs dreamily* Meanwhile...I think the Eil and Ann battle is going to come to a head soon. The Senshi are becoming suspicious...and Eil is REALLY getting close to Usagi. Nephrite is blaming me for his angst. >_< He's in love with me and because I won't love him back, he's in hell. Too bad, Nephrite. You don't GET someone to love you by blaming your angst on them. *growls* I'll try and update in here more often...right now, sleep summons me...*yawns* I'm going to bed. I hope she knows what she's doing! - 10/9/2002 I ran into Rei earlier. Usagi's gone over to visit Natsumi and Seijuuro...they weren't at school today and she's concerned. She's such a sweet girl...but she still doesn't know that Ginga Natsumi and Ginga Seijuuro are really Ann and Eil! What if she finds out accidentally and ends up getting hurt? *sighs* Good...Malachite just went out to their apartment to keep an eye on her. It's weird...I can't even remember a time when these girls were my enemies. Now I'm actually feeling protective of them and worrying about Usagi. *smiles* Fate is strange... They know... - 10/13/2002 The Sailor Senshi know about Natsumi and Seijuuro's connection to the Makaiju. According to Rei, Usagi opened a door and discovered the tree, and a piece of the vine attached itself to her. It didn't hurt her, but she saved it in a jar and the next day, she showed the others and it tried to sap Artemis's energy. Now they're trying to figure out what to do about this...most likely there's going to be an ugly confrontation...when, though? Sixth sense... - 10/17/2002 The Sailor Senshi are in trouble. Somehow I can feel it...they're finally confronted Ann and Eil. Malachite thinks we should go over and try to stop them from killing each other-Eil and Ann may be the enemy, but they're not truly evil...right? ... I should be there. I don't want there to be as much bloodshed as the Senshi recall the final battle against...HER as having! I'm sorry, I haven't been writing as much lately... The saga ends - 10/22/2002 Actually, it ended a few nights ago. But it's over...and nobody ended up dead. The 6 of us got there just in time to see Ann and Eil save Mamoru from falling into space. Things got tense, and at one point, the Makaiju tried to stab Eil and kill him. Ann wouldn't allow it, though...she collapsed into his arms and said she loved him, then died. Even Jadeite looked like he was going to cry...*shudders* It brought back such painful memories for me, watching that... Even more heart-wrenching was the story of the Makaiju. It used to be good, but all of her "children" grew up not knowing love...all they had was each other. So the Makaiju asked Sailor Moon to destroy it. She did...and it was reborn as a seed. Ann was revived, and she and Eil were given another chance at life. They left Earth to begin their new life elsewhere. We miss Ann and Eil, but maybe they'll return one day... In fact, I think they will. I can feel it. On hold...again - 10/25/2002 Everyone is settling down after the recent battle, me being no exception. I've decided to accept that teaching job after all. I'll still work at the bar, if only so Kunzite-sama won't be lonely. *smiles* And this diary will, once again, be on hold. I'm just too lazy about writing in here...especially when there's an invasion, apparently. *sweatdrop* It's strange...I wrote in here almost every day 'back then'. But then again, 'back then' I didn't have much of a life... I shall try and be back soon. *smiles* Not sure - 11/17/2002 *sighs* I don't know if I'm going to keep this diary much longer. I'm so busy lately...and to be honest I've...kind of lost interest in writing here. Gomen nasai, minna-san. Especially those who enjoyed reading about the Makaiju Children and the former-life entries...because there's another new enemy approaching. And to make things all the more complicated, I saw a strange pink-haired girl the other day. She bears a resemblance to Usagi, even though her hair is pink and the odango she wears it in are cone-shaped. Even stranger was this black cat-shaped ball following her...it looked like an ordinary toy, but it was floating all by itself! So I may update in here occasionally. But I'm not sure if and when I'll be back regularly. Not sure - 11/17/2002 *sighs* I don't know if I'm going to keep this diary much longer. I'm so busy lately...and to be honest I've...kind of lost interest in writing here. Gomen nasai, minna-san. Especially those who enjoyed reading about the Makaiju Children and the former-life entries...because there's another new enemy approaching. And to make things all the more complicated, I saw a strange pink-haired girl the other day. She bears a resemblance to Usagi, even though her hair is pink and the odango she wears it in are cone-shaped. Even stranger was this black cat-shaped ball following her...it looked like an ordinary toy, but it was floating all by itself! So I may update in here occasionally. But I'm not sure if and when I'll be back regularly. The time has come. - 12/13/2002 Gomen nasai. But I will be ending this diary, I just don't have time for it anymore. Maybe I'll be back in the near future, though. Goodbye, minna-san. Thanks to everyone for all the notes they left me. *smiles* Take care. *fades out in the standard flurry of sakura petals*