"Faith" by Sara Jaye Bet you weren't expecting this. For once, it's not a romantic anime fic, or some Dark Kingdom angst fest. This is about a character of mine from an original series/novel I want to write. It has an anime-manga feel to it and is set in Japan, but it's more realistic, no good guys vs bad guys, magical powers, or battles. Just a teenage girl and 3 siblings trying to survive on the streets after their mother goes crazy and runs away. [Disclaimer: Asuka Kinjou and her siblings belong to ME. The premise for this story, however, belongs to Cynthia Voigt. I am merely borrowing it, and besides, it's not like it's never been used before. ^^; This is an angsty, hard-edged story with a lot of cursing. So if you're deeply offended by that, you may want to close this window. Don't read and then bitch to me that you hated it. I MST flames. >:P] ~ "As dumb as Mishoshi and as stubborn as Ryoko." Fuck you. You think I don't know I'm a goddamned idiot? You think I don't know I fucked up and now we're lost with no food, no money, and no way out? Fuck you, Randy. You can go find a phone and get help, so you, Meirisa, and Shinji can get home safetly. And don't even think about coming after me. I don't need 2 little kids and a know-it-all tagging along, and you don't need a bitch like me screaming at you to hurry the fuck up. Nevermind that what you said hurt me and you knew very well I didn't mean to get us lost. It wasn't my fault the map got stolen. Goddamn assholes in the bus station always stealing things...nevermind that I've tried so fucking hard to look after you guys and make sure we'd be okay... I don't know why I did. You aren't even family anyway, just 3 mysterious kids who came outta nowhere and whose origins I know nothing about. But if you aren't even family, then why do I still worry about you? Why have I been sacrificing my own needs just to be sure you guys have food, shelter, and a place to sleep? And why don't I regret it? I should...especially after what you said to me back there, Randy. And after Merisa and Shinji agreed with you... I'm angry at all of you. That's why I'm running away, isn't it? ...Great. I hate when my mind plays these tricks on me, being all psychological and asking "Who are you REALLY mad at?"...I know damn well who I'm mad at. You, for throwing a fit at me over something that wasn't even my fault. Shinji, for being a stubborn, whiney little brat and refusing to listen to me 85% of the time. Meirisa, for just... being so sad, so quiet...making me worry about you... I'm mad at mom for abandoning us in the parking lot. I'm mad at my father for running out on me and my brothers for making my life so chaotic...mad at that bastard who stole the map... That's who I'm mad at. No one else, you hear me, brain? ...No, I am not just making excuses and looking for someone to blame! I really am mad at them! ...Myself?! Oh, that is the oldest psychological BS in the book! Why would I be mad at myself?! I didn't do anything...except... get sorta distracted and let the map get stolen...spend the last of the money on bus tickets when walking would've been cheaper...not buy food before we left the last town... So? At least I didn't abandon- ...Fuck. I hate when you're right. I did abandon them. Just...just like mom. It is my fault... I'm so stupid. I'm more than mad at myself, I HATE myself. What kind of baka would leave 3 young kids all alone in a phone booth at night? Watashi wa baka... As dumb as Mihoshi, stubborn as Ryoko, and bitchy as Ayeka. Fuck this. I have to get back to the phone booth...if anything's happened to them, I'll kill myself. How could I abandon the only people who still believe in me...or did believe in me? I swore to myself and to them I'd never do what our mother did. Please let them be okay...if anything happens to them, I'll never forgive myself. Please...Randy, Meirisa, Shinji...gomen nasai...please don't hate me...I hope eventually you'll find it in yourselves to forgive me...I'm so sorry...I never wanted to hurt you...you're so important to me, you're the only ones who haven't abandoned me yet. ~ "This is all your fault, Randy! If you hadn't snapped at her then she wouldn't have run away!" a small boy with dark sienna hair and a very deep tan yelled. "It wasn't her fault that jerk stole the map!" The taller boy glared at his brother, his own jet-black hair mussed from the wind. "I know I was unecessarily angry at her, Shinji. Stop rubbing it in, I feel lousy enough already," he sighed. The small, fragile-looking girl was just silent, looking down at her worn-out sneakers. "Onii-chan? Is Asuka going to come back, or did she run away like mommy did?" she asked in a small, quiet little voice. "I don't know, Meirissa-chan...if she doesn't come back, I blame myself." Just then, a tall figure came running over, long black hair flying out behind her. "Guys!!" "Onee-chan!!" Shinji ran out into the street, just barely avoiding being hit by an oncoming car, and into his sister's arms. "Are you okay?" Asuka hugged the smaller boy to her, then settled down on the bench with them. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have left you here all alone, especially at night and in this weather...I just lost it, I guess...it was my fault the map got stolen and we ran out of money, and I didn't bother to go shopping for food before we left..." she apologized, struggling to catch her breath. The string she had tied back her hair with had become untied, and her long jet-black hair was becoming stringy. "I should be the one to apologize, Asuka...I shouldn't have yelled at you so much. I was just frustrated because you always said everything would be fine, and how you could say it at times like this..." Randy's eyes remained downcast. Asuka set Shinji down on the bench and put her arm aroud Randy. "I just didn't want you to be worried about anything. You'd been through enough with mom running away and us being homeless. I...we had enough problems as it is and I just wanted you guys to be safe and happy...I guess I failed there, didn't I?" she mumbled. "I feel so stupid. How could I run away from you like that? And leave you in a place like this, at night, in the rain? I really failed...I don't blame you guys if you hate me or anything." Asuka looked down at her hands, tears stinging her eyes. "We don't hate you! We know you wouldn't do anything so horrible," Shinji said. "But I left you...just like mom did...I-I promised I'd take care of you and all, and I ran away." "But you did take good care of us," Meirisa said softly. "You always made sure we had enough food, and that we all stayed together. You kept the police and everyone else from breaking us up and sending us to different foster homes." "Yeah! If not for you I'd be living with some parents who made me do chores for an hour every day before I was allowed to watch TV!" Shinji added. "You even washed windows for weeks just to earn money for us to live on," Randy commented. Asuka smiled a little. "I really did a good job?" she asked. They nodded. "I just don't give myself enough credit, I guess...thanks. I'm always so worried about things, and knowing mom's in the psychiatric ward of a hospital and won't come to get us anytime soon really shook me up." Sighing, Asuka looked at her watch. "It's almost 10pm...we really should find a place to sleep. Tomorrow I'll find some work and earn us enough money to last until we get to Kyoto...which should be 3 and a half days at the most," she said. "But where are we going to sleep? We can't go back to the bus stop, and there's no forest for miles around here," Randy pointed out. "We'll find someplace. Remember, the Kinjou family does not give up. We'll find a place to sleep if we have to camp out in someone's garage," Asuka said. They all found that funny for some odd reason. Guess I'm not such a failure after all. They still believe in me...even after what I did. I guess...they just had more faith in me than I have in myself, Asuka thought. The rain was beginning to let up now, and she could just barely see the stars glistening in the night sky. ~End~